https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Jul 2026 14:40:44 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876680 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 09:35:46 +0000 lil owl 1876680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: 6 teeth so far </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876667 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 09:25:13 +0000 youboots 1876667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds like y'all need a little break and frankly, your husband may need to see a counselor. He is in mourning and may need some extra support. I am concerned that there was a conflict and he left your child. Take some time to talk about your boundaries/expectations with parents together (just you and DH) then have a sit down after everyone has had some time to reflect. Perhaps they will behave better in your home than theirs for these breakfast get togethers so you have more control over whats going on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876659 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 09:21:26 +0000 Mama Bird 1876659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, first, how does a 7 1/2 month old eat a bag of pretzels? That's a baby with some teeth!</p> <p>I think it's really good of your husband to be bringing LO over for breakfast every morning. They need to appreciate that and be more respectful of your parenting. And the idea that holding LO is bad for him somehow? I can only see that going to worse places as he gets older, and them always having a problem with things that help him grow up healthy emotionally.</p> <p>I think it would be best to cut down on the breakfast visits if these are the kind of comments you have to hear from them, at least until you have a discussion with them about being nicer to your family. Would it help to point out that it's not that they can never ever feed LO what they like, it's just that it's been a long time since their own kids were babies, and they don't quite remember that young babies are not ready for certain foods, and need more cuddling and attention then older kids? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876654 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 09:16:49 +0000 JerricaBenton 1876654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get that you needed their support while you were recovering but I think this incident makes it very clear that it's time for you guys to be taking care of breakfast and most care for your LO by yourselves/in your own home. Hopefully you'll be able to get back to a place where you can visit with your parents when things calm down but it should be made clear that you guys are in charge of the care of your son. It's easier to do that when you're not accepting major help from them. At their ages, you're not likely to change their minds in regards to appropriate diet and the gay stuff I'm not even going to touch, but they seem set in their ways. I would definitely have your husband apologize for losing his temper but don't continue the breakfast routine, even if your parents invite them back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876638 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 09:10:18 +0000 Mamaof2 1876638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this a great time to start some new routines!</p> <p>No more going over there for breakfast - you, DH and LO should eat together (even if things get resolved)</p> <p>Also give them some space for a few days and then you need to sit down and have a good talk. They need to respect your boundaries - plain and simple. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876629 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 09:06:22 +0000 Adira 1876629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lil owl: The fact that your son might be gluten intolerant and your parents were feeding him pretzels and then your husband LEFT HIM THERE boggles my mind! WHY would you husband leave his child with people who not only disrespect his wishes re: his parenting, but are potentially putting his child at risk by feeding him foods he can't have AND who don't understand the risks of intolerance and allergies???</p> <p>Your parents sound downright crazy and disrespectful and probably shouldn't be allowed around your son without one of you present. And your husband is nuts for leaving! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876614 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 08:51:30 +0000 lil owl 1876614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another thing is: DS might be gluten intolerant as he gets bad rashers after eating it. But according to my parents: food allergies do not exist. They are just a way to forbid children eating tasty things. </p> <p>@wonderstruck: The way you say itmakes us sound really stupid :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876611 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 08:49:40 +0000 nana87 1876611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>your parents are being ridiculous! first, the anti-gay stuff is just absurd. and you can't spoil a lo this young anyway--if someone told me that i shouldn't be so affectionate with my child they'd see my non-affectionate side all right, except with them! second, not listening to you or dh about how to feed lo (or how you comfort him or anything else) is disrespectful of your parenting, and there needs to be boundaries set. YOUR family, ie you, dh, and lo, come first. lo's needs, and your interpretation of them, come before your parents' feelings or opinions. third, with everything going on with your dh and his family, they should be more forgiving. it doesn't sound to me like your dh overreacted at all, it sounds like they did, and they were in the wrong in the first place by not listening to dh about what to feed lo. </p> <p>that said, my fil is around the same age--74--and also ill, and i understand how hard managing taking care of him/his feelings and lo at the same time can be. fil flies off the handle at stupid things and it's definitely a learning curve for us for how to deal with it. last time he and mil visited us, he blew up at dh for something really stupid, and i'm so proud of how dh handled it--he simply said "if you're going to speak to me like that, you can leave." he didn't engage, he didn't let it escalate, he just stood up for himself and protected lo from it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876576 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 08:31:35 +0000 wonderstruck 1876576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lil owl: So basically, you're living super close so that you guys can take care of them and do their dishes while they treat you like children, tell you that you're turning your son gay, refuse to follow your rules for your child, and are willing to kick out your DH and say nasty things about him over one sarcastic comment (that personally, I think he was pretty justified in making)?