https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 15 Nov 2026 00:36:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research/page/2#post-1440381 Fri, 21 Feb 2014 11:00:52 +0000 LovelyPlum 1440381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At first, my DH did not, but then I think he started to get frustrated that he didn't understand what was going on. So, I found this book, which has been really helpful: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Expectant-Father-Dads-Be/dp/0789210770" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/The-Expectant-Father-Dads-Be/dp/0789210770</a></p> <p> He's read almost all of it and now will randomly reference it when we're talking about baby things. I think I tend to forget how empowering the wisdom of the 'bee can be, especially with regards to what's going on with my body right now. I know he feels a lot better having something to help him understand it as well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research/page/2#post-1440341 Fri, 21 Feb 2014 10:52:51 +0000 mrsjyw 1440341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope! only after I mentioned did he buy a "get ready to be a dad" book from b&amp;n and i dont think he ever got past halfway. He did take a few classes with me at the hospital. and kept up with the weekly pregnancy apps on the ipad. now he always tells me to ask HB now. :P</p> <p>he'll research online with medical stuff we run with ds </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research/page/2#post-1440312 Fri, 21 Feb 2014 10:47:03 +0000 Mrs tartan 1440312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsk: this inspired me last night to ask my DH when he was going to start researching. He asked me how long until baby was here? This annoyed me as he knows I'm almost 9 weeks and did not know a pregnancy is even 40 weeks! This in turn led to us argueing about how I research everything and go through everything and he does nothing.<br /> Pregnancy hormones are raging, I'm still mad today about it. Haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research/page/2#post-1440275 Fri, 21 Feb 2014 10:39:08 +0000 SweetMamaM 1440275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds like the other bees have given you some great advice but I also just want to assure you that just because he's not actively researching, doesn't mean he won't be awesome. My husband didn't read much of the information we had but turned out to be absolutely awesome during the labour and delivery process anyway. Definitely recommend the birthing classes though, think that really helped him absorb the info! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1440135 Fri, 21 Feb 2014 10:07:00 +0000 Mrsk 1440135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all the advice. Glad to know I'm not alone! </p> <p>I sent him an email with an article and he read it while I napped last night. When I woke up he had questions and wanted to talk about things, he was so excited to know what was going on, it was really sweet, so I think like others have suggested, I'll screen things and send them to him, it was so nice to have a conversation that was two sided, where we could both participate. I'm still not expecting him to do much on his own, but at least he is open to reading a few things I send his way! </p> <p>Thanks bees for the advice! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1438218 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 18:24:34 +0000 Andrea 1438218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No research. He did go to a few baby classes with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1438186 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 18:15:43 +0000 gingerbebe 1438186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do most of the research and DH trusts what I find, mostly because he trusts my judgement overall. His policy is basically if it makes me happy, then he's all for it. That said, I've found out recently that he actually talks to a lot of his friends, particularly the women, who've had kids about symptoms and how he can help better or things to watch out for. So when we talk about things now, he'll say "oh my friend so-and-so said this happens." So he's doing social research. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1437727 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 16:20:08 +0000 wonderstruck 1437727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh yes, this is a very familiar argument to me, we had it about a million times! I highly recommend the book 'Dude, you're going to be a dad!' Short and humorous so he's likely to read the whole thing...honestly, it wasn't really research, but it gave him enough basic information to stop asking me dumbass questions that made me want to rip his head off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1437676 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 16:12:35 +0000 MrsStar 1437676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope he never researched anything, it was left up to me. Usually though I would narrow something down to 2-3 (usually something to do with baby gear) and then I'd ask for his input. He usually decided by what one was the better color etc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1437560 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 15:56:20 +0000 fussygal 1437560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I bought him a few books when I first became pregnant because I really wanted him to understand what was going on with me and the baby, but he didn't like the books (and after skimming them I don't blame him). Without any prompting he downloaded a few apps on his phone that he keeps up with which was more than enough for me to feel like he was informed on that front.</p> <p>Regarding labor and delivery he didn't really get into research until our childbirth class, but now he's reading up on it and is super excited about being the "coach." Same with baby care. Like @Silva I read the books and mark the parts that he should go back and check out. </p> <p>As for gear, I pretty much did all the research and only went to him if I couldn't decide/knew it was something he would care about (like the stroller/car seat). I'm pretty picky so I'm sure he was happy to not have many opinions there :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1437480 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 15:40:09 +0000 Mommy Finger 1437480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He leaves that all to me. . . . