https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 21 May 2026 23:03:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959631 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 11:32:28 +0000 looch 1959631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What I found interesting is that I actually didn't have to do anything, my son takes care of it all himself. From a very early age, he decided if he wanted to be close to a person, my parents actually commented about it to me, that if he doesn't want to be near you, he lets you know.</p> <p>We taught him to shake hands, which is kind of hit or miss, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959584 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 11:11:32 +0000 Adira 1959584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do this! We started as soon as Xander started showing an aversion to being held by other people. We don't force him to be held, give/receive hugs, or give/receive kisses if he doesn't want to! We'll try doing high fives or shake hands or blow kisses and waves from a distance instead until he warms up to them (if he ever warms up to them).</p> <p>MOST of the family is pretty understanding! They'll try to get a hug from Xander, but if he clings to me and doesn't want anything to do with them, they don't press the issue! But this is also the reason I got into a huge fight with my SMIL - she was trying to force Xander to get used to her by holding him and walking away from me, and when I wouldn't let her, we got into a big fight and ended up not speaking for months. It sucked, but I have to be my children's advocate and make sure they feel safe and protected, even against grandparents! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959553 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 10:56:39 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1959553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: agreed! I generally try to respect what a parent tells their child to do (ie, apologize if they accidently knock over LO or step on my foot, whatever) but I AL WAYS say that they don't have to hug me if they don't want to. It makes me feel like a jerk when they're forced to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959549 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 10:54:32 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1959549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO is still very young (15 months) so no one really seems to get upset or force her to come to them or give them kisses yet which is great. She has recently learned to blow kisses so sometimes I give her that option when she doesn't seem to want kisses from a grandparent or uncle/aunt. I actually have confidence that neither side of the family with force affection from her (thank god) but I will always speak up for her &amp; try to find a compromise if they were to ever do so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959536 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 10:47:55 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1959536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As someone on the receiving end of parents telling their kids to hug me, I'm very uncomfortable with it. In fact, I often tell the child it's okay not to hug or kiss and offer a hi-five. I also don't like when people become dramatic about not getting hugs &amp; kisses saying the child must not like them ans and acting sad. Children should show affection on their own terms and not be made to feel bad for not doing so. </p> <p>I imagine explaining how I feel about the subject and being my kid's advocate will keep pesky friends &amp; family at bay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959447 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 09:55:20 +0000 Jess1483 1959447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Around a year, I started telling DS (loudly, and in front of people) that he can offer a hug, a kiss, or a wave. I told my parents the reasoning behind it and they're cool with it. It's even his choice with me or DH. My grandma struggles with it and almost always says "come give Nana a hug," but I always follow that with, "yes, time to say goodbye to Nana. You can choose a hug, a kiss, or a wave." She's good about respecting it, even if she doesn't like it, I think it's just habit for her to ask. But I hated forced affection as a kid, and don't want DS to feel that way.</p> <p>My ILs struggle more since they don't see him as often, but he's a pretty affectionate kid, so they do still usually get a hug or kiss, even if it's not right away. </p> <p>I think it's nice knowing that if he does give a hug or a kiss, it's because he really wants to. I think framing it that way helped us convince some of our hesitant relatives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959444 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 09:52:54 +0000 JerricaBenton 1959444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely like the idea of this. Nothing is worse than being forced to hug and kiss when you're uncomfortable. LO is almost two and definitely has a big personality with no trouble saying no and high tailing it outta there if she's not interested and I'd never force her. This works fine with my side of the family but DH's side is very into forced hugs and kisses and finds it rude for kids not to physically greet adults and cousins. We haven't spent much time with them recently so it'll be interesting. I think I'll encourage her to wave or high five and then she can hug if she decides to on her own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959439 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 09:51:08 +0000 Kimberlybee 1959439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD is 18 months and she'll say "no no" if she doesn't want hugs or kisses from family. She'll push that person away. So she'll usually offer a hand up for high fives. I started teaching her high fives and air kisses around 7-8 months. She caught on really fast. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959437 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 09:50:48 +0000 littlebug 1959437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mayim Bialik addressed this same thing a year or so ago, and I thought it was brilliant. <a href="http://www.kveller.com/mayim-bialik/why-i-never-force-my-kids-to-kiss-their-grandparents-or-anyone-else/" rel="nofollow">http://www.kveller.com/mayim-bialik/why-i-never-force-my-kids-to-kiss-their-grandparents-or-anyone-else/</a> </p> <p>D is friendly and outgoing, but not much of a hugger or kisser. Even with me and Hubs. He takes a bit to warm up, even with people who he sees frequently and asks about constantly. He was excited for an entire day to see his grandparents, asking about them, but when we walked in the door, he clung to me for 10 minutes until I could even put him down, and even then it was another 5 minutes before he would offer so much as a smile to his grandparents. </p> <p>With my parents, they back off until he warms up. My ILs aren't quite as good, though they at least don't force physical contact. But they are constantly in his face, saying hi, and generally freaking him out. He's burying his face in my neck, and they're trying to cup their hands over his face and say "it's dark in there." Cuz that's not terrifying. BUT that's a story for another day. </p> <p>All this to say, if I sense that he's uncomfortable, right now (at 22 months), I simply walk away from them. I ask if he wants to give a hi-five, or ask him to say hi, but if he's clearly not ready for it, I walk away and give him time to watch from afar. Maybe that's passive-aggressive, but whatever. For now, when he can't "protect" himself, it's up to me to do it for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959426 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 09:43:22 +0000 Mamaof2 1959426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Didn't read the article but we do this!</p> <p>I just told my family that I wont make them give affection - its their choice and my family is fine with that and will usually request a high five which my kids happily do! In the off chance they wont do anything then we let it go!</p> <p>They also teach personal space at DCP and tell the kids that you ask your friend "can I give you a hug" before you do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-and-teaching-kids-physical-boundaries#post-1959425 Tue, 25 Nov 2014 09:40:44 +0000 Little Misters Mom 1959425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This article Cup of Jo linked to this morning got me thinking again about how we should handle affectionate family and friends if DS doesn't want to give kisses or hugs. <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/" rel="nofollow">http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/</a></p> <p>DS is small and generally mellow, but I'm starting to notice he turns or reaches for us when he's had enough of being in someone's arms. I want to teach him to respect his body and his preferences both as a nod to his tiny, developing autonomy and as a safeguard against predators. But I don't want to hurt my family's feelings. I love the suggestion that he wave, shake hands, or give high fives when he doesn't feel like hugging.</p> <p>How do you handle this with your LO and family and friends? At what age did you start? </p>