https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 24 May 2026 01:22:38 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-372680 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 15:42:07 +0000 blackbird 372680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really hate when people bring up "oh we did it without X technology 25+ years ago and it was fine". Do we just throw the convenience out the window? Um, no. </p> <p>Just stay home and get your stuff done. What are they going to say to you, after all? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-372570 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 15:10:27 +0000 MsMini 372570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow! That iso weird and inappropriate that they are being so insistent on you being out of the house. I can't imagine what they would do without you there that they couldn't with you around. </p> <p>Maybe I have read too may stories about babies being fed weird foods by grandparents on here, but it makes me worry they want to do something they know you wouldn't approve of, and thats just sketchy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-372511 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 14:41:10 +0000 Mrs.M57 372511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: eeee the part about the no phone makes it even worse, especially since you said Willa has major separation anxiety. I second the idea of letting them watch her while you are in the house doing laundry or tub cleaning, that sounds like it could be a good compromise! You definitely have the right toile whatever decision is best for your family, hopefully if you stand up now, it will deter them from pushing the issue any further! Family can be really tough! I know in my experience, I'm figuring out that my mom/dad and grandparents still think of me a their daughter/granddaughter and forget that I'm a mom now, and need to do what i think is best for my daughter instead of doing what they think is best. Definitely tough though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-372394 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 13:56:07 +0000 Jumpingjacks 372394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My advice is that you take control of this situation. Tell them the times that you are available to see them with your LO and the times you're not and you set the ground rules. If they don't like it -- too bad for them.</p> <p>For what it's worth: I would not leave my LO with my grandparents due to their age and also if LO doesn't see them often and know them, then it's probably also not a good idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-372313 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 13:37:39 +0000 Modern Daisy 372313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, that's pretty strange! It's one thing to say "Oh it would be nice if we had some alone time" but to actually demand it, and not even directly is weird. </p> <p>Honestly I would force them to make the request directly by pretending like I never heard anything until they bring it up to me. Then I would either take them up on it if I had to run a quick errand or I would just laugh and say "Maybe next time". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-372283 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 13:30:07 +0000 Cherrybee 372283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can I just say that I think that's a really weird thing to ask, for you to go away and let them have time alone with your child. I can't imagine for one second asking any of my family, specifically, for alone time with their baby!!! Asking for you to bring LO over so they can see her, yes, I get that. But I can't see what they'd get from being alone with her that they wouldn't get with you there.... it's just weird. I'd put my foot down and flat out refuse to leave, for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-372266 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 13:24:09 +0000 birdofafeather 372266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: i also find it odd that they are so insistent on you leaving the house?! i think it's one thing if they are trying to help (ie: oh, we would be happy to spend time with LO alone while you get your nails done, do errands, etc.) versus, get out of your own house. heck no. and on a couple days notice. put your foot down, especially with the stranger anxiety. sounds like a recipe for anxiety for everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-372018 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 12:04:06 +0000 Mrs. Blue 372018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: bummer that they are SO insistent! As I said in one of my recent blogs, "BE the mom!" You have to do what's best for you and your LO, even if it's hard to make yourself do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-372014 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 12:02:32 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 372014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: I find it so odd they want you to be gone! Stick up for yourself! Don't change plans, invite them over for lunch or something if it fits your schedule. Sorry you have to go through this... I don't even had kids yet but i know it would drive me insane!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-372008 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:58:16 +0000 jennylynn 372008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: Bottom line is -you're uncomfortable with it. End of story. They need to respect that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371978 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:44:39 +0000 erinpye 371978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: Yeah, that's getting a little weird. I would just nip it in the bud and tell them that their insisting like this is starting to make you angry and the answer is simply, "no." YOUR family is now your LO and DH, and they come first, even if you have to hurt your grandparent's feelings. You feel anxious and leery about it for a reason; trust that mama gut. xoxo. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371942 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:36:02 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 371942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: oh yes, I am totally okay with that! My tub needs a good scrubbing, I have tons of laundry to catch up on, and I would love to sit and read a book. But they're emphatic about me leaving. It doesn't seem like they're willing to give on this one. Time for me to put my mommy pants on and stand up for myself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371927 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:30:51 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 371927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So here's an update:<br /> she DOES get stranger anxiety, especially once she realizes I am not around. She had a complete meltdown last weeks after being at my MIL's for only 40 minutes and she was so upset my MIL had to call me to come home.