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1437295 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 15:09:05 +0000 mlm2934 1437295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH hasn't researched one item independently. It doesn't bother me though. I have barely picked up a pregnancy book myself, but research a lot online and pass info along to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1437236 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 14:57:01 +0000 anonysquire 1437236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: How horrible!!! See that would totally be my husband. We had a dry run false alarm and my husband threw such a fit that I wouldn't allow him to get McDonalds on the way to the birthing center.... Umm I might be in labor and you just have to stop for a freaking burger? And after I told him to just drop me off and he could go get one for himself he still had the nerve to be all pouty and not talk to me. So that's fun. And I am not expecting much out of him the day labor really comes. I am so glad that I am really liking my current midwives and also that my mom will be there. So sad that no one was there for you though :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1436598 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 12:55:55 +0000 bunnylove08 1436598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH does his own research on his own time but mostly rely on me. </p> <p>While i was in labor my sister was the one who would help and DH was there for support but he mostly had deer in headlights look on his face LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1436517 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 12:40:39 +0000 lovehoneybee 1436517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, he didn't research anything at all. I bought him two books, neither of which he read. </p> <p>He did go the childbirth class with me and paid close attention there, and was very supportive during labor. And to be honest, I think he would have had to learn every hypothetical method of supporting me during labor. The things he learned in the childbirth class? None of them ended up being applicable. There were stretches of my labor where I had zero interest in being touched, at all. And other times none of the contraction-coping positions we practiced during the class were even necessary, I just needed him to hold my hand. </p> <p>So I guess for us I *did* need to tell him what to do during labor, but because what I wanted and needed kept changing, and there's no way either of us could have predicted it (there was even a period of time when I was still at home where I just needed to completely alone, in a room by myself with the door shut!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1436435 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 12:17:23 +0000 lemondrop 1436435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, but I didn't do a ton of reading either. The dad-to-be books we looked at were fairly condescending, so we didn't bother. </p> <p>We both went to the birth class and the breastfeeding class. I told him those were non-negotiable since he needed to know the how's and why's for both. </p> <p>He's a very medical oriented guy, and he was completely at a loss of what to do during birth too- but birth ended up being like a runaway train, super fast paced, so I would have been the same in his shoes. </p> <p>The main thing I remember was that he was excited about becoming a dad, but it took time for him to figure out where he fit into the equation (kinda like planning our wedding!) Mine felt left out of the feeding stuff, so I pumped quite a bit so he could help with feedings and give me a break (especially middle of the night when I had to work the next day!) As our son has gotten older, his role has expanded and he loves being a dad more and more each day. With #2's looming arrival he is much more excited this time around- partially because we have an idea of what to expect and partially because we have had so much fun with our first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1436288 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:36:48 +0000 cheert16 1436288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did all the research- and told him about it. I did buy him the book "Dude, your going to be a dad" he read is (or most of it...) I also read it so we could talk about what it said! DH is such a great Dad though, I think that maybe not doing all the research and reading has made him more chill! (I tend to worry about everything that could possibly happen to LO) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1436273 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:33:47 +0000 Smurfette 1436273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I gave him Happiest Baby of the Block and I don't think he ever read it. He did go to Infant CPR and a labor class with me. But that was about all he did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1436154 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:03:48 +0000 Maysprout 1436154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He didn't, which kind of surprised me. So I would tell him about what I read and that seemed to work for us.