https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 17:21:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance/page/2#post-2057810 Fri, 06 Feb 2015 14:58:03 +0000 NorCalWayfarer 2057810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice bc this is an issue with us currently. DH coaches a sports team and he's gone 3x a week plus a big chunk of Saturdays for games. He also has hobbies that he wants to get in once in a while. I take one night a week "off" and DH does bedtime -- I usually go out to dinner with a friend or go shopping/run errands, so not super relaxing. He tries to do the hobbies when I'm going somewhere with LO on the weekend (like a playgroup) so he's not missing out on additional time. But I'd really like to have some time to workout, get my nails done, do something for myself, but it just doesn't seem like I have the option since he's already gone 3x a week and I want to spend a couple nights together as a family :-/ At least with sports the schedule is pretty set so there is plenty of advance notice. Sorry this isn't helpful, just commiserating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2057803 Fri, 06 Feb 2015 14:51:18 +0000 Amelieisme 2057803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for your responses. We talked about it again and I think he will at least try with the advanced notice thing. I think part of it stems from jealousy on my part in that I don't really have much opportunity to do things solo in that I don't have many friends around here and don't have the time to invest in making them. Some of you sound like you have it figured out and hopefully we'll get there one day :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2056261 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 17:08:58 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2056261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband golfs and is part of a tournament with friends that takes him away 4 weekends a year, and he plays or goes to the driving range usually once a week. I don't mind too much, he usually plans it around naps or outings so he's not just leaving me at home with our son...but I don't really mind if he does. On the weekends he's away on the tournament, I usually plan to visit friends or hang out with the other golf widow wives in our group of friends. On the flipside, I do pilates 3X/week and get my nails done 1X/week and I pretty much go whenever I want, after checking with him. I'd say at this point (10 months in) we have a pretty goo balance, with the odd hiccup. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2056237 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 16:58:09 +0000 lulu22 2056237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Currently my DH has one night a week where goes to the gym with friends then they go out for a 'guys dinner'. Last minute is not okay in our house (for either of us!) and we generally give a fair bit of notice if we are planning something and like others, we use Google Calendar to manage this. </p> <p>THAT SAID, once or twice a year my DH goes on a 'guys ski trip' which is usually interstate. I'm not sure how to approach this once our first baby is born (in 2 months). These trips kind of make me crabby because not only does he leave me alone for a week but the trips are expensive (flights, hotels, ski passes, meals etc etc) and it puts a significant dent in the family vacation budget, not to mention DH's PTO balance... I don't really know how to get him to reign this in once we have the baby, without being the joy-sucking wife who says he can't go on fun boys trips anymore :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2056093 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 15:34:47 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2056093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH does something at least once a week. Usually two or sometimes even 3 times. I do something maybe once a month. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2056076 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 15:28:10 +0000 looch 2056076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't feel so bad after reading the other comments in this thread, but we really don't do much outside of working, even on the weekends. You'd think I'd be over the guilt of not spending all my free time with my husband and son by now, but somehow I am not. What's upsetting is that my well being suffers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2056075 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 15:28:10 +0000 psw27 2056075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH works super long hours so most of the time during the week, if he isn't home it is because of work. Occasionally he will need to do a post-work drink with someone or a dinner but we mostly just work and work and work during the week. Life is such a rush during the workweek. On the weekends, I try to give him a few breaks - which he usually uses to go to the gym. I request my weekend breaks in advance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2056010 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 14:52:43 +0000 namaste 2056010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wish DH did more! We are very involved in the tech scene and attended events both together/separately prior to the baby that went pretty late and he enjoyed those. I'm hoping he gets back to doing it. Mostly DH just likes working a lot so I give him tons of uninterrupted work/experimenting time.</p> <p>I'm more of an extrovert so I do social time 2x-3x a week but it's always scheduled on the calendar in advance. We sometimes get last minute things but it never really bothered me pre-baby and doesn't bother me now. It's not very common that we get last minute requests though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2055917 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 14:05:28 +0000 Espion 2055917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is reasonable to have alone time, but let's face it, with young children, spontaneity is on the back burner for awhile. </p> <p>That being said, I can't wait until DH and I can schedule some alone time without guilt, both together and apart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2055899 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 13:55:06 +0000 CakeLady 2055899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We always check in with each other in advance about evening commitments and put everything in a shared google calendar. We almost never last minute evening things because we have two dogs that need to be fed and walked after work, and now with LO and daycare pickup it really doesn't work to have last minute plans. