https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 13 May 2026 11:26:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415752 Sun, 10 Jan 2016 13:41:18 +0000 ElbieKay 2415752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: In this situation I would just lock the bedroom door. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415743 Sun, 10 Jan 2016 13:32:42 +0000 looch 2415743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is my dad. He and my son have a great relationship, but my dad tends to overaccomodate my son, which in a tantrum situation drags things on. I had to tell my dad to cool it, but he only really listened when my mom spoke to him, later, without us around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415623 Sun, 10 Jan 2016 10:49:37 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2415623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to add though that part of the reason dh has to say it is because a) MIL doesn't care if I say it but will sometimes listen to dh, and b) she sometimes needs it to be said very bluntly or else she plays clueless or she really is clueless and thinks things like barging into our bedroom are ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415621 Sun, 10 Jan 2016 10:44:02 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2415621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is my MIL! It drives me absolutely nuts. Even though I didn't plan on bf'ing this baby (well, it was up to how my body felt after a difficult pregnancy with medical issues that could well come back not pregnant as well) she drove me nuts with her barging in on pumping and having no care in the world about nursing in the hospital in private. (I know some don't care but it was awkward with lo being so new and truly and honestly it made me not want to try anyway because I felt like I constantly had to deal with her barging in.) She constantly asks "should I get him?" Or "do you want me to take him?" so we can be with big sister or even if he needs nothing. (I don't know why she doesn't come out and just say she wants to just hold him, rather than act like we need her to do this.). When dd was a newborn she would come over and insist on "playing" with her so we could eat or whatever but of course she would keep her up then leave us with a screaming overstimulated newborn (and dd was already fussy.) I remember when ds was a couple weeks old MIL was still coming daily to help and I was standing in the kitchen (open floor plan apartment) cleaning up again (we don't cook much and try to limit dishes and mess when we do, whereas mil takes our 4638364393627 dishes to put takeout in) and washing dishes from another unnecessarily large mess and mil was holding ds and complaining to dh about what was on tv having him set something up on Netflix. And I remember thinking this is the opposite of helpful. Eventually honestly dh had to start speaking up. She had no sense of boundaries, and he/we were letting that happen because she did help out with dd especially when I was pregnant and sick and not able to keep up with dd. But those couple months of help that we accepted cost so much in the long run. She still gets like this and dh just has to keep speaking up when it happens... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415559 Sun, 10 Jan 2016 09:29:02 +0000 SweetiePie 2415559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The way you described your MIL is mine to a T. Id literally be running away from her and she'd be running behind me - sometimes waving a toy in his face. Which obviously didn't help! Agree with @ElbieKay: When someone would mention me "needing a break" I'd say "I don't need a break, I'm good, thanks" and they usually got it.<br /> As for the chasing MIL - I finally just turned to her once and said "when he's crying like this it's best for me to be alone with him. It is stressful and I prefer to handle it by myself". Of course she didn't like it, but she eventually stopped. </p> <p>The new thing she does that drives me bonkers - when she visits (weekly) she gets butthurt if my 16 month old wants to see me. So I'll be in the kitchen making dinner and he'll wander in sweet as can be just wanting to check in or hug my legs. And she'll run in after him and say "mommy's busy" and pick him up and take him out. Which usually results in him crying because she does it so abruptly, like he's doing something dangerous or wrong. I've decided that next time I'm going to explain to her that it is normal for his age to want to "check in" with mommy. He just wants to make sure I'm there and maybe get a couple hugs. It's just reassurance for him and I don't want to make him feel like he can't have that. I can't imagine shed argue that. (Though I'm certain she won't like it. She gets offended if he walks away from her and has cried when he wanted me to hold him instead of her). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415523 Sun, 10 Jan 2016 08:54:12 +0000 ElbieKay 2415523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When they say you should take a break, then you should just say, "Thanks but I don't need a break; I need my baby right now." Then just take the baby. They will get the point. Practice saying it breezily.</p> <p>With the toddler, you need to wait for a time when the child is not upset. Then bring it up and explain the dynamic and that you need their help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415448 Sun, 10 Jan 2016 04:26:28 +0000 Miss Sarah 2415448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My family is worse than my ILs. It's like they completely forgot how sensitive babies are and think I'm just overreacting when I say my 7 week old is crying because she is overstimulated or overtired. :sad: I know that I react quickly to my daughter's cries, but I've learned how to distinguish her cries and know what she needs and they give me a hard time and say things like, "she's fine, babies cry." I know babies cry, but I'd like to help her when I can! Sorry, I don't have advice...I'm still working on figuring out what to say without then treating me like I'm overreacting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415395 