https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 26 May 2026 17:27:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/families-of-origin#post-2487194 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:22:24 +0000 nana87 2487194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely see differences from our families of origin, though I think some of it also has to do with the very different communities that we were raised in. I'm from a kind of hippie-ish college town, and we were comfortable and had any books we wanted and many toys, but definitely not any trendy thing just because, and especially not big expensive trendy things (like, I had a few pogs, but no furbies ;) ). dh is from an affluent big-city suburb that was very "keeping up with the joneses," and his mom is a big shopper, so he and his sister had everything trendy--air jordans, beanie babies, tamagachi, etc etc etc. the materialism is kind of out of control, imo, and I really don't want lo to feel entitled to anything she wants </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/families-of-origin#post-2487190 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:19:16 +0000 lamariniere 2487190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually see a lot of dissimilarities. Other than the fact that my parents were loving, good, honest and hardworking people, we don't really do things the same way. I think my DH's upbringing is also fairly different compared to how we are raising our kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/families-of-origin#post-2487176 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:12:37 +0000 regberadaisy 2487176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: haha yes, definitely modest by HB standards. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/families-of-origin#post-2487174 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:10:21 +0000 Applesandbananas 2487174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: I think it's modest by HB standards (have you ever seen the birthday budget threads?) and by today's Pinterest standards, but it's definitely a perspective thing. We thought they were incredible parties when we were kids and I still think so as an adult, but compared to what I see today, they were pretty modest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/families-of-origin#post-2487158 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:01:24 +0000 gingerbebe 2487158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yup families of origin have always played a big role in our marriage.</p> <p>For instance my husband's family's love language is presents. Like many, many small gifts all the time for every holiday. Holidays are hugggge in his family as a result. It drives me bananas bc I don't want all this stuff and I'm expected reciprocate which is insane because the family keeps growing!! (Luckily DH personally is a words of affirmation and touch love language kinda guy). But I come from a poor family where we did one larger gift for holidays, usually something we needed, and we always showed love through service. So when DH just wants to hire someone to do something it irritates me because my parents would fix it themselves or make it themselves, etc.</p> <p>It was something we realized early on in our marriage and we have had to adjust a lot. So I send cards and gifts allllll the time to his family to show I love them in a way they understand. DH and I verbally and physically express love a lot so he knows he's loved. DH does a lot of stuff for me around the house and with our son to show his service based love. And he has helped my parents financially enormously during our marriage and they see how much he serves me and DS at home so they know I am loved well.</p> <p>With regards to our son, it's informed a lot of things we DON'T want to do, almost more than what we do want to do. My parents have a terrible marriage and we work hard at avoiding their conflicts and issues. We both never had fun vacations growing up so we plan to do that more when our kids are older. We want to provide for their college as much as we can because DH and I paid our ways. My parents were broke and I had a lot of stress as a kid because of our finances so we are super disciplined about money and debt. DH never recalls his parents fighting so we try to model that. My mom was a screamer and I try not to be. We both had close relationships with our grandparents so we try to foster that. I really try to de-emphasize toys and presents for holidays. I never had many photos taken of our family growing up because my parents were always working so I do regular portraits. My parents worked all the time and weren't around much so DH and I structure our work schedules to be present for our son as much as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/families-of-origin#post-2487140 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 08:46:09 +0000 regberadaisy 2487140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've never heard of this. But to answer your questions, yes and no. What you described would actually be pretty lavish to me and not modest. Growing up my parents worked very long hours. I remember two birthday "parties". One when I was about 7 which was just cake and my cousins stopped by. Then my sweet 16 that was in my basement and my brothers paid for Chinese food takeout. It wasn't until I was older and my brothers had full time jobs that birthdays were a little bigger of a deal in that they got me a cake and presents.<br /> Because of that, I want to do more for my kids. It's why my parents worked so hard and immigrated to the US. So that we could have more than they did. I want my kids to have more than I did.</p> <p>As for DH, there are many wonderful things in his childhood that he wants our kids to have. And there were also many mistakes his parents made that he hopes not to make.</p> <p>So, I think it's inevitable that our childhood influences our parenting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/families-of-origin#post-2487111 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 08:20:23 +0000 Applesandbananas 2487111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is the concept of "families of origin", meaning you, your sibs, your parents and when we got married in the church, we attended something pre-maritally that talked about this and it's always stuck with me. </p> <p>I see so much of what I do as being very influenced by how I was raised, from the meals I cook to the outings I take LO on, household balance, etc. and I see the same in DH.</p> <p>One example, my parents threw modest birthday parties for us (bowling alley, roller skating, or public park) with a cake, a few decorations, gifts, and our friends and family. In DH's family, they got one present (usually something they needed) and got to pick the dinner that night. They might've also had dessert.</p> <p>We had a party for LO's first birthday, modest, but fun, and had a family day for his second, but both times, it was a compromise! :)</p> <p>Do you see a lot of influence from your families of origin? </p>