https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 16 Jun 2026 14:23:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1717031 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 16:17:08 +0000 jedeve 1717031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH can be a very positive thinking/look on the bright side/you chose how you feel type person too. </p> <p>But when I explained with my first, with ppd, that there is just a huge hormonal crash that interferes with your ability to control your emotions, he got it. Getting on antidepressants helped me gain the ability to control my emotions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1717022 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 16:11:49 +0000 Lindsay05 1717022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: Thank you for sharing your experience. &lt;3</p> <p>@Grace: That is basically what I tell him. Also, just give me a hug! It's amazing how much better I feel if he doesn't start freaking out!</p> <p>@meredithNYC: Sorry about your mom :( Some people just do not understand!</p> <p>@Mrs. BD: You hit it spot on! Don't tell me to just get over it. It's not that easy! Thanks for sharing :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716602 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 13:19:55 +0000 Mrs. BD 1716602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lindsay05: This must be so hard for you! I'm pregnant with my first, so while I have not been through this before, I have had depression in the past. Every so often, I will have a bad a day or a few bad days, and I will have to explain it to my SO who "doesn't believe in therapy." Now, I'm a social worker, so you can imagine how I love to hear this.</p> <p>In the end, I tell him that whether he believes I should be able to control it or not doesn't matter. The truth is that it isn't being controlled. I tell him that I feel that I need help controlling it, and the only thing I need him to do is support me in that. I make sure to explain that it's a chemical imbalance in my brain, and not that I am simply sad about something. </p> <p>When I tell him that, he is able to listen and to understand...and he becomes much more supportive...especially when I tell him exactly how he can support me. Listen to me and comfort me, but don't try to fix the problem. Don't ever tell me that I'm being too sensitive, because it only makes me angry. If I ask you to do something that I can obviously do myself, it's because I need a little extra support that day. So please, just say okay.</p> <p>I also needed to learn that although he can understand it, he will never empathize with me. He will never actually know what it's like to be depressed...which is a good thing. But, I needed to change my expectations of how he would react and handle the situation. I see that he does what he's capable of, and that's all I can ask for. For the rest of the support that I need? I call my BFF. She gets it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716336 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 12:01:23 +0000 meredithNYC 1716336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry that you even need to defend yourself while going through this incredibly challenging situation. I felt like my husband was pretty good about understanding, but strangely my mom acted like I was being an awful person and could just decide any time to snap out of it.</p> <p>I think the suggestion of taking him with you to the doctor is a good thing. Some people need to hear something straight from the "expert" to believe it, unfortunately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716246 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 11:40:22 +0000 Grace 1716246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Tell him that all you need from him is to listen. He doesn't have to fix you or understand. Just listen. Also, (if this is true for you), tell him that normally you can control your happiness, but that now the hormones have gone crazy and you can't control it. That you don't know why you are sad and anxious and that it's really scary. That's how I felt anyways.</p> <p>I think taking him with you to the doctor is a great idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716109 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 10:46:43 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1716109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To a degree, he's correct. We can control our actions and reactions, which in turn can control our feelings. </p> <p>Depression and anxiety in general, though, are uncontrollable. </p> <p>I've had both (unrelated to pregnancy/post partum) and my husband didn't "get" it until he came along with me to see my doctor. Then he became fully invested into my mental health &amp; is proactive -- he will be the first to point out I'm staggering toward depression or the first to tell me to slow down because I'm showing signs of anxiety. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716088 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 10:41:22 +0000 Lindsay05 1716088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erwoo: Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716068 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 10:33:13 +0000 erwoo 1716068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You can also have him talk to other husbands who have kids. Sometimes they can explain it better. I also suggest you talk to your OB about how you're feeling as well and he/she can refer you to talk to someone about it as well. Hope you feel better soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716051 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 10:29:23 +0000 Lindsay05 1716051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: Thanks &lt;3 I do have a good support group. None that I think can really relate (but who knows I guess?). I feel like I am really doing great, considering. I have one day where I get stressed and unfortunately my husband gets the brunt of it all and he assumes that I am very unhappy and that I am causing him to be unhappy. It just snowballs from there! We are so great at talking things through but I just CANNOT explain what is going on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716047 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 10:28:30 +0000 Boheme 1716047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Hearing it straight from my doctor helped us out too. It legitimized it in his eyes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716033 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 10:26:13 +0000 Lindsay05 1716033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Thanks &lt;3 Yes, he does need to hear from a professional. He understands the whole postpartum thing and that I should definitely talk to my doctor (which I have). He is incredibly supportive and understanding but he is just a strong believer that people can control their own happiness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716024 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 10:23:45 +0000 Boheme 1716024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is going to sound really backwards... but I struck out on my own to find a therapist to help me manage my PPA, and talked to my OB about meds. Only then, when my husband saw a change in me for the better, did he realize I was *actually* drowning in PPA/PPD issues. He told me the same thing your SO is telling you! </p> <p>Do you have anyone else you can turn to for support in the mean time? There are lots of us here in this forum if you don't have any friends or family you feel comfortable talking to about it. You can wall me any time. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716017 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 10:22:20 +0000 Anagram 1716017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lindsay05: honestly, I think your husband needs to go with you to your doctor and hear you explain your symptoms and what the doctor says. Ask the doctor right there in front of DH, "Is this something I should be able to control on my own? Because I feel I can't, but my husband thinks I'm just not trying hard enough".</p> <p>I mean, you and I know it's NOT something you can control on your own, and you shouldn't even be trying to--but maybe your husband needs to hear it from a professional.</p> <p>I could give you articles, but you can't force him to read them. Even without your husband's support, I hope you get help :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explaining-postpartum-issues-with-so#post-1716012 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 10:18:50 +0000 Lindsay05 1716012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Those who have/had dealt with postpartum issues like, PPD, PPA, baby blues, etc. How did you describe how you were feeling to your SO? DH told me that I can control my feelings and how I am feeling, and I literally lost it on him. He wants to be supportive but he doesn't know how to help, and I don't know how to explain to him and that I am trying to understand it myself. </p> <p>Any ideas? </p>