https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 00:33:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661808 Tue, 06 Dec 2016 01:50:47 +0000 birdofafeather 2661808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have lived around 2 hours from our families for the last few years and have always made plans to figure out where we'd be and when we'd see them. Last year was the first year we did not attend a big extended family gathering and woke up at our own house. It was hard breaking from tradition but I made it clear from the beginning what our plans were so we could adjust to still celebrate with extended family (our parents and siblings instead of just DH and our 2 kids). </p> <p>DH is a firefighter so each year will be different in terms of how we celebrate but we're always check in with family to spend time with them as well! I just can't imagine NOT spending time with them as now we live closer (30 minutes and an hour) which is why we live where we live! So I would<br /> Absolutely extend the invite! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661688 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 16:45:13 +0000 bubblegum 2661688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: Nothing like that at all. It's not a set up event or anything like that. Just a hang out without invitation that's all </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661687 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 16:40:11 +0000 Truth Bombs 2661687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: Right but is it the type of thing where you have always gotten together on Christmas Eve so they would be working under the assumption that's what will happen again this year unless you say differently? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661685 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 16:33:38 +0000 bubblegum 2661685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: Oh no! We don't have actual plans with them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661681 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 16:21:26 +0000 Truth Bombs 2661681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't understand where it sits right now? Are they expecting for you to join them on Christmas Eve? If they are.... you can't just not saying anything. That seems rude. You're certainly entitled to enjoy Christmas how you want to, but I just wouldn't be surprised if your families are a bit put off by being told "no, we don't want to see you at any point Christmas Day, or on Christmas Eve unless it's under our given scenario". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661674 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 16:11:20 +0000 MaryM 2661674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alphagam84: I think there's a difference between not wanting to see extended family and wanting to have traditions with your own family. They're not mutually exclusive. </p> <p>Honestly, I'd prefer if DH and I didn't have to rush off for his family celebration on Christmas day. I'd like to have a day to spend together, just the two of us. And we enjoy having an easy Christmas eve at home just the two of us and catching up with neighbors during the day. </p> <p>It's not that we don't want to see people, it's just that we'd like to do things our way. </p> <p>Which my mom and dad understood...hence getting together the day after Christmas. </p> <p>For me, Christmas is about immediate family. There's plenty of time to see everyone else. But different families think different ways. For my grandmother, it was super important to get together. For my mom, that was kind of a pain so it's not as important. </p> <p>As long as families can be respectful and come up with something that works for them, I don't think it's fair to assume not seeing family is automatically selfish. </p> <p>We only spent Christmas with my dad's family once or twice because they lived in Boston and we lived in Virginia. And the only reason we saw them twice was because we went there (they rarely visited us. Some of them never did). </p> <p>They could claim we were being selfish for not coming up on Christmas, but we could also claim they were selfish for never visiting. But it wasn't brought up, because we all figured out what worked for each family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661662 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 15:45:22 +0000 bubblegum 2661662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alphagam84: It's not about wanting the whole day but also remember everyone is different and there's nothing wrong with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661658 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 15:37:58 +0000 alphagam84 2661658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It seems weird to not want to see your families on Christmas Eve or Christmas. Kind of selfish to be honest. You don't need Christmas Eve and all of Christmas Day to make memories or traditions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661649 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 15:30:29 +0000 bubblegum 2661649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This really helps ladies! Thank you so much. I'm going to talk to DH tonight and we'll figure out what to say to them. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661645 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 15:25:09 +0000 mediagirl 2661645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd just talk to them about it. I'd tell them that our LO is too young to stay out late but we would love to have them come over to do x, y and z. </p> <p>My parents adapted to us and started coming to our house on Christmas Eve. Now we all do Christmas Eve service and Christmas Day together. Then they head home the day after Christmas. Works out well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661636 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 15:10:47 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2661636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would extend the invite. Ever sense we got married DH and I have told our parents that wen we have kids they will wake up at home on Christmas morning. Everyone understood because they did the same when DH and I were kids. We told them they are always welcome to spend the night with us on Christmas Eve if they want to. Last year my mom did and my MIL came later in the day on Christmas. Once we move closer to our moms (~2 hrs vs the 16 we are now), we will plan to visit them and see extended family in the days before or after Christmas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661630 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 15:05:54 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2661630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is coming from a person that has already told her parents no visiting Christmas Eve or Day, extend the invite only if you WANT them there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661599 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 14:33:01 +0000 My Only Sunshine 2661599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: We do Christmas with the extended families some time in December.