https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 11:26:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582988 Fri, 08 Jul 2016 08:20:15 +0000 yin 2582988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and his sister have a 5 year age difference, and they were never close growing up. They fought often and didn't become closer until they were adults (25/30). Their cousins are all 2-3 years apart and have such a special bond that even makes me jealous! My siblings are all 9+ years older and younger than I am... needless to say, it wasn't ideal.</p> <p>While I don't have experience getting pregnant in my mid to late 30's, my mom had me at 37 and my sister at 46. She did have a miscarriage prior to having me. Otherwise, she didn't have any problems conceiving. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582895 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 23:15:20 +0000 BeachMama 2582895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no input on the spacing, but I had DD at 34 and DS at 37 and had no difficulty getting pregnant either time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582839 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 20:29:26 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2582839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister and I are almost 4 years apart, and my children will be at least 4 years apart, probably closer to 4.5 depending on how TTC goes. I know that i couldn't have handled two under two or even two under three. I'm super happy and comfortable with our decision and quite comfortable if we don't end up having a second. My sister and I were close from about the time I was 12 and she was 16. Before that we were like cats and dogs, but as far as I can tell most sisters are as kids regardless of age difference! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582834 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 20:20:06 +0000 JenGirl 2582834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're probably one and done, but if we were going to have another, i think I'd want a large age gap, around 4 years. And that would put me at TTC at 35, which wouldn't freak me out at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582765 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 18:47:13 +0000 catgirl 2582765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If we choose to have a second I hope that they will become close but I don't think any age gap can guarantee that. So we have decided that a four year gap is what makes sense for us as the parents. DH works long hours and I do bedtime alone - I personally couldn't imagine doing that with a smaller gap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582705 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 16:55:53 +0000 youboots 2582705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: yeah. I'm more worried about my experience as the parent. Since DH travels a lot- this thought of 2 for week in a row without help makes me feel anxious. It's encouraging that your Mom had it easier with you.@KayKay: thank you! I felt like an only child in high school- if my home life had been better I would have enjoyed that time with my parents more. Yes I don't think a certain age gap guarantees anything relationship wise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582699 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 16:51:25 +0000 youboots 2582699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Smurfette: thanks for chiming in! Congrats! @oliviaoblivia: thanks for your thoughts! I love hearing about your girls.@Ajsmommy: yeah this is what I'm worried about. T was conceived month 2. Glad everything worked out for your family </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582692 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 16:48:22 +0000 youboots 2582692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I should mention I don't subscribe to the notion that a certain age gaps will make for closer siblings. It depends on gender, personalities, child raising style, home life etc IMO. I also think closeness is fluid and changes over time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582683 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 16:35:11 +0000 travelgirl1 2582683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents had four children over 12 years and I wasn't close to my sisters as a kid, but we are all very close now and I love it. They had kids young and I had mine older, so we are all in the same stage of life now.</p> <p>I had my first at 32 and my second at 35. We will TTC again as soon as we are able. What I love about the spacing we have (2.5 years) is that they love to play together, and I'm not sure they would with a larger age gap. They have so, so much love for each other. The downside is I am always knackered and I have tough pregnancies with awful morning sickness. Although I have thin type PCOS I got pregnant easily, although I had a miscarriage, which threw off our preferred age gap between #1 and #2). I am keen to get the baby making stage of my life over with and for primarily that reason, we will try for shorter spacing this time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582673 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 16:22:46 +0000 Mrsbells 2582673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: LO turned 4 in April and the next baby is due in September so the age gap is roughly 4.5 years. The advantage that I see so far is that LO is already potty trained and very independent. She fully understands what is happening and can actually help with tasks. She can also engage in independent play. This means I only have to deal with one demanding baby in diapers at a time.<br /> It also means that they wont be in college at the same time. It allows us to spread out certain expenses.</p> <p>On the other hand I know many of my friends had their kids closer together because they wanted to be done with diapering in one shot rather than individually for each child. So its all a personal preference </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582646 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 15:53:35 +0000 daniellemybelle 2582646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is on my mind a lot as we are TTC #2 and if we get pregnant this month it will be a 3.5 year age gap, but there's no way of knowing how long it will take so I am trying to wrap my head around a larger gap. Age is not a factor since I'm 28 but who knows what will happen.