https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 03:13:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509354 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 10:55:24 +0000 Madison43 2509354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pwnstar: same. I am never rude but very direct. My MIL "parents" all of her grandchildren so I knew it was going to be an issue before I was even pregnant and cut it off at the pass early and each and every time. I am my child's advocate and there is zero chance I let her be bossed around by my MIL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509307 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 10:30:18 +0000 Modern Daisy 2509307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is really sweet but when she is visiting she refuses to let me have a private moment with DH or DS and insists on being involved in every discussion/decision. She is usually supportive and helpful but after a few days of this I am like "just look away for a minute dammit!" We have very different styles - I am quick to finish tasks and an excellent multi tasked and think/plan ahead and she very much lives in the moment and takes her time with everything. Neither one is really better ultimately but it does drive me crazy when she stares at me appalled while I make/eat my sandwich that I threw together in 2 seconds at eat over the sink because she takes an hour to do the same thing and makes a huge production out of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509182 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 09:05:49 +0000 pwnstar 2509182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't tolerate it. I very quickly and calmly address it by telling the grandparent that this is my jurisdiction and what I say goes, re-direct LO if need be, and then let it drop. I don't go out of my way to be rude or curt, but I am direct. I find that it happens much much less frequently now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509167 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 08:55:35 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2509167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice... 3.5 years into this parenting thing I still haven't figured it out. MIL is obsessive over how much lo ate. Keeps getting her something else to try. It goes on with so many different things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509163 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 08:48:13 +0000 ShootingStar 2509163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL doesn't do this. She's barely ever around DS. She sees him once every few months, usually at a restaurant and doesn't really step on toes.</p> <p>My mom does this a little, but it's my mom not my MIL, so it's easier to deal with. A lot I just let slide. She spent so long being a mom that I think she just can't help herself sometimes. She doesn't usually contradict me, but if she does something like @macintosh: 's crayon example I just overrule her and say "Mom, it's fine. He can have them and if it's a problem I'll take them away."</p> <p>Things like feeding I would just let her do because DS will tell her if he doesn't like it. FIL loves to hold DS and he's getting way too big for it. He's 2.5 and can walk just fine. But FIL loves it, so I don't tell him to put him down. He can carry him until DS makes him put him down, or he gets too heavy. Luckily DS's at the age where if someone's doing something he doesn't like, he just outright says it. And it's really hard to make a strong, squirmy toddler do anything they don't want to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509150 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 08:42:42 +0000 Maysprout 2509150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both my mom and MIL try to. I appreciate that they love their grandkids and we get a little break but it always feels like it goes too far on them trying to get control. This weekend at one point I decided to take the kids out while everyone else was doing their own thing. My mom started yelling 'someone needs to go with her, she needs help with those kids'. I have been tired so I get that she was trying to be helpful but I've been tired for weeks and take care of them. So I snapped a bit at that one but there's so many comments she starts making like that. And when I correct the kids behavior she makes comments to undermine me or makes me the bad guy so they'll like her better. I've brought it up numerous times though she gets so offended and defensive about anything. So I donno, I don't have much advise except it's nice grandparents love their grandkids but there's a one sided pointless power struggle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509114 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 08:14:29 +0000 nana87 2509114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hadn't thought of it in these terms, but some of the things mil does with lo definitely bother me in this way! My parents are pretty good at following our lead, but mil def oversteps at times and acts like she knows best. Usually it's about dh's parenting, but sometimes mine too. Like, lo likes to sit on our kitchen counter while we are in there, and dh and I never move far enough away from her when she's sitting there that she would actually fall, but mil makes this like grunt/breath-intake noise (I don't know how to describe it!) and insists on keeping a hand on her the whole time if she's up there, even when we say "it's fine, we got her." She makes the same noise when lo plays with my hair too--she will grab lo's hand away and say "icky!" umm, my hair is not icky, thank you very much...I have other issues about the things she does when watching her too--like she puts on TV at the drop of a hat, because even though she says she'll watch lo she all the sudden will have work she has to do/emails she has to respond to immediately at the same time, and gives her little breakable espresso cups to drink "coffee" in, which