https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 21 May 2026 06:07:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference/page/2#post-2480891 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 23:27:41 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2480891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's normal and quite acceptable to voice a gender preference. Before getting pregnant I had a preference for a boy in hopes DH would be happy with just one kid. Once pregnant I wanted 3 kids no matter what and didn't have a preference at all. Now for baby #2 I'd love if we have another boy; after my first arrives I may change my mind though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference/page/2#post-2480884 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 23:12:18 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2480884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is totally normal to have a preference! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference/page/2#post-2480408 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 16:32:04 +0000 SweetiePie 2480408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At this point if I got pregnant again and people asked me I would say that it would be awesome to have a girl so we have one of each, but a brother for my son would be pretty spectacular.<br /> For my own reasons I would love to have a girl but I would not be disappointed since I have a boy and love it!<br /> I think it's fine to say you have a preference but NOT to say you don't want one or the other. I think there's a difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference/page/2#post-2480396 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 16:27:41 +0000 sapphire 2480396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't understand why anyone would get to weigh in on what opinions I can voice about my baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480337 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 15:59:05 +0000 Eko 2480337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is an acceptable thing, but I also think it isn't something you would say to just anyone. Plus, I think tone usually plays a part too. It is different to say "I would be so upset if I had another boy" versus "I would like a girl, but would be happy with a boy". I also believe that our society tends to place a lot of emphasis on having 'one of each'.</p> <p>Since I have a DS everyone asks if I want to have a girl. And I honestly could not care. I had zero preference even with my first. I think it would be awesome to have two sons and for DS to have a brother. My usual response when someone says 'well don't you want a girl' is "my goal in having another baby is to have a baby, not because I specifically want a girl." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480235 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 15:03:25 +0000 tlcbaby 2480235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This will sound silly, but I do think it's okay to have a preference. I just don't like to talk about it because if my baby ends up being the other I don't want it to think I'm disappointed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480229 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:58:47 +0000 Adira 2480229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: Oh yes, I definitely agree! I can't imagine continuing to be sad about not having a girl now that both my awesome boys are here. That's why I wanted to find out the sex during pregnancy, so I could get over those feelings and experience nothing but joy when my second boy was born. And now I can't imagine having it any other way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480219 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:52:31 +0000 deerylou 2480219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Right, of course. There are bound to be certain things (i.e. supporting your biological daughter through a pregnancy) you won't get to experience. And I think it's fine to acknowledge that. You clearly adore your sons. What I was trying to convey is that I find stereotypes play into gender preference, just as personal experience and bonds with our own parents do. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with preference or a little initial let down. I just find it gets a bit off putting when long-term mourning occurs, especially when it becomes apparent to the child.</p> <p>@MoonMoon: Yes, this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480217 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:51:06 +0000 MoonMoon 2480217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Having a feeling or preference is fine, nothing you can really do. But it gets weird when people change their minds about the number of kids they want to "try" for a certain sex. Or when we start talking about gender selection, like in the other thread. Or ott gender reveal parties. Or when it becomes a gendered conversation, like oh your husband world obviously prefer a boy or whatever! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480216 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:49:44 +0000 Ms maths 2480216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As someone said (and as I keep being reminded with regard to my toddler :)): feelings are feelings. </p> <p>I hoped for a girl with my first and felt pretty disappointed when I found out he was a he; what I realized afterward is that he's a lot more than his gender, and that I was trapping myself in gender norms by thinking I wanted a girl to begin with. So I found my own gender preference very disturbing in hindsight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480211 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:47:29 +0000 Foodnerd81 2480211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I agree- it's what you know. I'm so close to my mom and sisters so yeah I did want that- not that I'd have been disappointed if I didn't get that. Dh was the same in that he had an image of coaching his sons little league or basketball. Now that we have girls he is hoping they will like some of the same sports he does. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480204 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:40:18 +0000 Happygal 2480204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When our doctor doing the ultrasound asked what we were hoping for, he said, "Don't tell me you don't care!" I assume most people would prefer one or other. As long as people don't seem unreasonable about it, like saying, "I'll die if it's another girl....I will not be happy if it's a boy...." then I don't think anything about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480197 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:36:38 +0000 youboots 2480197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's fine. I had a preference. I told a few people (mostly my therapist, ha). I also think it's ok to be disappointed.