https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 04:26:39 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-38965 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 10:39:29 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 38965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I didn't even know what a doula was until I started going on mommy boards. Clearly it's not something that is popular here, so we didn't have one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-38959 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 10:35:19 +0000 mrsjazz 38959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MH.Abroad: Great information! I'm all for doulas. It's really important for me to have one. We have one more interview after Christmas (we interviewed 3) but we think we are going with the first one we interviewed, we really clicked well and she has oodles of experience. </p> <p>It's interesting because at first I didn't like the fee of some of the doulas, but the one we like the most is the most expensive (her fee is 1k, whereas the other two are $300)--we think it's worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-38953 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 10:27:50 +0000 mrs. wagon 38953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't get one and I really regret it. I totally planned on just getting drugs and asking nurses for help. Plus Rob Sr. wanted to be very involved and I trusted him to learn everything through childbirth classes and research. He's very sensitive and intelligent and we both knew he would be a great coach. We didn't even want anyone else in the room with us. Going in, we felt really confident.</p> <p>Big mistake.</p> <p>24 hour labor, 2 epidural failures (so 3 epidurals placed, one while I was 8 cm dilated and having contractions every 2 mins!) pushed for 3 hrs with no crowning... everything went wrong and even though Rob Sr. was an amazing coach, by the time we hit pushing time we were both so physically and emotionally exhausted that neither of us could really do anything at all, let alone him help me in any coherent way. We had a nurse who was horrible with certain things (she stuck me over 10 times to draw blood when I spiked a fever) but luckily she was amazing at coaching me through my most painful contractions when I was stuck at 8 cm and my epidural wore off. Both Rob Sr. and I were completely overwhelmed at the amount of pain I was in and I've never felt so helpless in my life. Poor Rob Sr. couldn't do anything other than be there for me to grab and pull down into the bed during contractions.</p> <p>After that horrific experience, I will gladly spend the time and money next time to find and hire an amazing doula that I love and trust. In fact, I'm looking forward to the process of finding and getting to know them! I'd love to find one that can massage, suggest laboring positions, and get me as far as possible before an epidural next time. And, of course, in the case of another epidural failure, to help me through that as well!! I am terrified that it's something about my body that just can't hold an epidural for more than a couple of hours (they would take effect just fine, then wear off and never come back even after re-adjustments and different drugs... at the end I had SIX anesthesiologists lined up in my room, arms crossed and heads shaking... that was most terrifying of all) so I'd hire a doula just to have the peace of mind of backup support in case it happens again.</p> <p>And this way, next time around Rob Sr. can just enjoy the labor process as dad and cheerleader. :) I think we both paid our dues with the first birth!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-38946 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 10:07:05 +0000 Clementine 38946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>to be honest, i think it's a great idea but with everything else costing a fortune, it's one less expense i want to incur or go through endless interviews for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-38781 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 21:28:35 +0000 MH.Abroad 38781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And while I'm talking about doulas, I thought perhaps I'd detail a little more about what they (soon I can say "we"!) do.</p> <p>A doula's job, first and foremost, is to make the birth a positive experience for the mother. She does not perform any medical procedures or checks whatsoever, she is there for support, natural pain management, and to be an advocate.</p> <p>Most doulas will attend and support any kind of birthing plan - natural or medicated, including c-sections.<br /> During labor they help with natural pain management with the use of massage and other techniques, and some are specially trained in hypnobirth. </p> <p>During prenatal appointments your doula will talk to you about the type of birth you want. She will go over many options with you and find out what you are comfortable with. </p> <p>If you are presented with a different birth plan while in labor like a suggestion of a drug, she will inform you in plain, clear language (as opposed to confusing doctor-speak) of the purpose and side effects without letting her personal opinion get in the way. If you decide against something and are being pushed into it, it is her job to stand up for your decision and make sure your wishes are followed as much as possible.</p> <p>If you only want specific friends and family members in the room and not others, it's her job to respectfully and politely ask them to respect your privacy and give you some time alone. If you want photos taken or birth story notes, she will record these for you as well.</p> <p>After your baby makes it's entrance, she makes sure your wishes are followed in reminding doctors and nurses of your birth plan and wishes regarding everything from whether you want to hold your baby right away or have it cleaned, if you want the typical shots and eye drops or if you have chosen and signed a waiver against it, etc.</p> <p>She will then stay with you to coach you in making sure your baby makes a successful first latch and is nursing properly, and then will leave you alone to bond with your baby.