https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 03 May 2026 01:00:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-395472 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 15:15:53 +0000 birdofafeather 395472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: i'm sorry you're still dealing with this... i can't imagine that a request that seems so normal to me has escalated this much. i'm glad that you can get your shot, but i don't think that would help me feel better about the way my family reacted. i hope that even if they can't understand where you're coming from, that there is peace when H arrives and this doesn't cause more stress. sorry lady. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-395431 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 14:50:31 +0000 ladyfingers 395431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@boiledpnut: @highwire: Ah OK -- yeah, ours don't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-395384 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 14:32:21 +0000 boiledpnut 395384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: I'm glad you got some good information and don't have to worry anymore. I hope that it doesn't cause anymore tension with you and your family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-395379 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 14:30:34 +0000 DillonLion 395379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@boiledpnut: Ditto - Walgreens around here has them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-395369 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 14:27:54 +0000 boiledpnut 395369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: I got my Tdap at Walgreens (as did FIL), so you don't necessarily have to get it from a doctor's office. I don't know if that's just my area or not though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-395348 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 14:22:43 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 395348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: That's good if you can get the shot and avoid your family having too.. however aren't they going to drive you nutty when they visit?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-395057 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 12:50:29 +0000 Crisark 395057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: I agree with your assessment of the situation as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394803 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 11:31:57 +0000 yoursilverlining 394803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: Well, your call.<br /> Just playing devil’s advocate – you’ve been pregnant approx. 8 months and have not brought up this issue before now and using terms like “ignorant” when an immediate response isn’t favorable hurts feelings and causes more drama. If you want les drama for their visit, I think it might go a long way to mending fences, but it’s your call. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394787 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 11:27:27 +0000 DillonLion 394787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: Part of the reason our fight took so long to resolve was that I couldn't even look them in the face and say anything nice for a really long time. I held out as long as I could, and waited until I felt like I could genuinely apologize. Even though I felt like I hadn't necessarily done anything wrong, I at least was able to say "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings". But, like I said, it took me a while to get there and as annoying as it was for everyone else, I'm glad I took the time I needed to cool off and saw them once I was ready to work on our relationship again. I hope you can get the time you need to get to a place like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394773 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 11:21:15 +0000 PrincessBaby 394773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: I said she was ignorant to not ask her doctor about it, and to just assume that she couldn't/shouldn't get it. I absolutely think it's ignorant to not get medical facts about something important, just because you don't want to. I think that researching and asking questions about medical issues is our responsibility as adults, especially in the case of something serious involving a baby or child. I am actually still really hurt by their reactions and how completely vile they are were, and their inability to even TRY to understand the implications for their grandchild. So I won't be apologizing for that. I'm actually still very upset by it.</p> <p>I'm glad this is a resolution, but it's definitely going to take a few days or maybe longer for all the hurt feelings to subside, especially for me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394742 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 11:06:48 +0000 Dapple Grey 394742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: Wonderful news!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394738 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 11:04:51 +0000 winniebee 394738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: I was going to suggest that you get one now - I got one in my 2nd trimester for the reasons you stated and it's supposed to give your baby some preliminary immunity until they themselves can get vaccinated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394737 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 11:04:40 +0000 yoursilverlining 394737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Glad to hear there might be a solution that will benefit everyone.