https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 08:46:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664709 Tue, 13 Dec 2016 11:22:45 +0000 thepicklemonster 2664709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all the responses... super interesting and helpful. We feel better and aren't taking it personally. At the end of the day, I think the family is very excited about the baby but just expects to meet him when we come back east. So that's what we'll do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664530 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 23:05:45 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2664530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I wonder if they are just clueless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664529 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 23:04:30 +0000 gingerbebe 2664529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did not visit our nephew when he was born, and DH's brother did not visit us when our son was born. We just made it a priority to see each other at Christmas that year with both babies. </p> <p>My family, including my brother and his fiancee, and my in-laws did come see us after each kid was born. My family lives in the same state, though. Anyway, we never really expected DH's siblings to come visit and we're not planning on going to see our next nephew due in February. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664517 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 22:24:08 +0000 irene 2664517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Ditto. It is really no big deal. And OP said they are not particularly close to any of them... so why would they need to come visit? @thepicklemonster: Did your inlaws at least come visit? I think I may get more upset if the grandparents didn't come visit but uncles and aunts, meh. DH has two brothers and they are also not very close. None of them come visit. I am an only child and I can't compare. They eventually meet DS when he was a bit older and when we go to visit, and they were very happy and played with DS. DS (now almost 5) LOVES DH's third brother. Don't think too much about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664506 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 21:50:08 +0000 Mae 2664506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I"m weird because I don't understand the whole "meet the baby" thing. When I had my own baby it actually annoyed me when people acted like it was such a big deal to come "meet" her because... she's a baby. She looks and acts like a baby. lol. And I was freaking tired. Once she started getting a personality and being more fun (over 6 mo, certainly over a year) I started caring a lot more about people meeting her/her meeting people. Is it possible they just aren't baby people? I feel like I would not make an effort to go "meet" a baby, and it would have no reflection on my feelings for that baby/family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664501 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 21:10:02 +0000 DesertDreams88 2664501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pumpkin Pie: I had three baby showers and they didn't send gifts to any, and nope, no texts or emails from extended family. Over-the-phone congrats to DH from his brothers, but that's it. I'm not hugely put off by it... just very surprised, and a little raising my eyebrows. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664492 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 20:31:00 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2664492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: did you have a baby shower and they sent something then? Did they send a text or email or something acknowledging the birth? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664452 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 17:47:38 +0000 DesertDreams88 2664452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>None of our 3 siblings came. Two could have afforded it, one couldn't have. I wasn't offended by any of it. </p> <p>What I DON'T get is the fact that DH's entire extended family did not send one card or gift (we're talking 20+ people). This was even AFTER a mailed birth announcement. Whereas on my side of the family, my kindergarten teacher, my aunt's friend, and my mom's church friends all sent cards and gifts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664451 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 17:40:29 +0000 cat620 2664451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Every family is so different that it's hard to say what should and shouldn't happen after a baby is born. I know some people who would hop on the first plane out to see their niece or nephew and others who would only stop by if it were convenient. I don't have siblings, but my husband's brothers have never shown much interest in our kids. They only see them when everyone gets together for Christmas. I try not to take it personally, but that's hard to do sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664324 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 14:41:14 +0000 ValentineMommy 2664324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother, whom at the time lived across the country, did not come visit when I had either of my sons. I would have never expected him to spend a bunch of money to fly across to country to see an infant. We're super close and I never even gave it a second thought. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664262 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 13:42:23 +0000 skipra 2664262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have 3 kids and DH and I both have 2 siblings. All but one came to visit within the first 2 months with our oldest and the reason that 1 didn't visit was because we planned to visit her for Christmas, otherwise she would have come to us too. With our second and third, neither of DH's siblings visited but both mine did. DH's sister lives less than 2 hours away too. I am sad for DH and our kids that they have family that are so uninvolved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664247 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 13:18:58 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2664247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It wouldn't have occurred to me to go visit just because someone had a baby. If they had invited me or told me they needed help, then thats a different story. </p> <p>Your DH's siblings may just want to give you space, or as others have said it may not be a priority for them for a variety of reasons, but meaning no ill will towards you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664204 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 12:53:03 +0000 Mrsbells 2664204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@thepicklemonster: I dont automatically go visit my brother across country just because he had a baby. Most people assume that its a stressful time and you might want time and space to bond with your new baby. Hosting people with a newborn can be tricky so I wouldnt just assume my brother wanted me to come visit right away.