</p> <p>My grandparents dont even have a cell phone, and we don't have a home phone since my husband and I use our cells. I brought that up (that I was uncomfortable with having no way to contact them) and their response "we brought up our children without phones and everyone was just fine. I am sure we can use the neighbor's in an emergency". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371891 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:22:13 +0000 pinkcupcake 371891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: I don't enjoy myself when I'm out without L either. I'd probably tell them I'd be happy to have them spend as much time with her as possible but ill be there too! Maybe you could couch it as "oh I wanna spend time with you and she also gets stranger anxiety" or something? Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371889 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:22:05 +0000 calsmom 371889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: Could your mother be there with them? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371877 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:18:06 +0000 rachiecakes 371877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: Nope, that's weird and no, I would not be leaving my baby alone with 80 year olds.</p> <p>@Mrs.M57: my great aunt watched my 4 year old cousin and broke her hip while they were out walking - this will always remain in my mind when elderly relatives want to watch DS. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371875 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:17:28 +0000 Mrs. Pen 371875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My grandparents couldn't handle LO either! They're not even that old...! I think their baby days are over and that's ok - they love to see him and hold him but not for more than 10 minutes.</p> <p>I find it odd that they pretty much demanded you leave so they could be alone... what can't they do with your LO with you there?? that just seems like they want to do something you might not approve of? Idk that part makes me uncomfortable totally.</p> <p>I was going to second turtledoves and say I would totally get out and do something if someone offered because I really value time away from LO - makes me appreciate my time with him moreso... but if that's not the case with you I would say don't do what makes you uncomfortable. It's your decision because W is your baby. </p> <p>And I know from previous posts that W doesn't always do too well with others for long periods of time... use that as your excuse! Tell your gparents she doesn't take a bottle, she won't nap without you etc- so you can't leave her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371867 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:16:26 +0000 twinmama 371867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my extended family also wanted us to leave for alone time, but that wasn't ok with me for a variety of reasons. we'll leave the kids with any combination of my parents and my sister, but that's it right now at 3 months old. don't let them bully you - you're the mom and if you don't want to go, don't.</p> <p>i do use time that people visit as time to catch up on things around the house though. so i'm present, and there if the LOs need mama, but it's kind of a break too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371860 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:15:13 +0000 autumnlove 371860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents will offer to watch LO so DH and I can go out and do stuff as a couple when we visit.<br /> I would be annoyed if they just want to be alone with your LO. I would prob just stick around but give them their space to dote on your LO! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371846 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 11:11:02 +0000 jennylynn 371846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: I would be really annoyed by this. I think I'm a little over possessive of my time with LO though? I'd be annoyed 1. because they gave you 3 days notice. 2. They went through your mom and not you. 3. They expect you to leave the house and leave them alone with her. I would never be comfortable leaving our grandparents alone with our LO, and I think as a parent, that's my decision. It's hard for me to keep up with her needs some days, and I'm 28. I can't imagine being in my 70-80s and managing her care alone. I just think the situation was presented in a really inconsiderate way. I get that they want "their" time with LO, but they have to respect you as her mother, and what you're comfortable with. I like Mrs. Blue's suggestion. That way, you'd still be close by to help if any difficult situation arose, but they'd still have some "alone" time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371800 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 10:49:18 +0000 Mrs. Blue 371800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe you could just say that you prefer to stay there, but would love for them to watch LO while you take a nap, relax in a bath, work on _____, etc. That way they would feel like they have some time, but you would still be nearby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371397 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 08:12:20 +0000 Mrs.M57 371397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: I would do what you and DH are comfortable with. I totally understand what you're saying about being ok with your mom watching her but not g-parents. I personally wouldn't let my grandma watch dd at this point, because I'm afraid that she couldn't keep up with the physical demands of my dd. Being on the floor with her, picking her up, at this age (and I think your lo is similar )my lo is pretty demanding! Definitely i would let them see her with you present though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371368 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 07:44:26 +0000 MrsHotDog 371368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: Would you be leaving your LO with just the great grandparents or would your parents be there too? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371323 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 06:58:12 +0000 blackbird 371323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well it is a weird request, but perhaps it wasn't phrased in such an odd way? But more like, they want you to leave so YOU can relax? I could totally see my mom doing this, "go, do something, she's fine! Go get a massage!" </p> <p>Something could've been lost in conversation, too, since they spoke to your mom, and not you (which I find super weird). Also 3 days notice is NOT ok in my book. There's way too much of a chance that I've got plans. </p> <p>I don't think DH's grandparents would be able to take care of a baby unsupervised...their health is just ailing. </p> <p>I wouldn't just clear your weekend, though. If you've got stuff to do, it's gotta get done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371300 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 06:01:01 +0000 heffalump 371300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. My grandparents could never handle taking care of lo. They can't even hold her by themselves. But that's not the point. No way would I do that. The only people who have babysat my lo are her grandparents .... and she's 15 months old. </p> <p>I do have a good excuse for these situations though. My lo has stranger anxiety and has since she was little. At your lo's age she would cry if a stranger looked at her. And go crazy if they picked her up. So if someone tried to babysit it would be no fun for anybody. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371293 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 05:49:21 +0000 mrstilly 371293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is one of my biggest pet peeves. You DO NOT need to leave the house (or your LO) so that others can watch her. It is about what you are comfortable with, NOT what they want. She is your child not theirs. </p> <p>I don't think I is okay, or even normal, for someone to ask a mother to leave her LO. It is different if they offer to watch LO while you get out of the house solo if you want to. But make the offer, then let it go. </p> <p>I HATED feeling pressure, especially from my in-laws, to leave LO with them. I didn't leave him alone with them until he was nearly a year and now at 19 months DH and I just took a night away. </p> <p>Do what you are comfortable with. Don't let others pressure you into leaving your LO. They will be new people she doesn't know, and they don't know her routines or the tips and tricks to soothe her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371273 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 03:54:11 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 371273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: if that's the case (that you wouldn't enjoy yourself anyways if she was left with them) then don't do it! I just assumed you regarded these people like your mother...but if not then you need to let them know you're not ready for anyone to watch her other than your mom. Can you throw it on DH? DH always let's me say stuff like "his daddy is extra protective--sorry!" And then people don't argue because they figure they don't want to breaks a fathers word....it might work to just close the entire subject of them asking </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371272 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 03:51:38 +0000 SugarplumsMom 371272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>=/ Argh. I would be annoyed too! It would have been so much better if they actually told you in advance and you got to plan it - you'd probably been excited then. But they're great-grandparents, so if that was me, I'd cut them a little slack BUT I'm definitely let my grandma know (sweetly but forcefully) that IF she wants to see her great-grandchild again (for an extended visit), she needs to clear it with me at least 3 weeks in advance! I would then proceed to show her how to TXT msg for the next time she wants to visit and set her speed-dial, so she has no excuse :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371270 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 03:34:59 +0000 SweetMamaM 371270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't yet been in your position, but I think that the major problem here isn't necessarily what they want (although I'd be a little hurt that my grandparents didn't want to hang out with me) but that you are more or less being told what to do with your own little family.<br /> In your position, I'd make sure that I was around to see them but I wouldn't go out of my way to leave LO alone with them - if you had a particular errand that you were planning on running that would be easier solo, go for it; I wouldn't be kicked out of my own house "just for fun" though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-members-asking-you-to-leave-so-they-can-watch-lo-by-themsleves#post-371269 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 03:34:21 +0000 erinpye 371269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'd be annoyed like you, for the short notice and for them not even directly talking to you about it. And yes, I think it's kind of a weird request, or at least it's weird the way they went about it. I understand them wanting to come over, but I bet you'd also like to spend time with them. Also, their age and the fact that they are not around your LO very often plays a significant part. Is your LO experiencing stranger/ separation anxiety yet? Is your LO prone to meltdowns that need a special calming routine? </p> <p>Personally, our LO is experiencing that stranger/ separation anxiety (at almost 7 months old), even with her grandparents she DOES see often, and once she gets upset, it's hard for people other than DH and me to calm her, and therefore I wouldn't be leaving her with her elderly great-grandparents who don't see her often enough for her to be familiar with and calmed by them, and who don't know her daily sleeping and eating routines. My grandparents did insist that once while visiting them, our LO should sleep in their room (she was 4 months old), because my grandmother wanted to bond with her and to give us a good night's sleep. We politely declined because we just weren't comfortable with that and knew it most likely wouldn't work very well anyway (baby was very colicky and only calmed by me at that age). </p> <p>Like my grandparents, I think yours mean well, but may not remember exactly what it's like caring for a very young infant. I'd have them over a lot while they're in town, and maybe do things around the house like laundry, clean the kitchen, giving them some "alone time" with LO while you're still close by, and make them feel like they are doing you a huge favor by letting you get some things done. And then maybe one of the days after your LO has spent some time with them and is getting used to them, take an hour and go get a manicure, or grab lunch with DH. </p>