</p> <p>...Yeah, I have a feeling this isn't going to get better by ignoring it and waiting for your parents to decide they're over it. They are still going to go right back to their old behaviors. It sounds like you all need some space right now, but at some point I think you need to have a talk with them about how comments disrespecting your parenting will not be tolerated, and that they are expected to follow your rules about what LO can and cannot eat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876563 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 08:19:34 +0000 lil owl 1876563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, they assume LO is spoiled and we're not doing it right.<br /> We're both still working on our dissertations while working, so sometimes they assume we're still children...<br /> We moved here so we can help them out, my parents are 73 and 78 and my dad is sick...</p> <p>he just held up the bottle of dish soap and asked (sarcastically) if they wanted to feed him that, too, as LO cannot digest it as well</p> <p>I wasn't there.</p> <p>My mom insists that she didn't feed him much. (and she doesn't want to see me again, as I'm as bad as DH)<br /> Why DH left without DS? I have no idea.<br /> DS is still cramping and in a crappy mood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876561 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 08:18:10 +0000 Tanjowen 1876561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like your parents (and DH) built up to this point and it exploded. I would maybe let things just rest for a bit and when she talks to you, just remind her that you guys love them but they need to respect your decisions as parents. Hopefully it will make her realize she overreacted and the pretzel incident won't happen again. </p> <p>My dad fed my son ice cream and it lead to a rough night for us. I told him the next morning when I dropped him off (they watch him the 2 days I work), "No ice cream anymore. It was awful and do not do it again." He seemed taken aback but once I explained how it affected LO, he seemed to feel bad that he was hurting his grandson. Perhaps explaining to your parents how what they feed LO can certainly affect his health will make them stop.</p> <p>As for the "making him gay"...I have no words except to say stick to your guns and love on that little boy for all he's worth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876554 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 08:14:12 +0000 loki 1876554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: haha #pretzelgate!</p> <p>i would be livid if i were you. especially all that stuff about being overly affectionate, etc. i would definitely be putting my foot down about that and never let them mention it in my presence ever again... cuz that is batshit crazy. i 100% don't think your husband was in the wrong at all. i can totally see me saying something about the dish soap and i don't think it's a ridiculous overreaction. maybe not the most mature response but if someone was feeding my baby PRETZELS and not listening when i insisted they stop, i'd be livid and probably would not be at my most mature.<br /> i agree with everyone and don't understand why he left without the baby... but i think you're totally right in backing up your husband. i would give it some time because i'm sure your mom will regret the things she's said since it will significantly impact her relationship with her grandchild. i agree with everyone that has said the regular breakfasts at their house need to stop and it's time to set some serious boundaries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876546 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 08:10:18 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1876546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lil owl: have you physically recovered? If so, now more than ever would be a good time to make breakfast at your own home routine. Sounds like every one involved is emotional right now. Your husband was being a smart ass, your parent's use poor judgment and worse didn't heed his instructions. Now your husband thinks no one likes him and your parents are acting like they want nothing to do with you all. Just let things calm down a bit, address what transpired and create a new normal.</p> <p>the one thing I don't quite understand is why your husband left your baby over there immediately following pretzelgate?</p> <p>ETA: I almost forgot about the anti-gay sentiments. People are born straight or gay. Hugging children and being overly protective does not make them attracted to the same sex. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876517 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 07:41:25 +0000 wonderstruck 1876517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your parent's behavior was horribly disrespectful - your DH was telling them no and they just kept right on doing whatever they pleased with your child! And from the other stuff you said about them worrying about you guys turning LO gay (ugh, just typing that made me cringe) and being too affectionate with him...yeah, they just sound completely disrespectful. But I'm baffled by the fact that your DH didn't take LO and leave - why didn't he physically stop them from feeding LO the pretzels? And why wouldn't he take LO with him when he left? </p> <p>They owe your DH an apology. And even when/if it comes, clearly the daily visits need to stop since your parents are acting as if they have an equal say in parenting decisions. They are not the parents, yet are acting as if they have they should have the right to override your and DH's parenting decisions. Not cool.