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2055869 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 13:43:41 +0000 Grace 2055869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH usually goes to the gym one night a week right after work. Besides that, neither of us do anything on our own until LO is in bed (7-ish). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2055477 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 11:06:04 +0000 Mamasig 2055477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ValentineMommy: I always tell my husband the same thing!</p> <p>@edelweiss: I do think that make a difference too. I only have work friends where I live. All of my friends from before kids live in my hometown which is about an hour away. So I tend to see my work friends for lunch dates and not on the weekends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2055354 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 09:58:42 +0000 Tanjowen 2055354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We stuck with our activities we did before LO arrived, and they are one night a week each - soccer for him and orchestra for me. </p> <p>We are in a unique situation where DH is gone 4-5 days of the week, but when he's home, he's home all day, so I don't mind him heading out that night to do something, and the added bonus is that his games are usually after LO's bedtime,, so I have help. </p> <p>We did cut out everything else, and rarely go out anymore at night, but then again, having a baby kind naturally squashed that one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2055282 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 09:19:37 +0000 fancyfunction 2055282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both do things like meet friends for dinners, brunch, etc. I'm also in a volunteer group that has standing night meetings, as well as an orchestra that meets one night a week. My husband plays softball weekly in the spring/summer and also plays in a band so that have nighttime practices sporadically. We keep a google calendar and pass things by each other to make sure no other plans are going on. It's important for us to have individual activities to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2055260 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 09:03:41 +0000 ValentineMommy 2055260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Never. We're super lame. Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2054374 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 16:09:05 +0000 edelweiss 2054374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we both WOH with a 2 year old and we rarely do things on our own (twice i have gotten a pedicure during LO's naps, but LO was asleep the whole time). i wish we did a little more, but i would definitely want some advance notice. and both of us would need equal amounts of free time.</p> <p>ETA: we are relatively new to our area and haven't made a lot of friends yet, maybe it would be different if we knew more people in the area. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2054364 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 16:05:12 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 2054364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends on the week. I rarely do anything on my own, maybe dinner or a movie with friends once or twice a month. My husband likes to golf and also probably does that twice a month or so. He also has work functions that can be kind of fun - a fancy dinner or something - and he is friends with most of his coworkers, so even though those should count as work, I still consider them social outings usually. This week he has two, next week he has one, but sometimes he'll go weeks without one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2054362 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 16:05:09 +0000 Mamasig 2054362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Rarely, do either one of us do something alone - well, besides going to work. Every so often (like maybe 2-3 times a year), I will do something like lunch with a friend on a weekend. He has maybe twice since DS1 was born two years ago. I think fishing both times. I don't really mind. DH works a shift schedule so we don't have a lot of family time as it is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2054352 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 15:58:39 +0000 pui 2054352@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Probably about once or twice a month on "recreational" outings since LO was born. He also volunteers with a youth group every Wednesday night. LO is 5 month old. It sucks when he's not home. It especially sucks since I have almost never gotten to go anywhere without my daughter (I've only gone to dinner once for 2 hours since she's been born) so I resent a bit that he still has a life. That said, I want to let him go out. Just because I have a baby stuck to me doesn't mean DH should have to stay home always. What matters to me is he understands my situation and keeps me and LO in mind when he makes plans. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2054334 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 15:47:20 +0000 MrsADS 2054334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is gone a LOT at night for extracurriculars. BUT, it's just me and him right now. Once baby comes, he plans to curtail almost all of it. But most of our fights have been about this issue. Not uncommon for him to be gone 3 nights a week or more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2053946 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 12:50:42 +0000 catlady 2053946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Neither of us have hobbies at this point. DH and I both have demanding jobs, and both of us often work at night after LO goes to bed. DH also has to stay late at work sometimes, and he travels every few months for a couple days or a week, so sometimes I have to care for LO alone, but I always know ahead of time. I wouldn't say that we don't have "balance" though. We spend alot of time together as a family with LO instead of having our own hobbies. It was a mutual decision and it works for us. I would be annoyed in your situation too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2053895 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 12:28:19 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2053895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have no balance. It sucks.