https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 06:26:44 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-235106 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:38:19 +0000 wheres_c 235106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the thought of all the visitors too.<br /> His dad is planning on flying in for the 4 days surrounding my due date.<br /> The last thing I want is to be worrying about labor with his dad here!<br /> My mom is flying in as soon as we give the news that labor has started.</p> <p>My dad luckily is waiting 2 weeks (until Christmas) before he flies in.</p> <p>I'm a little apprehensive about everyone coming so soon because when they come, they always expect you to drop everything for them. And this time they will all be here! And they are all divorced! And coming with their new spouses who have neglected to meet in the 5+ years they've been married.<br /> Ugh! Anxiety!</p> <p>We don't have the room for them to stay with us though, so everyone needs to stay at hotels. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-235071 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:24:27 +0000 ladyfingers 235071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH wants to fly MIL in when the baby comes and have her stay with us for a week or two. Well, I pointed out to him that we only have one bed in the whole entire house -- ours -- and when he said she could sleep on the couch because he didn't want his mother in a hotel room... I had to explain that the baby will be up crying at all hours of the night, and was it really nice for him to make his mom sleep on the couch through all that when we could just pay for a hotel room nearby? That worked. I'll be grateful to have her here, but our house is not houseguest-friendly and probably won't be for a long time, since we just moved in in April and I have no time to make it so (nor will I anytime soon!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-235052 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:15:01 +0000 LuLu Mom 235052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know how I would feel having that many guests, my mom has offered to take a week or two off after the birth to help me out, she said she would go home at night if I preferred, but I think for at least a couple nights I would like her to stay with us. But then I do want it do it on my own to get in the swing of things and not rely on someone else's help. </p> <p>I think if you are already stressed you can say it's overwelming and 1-2 guest at a time is enough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-235050 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:14:48 +0000 Downward Dog 235050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We struggled with similar issues, but overall I think things could have gone better even though my in-laws were not staying with us. </p> <p>Basically, I feel like no one really understands how much rest a new mother needs. In my opinion, waking up with the baby, feeding the baby and cuddling the baby is all a new mother should do for the first few weeks. She should not have to spend time with guests unless she wants to, and if she does, someone else should set it up so that it doesn't involve extra work for the new mom. </p> <p>Even though we had help in terms of cooking and cleaning, I still had a lot of people telling me "you need to get out" and I was so exhausted I thought, maybe they're right, maybe if I do something fun I will feel better. I really regret doing that, because made my recovery take longer and left me a mess. And those were the helpful people saying that, the unhelpful people were complaining that they were bored and then leaving in a huff.</p> <p>I don't think you are overreacting. Plus, a lot of men don't really understand what it means to host guests. They think the extra food and bedding just magically appears. I think it's important to make clear to everyone that you need time to focus on recovery and the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-234990 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 07:29:54 +0000 yoursilverlining 234990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In a situation like this, I think your opinion/desire should trump your husbands. You will have just given birth, and need time for yourself (physically and emotionally) and time with your babies to bond with and get to know them.</p> <p>My MIL is wonderful and I absolutely adore and love her, but she came out the day after LO was born and stayed in our home for a week. It was so, so stressful to have 24/7 house guests, even though she didn't make demands on us. I just felt like I had zero time truly alone with my baby that week, and although she was helpful, if I could go back in time, I would either have had her come at a later time, or stayed in a hotel.</p> <p>If you are already feeling stressed at all about guests, don't be shy about putting your foot down. I wish I had. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-234985 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 07:24:21 +0000 purrpletulips 234985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are perfectly within your rights to say no that it's too many people so soon. Does your MIL want your SIL to come with them for a specific reason? I think that if SIL is willing to come even the week after MIL/GM are there that should be OK, perhaps there could be one day overlap at the very end or something. Good luck.