<br /> I know I like my space and get frustrated when everyone wants to come see me with a newborn.<br /> I think if you would like them to visit then you should invite them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664203 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 12:52:27 +0000 Adira 2664203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: 100% everything you said.</p> <p>Plus if you haven't invited them to come, they may not even realize you want them there. I know after I had my kids, I was overwhelmed with visitors and would actually have preferred that most people left us alone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664196 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 12:47:02 +0000 PawPrints 2664196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our siblings both live far away and it never occurred to us that they would travel out just to see DD when she was born. My sister met DD at 5.5 months when we flew her out to visit our grandmother, and SIL met DD at her first Christmas (9 months old). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664129 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 11:23:58 +0000 ShootingStar 2664129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you're not super close it probably hasn't occurred to them to invite themselves to your house, especially given it's across the country. I just had a baby in August and my brother and SIL haven't met her. They don't really visit this area unless there's a convention they're going to, I would never expect them to offer to visit just to meet the baby. I think they and we just assume that they'll meet her when we visit where they live (which is also where my parents live). So they'll meet her at Christmas. </p> <p>I'm not offended. My brother and I aren't close and we lead separate lives. Both of DH's siblings are much more interested in our kids and have made an effort to meet them right away. I think that's great, but that's the kind of relationship we have with them. Plus, BIL lives in the same area and SIL lives an hour flight away and visits often. When she had a baby we did not go to see her. We thought we'd be an imposition so we waited until she came back to our area. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664121 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 11:15:12 +0000 catomd00 2664121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you're not super close then I think it's kind of asking a lot. I'm best friends with my sister who lives 5 hours by car away and she didn't meet either of my babies until they were about 2 months old because I was going to visit the rest of our family and she was planning to come up as well at the same time. It just wasn't feasible for her before then and I totally understood. It's fine that you guys are upset of course you can't help how you feel. But, I would just calmly let them know that you'd love them to come visit if they are up for it or let them know you're feeling upset that they haven't expressed interest in visiting. You're all adults and should be able to work it out amicably. Letting it fester only causes resentment and more problems to build up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664099 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 10:41:27 +0000 yoursilverlining 2664099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While I get being upset, on the other hand, why should you expect them to travel across the country if you are not even close to them? Were there big events in their children's lives that you didn't come out for where they might have felt the same? </p> <p>I do think it's weird (and rude) when PARENTS won't make a reasonable effort to see their grandchildren, but siblings are a different ballgame to me. </p> <p>And 3 kids in college and 1 about to be - - realistically, they may be tight on money helping to pay for college expenses. </p> <p>I'm sorry your feelings are feeling hurt; I would try not to take this personally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664092 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 10:11:24 +0000 looch 2664092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's really difficult for people to know what to do, but I am not sure what's what is at play in this case. </p> <p>If you're feeling something, you need to tell them. They might want to come, but feel they need an invite. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664090 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 09:59:06 +0000 runnerd 2664090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In my family - no one would fly cross country for a birth, including me. Because of that I wouldn't be offended in the least. That's just how my family is, so really it all depends on the norms of your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664089 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 09:56:09 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2664089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everyone has conveyed my thoughts on this already. Based on the original post I would have been surprised if the sisters hopped on a plane to visit your LO. </p> <p>It's interesting sometimes to see who is there (conveys it or literally) when you have LO. My husband had to take our 5 week old to meet his mom and sisters. Otherwise, who knows when that would have happened. If it's important to you your SILs meet their new nephew, then your annual trip may just have to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664085 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 09:42:09 +0000 psw27 2664085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally, I have no expectation for any of my BILs or SILs or my own brother to come to us to meet the baby. My DH has 5 half siblings/step siblings on the west coast and 0 of them flew to meet LO when he was born. They have all met him now, but only because we brought him there. </p> <p>My own brother and SIL live only an hour flight away and have never flown here to meet LO. They met him on a family vacation when he was 3 months old and haven't seen him again since for a variety of reasons. </p> <p>I tend to not get upset or push things. The relationship that people want to have with their nieces and nephews is up to them. I know that my bro and SIL love my son, they just aren't travelers. I don't worry about my husband's siblings. We aren't close and probably wouldn't make a special trip for them, except for general family visits for holidays. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664063 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 08:55:05 +0000 MrsSCB 2664063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They may be waiting for an invite. The time after a baby arrives can be stressful, so maybe they don't want to presume they can visit any time? My ILs are like that -- they are very worried about stepping on toes, so they would definitely have waited for an invite. DH asked them if they'd like to come and they did when our son was eight weeks old. My family on the other hand just told me they booked an Airbnb for three weeks starting around my due date, lol. People can be very different about travel, I would t assume they don't care! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664046 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 07:42:30 +0000 travelgirl1 2664046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We loved overseas from our families when our two kids were born. No one came out to see them. We took DD over for a family wedding when she was nine months, that was the first time most people met her. Honestly though, it didn't bother us at all, Skype was fine. We also had a few nieces and nephews born while we were away and didn't take the trip to see them either. If anyone minded they didn't say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664044 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 07:24:02 +0000 erinbaderin 2664044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you invited them? It's only been six weeks and I'd assume they'd be staying with you? I would never invite myself to visit a family with a new baby so soon. Plus it's the holidays and people get very busy and travel is expensive. Also you say they can afford it but you don't really know what people's finances are like. If it makes you feel better my brother lives 45 minutes away and my first son was 3 months old before he met him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664042 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 06:23:33 +0000 lamariniere 2664042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You said it yourself "we're not super close with any of them". I'm sure they care, but it may not be their first priority to visit family they don't feel close to. Even if they can afford it, there's still a question of getting time off and maybe not wanting to impose on you with a newborn. If it's your own sister and you are close to her, it makes sense that she would make the effort. But if it's your brother's siblings and they aren't even close themselves, I'm not surprised. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664032 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 01:25:26 +0000 nana87 2664032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's too late to edit my post but I want to add-- I think you have a few options. One is specifIcally to invite them--maybe they've been waiting for you to make a gesture. Or you could be direct, and say it has hurt your feelings. Not in an accusatory way, but calmly open a discussion. Or, you can accept that they just have other priorities and let it be. I've taken all of these approaches over the years with my brother and mostly come to the third option of accepting it. I can't change others' behavior, just my response. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664029 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 00:46:52 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2664029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you invited them? My DH and I live pretty far from all of our siblings except for one, who lives in the same city. None of them who live out of town came to visit when DD was born. It didn't bother us at all. My siblings don't really have the means to do so and DH's don't have as much vacation time as he does. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664012 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 22:19:28 +0000 Anagram 2664012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess this all depends on how close your husband is to his sisters normally. Are they much much older than he is, if they have college age children and you guys are just having your first baby?</p> <p>I'm one of 6 kids and we are very spread apart. My parents got married at 19 and had their first at age 20 and their last at age 41. So we 6 kids are across a 21 year span. So I'm just not super close with my oldest 2 sibs. They were both out of the house by the time I was 5. One moved cross country when I was 6. We don't talk on the phone, we just kind of relay information through my mom. And we are all spread across the us, from California to Texas to several southern states, to us in the NYC area.</p> <p>None of my siblings came when I had either of my girls. I also didn't expect them to. I have brought my kids to family events that happen about once a year and they see our kids then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-not-visiting-new-baby-cross-country#post-2664005 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 22:05:27 +0000 youboots 2664005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you just invite them for something specific? Do they live close enough that you could go out there and have one of them host a meet the baby brunch?</p> <p>I'm in the camp that you can not compel anyone to do anything they don't want to do regardless of what you have done for them.</p> <p>My sister only lives a state away but came here within the first few months to see family. I went to one nephews first birthday party. But we are on good terms and see eachother 2-4 times a year and only a 2 hour flight away so it's harder to compare.</p> <p>I see why you are upset but holding onto it seems like a distraction from enjoying your sweet new babe. </p>