is just water now but the first time she did it when lo was like 15 months actually contained a drop of coffee :shocked: she doesn't watch her often bc she lives out of town but she asks to often. uggggh I have to see her this weekend, now I'm dreading it more than I was before, haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509089 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 07:49:13 +0000 SweetiePie 2509089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought of another one. She always wants to be a part of his firsts. She thinks she should be with us for the first time at the zoo, the first time at the beach, the first time in a swimming pool, etc. It's highly annoying. These are the kind of things that we want to make a memory of as our own family. And she gets really upset if we went and did these things without her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509055 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 07:14:09 +0000 youboots 2509055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me it's about food. She always want to feed the the food she brought or has at her house. Each time I have to specify we are her parents and can provide her food, she only eats what we give her. Sorry, we both have food allergies and you still don't get what gluten free is. I expect it will be more of an issue in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509049 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 07:05:45 +0000 SweetiePie 2509049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@twodoghouse: yes to the "mommy is busy". She'll visit and if he wanders in to the kitchen to see me (he's 18 months so he likes to check in) she chases him in and says "mommy's busy" and drags him out screaming.<br /> I finally said something to her last week. I said "I'm not that busy, I'm emptying the dishwasher. And I want him to say hi to me if he wants to say hi to me. I don't want to make him feel like he can't come in here or has to stay away." Of course I was the bitch and she sulked away. </p> <p>In other ways she acts like his mom...she mostly comes to us, we don't go to her. But when we do she lays out diapers and wipes and buys every food he likes. For a 2 hour visit! It's like...I've been his mom for 18 months, I know to bring diapers and wipes. </p> <p>Or if he's crying I generally know why at this point. But she hovers and wants to comfort him. BTFU. I'm his mom, I'll comfort him. You make him cry harder.<br /> And she totally still thinks she needs to "help" me change his diaper. I guarantee you are making it worse, lady. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509029 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 06:21:53 +0000 Rockies11 2509029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Of the more ordinary problems I have with my MIL, she does this constantly. Constantly. About everything. In fact, she just did it. My LO woke up early when I was sneaking out for an early work day. As a long time parent of this particular child, I know when she's up for the day and when she's up and will go back to sleep. It was an up for the day kind of up. So I half-hearted told her it was too early, but she insisted it was morning. MIL barges in and says "you come and sleep with GRANDMA!". LO starts to cry that she wants mummy instead. I said " she's up, she won't go back to sleep now" and MIL starts arguing with me about it, but passive aggressive through my LO. "You want to go to sleep with Grandma, don't you? You want to get in Grandma's bed and go to sleep with Grandma, don't you?". Ugh. So annoying. And it's about everything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509018 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 05:58:02 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2509018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: what is up with these moms that just want to take our children?! Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2509005 Tue, 29 Mar 2016 02:13:26 +0000 Cherrybee 2509005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is really getting on my goat at the moment but I think its more my pregnancy hormones than anything else. She is SO bossy! I know she's trying to help but she acts like she's the mum me and E are both her children!! </p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Ugh. My MIL is already talking about taking the baby instead of E, so I can "spend time with E". When I reminded her I'm hoping to breastfeed this time, it was so obvious this little fact stood in the way of her grand plan. She then said "I am excited about spending time with my new grandchild so you will have to tell me when you want me to go away...." Its annoying because I've made it clear I want E's routine to stay the same at first (goes to their house 3 days a week) but it seems that she is hell bent on just being wherever she can "help with" the new baby. Grrrrrr. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508947 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 22:22:44 +0000 catomd00 2508947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My Inlaws watch DD 3x a week and don't do this. Whenever we are there, they default to us to parent and ask us if something is ok before doing it. They're very respectful. I don't know what they do when I'm not around but I trust they make decisions they feel are best and take into account what we would want. My MiL knows we don't give DD juice and she even asked us if it was ok to give her some of the smoothies she makes for herself because she puts a little apple juice in them. So yeah, I trust them! </p> <p>My mom doesn't see us often but she always tries to parent DD and undermine me. She's also a parrot trying to discipline in the background while I am. It's annoying and confusing to DD - she only needs to hear one voice at a time, and if I'm there that's mine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508901 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 21:06:04 +0000 Freckles 2508901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: haha "umma" sounds like "amma" and MIL would always say "oh she is saying amma!!" I would growl inside but DH told me to just let it go 🙄</p> <p>Yes both my mom and MIL try to but now I just let them experience the consequences of doing it their way. 