https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Jul 2026 15:58:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772086 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 10:51:36 +0000 SweetiePie 2772086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: yes this too. I also try to think about the bigger picture. He has bad days and bad meals for sure. But as a whole he has a very healthy and balanced diet week-to-week, so it helps to not stress about one particular night that he doesn't eat much or a day at the amusement park when all he eats are fries and ice cream. He will pound tomatoes and cucumbers as a snack beg to eat a pepper like an apple at the grocery store, and asks for grapes as dessert, so when I think about his habits as a whole it makes everything else individually less worrisome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772085 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 10:48:30 +0000 SweetiePie 2772085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SteelerGirl: What a great update! It sounds like you took a lot of the tactics here that were also in the article and I'm so glad it went well.<br /> Another thing is that if you try a new food and she doesn't eat it, try again in a few weeks. Sometimes it's just because it's new, they need a few chances to try it. If they try it and over and over don't like it, then you know.<br /> Alternatively, she at the fish sticks last night but next time she might throw a curve ball and reuse them. That's ok and normal! Try again another time.<br /> My son WILL NOT EAT avocado. I tried for a good 1-1.5 years at different intervals and I finally decided Ok, he just doesn't like it. So I don't bother. If he sees me eating it and wants to try I'll let him try of course. But after several tries it's ok to just say he doesn't like it and move on.<br /> My son isn't into pieces of meat like chicken breast or steak. But since those are pretty standard I do continue to try those every couple of weeks. Sometimes it just depends how it's cut or presented. Like if I cut up chicken breast he won't really eat it. If it's on a skewer (pointy end cut off) he will eat it. It's more "fun" I guess. So you can also try things like that until they really get a taste for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772082 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 10:06:36 +0000 SteelerGirl 2772082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for the great responses! I just wanted to follow up because I tried this new tactic last night and it went REMARKABLY well!</p> <p>I gave her a meal with all things I know she has eaten before, with one new thing. Her meal was strawberries, cucumbers, cheese, fish sticks (the new thing), and noodles. </p> <p>If I'm being honest, I gave her pretty big portions because I was worried she would only eat one thing and I didn't want her to be too hungry. So here's what happened- she ate all the strawberries first, then signed a bunch for more (and even said "mo!" which I'm pretty excited about). So I said "all gone! No more!". She whined a bit, and then moved on to the cucumbers and cheese. After eating all of those she started crying quite a bit. I wasn't actually sure if she was done, so I took her out of the highchair and she cried A LOT. After a couple minutes I put her back in the high chair and offered her what was left. And SHE ATE THE FISH STICKS! I couldn't believe it. She ended up eating everything except the noodles. She ate sooo much! </p> <p>All of her teachers at school say she's such a good eater and I think this must be why! I am definitely going to keep doing this. I'm super excited to not have to play a guessing game each night over what she will eat! It's also nice to know if she doesn't eat a new thing it's really because she doesn't like it and not just because she would rather have oranges ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772074 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 09:53:22 +0000 sauerkraut 2772074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You've already gotten great advice, but I'll just throw in that serving a whole plate at once, including at least one food she usually eats, is working very well for my 14 month old. She may scarf down her favorites first, but once she finishes that, she usually at least tries (and generally eats) the other foods. For meals where she doesn't eat much, I try not to stress it. I've usually noticed she makes up for it later or the next day.<br /> DD has also eaten at the table with the family pretty much since she started eating. I personally think this has helped her be a good eater so far since she sees everyone else eating (at this point she's eating the same food as us) and also has the distraction of the family around. So if she's frustrated that there are no more blueberries or whatever, we can usually distract her for a while, and eventually she'll go back to her plate and try something else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772063 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 07:19:24 +0000 looch 2772063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SteelerGirl: One additional thing that was helpful to me was not to look at what was consumed at a single meal, or even in a single day, but to look at an entire week. If you keep a log for a week, you might start to see some patterns emerge, like when they eat the biggest meal. Then you can tailor what you are offering. </p> <p>As an example, some kids eat their biggest meal at breakfast, some at lunch, others at dinner. If you're aiming to introduce something new, try doing it at the meal where they eat the most. It might not be the first meal of the day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772061 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 07:08:15 +0000 SweetiePie 2772061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SteelerGirl: Regarding the part about oranges and her holding out for them - I've read a lot about the theory of giving the dessert WITH the meal. I'll find the article I most recently read. The thought is that it takes away the power of the dessert item. We have done it a couple of times and honestly it's worked! He might eat it first but surprisingly he goes on to eat his dinner like normal.