https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 05:12:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901239 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 14:16:43 +0000 periwinklebee 2901239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetCaroline: @Tionn3: Thank you both! Having DH take DS to the playground on weekends has traditionally been a winning strategy, but lately we've been having bad luck with the weather (lots of pouring rain) and it's only going to get worse as winter approaches. So I think finding some good indoor spots will be helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901236 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 14:02:46 +0000 Tionn3 2901236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are having this problem (maybe to a lesser degree, it's mostly about being held by Daddy) with our 20 month old DS( 21 months on Monday), except it's a daddy preference. It's been going on since he learned to walk at 10.5 months old. Our household is a shit show some weeks. We do the best we can, and I know DH resents me sometimes, no matter how hard I try to take up the extra slack of parenting and household tasks. So I guess I'm speaking from the other side. It sucks in a different way. </p> <p>My advice is to make one weekend day a week a split day where you trade off taking care of LO while the other takes time off to do some quality me time or to get things done. On weekdays, if my DH needs to do something in the house unimpeded by DS, I will take DS to the park, or run errands with him (which he enjoys). Keep the lines of communication open and don't be afraid to say "Hey I need you to take DS out of the house for like 4 hours while I do some stuff". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901226 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 12:31:20 +0000 SweetCaroline 2901226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I haven't read everything in great detail, but can daddy take him outside to play to give you a break? That allows me to either rest or get $h*t done around the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901218 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 11:13:19 +0000 periwinklebee 2901218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all, super helpful!!! I do travel sometimes for work (though fortunately done with that now until post-maternity leave). So DH knows he can handle LO on his own for an extended period, and LO generally will have a great time with him, except when he's reminded by something of the fact that mama exists but is not around 😂 </p> <p>I really like the idea of establishing "these are the things that daddy does, it's okay if you don't like it but this is how i t's going to be," exactly as @cake2017: says. And lay down the law RE I'm doing X on my own now unless someone needs to go to the ER (love it @bhbee: !) The line between picking your battles and letting your toddler run the household can feel really fine, ugh... </p> <p>I also agree that it's easiest for everyone if I can leave the house, just slightly annoying when what I need a break to do is stuff around the house or what I really need is just ten minutes to relax and not an extended break.... Much of our house is unusable now due to some much needed renovations, hopefully it will get easier to hide when they are done (if that ever happens!) </p> <p>@pachamama: I've wondered how much he senses some sort of change coming, versus it just being bad timing. He doesn't really show any signs of understanding when I've tried to explain there's a baby in my tummy, but who knows, I've definitely realized ex post that sometimes he understands more than I give him credit for. I am completely expecting the 9 months of difficulty (minimum, hah!) once the baby is here... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901196 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 05:21:49 +0000 pachamama 2901196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think he probably understands you're having a baby very soon too and knows you're not going to be his one and only. My son was 3 but he got really difficult the last month of my pregnancy (and for 9 months after, ha!). Once you have the baby, you will definitely need your space from DS1... it's very hard to manage 2 little kids so the more he can do on his own or with daddy, the better... for everyone! This coming from someone with a clingy, not-independent 3 year old who made life with a newborn literally almost impossible (not his fault, just the way little ones are with a new baby at home). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901194 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 04:55:37 +0000 caitcat 2901194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cake2017: These sorts of things have worked wonders for us too! </p> <p>I still find it easiest if I just leave the house (or hide in the basement!) so the kids don't even think I'm around...but that's not always realistic. Giving those kinds of options and drawings boundaries about who is available and when has really helped my girls see that mom and dad are on the same page. My 4.5 year old has gotten SO much easier about this. My 2.5 year old is still totally mommy-obsessed and it's more of a struggle. </p> <p>Another thing we've started is that I'll have special "mommy time" with each girl a few times a week. You'd think that being home with them all day would count for something (haha!)...but this designated one-on-one time that we label and make "special" has been big for filling some of their mommy-neediness. Each girl has their own special time (while the other hangs out with dad or plays independently), we set a timer for 15 minutes and they get to call all the shots on what we do. It's always funny to me to see what they pick, because it's usually so simple - but it's helped a lot to label it as special time and let them know they're in charge of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901187 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 23:43:08 +0000 LCTBQE 2901187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I will write you more about this later, but i have empathy. in our house it’s BAD and it’s a daddy preference, so I can speak to the other side. Xx </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901185 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 23:17:59 +0000 bhbee 2901185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cake2017: gave great advice in general - also just wanted to say I feel you on the dh part and “well he just wants mama” - soooo been there and honestly we’ve never had parental balance but I think really set roles help. So if you’ve already chosen Daddy does x y and z, then there’s no passing those off because kid is upset, figure it out. When I need time for myself I definitely find it helpful for someone to leave the house or at least set boundaries ... you are on duty until 3pm unless we need to go to the emergency room. So instead of the slide into kid is upset, gets more and more upset, eventually Mama called in, they have to figure it out. Much easier if someone leaves :happy: </p> <p>I hope it all improves. My oldest is my biggest clinger (even though she’s not my cuddliest which is funny!) and it definitely gets better over time but like sleep training or something it can use your help too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901184 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 23:12:25 +0000 DesertDreams88 2901184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like others have said, I think some mandatory daddy time without you around. During the school year, my kids spend 3-5pm solo with Dad Mon-Fri without me usually and they love him as a result - and the preference only shows in the school year so I imagine it's because of that solo time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901180 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 22:41:54 +0000 cake2017 2901180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I believe he’s dictating and it can be broken. My two year old does this sometimes and we caught on and did the opposite of what he wanted with explanation.</p> <p>I would go away for the day and DH do everything. </p> <p>I’d also not tolerate the behavior when trying to use the bathroom etc. Bedtime can be taken over by DH also. It’s okay for him to cry but he has to understand that you two are the parents and you two decide not him. </p> <p>With my lo we would say i see you’re upset and that’s okay but daddy will read and put you to bed tonight. Would you like daddy or no reading and go night night....? </p> <p>We gave options that didn’t include me or his demanding wish.</p> <p>You’re about to have another baby so you need to be able to move and breath. </p> <p>Hope this helps and good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901177 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 21:28:01 +0000 Sams Mom 2901177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Would your husband be willing to take him for an entire day and MAYBE a night? My son has flipped back and forth on who can do what for him, and would scream and cry anytime it wasn't the "right" parent. I do think some of the accepting/getting over it has come with him realizes Mommy works days and Daddy works nights so he just has to accept whoever's there and not be picky. I don't know if that would help though either. </p> <p>I'm sorry, I remember my son's Mommy only preference for a few months and I was at my wit's end. Like he would literally come find me at my sewing table to ask for a snack... Even though Daddy was sitting on the couch next to him. Or pre potty training, he wouldn't let dad change his poopy diaper. The list could go forever. </p> <p>Hopefully it's just an long phase that's coming to an end. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901174 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 21:23:13 +0000 Jess1483 2901174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt like this with DS1 around this age (and with DS2’s arrival imminent). Then I got norovirus and quarantined myself for 24 hours. It was the first time my husband had to do absolutely everything with no way to hand responsibility back. It was a game-changer both for his confidence and for DS1 to get over the hump. I’m not suggesting norovirus :wink: but maybe a night in a hotel or a quick getaway with a friend? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901169 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 20:34:08 +0000 periwinklebee 2901169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm hoping for some insight from the hive on this one, as I'm really unsure of the best approach. </p> <p>My son (21 months) has always had some degree of separation anxiety and mommy preference. He always clings and often cries at daycare drop off, well over a year in (no other kids in his class still do), but we've at least seen some improvements. But his mama preference at home has been growing by the day for months, and has seemed to reach peak levels. </p> <p>He must always be in the same room as me (playing with daddy will not do), and if I need to run and pee or something, it seems to lead to genuine freak out that mama's going to disappear. He doesn't want daddy to give him the cracker, or carry him upstairs, or read him the book, etc..Hysteria results if daddy goes to get him from his crib when he wakes up or tries to be too involved in bedtime. And the list goes on and on. </p> <p>My husband is very good with him - and he'll have great fun with him as long as mama is there and engaged too - but getting a break can feel impossible. Sometimes DH is really, really trying. Other times I feel like it makes me a bit resentful because DH would rather be doing something that I would like to do, but rarely get to do because of DS's preferences, like taking a nap or just getting a brief break. And so it's very convenient for him that DS just wants mama, and he shrugs his shoulders and says "but he's so upset, he only wants mama". And it makes the parental balance worse. We're expecting LO2 in December, and it's hard to see how this state of affairs can mesh well with that either. </p> <p>In previous posts, people often say that clinginess/parental preference is a phase and you just have to ride it out, as resisting will just make them more hysterical (which seems true). On the other hand, it feels like DS is a little dictator demanding everything must be mama (by giving in, am I conditioning him to be entitled?), it's really exhausting for me, and complicates our efforts at co-parenting, which is ultimately important for my relationship with DH. So I'm not sure what to do - when to just ride with it and hope he outgrows it soon, versus more actively trying to enforce that daddy will do certain things, whether he likes it or not.... </p>