https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 06:19:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517406 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 11:30:06 +0000 Bookish 517406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I will be facing a similar situation soon! I was raised Catholic but am non-religious, and neither is my DH. My mother, sisters, and grandma are very Catholic, and I'm sure they will pressure me to baptize. That being said, it's a personal issue that you should not feel like you need to give in on. The way DH and I see it, if our LO decides later in life that they want to follow a religious path, we will fully support them. As for now, we don't want to make the decision for LO. I'm sure it will cause grief with my mom, but I'm used to that :p </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517327 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:58:47 +0000 lemondrop 517327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crumbs: your story sounds lovely. I think it is great that they are so welcoming and it is where you went to pray for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517301 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:49:50 +0000 lemondrop 517301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with doing what YOU feel is right for YOUR family. It isn't always as easy as that of course. If there is still much anxiety, could he have a clergy member say a prayer for your baby? It isn't something that has to be public. I'm sure he could find someone to come to you at his expense if that is all that would make him feel better.</p> <p>My husband and I aren't religious, we want to let out son decide what he wants to do. We do have some very devout family members, and that was our decision. We stood our ground at first, then offered a compromise. In the end they went for a private meeting with their clergy and we didn't hear any more about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517282 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:44:36 +0000 SugarplumsMom 517282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with you and this. But decided to do it, even though we don't have a home church. We'll baptize her in a Lutheran church that's significant to me since it's where I prayed while TTC. We don't live in the same town, aren't part of the Lutheran faith, and weren't married in church -- but all of that didn't matter to them! They we were so welcoming, I'm still in awe. They believe that it's a child's right, regardless of the what the parents believe, practice or not practice. BTW, I was baptized Catholic, DH was baptized Lutheran, though not practicing. </p> <p>However, that doesn't solve my problem with having my grandma see DD baptized (since she lives in the States and can't travel here to see it). So we arranged to have her <b>blessed</b>. It's another option you could look into (I honestly didn't even know it existed until just a few days ago)! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517256 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:35:15 +0000 yoursilverlining 517256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: I found some info on humanist naming ceremonies here: <a href="http://humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/humanist-namings/" rel="nofollow">http://humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/humanist-namings/</a><br /> <a href="http://www.secularseasons.org/celebrations/namings.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.secularseasons.org/celebrations/namings.html</a></p> <p>From Wikipedia on naming ceremonies:<br /> Humanism<br /> Some humanists perform a naming ceremony as a non-religious alternative to ceremonies such as christening. The principle is conceptually similar to a civil wedding ceremony as an alternative to a religious wedding ceremony.</p> <p>The purpose is to recognise and celebrate the arrival of a child and welcome him or her in the family and circle of friends. The structure often mimics that of more traditional naming ceremonies, with a formal ceremony led by a humanist celebrant in which the parents name 'guide parents', 'mentors' or 'supporting adults' instead of godparents. This is often followed by a celebratory party.[1][2]</p> <p>Like you said, I don’t know if they would help address your father’s religious concerns; as I am not sure that this would address my MIL’s desire for a baptism by a Catholic priest. I’m pretty sure she thinks the naming ceremony will be in addition to a baptism lol</p> <p>Our idea:<br /> LO has several godparents (or, “guide parents”). Each godparent would pledge to care for LO and to help guide her and provide ethical and moral advice (*not* religious advice) as well as love and support. We (my husband and I) will pledge to be moral role models and to make sure that LO understands she has a human duty to treat others with compassion and respect and to care for those less fortunate than ourselves. We will talk about why we chose her guide parents</p> <p>We are leaning towards letting my MIL take LO to be baptized because for us, she won’t press other issues. I’ve been with my husband for almost 7 years and didn’t even know my MIL was religious at all until just before LO was born and she began to ask about the baptism. She doesn’t attend church regularly, but I guess for some reason this is her “thing”; which is why I’m more willing to cave; as we won’t have ongoing battles with her about religion in the future. Like I said though, I’ve made it clear to both MIL and my husband that we will not pledge to raise LO believing in Jesus or God or attending any church. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517204 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:14:34 +0000 ladyfingers 517204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517193 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:12:05 +0000 Foodnerd81 517193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: Here's an article I just found: <a href="http://www.catholic.org/international/international_story.php?id=21542" rel="nofollow">http://www.catholic.org/international/international_story.php?id=21542</a><br /> It's not official doctrine, but it's written for normal people to understand from an official Catholic website, so that's good enough for me. I think that might help your dad, since he probably was raise to believe that unbaptized babies were sentences to limbo.<br /> (Side note-- these really are the kind of conversations that happen in my family's house over dinner. We aren't even that religious. Weird) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517190 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:10:49 +0000 mrs. bird 517190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am an atheist &amp; DH is agnostic and attends a Unitarian universalist church. ILs are catholic and feel pretty strongly that infants could be christened. We already planned our out, we will have our naming (a Nigerian tradition) in DH's church, so ILs get an event in a church with a minister so they can feel like their was a religious announcement and acceptance of LO, but I will not compromise my beliefs. </p> <p>Maybe look into a nondenominational minister and talk to them about a ceremony they could perform that you feel comfortable with and that might make your dad feel better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517178 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:03:40 +0000 matador84 517178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Religion is such a personal decision that is a difficult situation. I am Catholic and DH is Southern Baptist and my family has not pressured us at all to have DS baptized because most of them are not practicing anymore. However, it was important to me so we are going to baptism class in February (oops, he will be 6 months old nearly). We weren't married in the Catholic church and there are many churches now that do infant baptism if only one parent is Catholic. We also have many friends who have done baby dedications in their churches and I think it is a neat ceremony as well. Just do whatever makes you feel comfortable and not for the family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517169 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:01:28 +0000 hilsy85 517169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through a very similar situation with my father--we're Jewish, but we chose not to circ LO, and he really pressured us to do it, going so far as not speaking to DH or I for months and stating that he wasn't sure that he wanted a relationship with me anymore. We stood our ground, as we are not religious, and don't think that circ'ing is in the best interest of our child. It was really really difficult to have my dad be so upset, and to have him act so horribly (I hope your dad wouldn't act the same way!). But we really felt like it was wrong to do this thing just because of "tradition", or, even worse, just to make someone happy. We also felt like if we give in on this, where does it end? The next thing is going to be religious schooling, and then a bar mitzvah...so same thing for you, it might not stop at a christening. I say stand your ground. Your dad needs to accept that you guys have your own way of doing things/thinking about things, and hopefully you'll be able to agree to disagree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517166 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:00:22 +0000 ladyfingers 517166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Can you direct me somewhere that talks about this revision of the church rule? That might help him feel more comfortable if I was able to talk about it intelligently.</p> <p>@yoursilverlining: I considered a naming ceremony as well, but I don't know much about them and wasn't sure that would help with my dad's faith-based beliefs. Can you tell me more about how the naming ceremony works? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517163 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 09:58:04 +0000 Bao 517163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you are not religious, and have no desire to do it, then don't! I would not give in to family pressure. I think it's silly (no offense), to baptize a baby if you don't attend a church or are very religious. My niece was dedicated (which is like a baptism), and my MIL and FIL said "well now you can get LO dedicated". No, because we do not go to church and that would just be weird. We have our beliefs, and were married in a church but getting LO baptized isn't something on our to do list, despite the pressure we may continue to get. stand your ground, and do what you and DH want to do, not what family wants you to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517161 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 09:57:10 +0000 Arden 517161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Stand your ground. I don't believe in the theology behind infant baptism either, and when LO is old enough to make a decision for herself, we'll encourage her to join whatever religion she chooses. It should be her decision, not ours.