https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 11:04:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-701347 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 08:07:22 +0000 regberadaisy 701347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Happy to see that some of us have actually thought and planned for this already. The time to think about this is when they ARE lucid and in good health. Not when things are bad and everyone is stressed out. My mom is turning 60 next year so she's not old &amp; fragile by any means nor are my ILs. But we just like to plan ahead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-695085 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 17:19:46 +0000 deerylou 695085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Despite having had a heart attack four years ago, my dad is in pretty good shape. My mom has some bone troubles, but is also quite active and healthy. We don't anticipate any major decline in health with my parents, or DH's parents in the near future.</p> <p>My parents have always been adamant about placing them in a home if they are ever unable to take care of themselves, and the other isn't able to provide adequate care. They're terrified about becoming a burden. I'll hear none of it. It is my dream to own a home with an in-law cottage in back that they can move into as soon as my mom decides to retire (she's so stubborn, and loves to work-work-work). </p> <p>My DH is one of six siblings, so I'm sure we will be able to care for his parents as a team, if that ever comes up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-695053 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 17:03:01 +0000 banana 695053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our parents (either side) will live with us. No question about it. We decided we would not send them to a nursing home or have them live alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-695051 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 17:00:45 +0000 KissMeCait 695051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've already told my parents that if/when the time comes that they can no longer care for themselves, they'll move in with us. It was actually my husband who first brought it up which I think is pretty great. I'd certainly never extend that invitation to his parents but he has enough siblings to pick up the slack. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694996 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 16:29:40 +0000 MamaJ 694996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well I'm an only child and my parents are deceased but we did take care of my dad when he was in hospice with cancer. Not sure what will happen with my ILs because they have three kids and we leave farthest away ( only 30 mins). But they aren't even 50 yet so it's a ways away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694949 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 16:02:34 +0000 MrsH 694949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is in her fifties so we aren't there yet but we would be happy if she lived with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694513 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 13:41:01 +0000 VanillaBean 694513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I had this conversation already. We know for sure that we would be the ones to take care of his parents since he is their only son and that is the expectation. His father is 70 but no way near retirement yet, refuses to retire. And his mom is in her mid-60s, still very healthy and volunteers her time daily at a Buddhist temple. Our plan is to have them come live with us when the time comes and they are unable to take care of themselves. I think we still have a good 10 years before that will happen since both of them are in good health and are very independent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694338 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:54:54 +0000 prettylizy 694338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't see either of our parents ever moving in with us, though we would take them in if it were the right fit. My #1 priority would be their well being and I have a feeling that at some point that is going to involve assisted living followed by long term care. All of our parents are fine with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694331 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:51:52 +0000 honeybear 694331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're going to do what we can to keep them out of a nursing facility. It will probably mean we make extended visits to the ones who are further away, and maybe even live with them for a while. I know at least two of them would never agree to a nursing facility, and I will do everything I can to honor their wishes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694320 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:49:29 +0000 Alivoo01 694320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In laws currently live with the hubby's older brother so that's taken care of. If my parents need assistance, we'd move them in with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694270 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:31:40 +0000 Weagle 694270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are still very young and active, so we shouldn't need to make plans for them for a while. DH's parents aren't in the best health, and they're older. We've talked about it a little with DH's sister, and I think they're operating under the assumption that we'll move back home... Which is not part of our plan at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694211 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:10:28 +0000 jetsa 694211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrstiz: yes! I was sitting here thinking, I must be really young compared to everyone else. I know our parents had us early but still.</p> <p>My husband and I have discussed this but we haven't talked to our parents about it. We know that neither set will ever retire without our help but I do not know what we'll do. Our parents just turned 50 though so we have plenty of time. My parents still have 2 in highschool, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694205 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:08:03 +0000 MrsTiz 694205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This makes me so glad all of our parents are 49-51 years old! </p> <p>If they needed us to, we would probably move and have whoever needed to just come live with us. Luckily, my sister and DH's sister live in town so it would be split between 3 families. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694195 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:03:23 +0000 mediagirl 694195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both of our sets of parents have long term care decisions made already. They do not involve us (thank the lord). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694182 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:57:18 +0000 tysonja 694182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>our parents are still very active and just shy of 60, so it will be a while yet, but we are open to either my parents or inlaws living with us one day. dh is caucasian and says that his parents will probably not want to, but my parents are asian and may want to one day. i have one brother, and he has 2 other siblings. </p> <p>i'm watching my mom and dad deal with helping their parents (my elderly grandparents) with their illnesses and living situations right now, and even though each of their familes have 5+ siblings, it's still difficult at times, and everyone has to help out. this is one BIG reason why dh and i are planning to have at least 4 kids! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694175 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:55:17 +0000 lovehoneybee 694175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't talked about it with them yet, but after MIL or FIL dies he wants to move the surviving spouse in with us rather than have them live in a home alone, and wants to extend the offer to my mother as well (she doesn't like the cold, though, so she might go half a year here half a year with my brothers. Maybe.)</p> <p>It stemmed from our last visit with his grandmother...she's been in a home for 25 years now. Her husband passed away 5 years ago, and she's watching her friends there die one by one, and he doesn't want his parents to have to go through that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694166 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:51:23 +0000 mamabolt 694166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmmm, I don't know what will end up happening. My parents are only just turning 60 so we have a while before we have to worry about it. Both of their mothers have lived in an assisted living/retirement community so I think they'd be open to that option if there was a need, but we are still a ways off from that. My brother lives in our hometown still and my sister is only an hour away so they also will be able to help out and keep an eye on things as long as my parents are still living there.</p> <p>My MIL lives on her own now and is mostly self sufficient, but as she ages I do worry about her since she is 4 hours away from us and DH is her only child. We already have to help out with bigger things around her house a few times a year and I know it will only increase. I'm hoping she will be open to moving into a retirement/assisted living community closer to us down the road, but as long as she's comfortable on her own we aren't worrying about it. I'd lose my mind if she lived with us, and we don't have the space, so that's definitely off the table. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694095 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:27:12 +0000 ChitownRo 694095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: yah, there won't be a good solution. luckily one of my sisters still lives in our hometown. </p> <p>it's interesting to hear what others are thinking/planning </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694081 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:24:16 +0000 regberadaisy 694081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarbear: hahaha that does sound like a great plan tho! </p> <p>@ChitownRo: that is so hard. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694075 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:22:22 +0000 ChitownRo 694075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sadly an ongoing discussion and stressor for us. My mom is young (56yo) but has a chronic illness (fevers of unknown origin) that has impacted her cognition. She basically has early dementia now - my dad couldn't deal and they separated this year. For now I feel like it is safe for my mom to live alone, and am hoping we can eek out a few more years. I live 3 hours away from her and we could never live back in my hometown for career reasons. Since I am a nurse, I want to be able to care for her, but there are so many complicating factors. We are just starting our family, buying a condo, etc. We don't have space for my mom yet... and even when we do, obviously this will be a lot to ask of my DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694068 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:20:43 +0000 oliviaoblivia 694068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>FIL is 88 and has a live in caregiver. That woman is a saint because he can be quite ornery.<br /> MIL is on her own.<br /> My parents are welcome in our house until the point they need nursing care and then we will reevaluate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694063 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:19:36 +0000 GrapeCrush 694063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my mom has 3 kids...she said she's going to live with each of us 4 months out of the year....yet she's the only one that has agreed to this plan! haha<br /> we haven't talked about it with any of the parents though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694047 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:15:11 +0000 Anagram 694047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: nope! White american. DH is south asian though. But in this regard, we are totally on the same page. I've never had a grandparent,great aunt/uncle or anyone in my family live in a nursing home, and I just wouldn't want that for my mom anyway (my dad already passed away from cancer). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694033 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:11:30 +0000 regberadaisy 694033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: are you Asian, perchance?<br /> My husband is German/Irish, bless his heart, is OK with my mom living with us if it ever came to that. But man that will be tough! We are so used to running our own house and she is so used to running hers. It was a little hard the 2 months after M came! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694025 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:09:16 +0000 Anagram 694025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure what my mom's plan is, exactly--but I know she has a plan. All of my grandparents lived into their 90's and stayed at home until they died---but they did have night nurses and children nearby to check up on them during the day. </p> <p>I think my mom would like that.....but I would be fine with her moving in with us (one day--we have no space now!)</p> <p>DH's parents are immigrating to Canada this year, where his sister lives--so as long as they are both alive, I imagine they'd stay in their house and DH's sister would check up on them, with night or day nurses as needed. BUT if Dh's dad passed away much earlier, I already know that my MIL would have to live with either DH and I or his sister and her husband. She would never be able to live alone==she doesn't really drive and is much less independent here (they immigrated to the US 10 years ago). Honestly, if we had the space, my husband would love that. He's a total momma's boy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694013 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:05:51 +0000 DillonLion 694013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, we've talked about it a lot because I am an only child, so we are the only ones making decisions about my parents in their elderly years. </p> <p>We'd probably move either of his parents into our house if we needed to. My parents would probably be happier (and us as well) in a nursing home with professional health workers on staff. </p> <p>I do know that I want either set of parents as close to us as possible (either in our home or at least in the same city). My mom had to care for my ailing grandmother who lived in Florida while my mom was in Texas and it was a nightmare. My grandmother refused to move any closer, so my mom had to fly out to Florida so frequently. It was very difficult.</p> <p>Then once she passed away it was more trips out to Florida to tie up all her financial affairs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elderly-care-for-your-parentsils#post-694000 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:01:27 +0000 regberadaisy 694000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you &amp; your SO talked about care for your parents when they get older? Have you talked with them?</p> <p>We know it's a conversation we will need to have with them soon. And it will probably be met with a lot of resistance. ILs will never agree to live in help but hopefully they will agree to someone coming by daily or something like that.</p> <p>My mom has made her wishes very clear if we move her into a nursing home she will literally die. So for now she's growing old in my eldest brother's home. As is traditional in our culture. </p>