https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 04:39:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-lo-ever-say-that-youre-being-mean#post-882167 Tue, 25 Jun 2013 09:52:16 +0000 808love 882167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO is reasoning nowadays. So I would say something like this--Sometimes we do things even when we don't want to. Like Daddy takes out the garbage when it is full even though he doesn't want to go out at night. Sometimes we can't have things we wish we could. I am not trying to be mean, you just can't do this right now. Mommy wants six cookies but I can only eat one because I would have a sore stomach if I had all six. That makes me sad I can't have as many as I want just like you feel sad when you can't have it. Then after responding to LOs response, distract with- Lets play and have fun ok. We will feel happy again.</p> <p>Eta: this spin doesn't focus on the good reasons for doing it/not doing desired behavior, though that could be another conversation. It is more of a coping and validating with feelings strategy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-lo-ever-say-that-youre-being-mean#post-882068 Tue, 25 Jun 2013 09:27:52 +0000 Anagram 882068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>as I said before....resorting to calling the adult "mean" continues well into middle school. But if someone has a magic bullet for that, I would love to hear it.</p> <p>Even when we as teachers explain why we're doing something. ie, "I'm not mean, but I'm grading you on an 8th grade level to get you ready for High School A.P. classes", the kids still don't really GET IT. They just think you are mean. I think it's somewhere in college that developmentally, people start realizing all their parents/teachers did to help them get where they are. </p> <p>As we know, there are still plenty of adults without this self-realization that thinks a boss is "mean" when they have high expectations. I have one of the nicest bosses in the world, but he means business when he tells all the teachers we should be doing something. And I have coworkers complain that he's "mean"...and I'm like--uh,, he told us we have a deadline to turn in our portfolios. You missed it. That doesn't make him mean. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-lo-ever-say-that-youre-being-mean#post-882050 Tue, 25 Jun 2013 09:21:12 +0000 HLK208 882050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is 4 and we are working on it...I have flat out just said, when mom says, "no" it's for a good reason and I love and care about him, if I was being mean then I would hurt his feeling with the intention of doing so.</p> <p>But still, in his time out he said, "you're the meanest mommy in the world" so I'm interested to see responses too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-lo-ever-say-that-youre-being-mean#post-882026 Tue, 25 Jun 2013 09:15:23 +0000 Honeybee 882026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD told me I "treat her badly" the other day. :( It made me really sad.</p> <p>After talking with her a bit about why she thinks this, I realized it wasn't really about me personally; she was just angry with the situation. So we had a quick little discussion about how she's making the decisions on how to behave and I'm just allowing her to suffer the consequences of those decisions, good or bad. When I say no, I usually explain why (sometimes before she even asks, lol) which usually, but not always, gets her on board with it. And both my husband and I have been working really hard to take the emotion out of discipling her, which also means not responding emotionally or defensively when she criticizes us. It's hard not to take it personally, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-lo-ever-say-that-youre-being-mean#post-881998 Tue, 25 Jun 2013 09:08:15 +0000 Anagram 881998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>awww. My mom used to say that if your kids don't think you're mean sometimes, you aren't doing it right. ;-)</p> <p>Anyway, as a teacher in a middle school, I literally spend my entire career being told I'm mean and it doesn't bother me at all. Better to be "mean" with high standards and good classroom control than "nice" with no classroom control and very low standards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-lo-ever-say-that-youre-being-mean#post-881992 Tue, 25 Jun 2013 09:06:27 +0000 mrbee 881992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Charlie will ask me for permission to do something now and then and if I say no (or "not right now"), then he will sometimes say that I'm being mean. Technically he's right... but there's definitely a difference between not giving your kid what they want, and actually doing something mean.</p> <p>That said, I haven't been able to articulate the difference to him in a way that he can understand. I don't care if he says that I'm mean, but I feel like the concept of "meanness" is an important one - especially since we talk about it a lot when he does something mean to his sister. So I'd love for him to understand the concept a bit better.</p> <p>I was wondering if anyone has figured out how to convey this stuff to a 3 1/2 year old? Does your LO ever say that you're being mean? </p>