</p> <p>I comfort myself knowing that my two brothers are BFFs and 6 years apart, and one of my best friends is close with her sister and they are 4 years apart. I do think same sex siblings are typically closer but as others have said there are so many variables. I do mourn a little bit the idea of two siblings close in age who can play together like playmates. On the flip side, I know LO will love being a big sister since she will be able to understand it better. </p> <p>Honestly I feel very grateful just to be a mom. This TTC process has made me really appreciate that it "just happened" for us last time and that we didn't have to wait and wish for a baby like so many do. So I am trying to enjoy that I have my girl and I can focus on her and not divide my attention right now. (Not saying at all this is how others should feel! This is just my mindset right now and it keeps me from going crazy wondering when we will give LO a sibling.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582379 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 11:57:02 +0000 jape14 2582379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I only have one LO right now and we are shooting for a 3-year gap for LO2 and likely the same for a third. That would put me around 35/36 for a third. I wasn't interested in 2 under 2 and I also like the toddler phase so I'm hesitant of moving back to the baby phase for a little while longer. </p> <p>From my experience with siblings (I'm the oldest of 4; there's me, sister is 15mo younger than me, brother is 5 years younger than her, youngest sister is a year younger than him), the age gap doesn't seem to matter. We have two "sibling pairs" of 2 under 2 and my sisters (6 years apart) are definitely the closest and have been since we were teenagers. The "sibling pairs" played together but also constantly fought. Now my closest-age sister and I are way closer, but it took basically until we got married to happen. Similarly DH has two brothers, and the middle/younger have a larger age gap (4 years/3 grades as opposed to 2/2) and are by far the closest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582376 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 11:54:20 +0000 Shantuck 2582376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had my first at 32 and actually got pregnant the first cycle of TTC. We decided we were ready to try again when DS was 2.5 exactly (when I had just turned 35) and assumed it would happen easily and we would have slightly over a 3 year age gap (which was my ideal). I did experience secondary infertility and found that I now had a diminished ovarian reserve, which for me resulted in 2 first trimester miscarriages. I did get pregnant 14 months after we started trying (the month before we were to start fertility treatment) and am now 22 weeks . When this baby arrives (god willing), my children will be about 4 years and 4 months apart and I'm actually mourning that a bit. I'm worried that they won't be close because of the age gap and I'm also bummed to be starting the newborn stage just as life has started to get a little easier and less restrictive. I had also planned on having 3 children and now my unexpected bout with secondary infertility may force me to change plans. With that said, I'm one of 4 sisters and my youngest is almost 5 years younger than me and we are very close so I need to keep reminding myself of that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582365 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 11:44:30 +0000 youboots 2582365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses I'm going to revisit this thread when I have some time this afternoon </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582359 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 11:33:16 +0000 mrsjazz 2582359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We will be TTCing in the next 3-6 months (I'm 38). Our LO is 4. If everything goes well there will be a 5 year age difference. There's an 8 year age difference between me and my brothers. We still had a lot of fun growing up and fun now at family get togethers. </p> <p>I don't think age difference matters in the long run in terms of sibling relationships. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582358 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 11:27:24 +0000 arosebyany 2582358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going to give a different pov here lol. I have 2 younger sisters and all three of us are 2 years apart. Growing up we fought like cats and dogs lol. We didn't start to form a close relationship until I was in my mid 20's. With that being said all three of us have completely different personalitie, and never shared any of the same interest. I have to agree with everyone else who says it is more personality related then age related in regards to sibling closeness. If I should decided to have a second I plan on a 5 to 6 year age gap, that would be what's best for our family. Also I feel that's how long it's gonna take for me to forget about the horrible newborn stage my DS went through. 😐😔 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582355 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 11:23:12 +0000 MrsKoala 2582355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can see the argument for both types of gaps. I am only 2 years younger than my older sister and we were/are very close. However, I am 5 years older than my little sister and we are even closer. I think it really just depends on personality and how you raise your kids in relation to each other and the age gap doesn't completely define what the relationship will be like. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582348 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 11:08:52 +0000 PawPrints 2582348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just commenting that this is really interesting: "My sister and I have a 4 year 5 mo gap and my Mom has always said it was awful- but we lived overseas which may be a contributor."