https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 27 Jun 2026 23:24:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717254 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 19:20:41 +0000 luckypenny 1717254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: I forgot to add I never noticed my mother being older. I think if circumstances with my father were different I really wouldn't have minded. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717250 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 19:12:32 +0000 MrsSCB 1717250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom was 42 when she had me and 45 when she had my sister. Honestly, I didn't ever really think about or notice that my mom was "older." She just seems the same as other moms! She's going to be 70 this year and I really can't believe it because she seems so much younger than that. Obviously barring any unforeseen health problems, I do think that age really is "just a number." Oh, and my dad is ten years younger, so they are similar to you and your H (but opposite, haha). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717238 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 18:52:08 +0000 cheesetomywhine 1717238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daddy was 60 when I was born. I didn't mind having an older father. He still went to the play ground with us and played. Unfortunately at 70 he did become very sick, but it was an immune disorder and blood clots which could happen at any age. After that he couldn't really chase us but he still participated and I think that I had a great dad despite his age. He passed when I was twelve so I cannot comment on effects as I grew older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717232 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 18:50:04 +0000 MoonMoon 1717232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: oh wow, I'm so sorry to read about your sister's diagnosis. I had heard about autism being linked to older fathers, but not schizophrenia. Definitely something to consider. Thank you for the article.</p> <p>@luckypenny: I think this is what DH fears, and I see it too, from your perspective as the child, and your sister's. :(</p> <p>One thing is becoming clear for me for sure-I always thought 3-4+ years was the ideal spacing b/t children, but if we do decide to have another, I'll act sooner than that... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717224 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 18:43:42 +0000 Greentea 1717224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: omg I am glad I read this. My mom actually remarried and had a baby at 42. Her husband was 52!!!! He is an awesome dad, he hikes with my half sister every day and they fish and hunt and are really active and close. He was retired so she got tons of attention. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717211 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 18:34:27 +0000 luckypenny 1717211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad was 51 and my mom was 40 when I was born. I have mixed feelings. On one hand, they were already well-established and able to take us on several nice vacations a year, send us to the best private schools and since they were retired, spend a lot of time with us. On the other, my father was markedly older. He couldn't play with us, couldn't pick is up (had a bad back) and now in my mid twenties I'm dealing with his Alzheimer's diagnosis. He was still somewhat lucid for my wedding but unfortunately when my 26 year old sister gets married, he won't know who she is or what's going on. I wish my children got the chance to know him :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717210 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 18:33:07 +0000 Anagram 1717210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oh, here's the article <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/27/health/mental-illness-risk-higher-for-children-of-older-parents-study-finds.html?_r=0" rel="nofollow">http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/27/health/mental-illness-risk-higher-for-children-of-older-parents-study-finds.html?_r=0</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717208 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 18:32:32 +0000 Anagram 1717208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: well, your question is a hard one for me. My parents were 36 when they had me and 41 when they had my little sister. Growing up, as PPs have said, I don't think my little sister ever thought of them as "older". Both of my parents were extremely fit, active, took care of their health, etc.</p> <p>However, my dad got cancer at 55 and passed away at 57. Of course, cancer can happen at any age, but heart disease related issues and cancer (the two leading causes of death in adults) increase exponentially as you get older.</p> <p>And then... my little sister has schizophrenia. No close family has ever had it (no first degree relatives anyway) but after she was diagnosed, one of her doctors did tell us that there is research showing that schizophrenia is more common in children of older fathers. My little sister is the youngest of 6 and none of the rest of us have any mental illnesses--no history of depression, bipolar, anything. As this article states, MOST children of older fathers will be okay---but the risk is higher.</p> <p>My mom, who is now 69, just retired two weeks ago. She is still super fit and active and gets around better than my MIL, who is 9 years younger. She goes to the gym 5 times a week and rides horses, and has a lot on her plate in caring for my sister, who will probably never be able to live independently.