</p> <p>She will usually also include a postpartum appointment in her fee, which will answer any questions you may have and help address any nursing problems (many doulas are also certified lactation consultants) or other problems you may be having.</p> <p>Of course, I've just described the ideal doula. Not all are perfect, like any profession there are a few bad seeds that spoil the reputations of these women of service.<br /> My advice in finding a good one is -<br /> 1. Interview her. You can judge a lot about a person's character by first impressions.<br /> 2. Make sure she is certified with a reputable training organization. CBI and DONA are the two largest and most well-known.<br /> 3. Check her references. Call her previous clients and find out if they had a positive experience. </p> <p>Sorry for the book there... just thought I'd throw in my little bit of doula-know-how. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-38765 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 21:10:55 +0000 MH.Abroad 38765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dvsmom: I'm sorry to hear about your "friend", but I do have to pipe up here. I have no idea what sort of hokey course she found, but I can't imagine how she managed to get certified after "a course for a few hours".</p> <p>I'm currently in training for my doula certification, and it requires many months of study, practicals at live births with reports from the mother and doctor/midwife, and quite a bit of work in general.</p> <p>I guess the lesson here is - RESEARCH and INTERVIEW your doula and her certification! I recommend doulas trained by CBI, or DONA. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14998 Sun, 13 Nov 2011 18:28:50 +0000 dvsmom 14998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is an entirely personal choice and everyone has to do what is right for them. I would never and my reason is the following:<br /> I have a 'friend' (I use the term loosely) who should be in an institution getting mental help. She is very mentally ill and its sad. One of her many issues is she goes to a different ER every day, gets and combines different medications and is a wreck and has munchausens. (I spent an awful year living with her so I saw everything) She also smokes a ton.<br /> She also took a course for a few hours and is now a certified doula. That scares me that it is that easy to get certification for it. She is also super cheap so I know she gets hired by people who don't know better. I know I could do my research and find someone who is the opposite of her, but knowing how potentially easy it is to call yourself one, turns me off to it. My mom and DH will be my support team. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14771 Sun, 13 Nov 2011 07:52:46 +0000 winniebee 14771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I won't be having one mainly because we are having a hospital birth (with either my OB or midwife), I want an epidural, and my husband is a doctor. We figure he will be our advocate and liaison if needed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14763 Sun, 13 Nov 2011 06:35:27 +0000 Andrea 14763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NYCaliMama: Thank you! I think it was such a smart idea to get a doula for your second. My hubs might have to stay home with the LO, too, if I had another baby so at least a doula could be my support system. Great idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14719 Sat, 12 Nov 2011 22:20:46 +0000 SAHM0811 14719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Andrea: my doula said she was present for all kinds of births, not just natural. she supported all kinds of births that moms (tried to) plan for. when i told her I also would've considered pitocin induction if I was overdue and an epidural if I couldnt take the pain, she was supportive of those choices too. </p> <p>but to go back to your question, I think those who want to go natural tend to use doulas more, but of course there are many women who go natural without one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14684 Sat, 12 Nov 2011 20:05:33 +0000 Becksabee 14684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't have one. I didn't really see a need for one, and my SO was planning on being my labor coach. In the end, I had to get a c-section anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14671 Sat, 12 Nov 2011 19:43:45 +0000 Andrea 14671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you only get a doula if you want a natural childbirth? </p> <p>I felt like having my hubs and labor nurse there was enough, but I was always planning on having an epidural. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14559 Sat, 12 Nov 2011 12:07:32 +0000 MsMini 14559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't have one, but I work in NICU and spend a lot of time in labour and delivery, attending high-risk deliveries, assessing/resuscitating babies who aren't transitioning well. So I have a good relationship with most of the LDR nurses, and OB's. </p> <p>Also, I have had a lot of negative experiences with the doulas in my city (there are only 3-4), where I wouldn't be able to trust them. Stuff like, the baby isn't breathing, and I am breathing for it using a resuscitation device (or even when I was giving it chest compressions) and the doula is DEMANDING the baby go skin to skin with mom ... Um, hello, why don't we wait until the baby is breathing for cuddle time mkay? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14518 Sat, 12 Nov 2011 09:41:01 +0000 SAHM0811 14518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For our first baby, I did not have one. But I learned from that experience that my hubby, great as he is as a husband and father, is simply not labor-coach material. And my family is 3,000 miles away too, so there would be nobody else I would feel comfortable with to support me during labor. Anyway, my hubby was pretty calm throughout the whole thing and helped me alot, but he was definitely out of his element. When we got to the hospital, I had a nurse who was incredible at helping me focus and breathe during a contraction. Unfortunately, she was too busy with other priorities to stand by me the whole time and do that. But it was still because of her, I decided I needed a doula the second time around. I felt that that nurse had a real gift for labor support, but I knew I couldn't rely on hospital nurses to do that as they have other important tasks to do while you're in labor.