<br /> I don't believe God punishes babies for their parent's actions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517160 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 09:57:09 +0000 yoursilverlining 517160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are in a similar situation. We are atheists; but my MIL is Catholic and really wants LO to be baptized. As a compromise we tried to have her baptized right after her birth by the hospital interfaith chaplain, but he only baptizes babies who will pass soon after birth; not healthy babies. The compromises we’re working on now are either to let MIL take LO to be baptized in her local church and then have a little family get-together afterwards, or to have a basically non-religious naming ceremony at our home with a family get-together after. The naming ceremony certainly isn’t the same as a baptism, but MIL seems ok with it (she isn’t happy about it, but seems to be ok with it). </p> <p>Honestly; I’m leaning towards just letting MIL take LO to be baptized in her church (her church will baptize LO even though we are not Catholic). It’s certainly not something I believe needs to take place; but if it means a lot to my MIL then I am willing to see if we can find some middle ground. I am putting my foot down though about what we tell the priest. I will NEVER promise to raise my child in the Catholic (or any) church; and I will never promise to raise them believing in Jesus Christ or God. </p> <p>So; I guess I don’t have any real good answer for you – but I sympathize. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517158 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 09:56:39 +0000 Foodnerd81 517158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you don't want to and don't feel comfortable christening LO, don't do it. The old Catholic belief that babies who aren't baptized go to limbo is outdated-- they've revised the teachings and now unbaptized babies aren't 'penalized' for not having been baptized, if that makes you, or your dad, feel any better. </p> <p>I agree with your original feelings-- if you don't believe it in and don't plan to raise the baby with any religion, than it would be insincere to have a baptism or christening. We do plan to baptize our LO in the Catholic church and I even have some conflicting feelings about that, since there are some teachings that I take major issue with. (DH doesn't care one way or the other, he was baptized but is not practicing at all). </p> <p>So I think keep an open dialogue with your dad, but don't feel forced into something you don't believe in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517154 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 09:53:11 +0000 Mrsbells 517154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you dont want to do it, then dont do it. As a christian myself I dont believe in baptizing babies anyway. Religion is a personal thing, not a family thing so the child has to make their own decision anyway. So even if you do baptize them they coudl always grow up not wanting to be catholic. I think when the child is older they can make their own decision to be baptized or not</p> <p>ETA: even in the bible, Jesus wasnt baptized as a baby </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517150 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 09:51:25 +0000 doodlepoodle 517150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I fully believe that if it's not something you're completely on board with and believe in that you shouldn't do it. Regardless of what your family thinks/believes, it's not what YOU believe and it's not how you're going to raise your LO, it's your decision. Not theirs. The babies they gave birth to they can do with what they want. ;-) You expelled this one from your body--that means it's your decision! :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-pressure-to-christen-baby#post-517140 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 09:48:17 +0000 ladyfingers 517140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At this point, I wouldn't necessarily classify it as "pressure," but my dad asked me yesterday if we were going to christen LO, and when I said no, he really pressed it a bit. He commented that we don't need to do it in a Catholic church (which we couldn't -- we weren't married in the (or any) church and don't attend a church and aren't practicing Catholics any longer and have no intention of raising LO Catholic -- no offense whatsoever to those who believe otherwise, however), and that he'll have the original sin if we don't do it, and he and my mother weren't churchgoers when I was born and I was still baptized, etc. </p> <p>A while back, I was toying with it because I thought it was just something you were supposed to do, and people here helped me realize that if we're not religious and don't believe in the theology behind christening and don't intend to raise our child as a Catholic or a Christian, then we shouldn't do it. In fact, I believe that doing it just to appease somebody makes a sort of joke out of the people who do it and mean it. </p> <p>But then I was venting elsewhere after the conversation with my dad, and it was brought up that for him, as a (now) practicing Catholic (he returned to the faith after my mother died), it's probably very scary to think about his only grandchild not being able to enter heaven. So even though I have this strong belief against doing it on the one hand, I now have a creeping guilt that perhaps there is some way to do it to make our family feel more comfortable without feeling like we are lying, or making a mockery of anybody's faith. </p> <p>Has anybody been in a similar situation -- neither you nor DH are religious and don't intend to raise LO in a particular faith, but ended up having a christening of some sort because of family feelings? How do you even go about doing something like that?</p> <p>Or should we just stand our ground and do this the way we've already decided to? For the record, I have no problem with LO finding a religion later on and becoming baptized/christened/blessed into it on his own. I find that much more preferable and palatable to just randomly picking a church that will do it just to "do" it. But I also don't want my dad living in fear that if, god forbid, something were to happen to LO, he would be separated from him in the afterlife (that's my understanding of the Catholic belief, at least). </p>