</p> <p>Just because of my own family experience (and working with my not-so-great genetic history), I want to be done having kids by 36--and I am 34 now. I'd just rather keep the risks lower since I've seen the toll my sister's illness has taken on my mom.</p> <p>Sorry this response was long---if I were you though, I'd be torn. If I wanted more children, I'm the type of person who would probably take the risk that they will be okay. =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717183 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 18:13:09 +0000 MoonMoon 1717183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pancakes: hadn't seen that article-I'm working through it now, will pass on to DH. Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717176 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 18:10:39 +0000 MoonMoon 1717176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh wow, thank you for your responses, everyone! There are some really interesting insights here, I wanted to hear this perspective of grown adults whose parents were 40 or older when they were born-sounds like there are lots of positives, but also some negatives to keep in mind.</p> <p>@yoursilverlining: I was a little unclear on that too-I think my DH perceives retirement as a time of fixed/limited income, and therefore as having less than during working years. We're both in higher ed, so we definitely aren't going to be super rich, but hopefully secure.</p> <p>@wonderstruck: our child just turned 1! Your friend's story it's so poignant-even though there are no guarantees in life, I do think the fear of our son being alone is something that bugs me sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717134 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 17:34:36 +0000 Meridian 1717134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom was 42, and my dad was 47 when they had my younger sister. She's 23 now and they are in their mid/late 60s, still working full time and very active, play tennis 3x a week a travel multiple times a year. It worked out well for them! But it makes me sad to think about the future and how when my sister eventually has kids (probably not for another 7 - 8+ years), my parents will be too old to enjoy them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717104 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 17:06:06 +0000 rattles 1717104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's parents were in their 40s, and while he had financial opportunities that his (much older) siblings didn't, he laments that his dad wasn't able to do some of the more physical things he could with them. He could cheer DH on, but he wasn't able to play ball the same way with him, and he wasn't able to move DH into clollege, for example. DH also never knew his grandparents, which he felt like was hard. Luckily they're still in good health, and I do think kids keep you young! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717019 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 16:10:53 +0000 wonderstruck 1717019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How old is the child you already have? I just ask because the only person I know with older parents (in their 40s when they were finally able to adopt) unfortunately lost both of them within a year and a half. He was quite young, in his early twenties, and it has been very very hard for him to go through that at his age, especially since he never had any siblings. </p> <p>I know obviously there's no guarantee siblings will be close, and there's also no guarantee that younger parents couldn't be in a car crash tomorrow while you and your DH live into your 90s! But that's the only person I know with any real experience. It never bothered him as a kid that they were older parents - you don't have to be in your 20s/30s/40s/whatever to support your kids in their hobbies and activities! No age requirement necessary for watching and cheering them on :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717012 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 16:04:35 +0000 lil owl 1717012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom was 41 and my dad was 46 when I was born . (I'm my mom's first child) as a child I never really noticed that my parents were older, my dad retired when he was 55 due to health issues, but they are both fine now. They've been great parents and are great grandparents now, playing with LO a lot. All issues we had when I was growing up had nothing to do with age.<br /> DHs mom was 33 and his dad was 39 when he was born. His mom died in 2011 and his dad is very sick now and will probably only live for a few more month.<br /> You'll never know how long you'll live or how healthy you'll be. It really helped me that someone told me to imagine what kind of family I want to have 20 years from now. How I want it to be at holidays and how many people I want at my table. DH and I both want a big family, so if we get pregnant again (and hopefully again) age shouldn't keep us from trying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717009 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 16:03:32 +0000 MrsKRB 1717009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husbands parents had him in their 40's, they're in their early 70's now (we are 27) and we get along great with them. My mom also had my brother and sister in her 40's and I don't see any issues with my siblings. I think it all depends on the parents and if they are still young at heart! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1717005 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 16:01:12 +0000 anandam 1717005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's dad was 42 when he was born, 46 or 47 for his sister. DH is 37 now and his father just turned 80. It never limited him.