</p> <p>I’m going to go against the grain and say I think you need to apologize to your mom, if you really did say she was<br /> "ignorant" regarding the TDAP shot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394730 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 11:01:34 +0000 itsmejules 394730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>just throwing this in here - when I was 24-25 - my SIL started having kids and started telling us to all get vaccinated. I thought she was crazy. I'm allergic to eggs so I can't get a flu shot.</p> <p>Now that I'm a mom, I totally understand. I'm guessing (hoping) they just don't understand the importance and may think you're just being hypersensitive. I agree with the other poster who said email is terrible because things get misconstrued. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394721 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:59:43 +0000 PrincessBaby 394721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am posting this from my phone so I hope it posts correctly....I just read some info this morning following my emotional collapse after talking to my Dad that said that as of about 2 weeks ago, the CDC is recommending the dTap for pregnant women in their late 2nd or 3rd trimester, because of the increases in outbreaks of whooping cough. It protects the babies because similar to the flu shot, it allows the mother to pass the flu shot onto the baby...<br /> <a href="http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-whooping-cough-vaccine-adults-20121024,0,6371892.story" rel="nofollow">http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-whooping-cough-vaccine-adults-20121024,0,6371892.story</a></p> <p>So I stopped by my doctor's office, and after some confusion with the nurse who kept insisting I could only get it after delivery, she went and spoke with the doctor and they are telling me that due to these brand new recommendations, I can get the vaccine on Friday at my regular appt.</p> <p>So I'm hoping that will solve everything! That I can get the shot and Harper will be protected and my family can still bring their ridiculously frustrating selves down here....I think we will still have some family tension for a few days, but I'm hopeful that me getting the shot is the answer!</p> <p>I wish the nurse had not told me yesterday that I could only get it after delivery. She didn't know that the recommendation had changed, but if she had told me that yesterday, we could have avoided so much drama!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394691 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:44:11 +0000 lemondrop 394691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My SIL started the vaccine rule when my nephews were born- no flu and pertussis vaccines, no babies, no going in the house. The end, no exceptions. We were all more than happy to do that to help protect the babies. We continued the rule when my son was born a year later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394688 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:43:08 +0000 NerdBee 394688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow I'm so sorry that your family is giving you so much grief. I have no advice, but just wanted to give you big hugs. *hugs!!*</p> <p>Just remember that you're doing the right thing by doing what you think is best to protect your precious baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394631 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:24:58 +0000 lawbee11 394631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: I don't know what else to say that hasn't already been said, but so sorry you're going through this again today. When something like this happens it always makes me feel better just to cry it out. I really hope your family comes around. I find it so ironic that life events that are supposed to be the happiest times in one's life (weddings, babies) often lead to arguments and broken relationships over the pettiest things.</p> <p>ETA: I think your family members are the petty ones...not you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394600 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:11:19 +0000 DillonLion 394600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: Oh my gosh I'm so sorry this has escalated the way it has. Unfortunately, I have been exactly where you are pretty much. I didn't even speak to my parents for nearly 3 months in the middle of my pregnancy and it was so awful. We are mostly okay now, but it was really, really hard to get here and I was moments away from cutting them out of my life, permanently (and even spoke to an attorney about a restraining order - I mean it was an UGLY fight). </p> <p>ETA: And similarly, our fight it started with the women and I was so sure my dad would be the voice of reason in all of it. That was a big fat NOPE. </p> <p>You definitely had the right game plan by trying to give everyone time to cool off before addressing the issue (I tried to do the same thing), but when the other side won't give it any time, you are forced into rehashing things and getting way more upset than necessary. I wish people would let things lie for a little while! </p> <p>The timing SUCKS, I know it. I was so freaked out that it was happening in the 2nd trimester. I can't even imagine what it would be like if that fight we had was going on mere days before I'm supposed to give birth. I'm glad you were able to take the day off work today. Can you try and do something to take your mind of things? Maybe you can watch a funny movie or get a manicure or something. </p> <p>Hugs, girlie. If you need to talk I am here for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394594 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:08:08 +0000 wheres_c 394594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: I'm so sorry you're going through this.