https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 21:08:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824285 Wed, 23 May 2018 12:04:15 +0000 YouGotMe 2824285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH got up with me the first two weeks after A was born. Then when he returned to work he slept through it all. </p> <p>Now with K, DH deals with all of A’s middle of the night business up to 230am when he leaves for work and both kids are mine. K still wakes up a minimum of two times a night and A is back and forth between sleeping ok or having a total meltdown once DH is gone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824280 Wed, 23 May 2018 11:44:30 +0000 Littlebit7 2824280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lol are you me?? Same age game, I SAH, my husband works a demanding job. In the first few weeks he’d change nighttime diapers and hand the baby to me. This lasted about 6 weeks with my first and about 2 with my second (DH started traveling internationally when Lo2 was 2 weeks old)<br /> I get to sleep in a little bit on weekends. We each take a day.<br /> I’m not my best self on minimal sleep but DH is even worse and he’s managing a 1 billion dollar company right now...so...I lose! Ha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824254 Wed, 23 May 2018 10:07:47 +0000 jennlin821 2824254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: Thanks for the input from the non-breastfeeding side!</p> <p>I just wanted to add two more things, I pumped just enough milk during that time for DH to use, I was breastfeeding the rest of the time. </p> <p>I am the more high-sleep needs person in our relationship, so being able to fully turn-off to sleep really helped. My body adjusted well to sleeping deeply and quickly for those 2/4 hours stretches. My husband sleeps badly, so when he was off duty he wore earplugs. </p> <p>This worked well for us because it also transitioned easily into me going back to work. </p> <p>@ineebee: are you 100% EBF, or are you planning on introducing a bottle at some point? I didn't realize the amount of stress I felt about breastfeeding until DH gave that first bottle. I felt relieved and a little lighter because it wasn't my sole responsibility anymore. Until that moment, I didn't realize the extra weight that I felt on my shoulders.<br /> I went back to work at 10 weeks, so we knew bottles were in DD's future. However I breastfed/pumped until DD was 14 months. I am all for an EBF relationship if that is what you want, but please think about pumping/bottle feeding for your own piece of mind too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824251 Wed, 23 May 2018 10:00:54 +0000 shabang 2824251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're right in the hard part, hang in there!</p> <p>I would wake him up and hand over the baby if she didn't go right back to sleep after a feeding. That was about it. It was more work for me to pump to have a bottle to hand off that early, so I didn't. Also, my older child would sleep in past the point my husband left for work (early), so he didn't get her ready or feed her breakfast. If she got up earlier, I would absolutely have him do that.</p> <p>I found that once you can get a little more sleep, the resentment dies down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824250 Wed, 23 May 2018 09:57:41 +0000 JennyPenny 2824250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For both our kids we started doing dreamfeeds around 4 weeks. So I would pump and then go to bed around 9pm, and DH would use that bottle to feed LOs around 11pm. Then they would usually sleep till about 4am after that, so by the time I had the first wake up I'd had 6-7 solid hours of sleep. If you're open to pumping and bottle-feeding I'd highly recommend it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824247 Wed, 23 May 2018 09:55:09 +0000 petitenoisette 2824247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO2 is 12 weeks. For the first month or so he’d get up and change her diaper and bring her to me. I’d feed her and put her back when she was done. She was doing some crazy long wake ups at first so I’d also tap him in if I was going nuts. For our first I didn’t ask for help when I needed it (thinking he needed the sleep bc he had to get up early for work) so I resolved not to do that this time. By some miracle this baby started sleeping 6-7 hour stretches almost every night around 6 weeks so I don’t really ever need help anymore at night. He is in charge of any wakeups (rare) for our 3 year old and has been since I night weaned her around age 2. So that helps out with any feelings of resentment. Also he gets up with her on the weekends and me and the baby stay in bed longer if necesssary. Basically he is almost 100% in charge of LO1 when he is home and that helps a lot. Nevertheless I’m still losing it a little at times bc baby wants to be held for all her naps and rocked to sleep which can take forever. :silly: </p> <p>I second @polkaspots: , side lying nursing helps a lot and now baby sleeps in our bed usually after her first wake up so I generally just fall asleep while she’s nursing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824240 Wed, 23 May 2018 09:46:59 +0000 looch 2824240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was staying at home, so I decided that I could handle the wakeups on my own. My husband had offered to get up with me, but it wasn't the best idea because he and I were both tired and we would argue about how to do things, which didn't help the situation. Since I only had the one child, I slept a lot during the day. I would often be asleep at 5 pm when my husband came home from work, but it was what we needed to do during that time.