</p> <p>Might actually be motivation for your DH to take good care of himself! My FIL has gone to the gym thrice weekly forever and is still in wonderful shape! He hasn't slowed down at all since his 40s, it's a big joke among his friends that his dad seemed so old when they were kids but he hasn't aged since. It also really made DH value his father earlier on because he knew he might have less time with him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716992 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:55:43 +0000 googly-eyes 1716992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on the parents! Dh had one experience with his mom and another with his dad and they were older parents, 41 &amp; 42. At least older for back then. </p> <p>Even though its not something I plan to do, being that I had lo1 in my early 20s, I think you just have to look at your plans and what you want.</p> <p>Bottom line is that my dh may have had a few different experiences than his friends but his parents were still great parents to him and I'm sure glad he's here. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716988 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:55:07 +0000 delight 1716988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My BIL is 52 and has a 16, 13, 6 and 2 year old. He has no trouble keeping up with any of them. I think the little ones help him stay "young". </p> <p>Growing up, my parents were always the "older" parents of my group of friends. My mom was 36 and dad was 41. I never had issues with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716962 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:41:54 +0000 Kimberlybee 1716962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH was raised by his grandmother and she was a great "parent" for him. She passed away at 93. I have another friend who was also raised by his granny because his parents died when he was very young. I think car accident related. His granny is in the best of health. They just celebrated her 90th birthday yesterday. People mistaken her for being in her 70's all the time. She looks great! I think it's possible assuming you both are pretty healthy and have alternatives in place in case something happens, financially and additional help to take care of the little ones. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716723 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:10:05 +0000 yoursilverlining 1716723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents were in their 30’s when I was born, so not really “older”; but my husband is an older first time dad. </p> <p>My husband was 47 when our LO was born and he definitely has no trouble keeping up with her! The only health issues he has are things that could affect someone of any age. I don’t really follow the part about it being financially unfair to have another because your husband will be retired - - wouldn’t that be a bonus? If you’re finally stable enough for him to retire, that means he’ll have more time than the average dad to spend with your teens. If having a second would definitely delay retirement though; then that’s a consideration, I think. Just wasn’t sure what you meant there. </p> <p>My husband has 2 friends who also had babies within a month of our LO, and all of them are as active as any other parent, we have several friends who didn’t have kids until their 40’s and my OB’s husband was in his 50’s when their daughters were born; so I definitely feel more people are waiting on become parents.</p> <p>My in-laws are 70 and 72 and they are not “old” acting; both live in their own homes, travel frequently and don’t need any sort of assistance. My parents are a bit younger (late 60’s) and my mom has had some health issues, but they are also active and everything. They keep LO overnight sometimes and it isn’t a burden or something that completely wipes them out. I have no concerns about them keeping up with LO. My grandpa was 50 when my dad was born, and he had a heart attack at 62 and died when my dad was 12; but he also lived hard and didn’t take care of himself. So; there are risks with becoming a parents at any age! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716705 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:04:25 +0000 Pancakes 1716705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@moonmoon: I don't have any personal experience with this, since my parents were 22 and 23 when they had me but I did read this on Father's Day; it might be nice to share with your DH. <a href="http://online.wsj.com/articles/the-blessings-of-being-an-older-dad-1402674584" rel="nofollow">http://online.wsj.com/articles/the-blessings-of-being-an-older-dad-1402674584</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716704 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:04:11 +0000 mrs. bird 1716704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my parents were not older, they were pretty young, but one of my BFFs when i was younger had a much older dad, he was the same age as my grandfather (who wasn't THAT old). when i was young my parents had to work a lot, they were young &amp; built a house and sent us to private school and took us on great vacations, but to do so they had to work a lot &amp; my dad worked weird hours. this friend with an older dad, her dad was retired and everyday he brought her to school and everyday he was there waiting when school got out. he was always at every school function, even the ones during the day, we could always go to her house because someone was always there to watch us, he volunteered at all sorts of