https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 20:25:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642744 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 14:23:14 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2642744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: so, my son is not in kindergarten yet, but Ive taught kindergarten for a long time and wanted to say that I think your daughter is probably going to be just fine. The incidents you described don't sound too wild or things that are reoccurring. You're right to think the difference is the expectation of focus &amp; stamina. Kinder is such a different place than pre-school. Also, Oct/Nov is a particularly hard time of year. The "honeymoon" is over, expectations are upped yet again, the curriculum becomes more complex, etc.<br /> As for what you can do, I agree with @808love: about taking to her about her general feelings about school. It may take a few tries for her to be honest, because lots of kids feel like they are supposed to say everything is good. But she hopefully will give you some insight to what's really bothering her &amp; you can go from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642472 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 10:31:19 +0000 808love 2642472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think discussing the appropriateness of consequences vs. encouraging model behavior are two different things. The consequences given are somewhat beyond control. How we influence our child's behavior is just a bit more in our control. We all know our child is a growing little human capable of some reasoning, habit formation and at a stage of learning to control their own impulses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642448 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 10:18:19 +0000 honeybear 2642448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaG: I hear you, but for a child who's being disruptive, I don't see why it would be worse to correct the problem immediately at the sacrifice of a few minutes of curriculum time for that child than to threaten with a delayed punishment, which still results in a disruption to the class. If the bad behavior happens during recess, recess will inevitably be missed--that's a consequence that's fine by me. My problem is with using the loss of recess as a generic punishment/threat for all infractions. I'll be honest about my bias here: I think children this age need more time doing their own thing (with adult supervision and gentle guidance, of course) than they need explicit instruction time. I think that balance is way off in schools. And anyway, I think that learning appropriate behavior is very important, especially at this age. </p> <p>I still don't think taking a book away as punishment for misbehavior in general is a good idea. As punishment for defacing the book or reading it to avoid doing something else? Fine. But as a generic punishment, which is what it sounds like was going on at the school, I think that's a bad idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642441 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 10:16:23 +0000 808love 2642441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: Yes, you are probably on to something there. Maybe you could encourage new friendships and relationship with teacher. Maybe roll out some pro school propaganda? And also judge whether your child is more motivated with less pressure, more seriousness, more play or what not in this individual situation. Reaffirm your love despite the negative behavior and reiterate the importance and reason for change. Offer support in different ways to help her with what she needs. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642419 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 10:08:13 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2642419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@808love: that's a good point I'm wondering how it factors. She had the same group of preschool classmates for the last two years (age 3 and 4). This is her first big time making new friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642410 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 10:03:16 +0000 808love 2642410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Did you talk to LO about it? That will give you some perspective on it and how she feels before, at the time and afterward. Maybe do some jedi mind tricks to shape her attitude toward the greater purposes of school and people there in general. You could focus on her building up even more positive feelings, respect and relationship for the teacher and see if it improves that way. Talk about how the good choice helps her friends when she chooses to behave. It helps a child to attach to their teacher and classmates and may be able to make the leap and go the extra mile to adapt. Kind of like if you really liked your boss and work environment, then you would do your best to fit in and maximize your work. Just an idea for you. LO is not having behavior issues in kinder but she did for a few weeks at the start of her 3 year old class and then again with her 4 year old class and then adjusted. I just focused on talking with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642358 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 09:18:14 +0000 T-Mom 2642358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD did not have a ton of behavior problems in school when starting elementary, but we had a ton of behavior problems at home. There are so many rules enforced at school (and she is major rule-follower) that when she got home, it was often just a meltdown over minor things. She also experienced major frustration when the entire class was docked recess time for the infractions of a few. Thankfully these kinds of things went away after 1st gr, and by 2nd and 3rd, most of the kids have figured out the "system" and how to operate in it. So it definitely gets better. Also, for my DD's 3rd grade class, there is rarely any recess time taken away.. they have a classroom economy that rewards positive behavior with class currency that they can use. I wonder if the recess thing is just a tangible thing that is commonly used to enforce behavior at a younger age (but we hated it). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642348 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 09:05:08 +0000 tinyperson 2642348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaG: that's been our experience here in Ontario. We have junior and senior kindergarten, both in the same class, all day (8:40-3), in a public school setting, and my daughter has done really well. It's play based learning with lots of outdoor time and some structure to prepare them for later grades. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642335 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 08:45:52 +0000 MamaG 2642335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: I don't fully agree with you. I take books away from my daughter all the time. And I fully support reading. But she would rather sit and read a book than brush her teeth. There are also only so many minutes in a day. If she gets herself distracted and we don't have time to do reading before bed she doesn't get the books. She gets really disappointed and views it as a punishment. But I'm not going to push bedtime to allow her to read her 15 minutes before bed if she decided that playing was more important. She's made aware of her choices.