</p> <p>But I get frustrated with people who have really intense negative feelings about getting one of the other then not getting what they 'want' I can't forget that shit, sorry. They can feel what they want but ultimately you can't decide so what's the point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480187 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:32:10 +0000 ShootingStar 2480187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not really comfortable expressing a strong preference to other people. With our 2nd, when people ask (before I found out) I'd say, "Well, I'd like a girl, but another boy would be really nice too." Partially because I did feel that way, and partially because if it had been a boy, I didn't want people feeling like I was disappointed or feeling bad for the baby that he wasn't wanted. </p> <p>I felt so terrible that I had gender disappointment with my first. And I'm so happy now with the way things worked out, I'd hate for DS to ever know he wasn't exactly what I wanted right from the beginning. Or for other people to think that I was still disappointed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480175 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:24:47 +0000 BlueWolverine 2480175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's totally fine to have a preference, but I don't know that I'd go around saying it to a bunch of people. Well-meaning people can be idiots and the last thing I'd want my daughter to hear is that Mama said she wanted a boy before you were born (or vice versa). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480171 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:23:19 +0000 Adira 2480171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: Obviously it's not always the case, but I think people tend to base their wants on their own experiences. I've always been close with my mom and have only become even closer since planning a wedding and going through two pregnancies. I'm definitely sad that I won't have a daughter to experience those things with from the other side. Obviously, none of that was guaranteed anyway even if I did have a daughter, but it IS guaranteed I won't get to experience those things now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480167 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:21:06 +0000 Adira 2480167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: That's basically what I said too. I wanted to have a daughter, but the idea of having brothers was thrilling too. I'm definitely sad I'll never have a daughter, but it is what it is and I love both my boys. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480165 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:19:48 +0000 LuLu Mom 2480165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's completely normal. I have 2 girls, would my husband really like a boy next of course he would prefer it (honestly I'd like another girl) but we will be happy with either. He had a little disappointment when DD2 was a girl, so he's just planning that if we have a third for it to be another girl so there's no hoping. Easier said than done! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480160 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:16:30 +0000 Applesandbananas 2480160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: yeah, I also say "I'll very happy and also be a little sad either way, I'd love one of each but a brother for LO would be awesome too!" Deep down, I want a girl but I'll truly be happy either way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480158 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:16:01 +0000 skipra 2480158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: yikes! I have one friend pregnant with her second boy who said she NEEDED to have a girl and just could not have boys. Another friend always planned on 3 kids until her second was a boy and now says she couldn't risk having another boy. They both make me pretty sad to hear that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480157 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:15:56 +0000 catomd00 2480157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I see nothing. Wrong with having and expressing your preferences. We are all human and entitled to our feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480155 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:14:38 +0000 deerylou 2480155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some preference is the norm, I think. Personally, I can't really wrap my head around gender preference or disappointment when it leads to extreme feelings of desperation. I think there's still a lot of assumptions made about mother/daughter and father/son (or m/s and f/d) relationships that simply don't always pan out. Same goes for interests, hobbies and talents that are perceived to be either "girl" or "boy" attributes. I think that tends to drive a lot of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480154 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:14:24 +0000 wrkbrk 2480154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I wanted a girl too - before I got pregnant! I had nooooooo idea what to do with a boy as I have two sisters and dont even have a husband - I have a wife! LOL! But as soon as I got pregnant I thought either would be fun and sure enough I didnt feel any disappointment when we found out it was a boy at at 11ish weeks. :) I told people the truth before that, though! No shame in that. Now when I look at DS though I am soooooooooo happy we got HIM and not some hypothetical girl! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480151 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:13:08 +0000 Adira 2480151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I do think those strong statements aren't good, regardless of how you feel! Whenever I had expressed a preference (prior to finding out the sex), I said something like "We're hoping for a girl, but we'd be happy with a boy too!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480149 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:12:45 +0000 wrkbrk 2480149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's fine and actually more genuine and honest than the fake chipper "either!" (Which I understand too bc I know pregnant women get asked ad nauseum!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480148 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:12:21 +0000 JK 2480148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480147 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:11:53 +0000 Foodnerd81 2480147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: I know- and I think it's a rude question! My true answer was always that I'd love another girl for dd1 to have a sister but I'd love a boy for dh to experience having a son. But deeeeeeeep down I wanted another girl. 😘 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480146 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:11:45 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2480146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's ok to a degree, but some people just go overboard. Whenever I hear people being super upset about it I admit I think it's silly. What I think is really stupid are all the comments people make toward moms in the spirit of "don't you wish you were having a boy?" or "I'm so glad you're having a girl this time!" How is an expectant mama supposed to respond to that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480144 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:11:23 +0000 Adira 2480144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's totally acceptable until the baby is born, haha! I really wanted a girl, but I wouldn't be caught dead saying that now that both my boys are here. I'd never want either of them to hear that and think I didn't want them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/expressing-gender-preference#post-2480142 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 14:10:39 +0000 agold 2480142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would express it to my mom, sister, and maybe a couple close friends. Not anyone else, though. </p>