<br /> I don't do it all the time or regularly because it's still a really hard concept for me to grasp - although it works it's just hard to put a cookie on his dinner plate. But with something like oranges I would def consider that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772059 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 06:57:59 +0000 SweetiePie 2772059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KayKay: yes that's another good point. I learned that if I put less quantity of each item on his plate I'll throw away less if he doesn't eat it or just plays with it. Sometimes it's hard to realize how much less they (usually) need than us. Like I'll put 2 meatballs on his plate and think it doesn't look like enough. But once I cut it up and put the broccoli and the pasta it's like - ok wow he's small and that looks like enough for me sometimes. He can always ask for more!<br /> Also, I've found he just generally does better with less. I think too much can look really overwhelming like "you want me to eat all of that?!?" If I put just a little he tends to eat it and ask for more. </p> <p>And lastly - I am a control freak and "rule follower". Letting him eat how he wants to eat is something I am always having to remind myself. Even things like thinking "omg he's dipping his edamame in ketchup that's so gross". Once I told him that and he said "no it's yummy!" And it was just a huge lightbulb for me that I have to let him explore and try things the way he likes them. Yesterday I made him a quesadilla with cheese and beans. He's never had one before. He decided he wanted to take apart the tortilla and eat it open like a pizza instead. I'm uptight so my first thought was "why????? That's not how you eat a damn quesadilla!" And then I realized - who cares? He's eating it. I have to do that A LOT. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772057 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 06:47:01 +0000 KayKay 2772057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@steelergirl: to answer your specific question...yes, i serve all of my kids one plate of 2-4 things at every meal. that is what is being served for that meal, so that is what they can choose to eat/taste or not. we've had this approach since the beginning. DD1 is a great eater and generally eats or tries most things on her plate. DD2 usually tapers off as the day goes on, so often eats a really small dinner; her choice!</p> <p>the other issue you bring up i feel is more related to servings of any one particular thing. i got really sick of throwing away food when i gave my kids what i thought they would eat. so now i tend to give them a smaller sample of everything, and then plan to give them 2nds (or maybe 3rds) of whatever they ask for more of. i don't have a hard-and-fast rule about how many servings i will give; just go by feel based on what they have eaten, are asking for, what we have left, etc. last night, DD1 ate 3 helpings of spaghetti. DD2 ate 3 helpings of blackberries. whatever. they only get one serving of dessert ;)</p> <p>we don't force any sort of # of bites, tasting all foods, etc. i was really picky growing up, and i don't think forcing someone to try something sets anyone up to actually enjoy it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772053 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 05:06:56 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2772053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: yes, I was only speaking for my LO and now can't go back to edit and clarify that. :bummed: We try to practice the philosophy that kids know when they are full and not force him to finish everything on his plate. However, nights he eats like a bird prolong going to bed because he's asking for food. Or if we force him to go to sleep- hold &amp; rock him, we know 3-4 hours later he will wake up asking for food/ milk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772040 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 23:16:23 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2772040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do similar to PP. We use a divided plate to present the entire meal. It always has at least 1 thing I *know* they will eat, 1-2 things I think they will eat, and 1 thing that is newish. I really try to have it be what the adults are eating (or at least a version of it) but DH and I often eat cereal or cheese and crackers for dinner because its too hard to get dinner cooked. </p> <p>With my almost 4 year old, she has to taste everything on the plate before she can have more of anything. We started that rule when she was about 2. We do not enforce that rule with the 20-month old yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772039 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 22:57:43 +0000 SweetiePie 2772039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: @PawPrints: Yes to both of you.<br /> I'm not perfect so I find myself slipping occasionally into "eat 3 more bites" land.<br /> But I try to present everything at once, include one thing I know he'll eat, and let him choose what he wants to eat from that plate. Sometimes it's nothing so I make sure he knows he won't get anything else if he walks away. I offer his dinner again if he says he's hungry and he's allowed to have milk regardless up until we brush teeth. But that's it.<br /> @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: In my experience your first statement isn't true. Not saying it isn't true for you :-) But wanted to clarify that it's not true for every toddler. I've let my son go to bed several times without dinner at my ped's advice and he's never once woken up at night or too early the next morning from hunger. I've been doing this since 12-18 months and he'll be 3 on Saturday. I asked at a well visit what to do. She said he shouldn't wake up hungry and if he does, that's how he'll learn the lesson that he should eat what we offer when we offer it.<br /> Oh and I think yesterday was your bday. HBD :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772024 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 20:36:09 +0000 skipra 2772024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @PawPrints:. I usually ask my kids what they'd like to eat before I make dinner and try to incorporate it as much as I can. For example, if I'm making pasta anyway and LO asks for Mac n Cheese, it's easy enough to at least shred some cheese on his while it's still hot. Or if they ask for yogurt or applesauce then I will include that on the side. That way I know there is something that everyone likes and will eat. I do serve whatever we are having too and unless it's something that I know they will not eat because it's too spicy or whatever, I'll make a separate kids meal. My almost 1 year old just gets whatever we're having because he can't communicate yet! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2772005 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 18:44:19 +0000 MrsBucky 2772005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We also loosely follow Ellyn satter's approach. We started around the time he was old enough to eat with us, rather than before us- maybe 16-18 months? Then we would have one meal and all eat together, I served him small portions of everything and he could choose what and how much he ate. I will sometimes moderate if he asks for more of something when I think he is ODing it (even if there is more on the table) but only after maybe the third helping. For breakfast my husband gives him choices and we let him choose what to have and lunch varies but we might give him more choices than dinner. I mostly try not to monitor what he eats too closely. As others have said, it's really about making sure that over a week there is sufficient/ balanced nutrition. Some days he eats more than my husband, other days he barely eats. It never has to do with what is served. With this approach (and likely his personality) every adult who sees him eat comments that he has a very diverse pallet and is a great eater. Nature? Nurture? Who knows, but that is our experience so far, fwiw. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771991 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 17:56:23 +0000 PawPrints 2771991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SteelerGirl: Great! Oh yes, I do always make sure there's at least one thing on her plate I know she likes. It doesn't seem fair to me to give her a whole plate of something new, since it's not her fault if she doesn't like it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771989 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 17:52:14 +0000 SteelerGirl 2771989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: I think I will try this! I may modify it a bit while she's still young to make sure there is something on her tray I know she has eaten &amp; liked before, but definitely give it all at once! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771987 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 17:48:57 +0000 catgirl 2771987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely agree with @PawPrints: about presenting the meal as a whole. We used to put the least favorites first and then give fruit or bread at the end. But that became a battle because she knew it would come eventually. Then we tried the preferred food first followed by the others but, again, it was a battle because she was mad her favorite was gone. So we started giving her everything at once, we only present things we are okay with her eating. Then she can eat as much or as little as she wants.</p> <p>For us one meal a day is our family meal where we all eat the same thing (or a deconstructed version of it). We use that meal to introduce new flavors so we can all have them together and model enjoying it. The other meal, when DH is at work, is a little more catered to her individual taste but it is still presented as a whole meal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771980 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 17:22:47 +0000 PawPrints 2771980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a key point you're missing is that you need to present a full meal all at once, so the kid can see the options available and grow an understanding of the concept of choosing and developing preferences and a grasp of their own palate. Eating shouldn't be a power struggle, it should be about exploring flavors to discover what you like. So ditch the idea of bringing out healthy things first and fruit later. Present a full plate with 3-4 different foods. If she eats all of one thing, that's all she gets, no going back to the fridge for more. I think you'll find this approach to be a lot more respectful for everyone. No struggles or mind games.</p> <p>[eta] It's also ideal if you do this at the same time that you and DH are eating, and you're offering her (at least in part) the same food. This will also help her to grow an understanding that meal time is meant to be relaxed and enjoyable and a safe space to try things. We always let DD spit things out if she decides she doesn't like them, and we have milk and water handy for her if a flavor is too strong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771978 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 17:17:00 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2771978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We use divided plates and tend to put the main dish in the big part, and fruits and veggies in the smaller compartments. Sometimes they eat the main dish and sometimes they choose to just have fruits and veggies, depending what they are. A lot of times we are just eating a frozen bag of veggies, tbh.</p> <p>Sometimes I get desperate and just start giving crackers, which is what I want to eliminate. I think my son would be happy to eat various crackers most of the time. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771975 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 16:55:36 +0000 erinbaderin 2771975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not personally a fan of this - it seems a little unfair that they have no control over what they eat. Sometimes I don't feel like eating a particular thing so I don't cook it, I feel like my kids should have at least some level of control over their food. Our rule is that they have to taste everything on the plate, and then if they don't like anything they can have any leftovers from the fridge or toast with peanut butter or cream cheese. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771973 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 16:53:17 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2771973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A hungry toddler doesn't stay asleep or sleep long. I usually make something LO will eat and only give him fun (fruit) foods at the beginning. If he's still hungry because he's not full or just didn't eat enough of the non fun food he gets bread or crackers. So far LO has been fine with this set up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771958 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 15:52:11 +0000 littlejoy 2771958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't serve food I don't want my kiddo to eat. If it's going to bother me for to only eat oranges, I wouldn't put oranges on her plate. I try to remember nutrition is a bit cumulative, and consider the day's/week's consumption ...