</p> <p>We didn't allow any visitors in the hospital but ended up with 5 (3 of them checked before showing up which was appreciated). My parents live about 3hr away and came for the weekend when DD was 1w old (DH had to go out of town), it was very nice having them to help out. My MIL came when DD was 3w old under the premise of helping out but in reality she stayed in the guest room the whole time with her dog and when she was out she was offering unsolicited and unappreciated advice. This time my parents will be watching DD while I have LO#2 so they will be there when we get home but I am OK with that. My MIL wants to come for a week again and while I'll agree to it at some point I am insisting that DH be home the entire time to entertain her as I will be busy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-234965 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 06:48:28 +0000 BeachMama 234965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it also depends on how much work you think they'll be for you as houseguests. Will they be able to take care of themselves or will you need to feed/entertain them. My MIL made a big show of saying we didn't need to feed or entertain her but in the end she needed both and was more work and stress than help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-234962 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 06:42:44 +0000 matador84 234962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I posted the same concern a little while back. My in-laws live here, while my family lives 350 miles away. We just have a small two bed/two bath house and bringing the baby home is already a big enough adjustment without having to worry about house guests. I already was very up front with my family, they are welcome to come and stay as long as they want but not at the house. My dad had no problem with this at all, and although my mom did at first, I told her these are my wishes, it's what I want, so she can just get over it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-234960 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 06:40:16 +0000 mediagirl 234960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You definitely have a right to say what you do or don't want. You and your husband need to come to a consensus on it, though.</p> <p>Personally, I found having my parents at our house the first night we were home was a huge help. They were only there for two nights (they were in town the two nights we were in the hospital, too). They made dinner, held the baby and rocked her to give my husband and me some nap time when we desperately needed it.</p> <p>You have a point about getting help while you're on leave. I have really appreciated the helpers that have come over while I have been on leave. They watch the babies so you can shower, do a load of laundry, take a nap, etc. The baby is no fun the first week anyways, why don't you invite his sister to come when the twins are a bit older and more interactive? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-234929 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 03:17:47 +0000 gracecat 234929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't feel bad about making your preferences known! You could make SIL feel good about it by telling her you would appreciate her help once your MIL and grandmother left. You are definitely NOT overreacting. I know many parents who felt oppressed by visitors coming at the wrong time or overstaying their welcome, so follow your instincts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-233729 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:41:06 +0000 autumnlove 233729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't even let my parents visit right away. My Mom means well but she stresses me out so I told her we wanted to bond as a family of 3 before we had overnight guests. My parents came two weeks after LO was born when things were a little calmer. I was still in a lot of pain from my C section and they were very helpful around the house and they just loved being with LO!<br /> My brother came 3 weeks after LO was born. His GF wanted to come too but I told my bro it wasn't a good idea....I didn't want to stress non family members out with new baby drama! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-233693 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:32:10 +0000 DillonLion 233693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really nervous about this topic. I don't want anyone at the hospital and I don't want any visitors right away at the house while we are adjusting and I'm recovering from birth. </p> <p>But I know that is unrealistic and not really fair to our close family who want to meet the baby, so I'm trying to get a little more flexible. My MIL is coming to stay with us for a week after the baby is born, but I'm totally okay with that because we have a great relationship and I know she'll be a big help. Other than that, I couldn't handle any additional sleepover-type visitations all at once. That would be too much for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visitors-after-birth#post-233689 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:29:54 +0000 sunshineandsushi 233689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's family lives far away and his mother and grandmother want to come for a week to stay after the twins are born. I am totally fine with this and look forward to the help. Now, MIL is asking if his sister can also come, so that would mean three family members staying with us for a week pretty soon after we get home from the hospital. I'm concerned it will be too much for me and right now, DH is not understanding where I'm coming from. I would love SIL to visit, but am hoping she can come at a separate time so that I can spread out family help over my maternity leave. I know I'll need it with twins! </p> <p>Did anyone have strong feelings about family staying over with you immediately, or within a few weeks, after you came home from the hospital? Did you have a limit as to how many people stayed over at once? After the fact, do you wish you were more strict about visitors, or did you find you didn't mind? I have no clue how I'll feel in the moment and am wondering if I'm already overreacting. </p>