https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 20 May 2026 02:35:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904724 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 17:02:44 +0000 JennyPenny 2904724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't gifted many things that really *belong* to a person like shoes or things like that. But so far if there's a toy that I think both kids will like I gift it to my younger son (my boys are 5 and 2.5) That's both because I have a harder time shopping for him since we already have a lot of things like LEGOs and cars and things but also because he doesn't do the "mine" thing yet. So I know that if I gift him a set of dinosaurs, they both will play with it happily (and we can make a big deal to DS1 about how nicely DS2 is sharing) but if we gave it to DS1 it would be all "no! you can't play with this" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904688 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 15:17:42 +0000 brownepiano 2904688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I only have two boys, not 3, but I use age as an excuse pretty often. Like "you can have a backpack when you are 5". "You can have as many stuffed animals as you are old." Or "you can get a clock when you are learning to tell time". Luckily little bro is pretty chill and willing to share. </p> <p>I've gotten little 3x3 photo books printed the last 3 years. The first year I got two of them, one for each stocking. Last year and this year I got just one and told them they could share. They griped for a bit but then got over it. It helps when it's in a stocking with a bunch of other stuff so you can say, "no but you did get...!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904676 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 14:31:30 +0000 erinbaderin 2904676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to match quantities and to some extent sizes of gifts - like, if the little guy has a big box the older guy better have a big box too - and sort of categories. For example I got them each a puzzle, and they each get a wrapped bunch of books. There’s a lot of duplicates in the stockings, though - they’re both getting water wow books, and those fingerling dinosaurs, or almost-the-same stuff - one gets a Stormtrooper mask, the other gets a Kylo Ren mask, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904674 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 14:18:22 +0000 Becky 2904674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn’t read the previous posts but wanted to chime in and say my mom stressed about this big time when we were growing up, granted my sister and I are 6 years apart so the gifts were a bit different. My sister and I literally never cared. I remember in late elementary school or middle school being like, “Mom, we both got plenty of stuff. I don’t care if she gets two pairs of earrings and I only get one.” And I know for sure I didn’t care when I was little, esp. because we usually got a bigger gift and what my mom was agonizing over was making sure she gave us the same number of socks or something else boring. </p> <p>Nowadays my mom is the one to get two of something for them (another stroller, another identical doll). DH and I refuse though and they seem to get that’s just the way it is and they’ll have to share everything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904671 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 14:06:10 +0000 Foodnerd81 2904671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m so glad I’m not alone on this! I feel like this year is a little better- last year there were a couple of gifts I asked family members for with the disclaimer- please either get one for each of them or don’t get any. DO NOT BUY ONE. I do try to match, like each gets a craft, each gets an outfit, each gets a toy... and this year all the big gifts are joint. </p> <p>Funny, I am buying gifts for two girls in foster care and they happen to be sisters- so I purposely made sure their gifts were even too. There is a recommended price point but older girls clothes are more expensive, but I was like, the last thing I want is this poor 6 year old wondering why her 4 year old sister got a top and pants AND socks while she only got a top and pants. I pictured how my girls would react and shopped accordingly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904668 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 13:43:46 +0000 caitcat 2904668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: My mother in law suggested this strategy when we found out we were having a second girl - everything identical, everything with their names on it. I laughed it off at the time, and I remember telling my husband it would be absurd to take it to that level. Fast forward three years: I spent my morning buying my two girls new pajamas in three sizes: one for each girl now, and one in a bigger size so that my oldest can still have the same ones when my youngest fits in the hand-me-down size in two years. Sigh. </p> <p>@PinkElephant: I'm gearing up to label a bunch of My Little Ponies after Christmas. My almost five year old has a set of just about every pony under the sun...and my two and a half year old asked for her duplicates own for Christmas. It's killing my husband to give this gift when we have so many already, but it's going to bring SO much peace in our house. Well, at least until we can only find one kid's pony at any given point in time, I guess! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904656 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 13:11:41 +0000 LCTBQE 2904656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: hahaha, I guess this is the dark side of girls club, don't you feel like boys just aren't focused on this in the same way? hilarious that your MIL is the fourth girl you apparently have to manage.<br /> 2. my guess is some combination of H/I, O, N/Z? I'm a typographer, letters are my business :)</p> <p>also I just remembered another thing about my neighbors: they even had to have the same haircut. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904654 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 13:08:07 +0000 PinkElephant 2904654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: The "don't get it for two if you don't get it for all three" is the part I find tricky, especially when it's a sizing issue, like something isn't made that will work for the three year old that does work for the other two, even though she might like it, too. But I agree that sticking to this rule solves the problem. Then I can also say "but your other sister didn't get it either!