<br /> We actually had a huge fight about it last night after he came home from his second night of tennis and I had my second night of double bedtime with a teething toddler and a newborn. I don't expect him to do much with the newborn and don't plan on having much time for myself for a while here, but it would be nice to just have five minutes alone in the bathroom.<br /> 12 hours later and I'm still pissed. Ugh.</p> <p>So no advice, but some commiseration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2053880 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 12:23:41 +0000 youboots 2053880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Good timing on this. I tease M that I need to get a hobby outside of the house. He golfs and has a roadbike. He can usually go when traveling for work which is about 6 nights a month. He will grab a meal with a friend occasionally. I'm more of a homebody and since I will be mostly SAH when baby comes in a month, I think it will bum me out if he is out a lot after work golfing or biking. In answer to your original question when the weather is good he is out on his bike or golfing 3-4 days a week for hours at a time. In the winter he bikes on the trainer in his office. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2053867 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 12:19:09 +0000 blackbird 2053867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both do stuff. And sometimes it's last minute. Just because you choose not to do stuff, doesn't mean he shouldn't. Its a trade off. I try to give a day's notice but I don't always. We're flexible. I'd just try to get him to give me a heads up in the future because it makes the evenings stressful for you. It's usually phrased as "do you mind", which I appreciate </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2053864 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 12:17:57 +0000 LuLu Mom 2053864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We struggle with this too, we both work out of home and we have such little time to spend as a family. DH has season basketball tickets so he goes to the games, he also likes to hunt and play golf. I feel like I don't have a "think" but plan on taking up working out again after this baby is born. I've told him I like notice, I don't like the "hey I'm getting a beer with xyz after work" when it's already 5 o'clock and I have dinner plans and what not. He knows this drives me nuts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2053856 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 12:12:00 +0000 mrsjyw 2053856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only "me-time" DH gets is his golf league, working out, mountain biking. None of which he's been able to do regularly during these winter months. </p> <p>I didn't want to go to the casino/auto show a few weekends so again, so he took his BFF and they used a free hotel night's stay too! </p> <p>He works most nights after DS is down, so I don't really count that as his alone time and I don't mind giving it to him, because he so rarely gets it! </p> <p>I at least can carve out time for lunches etc with dates with friends. Or even dinner dates recently. DH barely has any time for meal times with us these days! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2053854 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 12:11:41 +0000 sarac 2053854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband does sports things on Wednesday and Thursday - the thursday thing is soccer, so we come and hang out with everyone. He also has events 2 or 3 times a week during the season (fall). This is a lot right now, and I expect that it will change when our new baby comes this summer. I'm also not doing a ton, since I'm pregnant, so it's hard to not be a little jealous. But I know that eventually it will balance out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2053812 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 11:53:02 +0000 cascademom 2053812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We used to have a night to ourselves before LO. Now, it's when something comes up and one parent solos in that time. We put events on our Google calendar and talk about it. For me, it's been a monthly tea. For him, it's been a night out with the guys. We're sick right now, so we haven't had a chance to do this in awhile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2053783 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 11:38:35 +0000 wheres_c 2053783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We each get one week night per week. Ideally scheduled a day or two in advance for meal planning purposes. Typically we have to ask "permission" to go out on a weekend night solo or get an extra day in the week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/extracurricular-balance#post-2053702 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 10:45:03 +0000 nana87 2053702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH rarely has unplanned stuff--about once a month or less he has a dinner out that's related to his food blog, but he always knows in advance. Or he'll do something with a friend, but that's even rarer (sadly). </p> <p>The thing that kills me is that he goes to the gym 4-5 days a week. He usually goes during lunch (he works from home) and when lo's in daycare it's not a big deal, but during my mat leave or on days she's home with me it was super frustrating, because I would really need a break to shower, rest, etc. But then I would feel bad because it's something he does for his health, you know? Mostly I think I'm jealous, because I can never find time to go to the gym! </p>