</p> <p>I think a conversation is always best, no one is a mind reader and if you need help, sometimes you have to ask for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824237 Wed, 23 May 2018 09:43:51 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2824237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: one.hundred.percent.this. I’m the non breastfeeding/birth partner in our situation and I don’t buy the idea of the DH somehow sleeping through all the nonsense, and not being able to do anything to help. IMO that makes for parents that are resentful/angry/exhausted and feeds a cycle that the birth parent is the only possible person that can feed or look after the baby forever. The baby is BOTH of yours so too bad, both have to suck it up even if one is staying home and one is working. I was much more effected by poor sleep but I still took my turn because it’s super super hard for everyone.</p> <p>What jennlin said is exactly what we did for our first and what we plan to do with our second in September. Our baby was adaptable to anyone feeding them and I felt I could help take my share. It was pumped milk in a bottle and then we switched to formula from me when DW didn’t feel like pumping anymore. This was done from birth until he weaned.</p> <p>At the very least, I would work out a split for part of the week, if not every night. I think it’s the only way we maintained any sanity. Demand help as it’s his baby too, and you have options to maintain your BF relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824231 Wed, 23 May 2018 09:29:32 +0000 Silva 2824231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With the first he would sometimes do diaper changes, but once he was back at work it seemed best if he just slept as much as he could (I SAH).</p> <p>With the second he actually didn't even sleep in the room with us for a while, but slept on the couch and always got up with our older kid (or helped her if she needed something in the MOTN) so I could always sleep in with the baby </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824225 Wed, 23 May 2018 09:25:25 +0000 snowjewelz 2824225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD1 - He mostly would wake up with me. She night weaned herself at 6 months anyway. I definitely remember being resentful b/c he didn't always wake up with me</p> <p>DD2 - For the 1st year of DD2's life, I slept with DD2 and he slept with DD1 so I handled ALL MOTN wake up's/feedings. I still do even though we're all sleeping on the same bed now. I don't mind anymore though. And in the beginning, I was happy DD1 was taken care of, and at least someone's getting sleep so they can be more productive/helpful during the day. </p> <p>My conclusion is, unless he had the magical touch to get them back to sleep at night, I didn't/don't mind being the one up nursing back to sleep if that's the quickest way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824223 Wed, 23 May 2018 09:20:14 +0000 periwinklebee 2824223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There's not much he can do to help with middle of the night wakings since I breastfeed. My supply is just enough/a little short so I don't want to replace a feed with a bottle unless I pump for it... </p> <p>However, if the baby really won't settle and I'm just dying being awake for two hours in the middle of the night, I don't hesitate to call him. He also now does bedtime around 7:30 while I take care of dishes, and gives the baby a dreamfeed while I pump before bed around 10 (baby doesn't stay awake well for a dreamfeed from the breast). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824219 Wed, 23 May 2018 09:15:35 +0000 Sams Mom 2824219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband did all of the diaper changes, but that's because I was mad at him and he accepted my demands. He had 2 weeks off from his full time job after our son was born, but he volunteered for an overnight shift our first night home from the hospital (Day 5) because he was getting cabin fever. So when our son would wake up, he would get him, change his diaper and give him to me to nurse, on the very rare occasion I had pumped milk in the fridge and was too tired, he would give him a bottle while I slept. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824217 Wed, 23 May 2018 09:11:57 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2824217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Once the babies no longer needed diaper changes he didn’t help out. There really wasn’t anything he could do. DD2 is 9 months old now and primarily FF. I feel so free. We split bedtime and any MOTN wakings.</p> <p>ETA: if there was ever a night where DD1 or DD2 just wouldn’t go back down I would wake him and he’d take a turn holding and rocking until they wanted to nurse again. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help out, it was just limited on what he could do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824210 Wed, 23 May 2018 08:40:31 +0000 Mrs. Toad 2824210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The biggest thing that I did was make him get up to put her back down when she didn't go down easily. </p> <p>DS woke up, nursed, and when back to sleep. Two wake-ups max, STTN 10 weeks. </p> <p>DD woke up, nursed, fell asleep on the breast, but was very difficult to put back in the crib. I would try once or twice, but if she didn't go down easily, I woke up DH and had him get her back down. I'm not willing to co-sleep unless absolutely necessary. DH also handled any issues with DS during this time. It didn't take too long. Two wake-ups max, DD STTN at 11 weeks.</p> <p>DH has much higher sleep needs than I do, so I didn't mind the wake-ups as they usually only lasted 1/2. We didn't have sleep regressions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824209 Wed, 23 May 2018 08:33:10 +0000 jennlin821 2824209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a great system that has continued on very successfully. Our situation might be a little different as I started pumping at 1mo, and I'm not sure if you are going to do bottles at all, but this is what we did:</p> <p>DH would get home from work at 6:30, and as soon as he walked in the door, he was in charge of the baby.