😄 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508891 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 20:48:56 +0000 gingerbebe 2508891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL doesn't but my mom does and it makes me want to punch her in the clam. She used to be our nanny and that was rough, even though we paid her. She mostly just sees DS over FaceTime now and I just ignore her completely even though she says things to undermine me all the time. If she says he needs to eat more, I'll be like OKAY SO YOURE ALL DONE? And just carry on like she's not there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508887 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 20:43:27 +0000 Nutella 2508887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep...it's hard because it often feels like we are being undermined (me especially, DH doesn't get as much flack). But I know it's coming from a good place, out of concern - but it's really F'n annoying!! Like hello, I've raised him myself up until now &amp; he is perfect. But my parents never really praise me or positively encourage me anyway, it's usually negative reinforcement so I'm used to it. So I pick my battles as I am not that fussy if she wants to hover around &amp; feed him/do whatever differently to my way. But if there's something major I truly believe is worth a fierce conversation then I'll go there 😅 Just wish they'd 'respect my authority' as the parent more often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508856 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 20:05:57 +0000 macintosh 2508856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, my mom was here this weekend and did this a couple of times. First she lets him out of his playpen and he followed her (crawling) into the kitchen. I warned her that it's not baby proof in there and what do you know, he tried to get something breakable. </p> <p>Then we were at a restaurant and the waitress asked if he wanted crayons. He's never seen crayons before so I said why not, I'll get rid of them of he puts it in his mouth. She openly contradicted me in front of he waitress and said it wasn't a good idea. I'm like, could you say something to me privately if you must? </p> <p>Sorry you have to deal with that. My MIL hasn't visited since LO was a newborn so who knows what she would do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508840 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 19:55:30 +0000 Beth24 2508840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes it's my mom who watches my daughter four days a week while I'm at work. My sisters join in too so some days it's pretty tough so get a word in about my own daughter's care. They are all a bit sensitive so I usually try to word it in a joke and they tend to get the point. I also pick my battles and (unfortunately) don't speak up unless it's really something I feel strongly about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508835 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 19:51:26 +0000 SweetCaroline 2508835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL has a hard time remembering that our LO is fiercely independent, unlike my niece who is very dependent. She insists on doing everything for her and I have to gently remind her that LO is proud of her skills and wants to show them off. I'm direct but not super firm.</p> <p>My mom is pretty good, but the other day LO was standing in her rocking chair. DH and I immediately started correcting her, and my mom chined in too. WTF. We were both right there, handling it. That was a one time thing though, so I let it go.</p> <p>Ugh, no advice. Family stuff is sticky. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508829 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 19:45:14 +0000 yoursilverlining 2508829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Only my MIL does this. It infuriates me when she undermines my parental authority in front of LO; (only slightly) in MIL's defense, I don't think she is purposefully doing this, I think 1) LO could literally get away with murder in MIL's eyes and 2) she is like 90% deaf so I think she doesn't always hear me say no/whatever to LO. Still, it makes my blood boil, and it especially boils when DH, who hears just fine, doesn't correct MIL. All day yesterday when LO would say "mama" to get my attention my MIL would answer LO; deep breaths self lol, deep breaths. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508827 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 19:41:34 +0000 Mae 2508827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>... yes and no. My mom is around a lot and especially in the last 6 months has watched LO a lot. She doesn't always do things the way I do and sometimes I tell her something and she doesn't believe me. My rule has always been if it isn't going to hurt LO or set up a horrible habit... whatever. I pretty much let her do whatever she wants her way because I just don't care how things are being done if I'm not having to do them lol. But at the same time, if I actually cared about a specific thing and said firmly, do/don't do X and she did/didn't I would be super annoyed because it would feel like she was disrespecting me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508808 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 19:25:23 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2508808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@twodoghouse: that sounds sooo annoying </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508802 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 19:23:48 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2508802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My friend was getting too many comments from her ILs "oh that food should be cut smaller" and "oh he should be drinking milk not water" and she finally said "wow, I don't know how we keep him alive without your advice". A bit snarky but it shut them up! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508790 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 19:17:59 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2508790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes! And baby is still in utero! LOL</p> <p>First, it's what she wanted to be called: G-Mom. I just talked her into a much funner sounding GiGi. Then, of course she said the baby will probably sadly her name first. I tried to rise above it and replied, "I will just be happy my baby is talking."</p> <p>Second, she kept referring to my baby as hers. I let it slide for a while, a long while and then finally told her she's going overboard with talking about and asking about "my baby." Then, in the next breath she shared a story of her and her friend noticing a little boy that looked like a good blend of DH and I. You know what the friend said? "There goes your baby?" Ugh- lol</p> <p>Third, she suggested I leave my weeks old baby with her to go househunting. That time I almost lost it. I asked her, "what's the baby going to eat? I'm breastfeeding and won't have a stash by then." Then, I calmly told her "I'm going to be a new mom and probably won't want to leave my baby for 2-3 days." </p> <p>I know she's excited, but I really hope she calms down once he's here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508770 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 19:06:20 +0000 travellingbee 2508770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is the opposite- she acts like a strict parent and tries to discipline him constantly even with me there saying something is fine. Drives me nuts. Just have fun with him and be a grandma! Then she gets upset that he doesn't act all lovey with her. She lives 8 hours away and you'd think she would just want to enjoy him! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508732 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 18:38:21 +0000 twodoghouse 2508732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is absolutely the same way. Especially regarding food - she hovers over them while they are eating, tries to spoon feed them (they are almost two and have always liked to feed themselves), gets them out of their high chairs and let's them sit on her lap during meals, and is constantly setting out snacks so they eat nonstop when we are at their house. It drives me crazy! In general, she's a helicopter grandma and doesn't let them walk without a hand on them. She also follows me when I go to change their diapers and wouldn't take a hand off them during bathtime on Saturday. Like I said, they are almost two. They are more than capable of walking around our house without me following their every move. I think she thinks I can't handle them both on my own (even though I sah with them and literally tend to their every need all day long by myself), so she has to be over-involved when she's around to "help." She won't even let both kids sit on my lap. She pulls one off and says "mommy is helping your brother now." I'm a twin mom - I've spent every day of their lives holding both of them. It only makes it worse when she tries to interfere like that because then I'm holding one while the other is screaming for me and she's saying "mommy is busy" over and over. Sigh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508723 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 18:33:03 +0000 travelgirl1 2508723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mum doesn't but my MIL and SILs do occasionally. Because I live with my inlaws right now I can be very sensitive to it but have learned to pick my battles, and I usually pick things where they override what I say. If I discipline DD and they say "no, she's okay" then I step in and say "no, it's not okay, I told her no". I often say the line about different adults have different rules, and daddy and I are her grownups. If they try feed her then DH steps in but he isn't very diplomatic about it, he is all "what are you doing?".<br /> I let a lot go and just focus on what really bugs me; safety and discipline. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508716 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 18:28:19 +0000 Truth Bombs 2508716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ugh my MIL is the same way. It INFURIATES me when she undermines me in front of my 3year old. When I tell my LO not to do something my MIL usually will say "oh she's fine she can do that!". Um, no, she can't, it's not your decision and quit trying to make me look like the bad guy for expecting my kid to follow the rules 😡 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-milmom-try-to-act-like-los-mother#post-2508699 Mon, 28 Mar 2016 18:18:14 +0000 Bao 2508699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It drives me crazy, and it's usually not so bad towards my kids...but my MIL likes to act like she is the mom, even when DH and I are around. Yesterday, for example, we were eating dinner and she was feeding my 2 year old and we told her she didn't need to because we never do. She insisted on feeding her (whatever) but my point being she tries to take over and control. She has to have it her way, she's always right, and no matter how much we tell her something she goes against it. This is just one of many instances that have occurred. She does it way more with my niece, BIL had to lay down the law but she still doesn't get it. </p> <p>Anyway, she's coming over for a play date next week with my niece and DH won't be around. If a situation like this should come up, is there a nice way to approach it? I'm not trying to hurt feelings I just want her to know that we are the parents, not her. Can anyone relate? Tips? Ideas? Just suck it up and let it go? </p>