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904653 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 13:06:31 +0000 PinkElephant 2904653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: So. Much. Solidarity. You and I are on the same page on everything you posted. We have 3 baby doll strollers and 3 cribs, and I know that my girls would love to have another 3 strollers for exclusive outdoor use (we have one now, and it causes fights). Like you, I used to try really hard to "match" gifts/categories, thinking they'd open them together, but I realized it became problematic because the kids didn't always open things in the way/order or at the pace I expected, and I didn't want to micromanage Christmas morning, so I've stopped that a little bit...although I do try to make sure, for example, that if one kid got something cozy to wear, so did the others. I've tried putting special toys in rooms, but they don't really play upstairs, so that tends to be reserved for collectibles/jewelry....and yes - anything in the playroom that isn't specifically tucked away out of reach of younger siblings is fair game.</p> <p>@Twolittlemen: Totally! I'm all about group gifts when appropriate, and encourage my family to do this for the girls to cut down on volume. Your point about expectations is really valid (and probably at the core of why I started this discussion). In day to day life I tell my kids that fair treatment of them as siblings means they all get what they need - one might have expensive shoes/leotards for her dance team; one might get a private math tutor - but not always the same things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904648 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 13:00:12 +0000 PinkElephant 2904648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: Some things like that track set I just secretly acknowledge that DD2 or DD3 will play with while their older sister(s) are in school. :wink: I definitely ask my family to gift big "set" items (like Magformers, a marble maze, loose LEGOS, a big Our Generation doll set, like a school) to the girls as a group to avoid arguments and duplicates/triplicates. Does your girl have any of the Shopkins "Cutie Cars"? They're really cute and get more play than our standard Matchbox cars as my girls get older and girlier - maybe she'd like a few, then would leave big brother's track alone when the cars don't really work on it!</p> <p>@LCTBQE: Haha this lady knew what she was doing! We monogram lots of things, for sure! At one point we had two full sets of My Little Ponies with initals on the hooves - unfortunately I've had to substitute another letter from DD2's nickname for initials when I realized that DD1's first initial looks the same as DD2's rotated 90 degrees (there's a brain teaser for you). Luckily my girls have different favorite color, but even that presents a problem when someone's fave isn't available - trying to find three similar things in three acceptable color palates isn't always possible, so I sometimes do default to identical. MIL doesn't like to duplicate and feels like the kids "own" their favorite colors, and I know that whatever she got them for Christmas didn't have a good color option for DD2, and she refused to duplicate or swap favorite colors around to make sure everyone got at least their second favorite. ARGH.</p> <p>@charm55: My kids definitely don't "get" value. I'd feel the same as you, but I think in a child's eyes, the gifts you are giving your daughters are pretty identical, unless one of them is getting a significantly better accessory pack. And sidenote - after a wild goose chase a few days before Christmas for a specific AG item last year, I now hide the AG catalogs! :) :) :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904642 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 12:52:13 +0000 graceandjoy 2904642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m so there with you; I’m excited that our 3rd is a boy now 😂 I have 5 and 3 year old girls. I def don’t feel guilty spending different amount im gifts; their birthdays are also in Dec, so they have a wishlist going that contains both what they want and what I want for them and I just kind of break it all up. For example, DD1 got an expensive kid knife set, plus Osmo for her birthday. Meanwhile DD2’s gifts are much cheaper, BUT it’s what she asked for! </p> <p>Anyway, I think I buy dup’s if it’s cheap items too. DD1 just recently got jealous bc I ordered new clothes for DD2 but not her. I explained why and just let her be; I’m sorry I’m not adding to your already full closet just for you to feel included! </p> <p>But last year for Christmas I bought 2 doll strollers for them and 2 shopping carts, knowing they would fight over this stuff like crazy and they were cheap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904634 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 12:45:06 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2904634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine are 5,3,1 but boy, girl, boy. So some interests are different, but a lot of stuff my oldest wants, my daughter will default to wanting. </p> <p>Like he asked for a hot wheels track so she did too but she will never play with that! Ha. Some things I get two of (usually their stockings are fairly similar.. like all getting hats, flip shirts, undies, etc) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904627 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 12:34:50 +0000 LCTBQE 2904627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: I grew up next door to two sisters, 2-year age gap, who fought incessantly over stuff--their mom's solution was that they had identical EVERYTHING with their names on each item. beach towels, backpacks, folders, underwear. She used to buy the stuff even in the same exact color. So funny. Not suggesting this, but thought it would make you feel better ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904621 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 11:57:01 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2904621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Considering I purchased both my 5yo and my 15.month.old matching kids Fire tablets on Black Friday, I’m clearly struggling with this as well :silly: I also considered buying 2 doll strollers as the one we have is technically for the older one for Xmas but thought no way I want 2 strollers hanging around, what am I thinking.