</p> <p>We decided we want to be in our house for Christmas day while we have young children. The only gifts they get that day are from us and Santa. We invite both sets of parents over for brunch. This works for our family because my DH is an only child and my sisters both live out of town, so just our parents come. We do it at like 10 so the kids have had some time to open presents and hang out before the grandparents arrive. We keep it VERY casual. Coffee, OJ, breakfast casserole, fruit salad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661595 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 14:26:54 +0000 skipra 2661595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our parents are all 1 - 1.5 hours away so we've stopped traveling to them for Christmas. What we've found has worked out the best is to host Christmas Eve lunch. Our parents come the day before or Christmas Eve morning. We exchange presents, have lunch, then they leave as the kids are ready for their nap. It worked perfectly last year and was so much less stressful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661586 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 14:13:10 +0000 bubblegum 2661586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: Exactly!! and that's why I think DH doesn't want to tell them anything he doesn't want it to come across in a negative way. We love our families and would never want them to think "screw your traditions" That's why I wanted other opinions because I know things like traditions can be touchy and I don't want anyone in our families to feel bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661582 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 14:06:30 +0000 MaryM 2661582@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just said the thing about being aware of not trying to change traditions because the first time my brother came home after he had kids, he declared we wouldn't be going to midnight Mass. </p> <p>It was something that was really special and important to me that I've always really enjoyed (I made DH, a non-Catholic, agree that he'd go with me before we got married!). Had my brother made a better case and made a suggestion instead of declaring what the whole family would do that year, it probably wouldn't have been a big deal. But his approach and delivery made the situation all about him and his family (never mind what I'd done with my parents for the previous 10 years while he'd been in college/not living at home)</p> <p>I'd just be mindful of what's important to people when either inviting them or when they respond. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661579 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 14:02:50 +0000 MaryM 2661579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess my brother's family kind of did what I think you're talking about. </p> <p>They started having a pagent sort of thing with their kids where they read the Christmas bible passage and the kids set up the nativity scene. First they just did it as a family, but then the grandparents (and I, because I was single and staying with my mom) were invited just for dessert and coffee/drinks to watch the kids. And it was the only time the other grandparents saw the kids at Christmas, so they give them their gifts then. </p> <p>But it was just something that evolved. It was easy for my parents and I to stop by there on our way to midnight Mass (which was our tradition), and my mom really enjoys it. It's not really a party, but my SIL usually puts together a tray of cookies that people have given the family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661578 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 14:01:52 +0000 bubblegum 2661578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: Oh without a doubt! I would never expect them to change their own traditions but I just want them to feel welcomed as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661575 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 13:59:06 +0000 bubblegum 2661575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: Yeah I guess leaving it be with his family is the best thing especially if he's fine with it. </p> <p>@PawPrints: Yeah that's true. I don't want them to feel hurt but I also don't want to host an event. I just wanted them to join our celebration if they're okay with the simplicity of our celebration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661572 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 13:57:35 +0000 MaryM 2661572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom was proactive about this after having to schlep us all to Mass and then her mother's house every Christmas. When my brother and sister had kids, they said that Christmas day was for families to spend time at home and they wouldn't expect family to get together then. </p> <p>I would judge what you expect will happen if the family gets together. The first year we did this, there were so many presents that my sister's kids were seriously confused as to whether Santa had come or not. It was overwhelming. </p> <p>From then on, we moved my mom's celebration to the day after Christmas. </p> <p>DH and I still do Christmas day with his family, but it's nice to not have anything competing with my mom's brunch and we can always count on being able to go there and see everyone. </p> <p>Or, growing up my mom and her sister took turns hosting Christmas Eve so one year we'd get to stay home, but the next my aunt would host us. </p> <p>I think it's fine for a family to make a decision on their own that they won't do something or that they want to start a new tradition. </p> <p>But if you want to make sure you see everyone in the family, I think they have to be in on the conversation. If everyone else has other plans (especially if they're traditions they've done for years), I wouldn't expect them to change them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661571 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 13:57:13 +0000 looch 2661571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would extend the invite, to both sides of the family...but that's largely because my inlaws and parents get together really well and it's not often where my son sees them both at the same time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661568 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 13:54:22 +0000 PawPrints 2661568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your post makes it sound like the only reason you would invite them would be out of a sense of obligation/to avoid hurt feelings. If that's true, then no, you shouldn't invite them. On the other hand if you truly have a desire to be around extended family and you imagine it would be more fun to have them around, then sure, plan to host a whole gathering. But don't do it because you feel like you have to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661564 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 13:51:04 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2661564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If he's fine leaving it be with his family, I would leave it be. </p> <p>I personally dont mind seeing family later on christmas day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extend-invite-or-leave-it-be#post-2661562 Mon, 05 Dec 2016 13:48:52 +0000 bubblegum 2661562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ever since DH and I had DS we have never celebrated Christmas day with either of our families, we both agreed we wanted to begin our own family traditions. However on Christmas Eve we try to make an effort to go see our families. Now that DS is in an age where he's beginning to enjoy the Christmas magic and such, we want to be able to spend that evening preparing for "Santa's arrival". Going over to their houses earlier isn't an opinion because they don't start "celebrating" until late in the evening. :sad: </p> <p>So this will be the first Christmas Eve that we do our own thing. I want to extend an invitation to our family letting them they are more than welcome to come over, either day, and celebrate with us. DH thinks I shouldn't and if they bring it up invite them then.</p> <p>Extend invite or leave it be? My family understands but I don't want in laws to think I'm evil and stealing all the holiday fun either. </p>