</p> <p>I'm a bit confused by the bit about the dishwasher soap though - I'm assuming your DH just poured some of that on a plate and sarcastically asked them if they'd like to feed that to LO too? I'll admit, I can see myself making a crack like that. When my LO was too young for sweets and my parents wanted to give him some I would sometimes say stuff like, "Yeah, and why don't I share some of my Mountain Dew with him while we're at it?" Except the difference is my parents would realize I was serious about not giving him the sweets and back off. Not tell me to leave and that there was something seriously wrong with me! (I get my sarcasm from them though...I probably wouldn't ever say it to my ILs, but they would also respect my wishes if I asked them to not feed my child something!)</p> <p>ETA: How long ago were these deaths in your DH's family? It sounds like maybe he could use some grief counseling if he hasn't gotten any. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876513 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 07:37:14 +0000 mrbee 1876513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Putting aside what happened, I've never heard of a grandparent who cut out regular visits from their grandchild and didn't regret it!</p> <p>I would take this as an opportunity to establish some boundaries, and to start having breakfast at your own home in the mornings... and personally, I'd also apologize for the dish soap comment. Then maybe once things have settled down, you could have them over for breakfast or dinner.</p> <p>Oh and the whole thing about turning a child gay from holding them too much... that's crazy talk! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876498 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 07:30:05 +0000 Adira 1876498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Okay, I just want to see if I followed this correctly...</p> <p>Your DH brings LO over to your parents house roughly every morning for breakfast. While they were there, your parents were feeding LO pretzels and your DH told them to stop. When they didn't, your DH got mad and over-reacted and basically suggested they feed him dish soap while they were at it. Your parents then got mad and kicked your DH out while keeping your LO. Then your parents brought LO back to you and told you that your DH was not to come over for breakfast anymore?</p> <p>Assuming the above is correct, it sounds like your DH overreacted, but as the parent, he has every right to be able to dictate what ANYONE (including your parents) feed his child. And it sounds like your parents overreacted even MORE. Clearly your DH was upset and just lashed out at them, but for them to now say he can't come over seems a bit extreme! And why did your DH leave without LO anyway?? If my in-laws told me to leave, I'd be taking my kid with me!</p> <p>Either way, it sounds to me like your parents are the ones more in the wrong here and you're doing the right thing by sticking up for your husband. Maybe your husband could try to apologize for over-reacting but reiterate that they need to respect his (and YOUR) wishes when it comes to what your child is being fed. And then go from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama#post-1876476 Thu, 25 Sep 2014 07:13:15 +0000 lil owl 1876476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope any of that makes sense at all:</p> <p>So my parents are mad at me and not talking to me because I'm an idiot, obviously, and doing everything wrong. (I'm not sure wether they believe I'm 12 years old or they are...)</p> <p>It probably is my fault though. It grew a habit, after A was born and I was so wounded I could hardly walk and all, that DH would take LO and go over to their place (they live right next to us) for breakfast. So whenever we don't have an early appointment or A isn't sleeping in DH takes him there and hast breakfast with them before he heads to work. (And I can either stay in bed a little longer, or take a shower or join them) Today the grandparents fed LO, who is 7 ½ month old, a bag of pretzels. DH told them to stop, that this is way too much, that LO needs to at least drink in between etc. LO was happy of course and ate everything they gave him. DH got really mad (and he knows this was out of proportion) and gave them some dishwasher soap (because he was doing their dishes) and told them if they would like to feed this to him as well, as they are already feeding him stuff he cannot digest.<br /> So my mom got angry and told him to leave. (and kept LO)<br /> (DH is so sad and angry at himself but he's really on edge because his dad and granddad died within a week and now theres noone still alive on his side of the family... Sometimes he cannot stop crying. And now he feels like he “lost” my parents, too. )</p> <p>10 min later my mom brought me a screaming LO. I asked what's wrong and she just said: something's seriously wrong with your DH.</p> <p>LO screamed for almost an hour before I could nurse him to sleep. I met my mom again, when she was putting stuff on our front stairs, saying: that belongs to you and you can tell your DH not to bring LO over for breakfast anymore. Poor baby, but when your DH believes in holding him all the time, cuddling him and loving him to death you'll see what you'll get. They believe we'll turn him gay)</p> <p>So, what do I do?<br /> DH is upset and sad and feels like it's all his fault while on the same time fears for our LO because the two of us are the only family he has still left... and he knows he's irrational at times but I also understand that the loss of both parents (and grandparents) is hard and that he is sad and sometimes not himself.<br /> My parents are upset, that DH and I are both completely irrational and turning that beautiful baby boy into something awful (“something” affectionate, who feels protected all the time and loved too much and will potentially turn out gay)</p> <p>Right now I'm not saying anything to my parents.<br /> I do believe DH was right, although he could have said it in another way. </p> <p>What do you think? </p>