</p> <p>DH and SIL are 4 years apart, always lived overseas until DH was 10 years old, and MIL always says it was the ideal age gap. I really think you can't predict how these things will work out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582347 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 11:06:28 +0000 Aimed121 2582347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Smurfette: Twinsies! I also had LO1 when I was 33 and conceived LO2 at 37 - I think we are due within a few days of one another too!</p> <p>@youboots: Honestly, imo, people make too big of a deal about age gap. Relationships are for the most part personality driven. My sister is 12 years older than me and she is my best friend and I know lots of siblings close in age who barely speak to one another - overall family dynamics are more important I think. </p> <p>I know that for me - 2 under 2 or 2 even 3 would have stressed me out and I wouldn't have enjoyed the time and I think it wouldn't have been a good thing for our family.<br /> I know that there is an argument that when kids are close in age, they are into the same things etc. but childhood is a short phase of life, I want my kids to be friends as adults rather than as kids - to me that is more important so we went for LO2 when we were ready as opposed to some imaginary deadline because it's the'done thing'.</p> <p>Also, there are real benefits to a larger age gap. We have gotten to really spend time with LO1, travel and do some cool stuff that we wouldn't be able to have done otherwise and I feel like it has built a good foundation and now he is more independent.</p> <p>I really stressed when I wasn't ready to have LO2 when everyone with a kid the same age as mine was getting pregnant etc. But I realized that just because it works for other families doesn't mean it would work for me or mine for many reasons. So we waited until it felt right and I'm glad we did.</p> <p>Re: Infertility - I too worried about this but got pregnant first try but had an early loss, waited a month and got pregnant on the next try. There's no way of knowing of course, but I wouldn't let it worry you too much, just do what feels right to you!</p> <p>Wow - I really went on there! :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582340 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:57:12 +0000 ocean81 2582340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my sisters is 5 years older than me, my brother is 9 years older than me and my next sister is 11 years older than me. It was great growing up because I always had 3 siblings looking out for me and I honestly never felt like I missed out on having a sibling close in age. My mom always tells me that my brother used to run home from school every day to play with me when I was a baby. We also shared a room until I was 10 and he was 19! Ha. He must be a saint? I love all of my siblings and our age gap is perfect...I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I had always wanted kids less than 2 years apart, but life happens sometimes. My husband reminds me that there is a huge difference in being close in age and close as siblings. I think there are pros and cons to every gap but it just depends on you and your family. In regards to TTC, it took me about a year to conceive P at age 33 and then it only took 4 months to conceive number 2 a couple months before I turned 35 (which you know what happened, but that had nothing to do with my age) Your ovaries don't say, ok, lady, check ya later the second you turn 35 :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582331 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:43:03 +0000 catlady 2582331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother and I are 4.5 years apart (I am older). My parents actually really liked the age gap. I was very independent by the time my baby brother arrived). When we were older, I was a built-in babysitter for the family. My brother and I did fight sometimes growing up and I can't say we are super close now, but we have a good relationship. We didn't have sibling rivalry really because we mostly were in different stages of life. We were only in the same school for a single year. </p> <p>As for TTC past 35, I had LO at 32 and started TTC #2 at 34 (and into 35). I had one loss before LO so it took a total of 5 months to conceive her. I've had two losses while TTC #2 and got pregnant a third time after 8 months of trying. I am now 18 weeks along, so hopefully this one will work out. So I'd say the second one has felt more difficult but realistically, it hadn't actually been that different from the first time. The hardest part was probably going through TTC and losses while dealing with a toddler. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582326 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:38:32 +0000 petunia354 2582326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are looking at a 4.5 year difference right now. We are super excited about it! We've had tons of time with DS and he'll be in preschool and involved in enough stuff by the time we have another baby so we'll be able to have some quality 1 on 1 time with the new baby.</p> <p>For reference, my brother and sister are 4 years apart, and I am 10 years younger than my sister and 6 years younger than my brother. We have a great relationship now and when we were younger. Sure I was lonely at times because they didn't want to play with me or were out with their friends but I also have a lot of memories of doing fun stuff with my older sbilings that none of my friends got to do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582324 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:35:31 +0000 mamabolt 2582324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are only 3 months into it, but our LOs are 3y9m apart. I really like how independent DD is and she was able to be excited and really understand what was happening with her baby brother arriving. I do wonder if they will really play well together due to the difference but I guess we'll see, and I also am not looking forward to so many years of having them in different daycares/schools, but we'll see how that happens moving forward I guess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582321 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:31:05 +0000 KayKay 2582321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Adding...I personally liked