</p> <p>My girl lost 5 minutes of recess along with several classmates because they refused to listen while the teacher was trying to communicate something important. Is there really a difference between missing class time in the principal's office versus missing playtime at recess? I get they need play time. But they also need learning time. And in our school they have PE every other day, so 50% of the time they are getting doubled up on "physical activity". Sometimes PE is outside too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642331 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 08:40:43 +0000 MamaG 2642331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: I generally think it's a pretty big transition from preschool/daycare environments to Kinder. We transitioned "early" in that we did Pre-K in the public school which was really like Kinder-lite. They followed the same full day schedule, did the same activities (music, art, PE, cafeteria, recess). They did Kinder readiness activities in the classroom including phonics, centers, math, computers, etc. They worked toward Kinder expectations. It really set the stage for my daughter. She's still not there 100%, but if I look at her notes from a year ago, versus now, they are very different. I know age plays into it, but if she hadn't done the Kinder-lite style program and done pre-K at our daycare I think she'd be struggling significantly more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642318 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 08:22:47 +0000 looch 2642318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: I agree with you about removing screen time. Since I've imposed the rules, my son has been much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642316 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 08:21:20 +0000 looch 2642316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So here is what I know based on what my son reports, what we've asked the teacher and what the district policy is:</p> <p>1. The district policy reads that recess and food shall not be used as punishment or reward. To me, that means that they can't reward a kid for good behaviour with food and they can not take recess away for a child that misbehaves.</p> <p>2. During the day, the children are asked to move around quite a bit, my son reports that they do brain breaks, they move around between the rug, their tables, specials classes and partner classrooms. They have recess in the middle of the day, it's about 25 minutes, as mandated by the state.</p> <p>3. During the day, if the children have an issue, she gives them three tries to get back on track. If by the third attempt they are not complying, the language that she uses is that they will have one minute off recess because they are taking their recess at that moment. So technically, it's not taking it away completely, but they are taking it now versus later. </p> <p>If they really can't get it together, they go with an aide and sit in the partner classroom, or the hallway, or the principal's office, depending on the severity of the issue.</p> <p>Now, with my kid, he's been having situations where he's had to sit out for recess. He's told me that it's because he's shouted out in class (didn't wait to be called on) and because his group was goofing off while doing story boards. I am fine with it, he's got to learn what's appropriate and what isn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642314 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 08:19:53 +0000 honeybear 2642314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: No, I don't think that's true. I went to a very mainstream, traditional public school. My elementary classrooms had no TV/smartboard in them and the teachers used the "don't do that" (over and over) technique. No one lost recess or a book, ever, although major infractions resulted in a trip to the vice principal's office for an embarrassing talking-to and maybe a note/call home. So a couple decades ago this stuff all worked pretty brilliantly. More recently (as in, last week), I saw a teacher do the same stuff--no screen time, lots of gentle but firm correction of transgressions--in an after-school class. </p> <p>I should add that I wouldn't nix the smartboard/screen time as punishment. I'd nix them because I think they're counterproductive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642296 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 07:55:50 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2642296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: yes. It's a 1:18 ratio. </p> <p>To be fair, at daycare/preschool they only got one or two outside times but I think more free play time. They also have optional 30 minutes of outside play time in the mornings before school starts which is great. Also since I'm on leave I pick her up at 3 instead of 5:30 like preschool. So her day is much shorter and we often do outside activities after school. So I don't totally buy the fact that it's all due to short recess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642289 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 07:47:03 +0000 mediagirl 2642289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: I'm really nervous about starting K next year. M's favorite part of the day is playing outside and when they cut it down to just 20 minutes during the day, I know she is going to have a hard time with it. I'm sure we will be dealing with these same issues. :/ Sorry you're dealing with this. I really have no idea what teachers can do in public schools these days. They have a lot of kids, few resources and some of them don't even have full time TA's anymore. It's so hard for both teacher and kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642285 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 07:42:22 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2642285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: well it sounds like what you're describing isn't really traditional main stream public education. I can't exactly buck the system completely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642280 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 07:35:28 +0000 honeybear 2642280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: For stuff like talking out of turn, I'd be consistently and immediately reminding the child to please not do that, as it disrupts the class. That technique could take a lot of time to be effective, and I suspect that part of the reason that the self-defeating and manipulative punishment/reward systems are used is because the teachers feel like they don't have the time. </p> <p>And I know it's not in vogue to say it, but I think screen time is massively unhelpful when you're dealing with behavior issues, even the "interactive," "educational," or "move-along/dance along/get the wiggles out" screen time. So that would be the first thing I'd nix if I had a class with behavior problems. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642269 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 06:50:07 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2642269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: I guess my question is what's the better solution for the teacher to control the classroom behavior? Other teachers use bahvior color charts but I've read those can be very demeaning too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642264 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 06:39:11 +0000 honeybear 2642264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Losing recess and books for "bad" behavior as described above (wiggly, talking out of turn, not listening) does not seem right. For that matter, taking away a book from a child is basically never okay unless they're destroying it. It also seems to me that a treasure box and tickets is manipulative. I don't know exactly what this teacher is dealing with, and it's possible I'd change my mind if I saw it in person, but I wouldn't like those behavior-control strategies being used on my child. </p> <p>As to new behaviors as a result of K, we don't have the same school day situation to deal with, but LO's behavior hasn't changed much. He's usually easy to deal with as long as he gets enough outdoor time and sleep, although even if everything is perfect, he still argues when it's time to do something he doesn't want to do. The main issue now is that he's more likely to talk back than he was a year ago. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642232 Wed, 26 Oct 2016 01:44:43 +0000 lamariniere 2642232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So far no problems here. My son gets about 90 minutes of recess a day though, so I think that helps the kids get the wiggles out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642190 Tue, 25 Oct 2016 21:33:39 +0000 MamaG 2642190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: my girl lost 5 minutes of recess yesterday. We didn't get a note though, she owned up to it. I'm not sure when the teacher decides to write a note in our daily binder but we've received a handful so far. My kid is active and social. It's hard for her to control it. Quiet kids have an advantage 😜 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642184 Tue, 25 Oct 2016 21:14:04 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2642184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: yes. I think there are so few consequences they can use now recess is the one thing they can take away. Recess is about 20 min and I think she lost 5 minutes. </p> <p>I do know the teacher tries to encourage and reward good behavior with a treasure box when they earn 10 gold tickets. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642181 Tue, 25 Oct 2016 21:05:12 +0000 ShootingStar 2642181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: Thry took recess away from a kindergartener?! That's crazy. Kids need to get out and play and taking that away from a kid that young would be unacceptable to me. Also, it's completely illogical. She's likely acting out because she has to sit too much, so her punishment is more sitting? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642173 Tue, 25 Oct 2016 20:47:26 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2642173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaG: that's a good point. Our parent teacher conference indicated she was normal for the class and other kids having issues. I felt like the teacher (her first year and is very young) was maybe just saying that to make me feel better. We've gotten notes home and learned she lost recess and had a book taken away during rest time. So it must be bad enough for that. </p> <p>Just frustrated because we never heard issues from preschool. So I'm not sure what's changed or what to do about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642170 Tue, 25 Oct 2016 20:44:23 +0000 matador84 2642170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: Go Noodle is great to break things up I know most of our kinder morning block is literacy. So usually they do a read aloud (10-15 minutes), sight word work/phonics lesson (10-15 minutes), poetry or some other anchor chart for another 10-15 minutes. If I'm in a kinder room and I see kids sitting for more than 15 minutes without a break, they are usually going bonkers and I address it with the teacher. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642169 Tue, 25 Oct 2016 20:43:26 +0000 MamaG 2642169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: has the teacher remarked that her behavior is abnormal? We have some of the same issues on listening, speaking at appropriate times and keeping hands to ourselves. The teacher said she needs to improve but that she's in the normal range. Her behaviors aren't significantly different than most students. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642166 Tue, 25 Oct 2016 20:39:14 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2642166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@matador84: thanks I will ask. I know the teacher did mention that in the morning they sit on the carpet to watch morning announcements and then go into their longest reading lesson. So that's probably a long time and probably when she's having her biggest issues. </p> <p>I do know the teacher is using Go Noodle on the big screen tv to break things up. My daughter is really liking it. Yesterday was the first time we got a note that she missed recess. </p> <p>@MamaG: yes bahvior at home is hard too. Lots of her trying to negotiate so she can get her way. My mom said I was the same way at that age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642159 Tue, 25 Oct 2016 20:21:53 +0000 matador84 2642159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is something I've found to be so hard for our little ones in preschool/pre-K transitioning to kinder--especially if it's a full day kinder (ours is a 6 hour program with 30 minutes recess and a 40 minute lunch). </p> <p>I hope that your LO's teacher is taking lots of chunk/chew/check breaks! General rule of thumb for teachers is kids can't sit still any longer than their age--so in kinder they should be taking a quick brain break or transitioning every 5 minutes or so, especially in whole-group activities. In centers this isn't always the case since it's more independent or play-type work.</p> <p>I would ask your child's teacher how long they sit on the carpet for at a time and how often breaks are! My teachers didn't realize just how much they had kids sitting on the carpet without break until I made them reflect on a what they are doing versus what the kids are doing strategy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642156 Tue, 25 Oct 2016 20:17:08 +0000 MamaG 2642156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Behavior is a huge problem for us right now. The short time we have as a family each day is a constant power struggle with LO trying to control us at every turn. I'm emotionally drained constantly. The tantrums are suddenly bigger than ever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/elementary-behavior#post-2642041 Tue, 25 Oct 2016 15:46:15 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2642041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was hoping we could share stories and strategies about behavior in kindergarten/elementary school. It seems like its a big leap from preschool (even though we felt like that was fairly academic and full day 8-5). She's having behavior issues stemming from needing to sit and focus for lengths of time. She never had issues in preschool but maybe that was more casual and for shorter periods? </p>