</p> <p>So we got a doula the 2nd time. Another reason for us this time around was because DH had to possibly tend to our toddler while I was in labor (pick her up from daycare, wait around in case our sitter was running late, etc), so I wanted another person with me in case DH was tied up with DD #1. Again, with our family so far away, this really helped. I also wanted to try for a natural birth the 2nd time, and I believed a doula would help me with that. My labor the 2nd time went so fast that my doula was actually only with me for 2 hours til the baby was born! But she was incredible and I felt more secure with her around (so did DH). </p> <p>When contractions got really intense, she would massage my back which really helped. She helped me with my breathing, which was huge. When certain labor positions weren't cutting it anymore, she gave me suggestions as to other positions. When I told her I felt the urge to push, she encouraged me that it was okay to the go to the hospital even though it seemed too early at the time (good decision on her part because I gave birth 1 hour later from that point!). She was good at trying to read how far along I was without doing an internal check (doulas do not do internal checks, they are simply there for support). They use other observations to gauge when they think is a good time to go to the hospital (your mood, contraction timing, etc.)</p> <p>At the hospital, she reminded us of certain things we had discussed prior about what I wanted for the birth. She did not speak directly to the medical staff on my behalf, (not a part of her job description) but encouraged and reminded DH and I of some of our wishes. In our case though, I gave birth so fast upon arriving at the hospital that there was nothing else for me to do but push the baby out. When I was pushing, she gave me great advice on how to do it efficiently... And after my baby was born, she helped with the first breastfeed. She also visited us one week later just to check up on things.</p> <p>Having a labor doula is really dependent on your needs as a couple. If you and DH decide to look into it further, you can do meet &amp; greets with a few doulas to see how you get along with them. Then you can decide from there. </p> <p>I think I would've also benefited from a postpartum doula the first time around (someone who helps out a few weeks/months after the birth), so that's another thing to maybe consider. Some doulas are labor and postpartum doulas, while some are just for labor or just for postpartum. </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14489 Sat, 12 Nov 2011 08:50:44 +0000 MH.Abroad 14489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I certainly plan to. For me, I'd much rather be coached by someone who is not my Mom or Husband, who I can yell at and not offend or hurt them, who knows what to expect and how to react, and who can stand up for what I want and fight for my requests when I'm too tired to fight. I love doulas! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14209 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 16:18:39 +0000 HabesBabe 14209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I appreciate everyone's feedback (and reassurance that I'm not a diva). I brought it up to the hubs today and he had no idea what a doula was (I told him to Google it. Ha.). </p> <p>One of the biggest reasons why I want one is that hubs wants to be there for the whole thing, BUT wants to stay at my head/shoulders. I have no idea how much support he can offer from that angle, so I think I'd need someone else there who would fight for me and help remind me of the birth plan (no drugs, no IV/monitoring unless absolutely necessary).</p> <p>Does anyone's doula accept flexible spending accounts? Or were you able to get reimbursed for the fees? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-14006 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 13:27:50 +0000 daniellemybelle 14006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really want one. I love my husband, and he has said he will go to Bradley classes when that time comes, but I know he won't be a great labor coach, especially if he's feeling a lot of pressure. I feel like having a doula will help him be able to relax, and that will be relaxing for me too. It takes my husband a little while to warm up to people too, so I am hoping we can find a Bradley class instructor who is also a doula! That way by the time the birth comes, he will really trust her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13948 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 11:58:59 +0000 skibobrown 13948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're going to hire one! I really want to give birth without interventions if possible -- i.e. no epidurals. I think I probably would give in to the pain meds if only my hubs and I are there for the birth. The doula will be there to help me through the painful parts of labor and also to be my sanity check when I start begging for the epidural. Everyone who I've met so far who had a doula can't say enough positive things about it. Even one of my good friends who was in a midwife practice says she wishes she also had a doula for her birth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13943 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 11:52:36 +0000 geekinheels 13943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, mostly because I like my OB practice so much! There are three docs on staff and I got to know all of them through the pregnancy and I knew that one of them would be delivering.