https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 19 Oct 2026 04:56:16 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208874 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:55:27 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 208874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: That's kind of the tactic we took. We are also thinking about the local Jewish community school for grade school (maybe... It depends what happens with public school here) so that the girls are more familiar with the traditions in the event that they want to become more involved later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208869 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:51:01 +0000 hilsy85 208869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I am really interested in doing that, and have plans to speak to the rabbi that officiated our wedding to see what it would entail. My fear now is that if we do it, my dad won't even come and would keep my mom from coming :( I would also like to give the baby a Hebrew name, so he has it if he ever decides that he wants to be more observant/take a more active role in his religion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208866 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:48:49 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 208866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I was just going to suggest a naming ceremony or a symbolic circ (you know, just a prick of blood). </p> <p>Our girls both have Hebrew names, but that's as far as we got with the ritual of things :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208864 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:47:14 +0000 hilsy85 208864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: seriously!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208863 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:46:54 +0000 hilsy85 208863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rachel: HAHAH just noticed that!!!! Made me Lol as well, I think I"ll leave it just for giggles :) You're right--it is something that can be done later in life if LO would like...I think he just sees it as a no-brainer, and he's so stubborn that he won't even care if we've done our own research on it and come to a different conclusion. </p> <p>@oliviaoblivia: I really hope not, right? That would seem crazy. And I don't think he would long term...but maybe for the first few months? Who knows! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208861 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:45:09 +0000 hilsy85 208861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LivsMama: That's the thing--this is a HUGE decision, it's not like "Oh, I think you should have him in another layer of clothing". I know that we need to set boundaries with family and let them know that this is OUR decision. It's just hard because like you said, I am really really scared of the consequences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208859 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:44:53 +0000 Shutterbug 208859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say stick to your guns!! I think it will be tough at first, but eventually your dad will have to get over it - this is your baby, and that's a big decision - you don't want to feel like you only did it because you were pressured by your dad (imagine explaining that to your son some day). </p> <p>Maybe try to tell him that you've done a lot of research, and this is the decision that you and your DH have made for your son. Your son can always have it done later in life (ouch) if he feels strongly about it in the future, but it's not something that can be un-done very easily.</p> <p>Also, I can't help but giggle at the auto-corrected "rabbi" into "rabbit" :) I picture a rabbit officiating your wedding ceremony. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208852 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:40:42 +0000 DillonLion 208852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I can relate, 100%. Dads are so stubborn!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208850 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:40:27 +0000 oliviaoblivia 208850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I whole heartedly agree with @Highwire. I can't imagine your dad would be willing to lose a relationship with his grandson over a foreskin. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208844 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:38:33 +0000 LivsMama 208844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: here is the thing - once the baby is here, people hurl "advice" and "suggestions" your way and insist they know whats best because it worked for them. Or they threaten (sometimes veiled) retalliation if you dont choose their way. My MIL is a PRO at this and wants so badly to control our lives. It pisses her off to no end that she cant. Unfortunately, you have to pick and choose these battles. Id say compromise comes somewhere in line with "I think his party theme should be trains and not owls like you want!" and not with lifelong BIG parenting decisions-like a circ. It sounds like you have your mind made up and are just worried about the consequence. But if you both feel strongly about this (or if DH does) then I think this is a time to stand your ground and explain to him that its NOT an abandonment of your religion by any means. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208842 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:38:14 +0000 hilsy85 208842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: You're so right...and he seems to have this idea that he's "protecting us" from making this awful decision that will destroy our lives (whether it's having a rabbit or circ'ing...). I DO understand where he's coming from, and I think it's really hard to see your kids make decisions that you think could negatively impact them. It's just so hard to have a discussion with him about it because he believes that his way is the RIGHT way, and he's not really open-minded. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208835 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:35:27 +0000 DillonLion 208835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I still firmly believe that this is a really difficult transition that our parents must be going through. Now, we get to make large, potentially life-altering decisions about our family, and our parents have basically no say in the matter anymore. I think the initial, easiest reaction is to take things as a personal attack/insult, but deep down I think it all stems from this concept of giving up control while they watch their own family continue through life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208831 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:34:01 +0000 hilsy85 208831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LivsMama: yeah I would hope not...but like I said, he threatened to not come to our wedding if we didn't have a rabbi. We ended up with a rabbi, so who knows if he would have actually stayed away, but I'm afraid to call his bluff, so to speak. Thanks for your input though, I know that we need to do what is best for OUR family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208827 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:32:44 +0000 hilsy85 208827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: Thanks for your reply :) I really wish that my dad could take that perspective, but unfortunately, he seems to feel that if I make a decision different from what he would choose, it's a personal attack/insult. </p> <p>I do think that he sees it as a way to connect to Judaism/the Jewish community, and to that end we've considered doing an alternative ceremony (a baby naming or a bris shalom, which is a non-cutting Jewish ritual to welcome the baby). I don't think he would be satisfied with that and might still see our decision as a rejection of Judaism, which it really isn't. </p> <p>I do hope that he can come to terms with it...my fear is that he cuts us off/refuses to see us or the baby, and also puts my mom in a very tough spot with the whole thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208823 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:31:23 +0000 LivsMama 208823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am not Jewish, so I didnt know if I could really provide any insight or help, but @highwire: paragraph of "That being said, tradition is just that: Tradition. And as we start our own new families, we get to ultimately decide which traditions we do and do not want to keep as our families continue through time. And the most wonderful part about that (for me at least) is that we are all still just as Jewish as anyone else. There's nothing in the world that can ever take away your connection to that peoplehood" sums it up amazingly. It might be very, very difficult for your dad to grasp, but he needs to be aware that this is YOUR family, YOUR decision. I doubt he would alienate himself from his grandson's life just because he isnt circ'd </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208817 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:29:32 +0000 DillonLion 208817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of the great and wonderful parts (and challenging and difficult) of being Jewish is that it is absolutely a cultural lifestyle in addition to being religious dogma. Your dad's opinion about Judaism hyper-focusing around life events (like circumcision or the bat mitzvah) is not an uncommon viewpoint among Jewish people. </p> <p>For whatever reason, circumcision seems to be such an important tradition for many Jewish families, even the ones that never step foot in a temple or observe any other religious rituals. </p> <p>That being said, tradition is just that: Tradition. And as we start our own new families, we get to ultimately decide which traditions we do and do not want to keep as our families continue through time. And the most wonderful part about that (for me at least) is that we are all still just as Jewish as anyone else. There's nothing in the world that can ever take away your connection to that peoplehood. </p> <p>I can see the struggle you are facing between choosing what you feel is right for your family and possibly disappointing your dad. This is par for the course at this point in our lives, I think. Jewish or not. We have to create our own boundaries and set up our own families as we see fit, and sometimes that is vastly different from what our parents practiced growing up. </p> <p>Hopefully your father can make peace with your decision and come to accept it on his own terms when he is ready, and not pester you about it from then on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-drama-over-circing#post-208800 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:21:32 +0000 hilsy85 208800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So DH and I have not decided 100% on circumcision, but we're leaning toward not doing it for our little guy. I should add that DH feels much more strongly about it than I do (I don't really have much of an opinion). DH is also not circumcised. </p> <p>This is an issue because we are Jewish**....I.am.terrified. of my dad's reaction upon learning that we are not circ'ing...I KNOW he is going to flip out (note: when we were engaged and considering not having a rabbit officiate, he threatened to not attend the wedding). He's already made what I perceive as "veiled threats" that it's our decision to make, but he can't predict how he will react, etc. I think he thinks that we will ultimately decide to circ, but I really don't know how to tell him we're probably not...Anyone have any advice, or go through a similar situation? It literally makes me nauseous when I think about how he will react :( </p> <p>** I should add that while we are Jewish, I had almost no religion in my life growing up (never went to temple, was never bat mitzvah'd, never went to Hebrew school, etc). My dad seems to think observing Jewish traditions is really important around big life events (marriage, babies, etc), and has become more adamant about this as he grows older. </p>