</p> <p>With that said, I try to make foods I know LO likes. If I make pasta and she refuses, I know she's just being stubborn. If I make something new and she says she doesn't like it, I will absolutely make her something else simple. My kiddo is really affected by not eating enough (low blood sugar = crazy), so I don't like calling her bluff when it comes to meal time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771949 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 15:19:24 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2771949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We allowed a favourite or second boring option until about 18-24 months. We always started with the regular meal and then depending on how much he ate, he could have a veggie pouch and/or whole wheat crackers with peanut butter. We had success and continue to have success with giving choices and talked a lot about trying the food and this is what we have to eat, etc. Now at nearly 3, I don't offer another choice and he will try a bite almost always and I don't stress if he doesn't eat. I figure he is old enough to moderate himself and he understands it.</p> <p> At one, he would have been nowhere close to understanding this is the meal he gets and nothing else. I would consider him quite a good eater now, even with allowing options earlier on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771947 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 15:12:20 +0000 maddyz 2771947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do not go back into the kitchen for other food for dinner and lunch. what's on the table is what you get. That being said, I try to make sure that at least some of it is something I know they will eat.</p> <p>It's hard, but being firm is the best. When I slip up and cave it feels like weeks before I can break the whining... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771946 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 15:10:07 +0000 skinnycow 2771946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I serve my 17 month old the same meal DH and I are having and just include at least one thing I know she likes. Many nights she only eats her fruit and sometimes she eats everything. She's in the 96th percentile for weight so I'm not concerned that she's starving :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771941 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 14:41:55 +0000 catgirl 2771941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We roughly follow Ellyn Satter's philosophy. There are a few things we disagree with but for the most part it fits our views on food. We (as the parents) choose the what, when, and where. DD can choose how much or whether to eat at all. I'd say we really started with this somewhere between 12-18 months. </p> <p>I do try to always provide an option that she likes with a meal. We also don't stress at all if she chooses not to eat anything - some days she eats more than I do and some days she eats two bites of food. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771939 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 14:35:46 +0000 gingerbebe 2771939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you can serve her a plate with a little bit of everything. The control she has is the order and amount of what she will eat. If she only eats the orange and wont eat anything else, then that's fine. We let our kids excuse themselves and go play and leave their plate on the table for about 15-20 minutes after a meal. Basically, its the last thing I clean up in the kitchen. If after a while they say they are hungry again, they can return to the same plate. They can also have some milk later on if they like.</p> <p>One thing we always did with favorite foods is basically keep them out of sight and only have 1 serving of the item in view, prepped on a plate. So if I knew my kid was going to go nuts for a Cutie, I would keep 1-2 on the counter and the rest were hidden away. If he signed for more, we would throw our hands up and say "Sorry, all gone! No more!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771938 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 14:32:04 +0000 SteelerGirl 2771938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: "Manipulate" might be too strong a word. It's more I think we are TRAINING her that if she waits long enough she will get her favorites.</p> <p>Her communication skills right now are pretty much just screaming. Which is why I want to start doing this. I don't want her screaming until we give her oranges (or strawberries, or whatever food she knows is coming last). She occasionally signs for "more", and that's improving everyday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771937 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 14:25:13 +0000 BSB 2771937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We started giving our twins choices. They are bit speech delayed so a speech therapist has come out to help us. We give them choices so they feel like they have some control and should help with the tantrums. They just turned two. </p> <p>Maybe try choices. Like we ask if they want ketchup or BBQ sauce to dip their nuggets in.</p> <p>Although, I do think 1 is a bit young. At 1, my twins were still starting to try new things so I was just giving them anything and everything to get them used to different textures and tastes. </p> <p>Also, I do find it hard for a 1 year old to manipulate you. That's awfully young. At 2, my twins are doing that now. </p> <p>Is your child communicating? Are you signing with her? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/eat-what-i-serve-or-go-hungry#post-2771931 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 14:11:54 +0000 SteelerGirl 2771931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does anyone only serve their toddler one thing and expect them to eat it or just go hungry?</p> <p>My daughter just turned 1 and I can already see her manipulating us into serving her only what she wants. For example she will refuse to eat anything except oranges, and then eat 4 of them! We tried serving her healthy things first, and only her favorites later, but now I think she knows it's coming and will hold out for the "good stuff".</p> <p>Just wondering how early anyone has implemented this tactic and how long it took your child to respond to it. I'm hesitant to start doing this before she can communicate to me what she likes and dislikes, but I also think daycare is already doing this (since we only send one lunch) so it should be possible to do it at home, too.</p> <p>Side note: we have a general parenting philosophy that boundaries are important and our child will learn to expect the boundaries we set up. So I kind of feel like this is just setting another boundary and she will adapt to it. </p>