<br /> I would pump and then go to bed. DH was then in charge of baby until midnight. He would often give two bottles, one right around 7, and then do her bedtime routine. She would then sleep in his arms or in the bassinet in the living room. Should would be up for another bottle/diaper change around 11 and he would then put her down again. At midnight we would switch. He went to bed and I would take over baby care. </p> <p>We did this from the beginning, so before he could give her a bottle, he would take care of everything and just come in to wake me up for feeding. As soon as feeding was done he took her away and I would go back to sleep.<br /> This way I could get a solid 2 hours of sleep, nurse, another solid 2 hours without having to think/worry/listen for the baby. Which then turned into a solid 4 hours of sleep (amazing!) once she took a bottle. </p> <p>This continued until she started sleeping through the night (6mo). Then we switched to each being responsible for a whole night. A whole night sleep without having to listen for the baby monitor! And we still continue this now, DD is 17 mo. This allows each of us to sleep in one day each weekend. </p> <p>This worked out great for us because I got to sleep for a few solid hours, DH still got several solid hours of sleep so that he could function at work.<br /> It also gave DH the confidence to take care of DD, he couldn't come to me with questions, he had to just handle whatever the problem was. That was the best thing. </p> <p>So tell your husband he is on duty until midnight. If the baby is crying he needs to do the diaper, and try to soothe unless he knows the baby is hungry and its time to eat. As soon as the baby is done eating, he takes the baby away and you go back to sleep.<br /> I used to feel like I was missing out on sweet baby snuggles when DH would take the baby away, but just remember that you have the baby all day long to snuggle with, and baby needs Daddy snuggles too!</p> <p>Don't feel resentful of your husband. Tell him to take on more responsibility! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824203 Wed, 23 May 2018 08:06:04 +0000 lilyofthewest 2824203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did input, my partner did output. He was also in charge of occupying the baby/taking the screaming downstairs/outside if it had been anything less than 2h between feeds. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824202 Wed, 23 May 2018 08:04:24 +0000 peachykeen 2824202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We also split kids, though the 3 year old slept really well so it didn't mean much other than him getting her up and taking her to daycare in the morning. Once DD2 was 6-7 months, though, I put him in charge of helping sleep train. So if DD2 woke up before 4:30am or so, I sent DH in to pat her until she went back to sleep. After 4:30am I would get up and nurse her since she'd been without milk for 10 hours or so at that point. </p> <p>One other thing that might help is DH would take DD1 along to run errands with him or just to the playground/for a walk so I could rest while DD2 napped. Maybe this might be an occasional option for you?</p> <p>I feel for you, though - it is so hard in the beginning! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824198 Wed, 23 May 2018 07:08:43 +0000 Iced Tea 2824198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel mad just thinking about my answer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824197 Wed, 23 May 2018 06:58:55 +0000 Adira 2824197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband would get the baby and do a diaper change and then bring him to me so I didn't really have to move. After I was done nursing and burping, I'd put him back to bed.</p> <p>Around 5 weeks though, we were introducing a bottle, so after the evening clusterfeed, I'd go to bed and Hubs would do that first night feeding and then bring him to me for the second one, so I got a good 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824196 Wed, 23 May 2018 06:54:29 +0000 DesertDreams88 2824196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>During the first 2 months he would change LO's diaper before I nursed.<br /> I also use a haaka every morning during nursing and collect enough for a bottle, which he uses before bedtime - this doesn't give me more sleep, but it gives me a break and I usually then do bedtime with my toddler to get 1-1 time.</p> <p>With LO1, I would pump before bed and leave that as a bottle for the first official "morning" wake-up around 6 or 7, so I could sleep in.</p> <p>He handles all LO1 toddler night wakings and gets up with him on the weekends so I can sleep in if I want.</p> <p>When we night-wean eventually, I will sleep in a different room while he comforts LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824192 Wed, 23 May 2018 06:32:13 +0000 Ina85 2824192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dh did nothing. Every time I woke up for motn feeds he was sound asleep and in the beginning I was jealous he could sleep so peacefully where I wake up at every sound the baby made but it was best that I just accepted it is what it is while I ebf and once I got over that I just savored each slow progression- lo started sleeping longer stretches as she got older then sometimes sttn. It helped me just to be at peace with it since I couldn't change anything and just hoping for when lo sttn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824190 Wed, 23 May 2018 06:23:27 +0000 wrkbrk 2824190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ineebee: Nothing. But DW woke at 6 with the newborn the first two months of maternity leave and I reliably got to sleep 6-9 am during that first period when he was waking 3 times every night to nurse!