</p> <p>Even if I didn't like my OB practice as much, I'm not sure I would have gotten one, because I didn't have a birth plan, I didn't have high expectations, I wasn't that scared, and all I wanted was a healthy baby to come out of me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13942 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 11:51:23 +0000 T.H.O.U. 13942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did not. My husband took the classes and read some books and he was a great help supporting me and offering up suggestions. I felt like I was more honest with him about how/what I was feeling then I was with the nurses. I was very happy with my nurses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13927 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 11:39:40 +0000 mrsjazz 13927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in the process of interviewing doulas. None of my friends who have given birth have had doulas, either, but I don't think it makes you a diva. </p> <p>My husband and I both would like a doula there. We'll be delivering in a hospital and this is our first child. We want a natural childbirth and feel that having a doula there will be extra assurance that we will have as natural birth as possible in a hospital. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13891 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 11:06:47 +0000 looch 13891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't use one either, for the same reasons as megwag. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13868 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:38:18 +0000 cyndistar3 13868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had one for my first birth, mostly because at the midwifery we went to you are required to have one if you a first timer. I loved her, she was so nice and helpful! I think I can do with out this time but if adding the doula isn't that expensive I might just go ahead and have one again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13862 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:30:00 +0000 mommytobee 13862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not for us... My husband wants to be as useful as possible, and while he is really, really good at taking charge and supporting me, he is not super assertive and when other people are there, he lets them take control. I think he wouldn't feel useful if someone else was there, and we want this experience to be intimate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13860 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:26:56 +0000 MegWag 13860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We won't be having one. But! The main reason is that in the UK, births are run completely by midwives (unless there are complications) so we basically have built in ones. I think, if I were having a traditional US birth, I'd be interested in having a trained person there to advocate for me and the baby so I didn't end up with a bunch of interventions I don't need.</p> <p>I can see what you mean about the diva thing, especially since no one else in your circle has used one. I think you just have to figure out what you will be most comfortable with and not worry about what others will say... like with everything childbirth/rearing-related! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13844 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:15:52 +0000 eupenmalmody 13844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is going to be my doula. She has attended my birthing classes with me and is one of the most knowledgable people (in my opinion) when it comes to all this stuff. She will guide my husband to help me and be a rock for me throughout the entire process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13838 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:06:04 +0000 Mrsbells 13838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we dont plan to have a doula, i just feel that "too many cooks spoil the broth" there will be nurses, doctors, assistants and for me a doula on top of that would be confusing. I do best under minimum supervision and would love to be left a lone with DH as much as possible until pushing time </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13835 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:00:27 +0000 mrbee 13835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a doula for our first baby, and she was very helpful. I think especially for first-time parents, a doula is really useful.</p> <p>Also, I just wanted to say +1 for the Aladdin reference!! Haha... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13828 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 09:45:20 +0000 themcmom 13828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted a doula until my husband said that he wanted to be my doula. His choice made me really worried because he'd never seen or knew what was going to happen, so we took Bradley classes. We learned a lot (it's a 12 week birthing class with homework) and he was able to be my doula when I gave birth. My husband was amazing during my delivery; coaching me through everything.</p> <p>I will say that I don't think every husband/partner can or wants to do this and having a doula is a wonderful thing. They are very knowledgable about child birth making them a great resource during a stressful situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doula-did-you-have-one-why-or-why-not#post-13822 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 09:32:52 +0000 HabesBabe 13822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like a whole new world (don't you dare close your eyes!) has opened up to me once I got on mommy/pregnancy forums. Midwives? Doulas? Hypnobirthing? What is all this stuff?</p> <p>I read up a little on doulas, and essentially, they are a sort of labor coach (am I right?). They act as a sort of liaison between you and the medical staff to make sure your birth plan is followed, and provides motivation/guidance through the entire process. </p> <p>Did/Do you have a doula? If yes, what helped you decide that this was a good choice for you? Was/is this your first pregnancy?</p> <p>If no, how did you decide against it? Out of all of my friends who have had kids (all in a hospital), none of them have had doulas. I don't think many of them are even aware of what a doula does. </p> <p>I'm debating on whether to get one or not. I'd like to go as natural as possible (as natural as one can get in a hospital with an OB), and I don't think that the hubs or my mom could give me the support and guidance that I would need. But, I also think having a doula makes me a diva (I'm not sure why I feel this way?). Thoughts? </p>