<br /> (((hugs))) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394579 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:02:13 +0000 ladyfingers 394579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@princessbaby ugh, you poor thing :( I'm so sorry you're getting so much pushback on something that is so important to you. I hope that you're able to come to a solution with your family, but in the end, all that really matters is that you're having a beautiful baby girl very soon, and that she will be safe! Hang in there honey. </p> <p>Also just a p.s., not that it matters much, but I don't believe they can get the tdap at Walgreens or CVS. They would have to go to their doctor or to the health department. DH is getting his at the health department because it is cheaper there. It is $46 here. Just in case they turn around! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394564 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:55:01 +0000 sea_bass 394564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: I am so so so sorry. This is so wrong. This is the birth of your child and their grandchild. You want to protect your child from a legitimate illness that is PREVENTABLE.<br /> I am so shocked by your family's behaviour. It sounds like there is something seriously wrong with your family... </p> <p>I wish I were there to give you a hug and commiserate. You have done nothing wrong. You're the Mom, your are going to have the most amazing birth whether they are there or not. If they want to behave this way and miss out on the most amazing thing ever, its their problem. </p> <p>I hope you can find something to do today to make you feel special and take your mind of this sh1tstorm. </p> <p>MASSIVE HUGS </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394561 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:54:21 +0000 mrsmenow 394561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: I am sorry this is upsetting you so much. I want to reassure you-I work in health care and I research everything to death and I do feel differently about vaccines than some people. I would be pretty put off it someone required me to get vaccines before coming around their baby. But it wouldn't change the way I feel about those people. I would still love and support them, even if it meant that I would have to wait until the baby was older. </p> <p>It sounds like this is the way your family feels. Take some time to cool off from this, give them some time too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394560 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:54:03 +0000 rachiecakes 394560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: (((hugs))) I'm so so sorry :( My family was the same way, saying they've raised babies for years without flu shots, etc., I allowed people to visit and my mother stayed for a few days but I would've felt the same as you if people were planning on staying for extended periods of time.<br /> One thing I did besides the sanitizer, soap, kleenex towels, was I used breast milk on DS's nostrils. They say it's good to do when you're on an airplane or out in public because of it's antibodies, it protects them. And if you got the flu shot while pregnant some of that will protect Harper when she's here, too.<br /> Again, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394559 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:53:55 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 394559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: Oh no. I am so sorry. Hopefully when they see you are not going to give in they will get the shot so they can meet their grandaughter.</p> <p>Also.. her name rocks. So there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394555 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:51:46 +0000 shinystraps 394555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: I'm going to weigh in here because I really sympathize with what you're going through- my husband's family is not a part of our lives and hasn't been for several years, and it just breaks my heart for them that they won't know their grandchild. Because I've gone through that and I know how hard it is for families to come back together after something huge and hurtful... I'm going to say I think you should consider letting this go. I think that you have a right to tell them that you are upset - but I think in the long run, you'll be very sad when Harper is born and they aren't there, and it may cause a lot of damage. </p> <p>I know it SUCKS to be the bigger person. I'm sorry :( My mom says you can be right or you can be happy. And from what you normally post about your family, it seems like you'll be much happier if your family is nearby to meet and love on your newborn. Sorry you're dealing with this. Family drama can be heart-wrenching. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394552 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:49:55 +0000 autumnlove 394552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: I'm so sorry! I hope they cool off and find a way to be there for you when Harper is born. Ugh, I'm sorry he brought up the name situation! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/4#post-394551 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:49:29 +0000 MrsSCB 394551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: Ugh, I have been following this since yesterday and haven't commented, but I am so sorry you are dealing with this! I think it is so hurtful that they would give up being there for your first child because of a shot that they haven't actually researched yet. My DH also hates shots (I mean, no one LIKES shots...) but the health of our children would absolutely trump any fear of needles. I feel like it should be the same way for your parents. And to throw in the obvious resentment about your daughter's middle name is just so unfair. She's YOUR daughter. You have no obligations to anyone in naming her--you should be able to name her whatever you like. So sorry you're dealing with this, I hope your family takes