</p> <p>There’s a couple things I ‘matched’ like my oldest is getting a writing board thing for letter practice so the little guy is getting the toddler crayola light up one like that. Older is getting LEGO, little is getting bristle blocks. We have an issue with cars in our house but luckily we have so many they just get passed around to all.</p> <p>My hope is that they will both be excited with their things on Christmas morning to not fight over it, then the stuff will all join the mish mash for everyone later on. My younger acts SO MUCH older than he is so I find that makes it super hard, which is probably like your little too. Our rule is any toys in the playroom are for everyone, in their rooms are for special things for them only but even that has a limit. </p> <p>All to say, solidarity! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904617 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 11:47:42 +0000 charm55 2904617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have 2 girls and go through the same thing...they each get their own individual "bigger" gift/s that they ask for...but the smaller items, I do sometimes find myself buying 2 because I think they really would both like them. I try and individualize their stocking stuffers as much as possible. </p> <p>I more struggle with feeling like I need to spend the same amount on each child. For example: Dd1 (6) asked for an AG doll car and an AG doll to go with it. My Dd2 (4) asked for a bitty baby and double stroller. Dd1's gifts were more $$ than Dd2. So I feel like I need to buy DD2 more to make up for it. But then it looks like DD2 got a lot more in quantity than Dd1. IT'S A VICIOUS CYCLE!!! That I am trying really hard to break by realizing my kids don't know what things cost anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904614 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 11:42:19 +0000 Twolittlemen 2904614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids are both boys, 9 &amp; 7, 21 months apart, one grade apart. But I don't generally do duplicates. Except with things they need two of- bikes, watches. </p> <p>They've been sharing one ipad for the past three years AND I KNOW I'm in the minority there. </p> <p>I would probably get the three year old a bracelet instead of a watch. And I wouldn't buy her slippers if she doesn't like them. I think the more you do that kind of thing the more they expect it as they get older. My youngest son loves flipflops and gets a new pair every summer. My older son only wears sneakers, so he gets NOTHING. He doesn't get a new pair of sneakers (unless he just happens to NEED them), he gets NOTHING. </p> <p>And I have no problem labeling gifts them would both like with both of their names. Last year they got a fort builder set, pogo stick, and stilts labeled with both their names. We've always done that so they are used to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904598 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 10:59:46 +0000 bhbee 2904598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is tough to have 3 girls close together! We get off easy because my middle is a boy and the girls are 6.5 years apart. Definitely still some overlap in interest for the older two but not as much especially as they get older. I have a bad feeling the baby will be acting 6.5 years older by the time she’s 3 ...</p> <p>Anyway I guess I pick my battles. If it’s something they could genuinely all enjoy I go for it (watch might be a good example of that as the 3yo probably likes to feel older). I got two mini Spirographs as stocking stuffers because they could both use at once. My MIL used to always buy 2-3 of everything and it was so wasteful it drove me insane because it was all junk anyway. I guess my best thought is aim for roughly equal number over exact gifts and try to avoid getting any 2 the same gift if it doesn’t make sense for the third. I also only let the kids ask for a couple gifts so if they wanted to ask for something the other was getting they’d have to drop something else they wanted - so at least they think about it. Of course 3yo may not get that idea yet. We let the older kids pick gifts for each other at five below and my 4yo struggles to not pick for himself! </p> <p>At the end of the day though I want Christmas to be super fun for them so I’d probably give in to whatever worked to keep the peace! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/equality-in-gifting-what-do-you-do#post-2904586 Thu, 05 Dec 2019 10:30:56 +0000 PinkElephant 2904586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As my three girls (now 7, 5, and 3) get older, I find myself struggling more and more with giving them Christmas gifts catered to their own interests without jealousy arising. I feel pretty okay about honoring specific big, different requests for each girl (a special LEGO set or doll), telling them they each had the opportunity to ask for the special thing they wanted, but i keep feeling trapped into buying three of a lot of smaller things... as an example, my oldest wants a cheapie LED watch that looks like an Apple Watch from Justice- when I showed it to my five year old and suggested we pick one as a gift for the seven year old, she immediately said she’d like one, too. At $5-$7, fine...not a huge big deal - but then I know the three year old, who can’t tell time, will feel left out..so do I get her one as well? And for St. Nicholas day, I got sequin slipper socks for the big girls that don’t come nearly small enough for my three year old (who has also rejected every pair of slippers I brought home for her this fall..) I feel like this is a hissy fit waiting to happen, but might be a good “test run” to assure myself that I don’t have to get everyone everything this year! When it comes down to it, it just feels greedy and wasteful - ie., they all play with all the LOLs anyway, so do they all really need to open a full set at once?!?</p> <p>I know they eventually just need to learn to deal, but I also don’t want ugly crying on a Christmas morning. </p> <p>I’m sure I can’t be the only one who struggles a bit with this - wondering how others handle it (and how they address it with the kids!) </p>