being that far apart. While I was sometimes jealous of my friends that had siblings 2y older/younger, none of them were particularly close growing up -- there was a lot of fighting and drama (funny...most were 2 girls!). They are all close now, but so are my sister and I. Plus I felt like I got lots of my own attention. Even though my sister got lots of new baby/etc attention, I felt like I got lots of attention as the oldest and going through a lot of stuff first (high school sports/activities, college, etc). But then my sister also got it once she reached those stages, and I had left the house for college. So I think we both felt we got a lot of the benefit of both having a sibling and also almost like only-child levels of attention when we needed/wanted it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582318 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:25:58 +0000 KayKay 2582318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister and I are 6y apart. I think my parents did it for financial reasons (I was in 1st grade when she was born, so they only ever had one in daycare/babysitter), but it worked out well for us: minimal fighting growing up since we were always in pretty different stages of life, I acted as a "mothers helper" at a young age and then babysat for her as I got older, we never really had to share the bathroom bc I was off to college by the time she was hitting those tween/teen years. </p> <p>I think you have a better chance of siblings being really close (relationship-wise) if they are closer in age since they are more likely to be going through the same types of things at a similar time, but I do think a lot of that is personality-driven...and you also run the risk of them butting heads and not getting along well too. </p> <p>I think it's important to take into your personalities and what is best for your family, not just what may or may not happen with a yet-to-be-determined sibling relationship! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582317 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:22:37 +0000 LBee 2582317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The people I know who have kids with that space say that it's great for the parents (for many of the reasons you listed), but echo that it's not so great for the kids (for mainly the reasons @oliviaoblivia: listed) in the early stages of life. </p> <p>My mom had a pretty crummy pregnancy (including pp-eclampsia that resulted in a stroke) with my sister and, as she put it, took a "leap of faith" when she got pregnant with me. She said that she just trusted her original plan (kids 3 years apart) and wanted to believe that she would be fully on board with me by the time I was born. She was and said she's never regretted it. I was a much easier pregnancy and she didn't have the same issues again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582316 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:21:31 +0000 Ajsmommy 2582316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We will have a 3.25 year gap between DD and lo#2. I always wanted a 2 year gap bc that's what my brother and I had. However, I have to admit that I am happy we got longer with just DD. I feel like this young stage is so fun and important that I am happy to be able to just focus on DD a bit longer than we would have been able to if there was only a 2 year gap.</p> <p>I did have secondary infertility however... it's a very odd story. We worked with a fertility dr for 6 months and then decided to stop treatment (all bfn's obviously) but the month after we stopped treatment I got KU'd naturally! It took us 14 months for this lo#2 where as it took one month with DD. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582309 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:09:03 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2582309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm 4y6m older than my sister. My mom often says she wishes she had had us closer.<br /> We have a great relationship now but growing up I felt more like a mother figure than a sibling. We were never in the same peer group. I'm in the Oregon Trail generation and she (and my youngest sister) are millenials. They grew up in a very different social environment than I did and it has affected our relationships.</p> <p>That said we have a great relationship now.</p> <p>My third was born a month before I turned 35. She was unplanned and conceived while I was EBFing my three month old. So no trouble TTC. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582307 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:07:42 +0000 Smurfette 2582307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO2 is due two months before LO1's 4th bday. So not experience yet but I will say she is so excited about baby sister coming. I think that it will be an adjustment for her but she will also be old enough to help, get a diaper, etc. </p> <p>I am 37 and we got pregnant on the first try. It took 3 months at 33. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-spacing-45-year-age-gap-ttc-after-35#post-2582290 Thu, 07 Jul 2016 09:51:02 +0000 youboots 2582290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This has been a subject I've brought up a few times and I'm back to check in about those of you with a larger age gap.</p> <p>We know we want two kids- and a third is not off the table. Originally I was thinking a two year gap but after a difficult pregnancy and L&amp;D (GD, Pre E, 44 hour induction) I'm not in a hurry to have another. So we were talking 3 year. I'm still not feeling ready to TTC next year.</p> <p>After spending the long weekend with friends who have a 6 year old and 18 month old I find a larger age gap very appealing. More time to focus on each child namely. My sister and I have a 4 year 5 mo gap and my Mom has always said it was awful- but we lived overseas which may be a contributor. DH wants to soak up time with T and does not want his attention split yet- but is happy with whatever I want.</p> <p>The reason I'm thinking so far in advance is that its recommended to be off my favorite type of BC- depo for 1 year prior to TTC.</p> <p>If you have a similar gap- what are the benefits? Challenges?</p> <p>If you tried for your second at/after 35 was TTC more difficult? Did you experience secondary infertility? </p>