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824184 Wed, 23 May 2018 03:59:11 +0000 Becky 2824184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our situation was the same as with @mamacate. I had to come to terms with the fact that DH requires a lot of sleep. I was very resentful about this for a long time. Also, we tried different ways of having him involved and it never really worked,, in large part because DD1 only wanted me and would freak out if it was him going in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824183 Wed, 23 May 2018 03:47:57 +0000 Pumuckl 2824183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had the same setup as @mediagirl:<br /> My DH got the kid(s) and I put them back in their cribs, some days he took over that task too though. Also he always tried comforting them with a paci before we/I fed them. With the twins (we had a 2y and 4y old too at the time this was relevant) we fed them per bottle at around midnight so they were really full. That way they 95% of the time slept until 6am. That meant something like 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep for us (which we can both live on). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824181 Wed, 23 May 2018 01:11:56 +0000 Nutella 2824181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ineebee: I feel your pain! I stay home with my LOs and while the older one is at preschool through the week, the whole thing is totally harder with the second when they aren’t sleeping through. My husband helped with every overnight feed (practically) in the first two or so weeks after delivery. Then once he went back to work it reduced a lot, until it became apparent he didn’t do well on broken sleep! He has a demanding job with long hours so I needed him to be on form when he was home...so I took all the weekdays and then weekends I had no shame in prodding him awake at night. He then brought LO2 to me, and I would feed then most times he would take him back to the cot. Once I felt less bruised and fragile after delivery I was more capable of rolling out of bed so I was able to put baby back easily enough then fall asleep again. </p> <p>In the early weeks I remember a Friday night pumping once and letting DH do that first evening feed while I crashed out and had an uninterrupted 7pm - 5am sleep for the first time in ever...it helped me from losing my mind after weeks of awful sleep. I would love to do that more often but I don’t really expresss that much so I guess it’s tricky! </p> <p>DH helps out big time with LO1 and when I’m doing the bedtime feed etc. </p> <p>@MamaCate: I couldn’t agree more with everything you said here. I had to change perspective very early on, to what’s best for the whole family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824176 Wed, 23 May 2018 00:07:20 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2824176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ineebee: when DD2 was born it was much harder for me to handle the nighttime feedings and still function compared to our first. so I would pump every day and he took the first wake up after the dream feed so I could get 4-6 hours of sleep. That was amazing. Highly recommend it if your DH is willing. Every other night allowed him to catch up a bit so he wasn't a zombie at work. He was also responsible for DD1 in the morning so I could sleep a bit longer with the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824174 Tue, 22 May 2018 23:15:05 +0000 Anagram 2824174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ineebee: my husband has a demanding job and he got up and changed the diapers in the middle of the night until both kids stopped pooping overnight. Even after they stopped pooping, he would usually wake to change their wet diaper until their were feeding less overnight. And then when I got really tired, we would have nights where I pumped before bed and he would do the first wake up by himself so I could get one good stretch of sleep. When I had insomnia spells, I would use my stash and he would keep the babies in another Pom for the whole night so I could be sane. =). Even so, our nighttime split was probably 65% me, 35% him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824170 Tue, 22 May 2018 22:43:07 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2824170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ineebee: nothing... but he’s still in the room with our 3YO who’s transitioning to her big girl bed. But, he didn’t really do anything when she was a baby either. I guess I just figured since he was getting up early to go to work, there was really no reason for him to be up with her. It was definitely frustrating at times and I did feel jealous, but I realized I was really the only one she wanted at night...which actually makes me feel pretty special. :grin: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824166 Tue, 22 May 2018 22:03:49 +0000 Jennibenni 2824166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For kid 1 he did not a damn thing and I resented it big time. For kid 2 I pumped before bed and he was in charge of the first wake up and also in charge of kid 1 if he woke up. Now DS2 is on formula and is going through a terrible sleep regression and we just take turns with all wake ups no matter which kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ebf-moms-how-does-so-contribute-in-motn#post-2824164 Tue, 22 May 2018 21:49:08 +0000 peaches1038 2824164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did the same as @jape14 until DS went to 2 feedings and then I just did it. But DH still handled any non-feeding wake ups </p>