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 23:28:13 +0000 MamaBear87 2415395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: glad I'm not the only one. </p> <p>@Mrs.KMM: I'm totally cool with her showing me x thing when lo isn't screaming. But I still really need to soothe baby when she's really upset, it makes me feel super anxious if not. But you make a good point in that I should work on relaxing a bit </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415342 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 22:29:10 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2415342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know. Maybe you should at least give her a chance and see what techniques she suggests. </p> <p>When DD was little, my mom showed me a bouncing/rocking method that did wonders to soothe her when she was upset. It was way better than anything I had figured out on my own. But it was something that my mom knew from experience of raising her 3 kids that she'd had success with. You might be surprised what help your MIL could provide! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415336 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 22:22:40 +0000 PawPrints 2415336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not my ILs but I've had someone try to say "Oh no you go relax" when they had LO and she was screaming, and my hackles went way up. I feel like it's a universal rule that when a parent asks for their baby, you give them their baby. Now. Not sure I have great advice but something like "You're very sweet, but this one is mine." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415226 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 20:52:33 +0000 MamaBear87 2415226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And most agree with @edelweiss: I love the wording :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415222 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 20:51:17 +0000 MamaBear87 2415222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayLou: it's actually usually when me or dh is holding her and she's just had enough that they come over and want to take her. The still needs her momma isn't a specific wording I've tried tho, so I'll try it next and see.<br /> @mrbee: I'm really hesitant to set a time limit every time because it is not always an issue. I know it's my kid and I have final say but I feel like that will really cast me in the evil dil guise. Thanks for the suggestion tho. </p> <p>@Mrs. Champagne: I do take her to nurse when she's hungry but lo gets upset when I try to feed her if she isn't hungry </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415217 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 20:48:13 +0000 erinbaderin 2415217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I suspect they're trying to be helpful and give you a break, and also that it's a bit of a pride thing - they want to be able to say they were able to calm her down. I think you need to have a reason why rather than just that you've got it. Something like LindsayLou said, "she just needs a minute with her mama". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415213 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 20:46:54 +0000 edelweiss 2415213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: you just made my day. That'sThat's hilarious </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415195 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 20:32:33 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2415195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mil did that at times. I just would say "you don't have the functioning parts" and take him away to nurse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415193 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 20:30:56 +0000 mrbee 2415193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: I think maybe there are two separate issues? First one is how family acts when there's a meltdown... in those cases, I think confidence is key. If you let them know you have a plan and just need some time alone to work it out, most people will respect that and back off.</p> <p>The separate issue is that they want to hold the baby at other times. In those cases, maybe you could allow that but set an upfront time limit? Then thank them for the break, and take her back... if they resist, just say that if she gets too much stimulation, then she won't be able to nap later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415165 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 20:09:32 +0000 LindsayLou 2415165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to be nice but firm. I also try to be apologetic, and brush it off that way. For example, my 4 month old will start to melt down when family is holding her. I'll jump right in and say "Oh, here, let me take her. She still needs mama to calm down." Or if she needs some space, I'll say "I'm going to go find a quiet spot to feed her and see if I can get her to sleep." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-trying-to-help-during-meltdowns#post-2415141 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 19:50:28 +0000 MamaBear87 2415141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whenever we do something with my inlaws and lo (who is 2 months old) gets overwhelmed and has a meltdown they try to help/ask repeatedly to take her from me to try and soothe her. I've tried gently saying no I've got it, or leaving the room if that's an option. At Christmas when it happened my mil went as far as following me into the other room, I had even closed the door. I really love my inlaws so this isn't something I'm used to but I'm not sure how to go about stopping this. I get they're trying to help but it's really not an okay time to offer. </p> <p>I've tried to bring it up to dh but he kinda brushes it off. I think mostly because he doesn't know how to handle it either. </p> <p>They also tend to do the "oh no I have the baby. You should relax" if I try to take the baby back and they want to keep holding her. </p> <p>Any advice on how to nicely but firmly handle either situation? </p>