https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 03:33:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912787 Tue, 24 Mar 2020 18:58:36 +0000 Orange Lily 2912787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JCCovi: I'm not in CA, so hadn't seen this advice. As much as I am trying to socially responsible, it's just him, me and our daughter so not very much household mixing even if we do exchange. It's not like we have new spouses and step kids in the mix also. I see that in the UK they specifically are allowing children to visit separated parents, so everyone is trying to find the right balance of reducing transmission but supporting families. <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-52018136" rel="nofollow">https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-52018136</a></p> <p>@moonmoon: 100% custody would be really tricky for me right now, as I'm trying to work at home and she is 3, so wouldn't be my top choice. And despite all the shit that I talk about him, overall I know the best thing is for her to have a relationship with her dad including spending some time with him.</p> <p>Thank you all for your feedback and support. He definitely didn't admit the errors of his ways when I confronted him, but maybe it will slowly sink in over time. (And confrontation probably isn't the most effective strategy for me to use, so lesson learned for me.) None of us have done this before! I think my frustration is about how I am still dependent on him in certain ways despite the separation, and it's so frustrating to not be able to trust him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912786 Tue, 24 Mar 2020 18:51:03 +0000 Orange Lily 2912786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina @helloperidot: The thing is, he is very closed minded to any "expert" advice, and really at this point, closed down to almost anything that I tell him. I'm pretty sure that me trying to convince him that this is serious will have the opposite effect, because then it becomes a debate in his mind between the two of us that he wants to win. I mean, he doesn't listen to anything the doctor or dentist recommends because in his mind they are just saying things in order to make more money and can't be trusted, to which I respond, then who do you listen to for advice on your teeth if not the expert whom you have paid for their opinion and who has completed years of schooling??? (Somehow this aspect of his personality was not visible to me before we got married 11 years ago...) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912784 Tue, 24 Mar 2020 18:47:04 +0000 Orange Lily 2912784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SteelerGirl: You are totally right that two spouses don't necessarily agree on this issue, let alone two ex-spouses. I think that realization actually helped me move forward with the separation (long before all this happened of course!). For so long I felt like at least if I were there, I could have more control over what was happening to my daughter and try to control his behavior. But it turns out you can't control your spouse--and probably shouldn't want to in a healthy relationship--so it felt more freeing to go ahead and separate, acknowledging that we were always going to have different opinions about this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912783 Tue, 24 Mar 2020 18:44:42 +0000 Orange Lily 2912783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: Thanks for the hug and support. It is really strange territory and amplifies certain strains in co-parenting, for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912773 Tue, 24 Mar 2020 14:30:09 +0000 MoonMoon 2912773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. People's behavior is baffling to me. This must be beyond frustrating to you. If your ex were amenable, would keeping your daughter with you 100% of the time for a few weeks be possible for you? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912770 Tue, 24 Mar 2020 13:03:32 +0000 JCCovi 2912770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are you in CA? Our county in the Bay Area just asked people to stop sharing custody for the time being. I can’t believe it’s at that point but it might be worth bringing into the conversation. ‘’If there’s a chance you or I might not be able to see the kids, don’t you think we need to aggressively follow the rules to prevent it getting to that point?’’ </p> [attach=5112/20/q7pm5w.337x600.438DF54A-9FFE-41E0-BD39-5EAC9CCEA580.png] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912768 Tue, 24 Mar 2020 12:06:58 +0000 helloperidot 2912768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: piggybacking on this, and not to cause general panic, but a 12yo is on a respirator fighting for her life, and a six year old in Iran died from COVID yesterday. We can't just sit here and think everyone is immune. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912767 Tue, 24 Mar 2020 11:35:58 +0000 josina 2912767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My step-daughter's mom apparently said in OUR house last week she thinks it's all a hoax. I was irate to hear that she's not taking it seriously while we're watching her other daughter 5 days a week. I shared a post on facebook about how even younger people are getting very sick and basically said if you're not taking it seriously to stay away from me and my family. I'm assuming she read it because this week her tone has changed.</p> <p>My DH has struggled with what to cut out as well as he is in an archery league twice a week with around 10 people. He's been taking extra precautions but finally this week decided not to go altogether.</p> <p>Maybe you can share some of those posts about how our age group is also being severely affected by this illness? I've read a few this week about healthy people in their 30's. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912765 Tue, 24 Mar 2020 09:49:45 +0000 SteelerGirl 2912765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I also don't agree 100% on how to handle this. So this problem is not exclusive to ex-partners. At first I also felt my spouse was being selfish and irresponsible. But I have since shifted my attitude. There is no handbook for this. Even different states have issued different orders. No one has reached a consensus on the right level of interaction with others. We all have to go to the grocery store and that requires some interaction with others. You and your ex fall on different places on the spectrum. But it's not necessarily out of selfishness. </p> <p>That being said, a dinner party is for sure against recommended orders for every single state. So maybe focus on bringing him just a little closer to your place on the spectrum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912764 Tue, 24 Mar 2020 09:36:26 +0000 Corduroy 2912764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Orange Lily: I'm sorry. This situation is certainly testing a lot of co-parenting agreements and puts everyone in uncharted territory even when everyone is behaving reasonably. I don't have any advice but I wanted to send a hug. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912749 Mon, 23 Mar 2020 20:28:13 +0000 Orange Lily 2912749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ex-spouse and I just separated (like, last week) and are sharing parenting time about 50/50. He just had my 3YO daughter FaceTime me and I can hear all his friends chatting in the background. I fucking lost it! We are on a statewide lockdown, and of course all he can think about is himself. I'm dealing with all the stress of this lockdown with DD's preschool closed, so I can only work part time, so I can only make half my usual salary, and am dealing with the personal losses of being isolated from friends and family. My parents live down the street from me and I am not even taking DD over to see them to avoid exposing them, and I definitely can't take the risk if I know that he is exposing her to so many germs. And he is having a dinner party???</p> <p>This probably falls under the category of things you can't control when you are separated from your child's parent (or together with them, for that matter), but it is maddening that he is playing with her health and mine, and being such an irresponsible jackass. Of course, these are many of the reasons that I wanted to separate from him in the first place, particularly his utter lack of empathy or responsibility beyond the tip of his own nose. Thank goodness I moved out and I can ride out the lockdown in my own apartment. With no childcare though, I do really need him to watch her for half of the week, even if he is exposing her to germs. </p>