things at school and was really involved in all her hobbies. i would never trade my parents for anyone, but there was a feeling of envy that she had someone there that had so much time and attention to give her. he was a little slower and wasn't one of the 'cool' dads that drove sporty cars and listened to cool music and was cool because they were always so busy that they'd let us do whatever we wanted as long as we stayed out of their way, but he was still great. he didn't have the temper of most of the younger, stressed out workaholic dads, he always seemed like he genuinely wanted to do stuff with us and was interested, he always had time for us. </p> <p>maybe older parents don't get as many years with their children, but so many really seem to make those years count. if you both feel like it's the right thing for your family, age isn't a deal breaker just because, there are some benefits to being older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716699 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:03:04 +0000 MoonMoon 1716699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: @Raindrop: very interesting insights. Thank you for sharing. It's easier to imagine the near future than several decades down the road, you know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716695 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:00:50 +0000 MoonMoon 1716695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamaof2: glad to hear your experience, and it's good to know of others on HB so similar to our ages! We never imagined we'd want two kids, which is why we were ok waiting, but our LO is so damn cool, I want to replicate him, lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716693 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:00:34 +0000 Raindrop 1716693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH has an older father. His mom was 28 and his dad was 45 when they had him and he was the first child. His two other brothers are 2 years and 4 years younger than him so his dad was 49 when the last son was born.</p> <p>DH is now 37 so his dad is 82 now. Growing up his dad was a pretty normal dad, DH and his brothers didn't realize he was "old" at all. I will say that his dad is a workaholic so he never fully retired even though he could have, I don't know if that has something to do with it but DH always felt like his experience growing up was no different than anyone else he knew. His mom was a nurse and worked on weekends and would be a stay at home mom on weekdays and his dad basically took care of them on the weekends.</p> <p>I will say now that his dad is 82 is tough, in the last few years his health has really gone down. Can't walk as much as he use to and can't hear as well as he use to. Sometimes it feels like when we go out with him we have to take care of him and DS! :) Other than that everything else is pretty normal. I mean we do have to consider his needs when we go out but he is still a very capable guy.</p> <p>My dad is 64 and they get along great when the family gets together, and I feel they are similar.</p> <p>Not sure if this what you were looking for but here you go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716686 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 13:58:51 +0000 oliviaoblivia 1716686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>FIL was 57 when DH was born. He was 63 when SIL was born. For most of DH's life he really enjoyed having an older dad. FIL's career was really successful at that point and it afforded them a rather luxurious lifestyle. FIL was also an active guy, always traveling and participating in their sports. </p> <p>Now, it's harder. FIL is 90 and in failing health. We had a quickie marriage ceremony ahead of our wedding partly so that FIL could attend as he couldn't travel to our wedding. He has luckily been able to spend time with DD but may not meet our next children.</p> <p>Another issues has been DH's relationship with his elder half-siblings. They are the same age as my parents and making end-of-life decisions for your father is difficult with siblings that often regard you as a child or some how less than. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716676 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 13:54:45 +0000 Mamaof2 1716676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No experience growing up but I am 38 and DH is 48 and we ave a 3 and 5 yr old.</p> <p>My DH is pretty active though and will probably still be working when he is 70 - he is such a workaholic!</p> <p>Like you mentioned in this day and age there are TONS of older parents - I had a play date with my DS and 2 friends from school - I was sure I was the oldest! Nope, turns out they were 40 and 45!!!</p> <p>I think if you and DH stay active and healthy it wont be an issue at all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/experience-with-older-parents#post-1716641 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 13:41:08 +0000 MoonMoon 1716641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are undecided about trying for #2 mainly because of age. DH would be 47ish and I'd be 36ish if we had a second baby within a year or 2. He thinks it would be really unfair to the child to have such an old dad, that he couldn't physically be there for them, that he'd be retired when they're still in high school, so it wouldn't be fair financially either. I say more and more parents are in these age ranges these days, that we're healthy, and it's not such a big deal.</p> <p>Question for you-did you or anyone you know grow up with a parent or parents in their 50s and 60s or beyond? Was it a positive or negative experience, was the parent's age a burden?</p> <p>Thanks! </p>