<br /> He's been a great dad despite his lack of reading though :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435997 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:21:06 +0000 MrsH 1435997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He is researching lots about my low supply, baby's reflux, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435979 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:15:36 +0000 pui 1435979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband hasn't done any research yet and he probably won't. In a way it does kind of bug me. He researches other things that interest him, so his lack of reading here does come off like he's not interested in the pregnancy. However, I think he has a bit of a "I'll take it as I come" attitude to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435959 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:06:25 +0000 Rockies11 1435959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine did not research whatsoever, and still doesn't research anything to do with parenting at all. It really bugged me at first when I was pregnant but then I put it into context with him - he would never research any decision or product we were buying or the like - he just walks in and buys the first thing. He tried to do it with cars! And houses! So anyway, I would think about how your husband operates to see if there's an approach that might work. For us, because I wanted him to have some knowledge of birth and baby care (he went to all boys schools so I don't think he had like a basic concept of ovaries and a uterus) so I signed us up for a class at the hospital. He also hated that and it was a fight every Wednesday for 10 weeks. But all that said, he is a wonderful father and was wonderful at the birth of our baby, even if he didn't absorb the information that I wanted him too and still doesn't have a working knowledge of lady parts. And the upside to him not reading is that I get to make all the decisions on our parenting style, baby care style, discipline style etc. so we never fight about that type of stuff! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435956 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:06:03 +0000 artsyfartsy 1435956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. He just goes by what I tell him. The only thing he researched was if sex drive really plummeted for women during pregnancy. He was disappointed to find out that was true. Haha</p> <p>He's still been the most amazing support throughout this pregnancy. I know the details don't interest him. He's there for me 120% so that's all that matters. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435908 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 09:49:40 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1435908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say that we do an equal amount of research. I will ask him if he wouldn't mind doing some research on something I might not have time to do, and he will gladly do it. I just let him know when I'd like to make the purchase or do something by, and we'll work together to get the best info by then. </p> <p>Can you talk to him about how it hurts your feelings? It sounds as if he cares a lot, but he's just not sure where to start when it comes to babies or labor. You can always start softly by sending him an article that you found interesting about support and letting him know that it's important to you that he read it. I always find that when I let DH know that something is important to me and I'd like him to "do" it...he'll find some time to read or do what I ask. It's all in the delivery of the ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435893 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 09:43:37 +0000 Mamasig 1435893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband bought one book tailored for dads and after reading a couple of chapters stopped reading because he thought it was useless. He said it was common sense! I don't blame him and I never expected him to. I would read some stuff and share with him but we didn't go overload with the research. Honestly, he was a natural at most baby things. Looking back, the books helped a little bit but I mostly just did what felt natural.</p> <p>He went with me to a class and also heard me out when I had little breakdowns. That's enough for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435860 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 09:31:53 +0000 LuLu Mom 1435860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I bought him a couple books, but he never read them. I'm okay with the fact that I'm the researcher in the relationship. He was supportive and that's what I needed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435854 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 09:30:12 +0000 snowjewelz 1435854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is the one that randomly ordered a pregnancy guide, before we were even married! He loves to read and learn, so I'm pretty sure he'd be the one doing all the research about everything! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435848 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 09:29:03 +0000 Mae 1435848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, my husband hasn't read anything. That's not really his style honestly. He isn't someone who spends much time online for leisure and he never ever reads for leisure. I do wish that he was more involved in researching stuff and reading stuff about being a dad, I think it would be sweet if he was involved in that way. But it just isn't his personality and I don't really mind doing the research and I think he's involved in his own way. He's come to almost all of my doctor's appointments (by his choice, not mine). He bought me belly buds so he can "musically educate" our baby. He's been very involved in name choices. He was happy to go to the infant CPR class and hospital tour with me. He was happy to watch the business of being born with me. I think he's excited, he's just not the research-to-prepare type, and that's fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435833 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 09:25:11 +0000 illumina 1435833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He's not a researcher, he likes to wait until the time comes to deal with things and then research if really necessary. I can understand that and I think I research enough for the both of us and share bits of info from time to time. Though when I was pregnant I left a big pregnancy day to day book in the bathroom which he used to read sometimes whilst having a #2! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-so-research#post-1435828 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 09:23:05 +0000 nana87 1435828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a researcher professionally, so I definitely do more, and do take the lead. But he has read books that I have lying around, and we've had really great, long discussions on what kind of labor I'm leaning towards, how he can help support me during labor, and we're heading to a childbirth class this weekend. He has also done research on gear (especially strollers and car seats) for really big decisions. </p>