some time to cool down before they say something they REALLY regret, it seems like they've gotten very worked up about this :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/3#post-394531 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:42:51 +0000 PrincessBaby 394531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh my God, I cannot take this. My Dad just called me and said that he's not getting any shots, and that they believe that it could affect their health (no medical basis for this- mind you, just a "feeling") and if it means they are not around for Harper's birth, then they'll wait until they can see her when she's older. I told him that I want them here, and I can't believe they would miss out on such an important thing because of a shot they haven't even looked into. He then proceeded to tell me that he doesn't like shots. I reminded him that no one like shots, but we're talking about the health of a baby.</p> <p>The most ludicrous and jaw-dropping thing that he said was that we have different beliefs, and he gave the example that he believed that Harper's middle name should have been the family name (mine and my mom's), which is Leigh. So he wanted her named Harper Leigh. I wouldn't have it because of To Kill a Mockingbird, but he said that he still doesn't agree with the fact that I did not give her the family middle name, but he realized he had to let it go. I could not even believe he was comparing that to the situation with us not agreeing on the Whooping Cough shot.</p> <p>I am so upset that I'm not going in to work today. I cannot stop crying because I have no idea what to do. Nothing in me wants to turn my parents away. I never thought that they wouldn't be around for my first baby. </p> <p>It makes me mad that they are so stupid and small-minded, and it makes me sad for Harper that they would react this way over a single shot that will protect her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-vaccine-request-started-drama-how-to-proceed/page/3#post-394443 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 08:49:47 +0000 PrincessBaby 394443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMini: Thank you so much for taking the time to share all of that detailed information. I know that you are a nicu nurse, but I also know that in general, you are pretty laid back and are not one of those alarmist/extremist people, so your medical opinion and experience definitely matters to me, especially if you also agree that this is not going over-the-top and can have real consequences if ignored! I am grateful that you weighed in here!! It is very very helpful!</p> <p>I just want to thank everyone for all of your support and advice. I respect differing opinions and it's always helpful to hear those as well. </p> <p>With that being said, after discussing it at length with DH, we have decided to wait until tomorrow to give it time to cool off, and then to let my Mom, Dad, and sister know that due to increased outbreaks within the last year, we feel it's best for Harper if they are vaccinated with the Tdap. Since I had the flu shot and will be BF'ing, I'll pass the antibodies on to her to help protect her, so we won't push that. But I am simply going to say that we really want them here, can't imagine them not being a part of all of this, but we want Harper to be healthy as well, so if they will just go to the Walgreens or CVS and get the shot, we will gladly pay for it. DH's parents are coming in January, and they have also readily agreed to do the same, so we're just taking precautions with everyone that will be around her for extended stays, just holding her best interests at heart.</p> <p>I am not going to threaten initially with "or you can't come" but I am prepared to do that if needed. All 3 have flights booked through Southwest, and there is no change fee. So no one will lose money if flights have to be rebooked, but I'm really praying that it doesn't come to that. </p> <p>My Dad, who I have not spoken to about this, is the one that I think I can talk to and get him to convince my mom to get her shot, whether she's happy about it or not. My Dad is so excited about his first grandchild, and I really cannot see ANYTHING keeping him away. So I am going to talk to him before speaking with my mother about it again. I am definitely going to wait until at least tomorrow before addressing it again.</p> <p>I know that they need to be vaccinated 2 weeks prior to contact, so I think if I can let them know tomorrow (wed) that this needs to be done by Mon or Tues to keep Harper safe, then I'm hoping they oblige.</p> <p>If my sister decides to be pissy about it- which she may - then I'll be sad, but I don't feel it's right to make a big deal about it to everyone and then make exceptions for others. Nor do I want to make exceptions to accommodate others' stubbornness. The only person I'm truly interested in accommodating is Harper. So if she throws a fit and wants to change her flight, then that's okay.</p> <p>By the same token, I can't force my sister to stay away if she won't get vaccinated without doing to same to my parents. So the hardest thing is going to be to get my mother to understand that she HAS to get the shot, especially since she is staying the longest. She'll be here 2 weeks. </p> <p>I truly hope that they respect my and DH's wishes and we don't have to have a "well then we need to cancel flights" conversation. I am really hoping it doesn't come to that.</p> <p>I feel really good about our decision, and I know it will be worth the peace of mind that I feel when they are all here and I'll know that Harper is safe. </p> <p>I am so grateful to all of you for expressing your opinions and sharing your experiences, because even though I knew what I wanted the outcome to be and what I felt comfortable with, I wasn't sure if I was being overly-protective or silly. Thank you all for helping me to address this confidently:) </p>