https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 25 May 2026 21:13:07 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917558 Wed, 22 Jul 2020 13:35:42 +0000 karenbme 2917558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetCaroline: Yeah, Christmas is going to be rough... I'm the only one of four siblings that's even in a relationship so even before baby we were getting push back about alternating spending the actual day with one side and Christmas Eve with the other. We had already planned to say we're doing Christmas morning out our house with the baby, but there's a big difference between that and we're uncomfortable with how cautious you're being, so we're not coming at all.</p> <p>@Chuckles: I totally hear you on the different caution levels. Everyone thinks they're doing enough to keep themselves safe otherwise they'd be living differently, and I feel like my dad in particular has a hard time grasping that we are making very different choices from them because in his mind they're "following the recommendations as NY opens up" but we're more on the just because you can doesn't mean you should track. They also have been working outside the home this whole time, while we've been working from home, which I'm sure impacts perceived risk of other activities.</p> <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Totally agree it's not their decision. I just need to figure out where the line is with our comfort level.</p> <p>@pachamama: Yeah, VT is super low risk right now even though our county has had ~70% of all covid deaths in the state, and we've been on the more conservative end of the quarantine spectrum, so I'm not worried about us bringing it to them. They're near Albany/Schenectady, so relatively low, but they both work outside the home and they're doing things you couldn't pay me to do like eating indoors at restaurants "with masks." I totally hear you on getting the visits in now, and DD's pediatrician made a similar comment at her 6 month appointment in May, which is part of why I want to make this work, because Thanksgiving/Christmas are probably going to be a hard pass for us. And yes, they're starting pool testing in VT because our positive rates have been below 1% for a couple months now. The state invested in testing from the early days and has run enough tests at this point that we could have tested 1 in every 7 people (except some people get routinely tested, so actually it's a lot less than that). I'm honestly really proud of how our state government has handled this (even though I normally strongly dislike the governor) but we've done lots of things, like direct payments for business stabilization and a massive testing program, that have really helped contain the virus and support the economy.</p> <p>@caitcat: The prep is the other thing that bugs me about this. My dad has had this vacation block on his calendar since April, and calls a week in advance saying he wants to see us. It's such a smart plan to put things on calendars and set up some ground rules even just to be a little more attentive in the two weeks before.</p> <p>@LemonJack: I hear you, my little sister is the same way, she's the sibling I'm closest with and is so excited to be an aunt, but she's 25 and lives alone so strictly isolating wouldn't work for her, even though she got a puppy at the start of quarantine. But now she's in bars and things because they're open, and it's just sad that she won't get to see DD because of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917543 Wed, 22 Jul 2020 10:02:12 +0000 Alba4 2917543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just saw my parents (that live an hour away) last week for the very first time since Feb. We had dinner and played outside of their house. I waited awhile because they are super high risk. It was a nice visit.</p> <p>My in-laws are 2.5 hours away, so a day trip is a bit more of a challenge. They are all over and socialize quite a bit. I don’t feel comfortable sleeping over or having them stay the night yet...</p> <p>We live in a suburb of NYC. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917539 Wed, 22 Jul 2020 08:56:13 +0000 LemonJack 2917539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We’ve struggled with this too, and I feel like we’ve been back and forth on it. We’ve seen my parents a fair amount, but only outside from a distance. We’ve only seen my mother in law a couple of times, and I feel badly about it, but she’s a hair stylist so we’re a little more cautious with her. She’s such a wonderful MIL and grandparent so it makes me feel terrible. I know it saddens her, but she would never say anything.</p> <p>What I’m saddest about is that we were supposed to go to my family’s cabin this summer with my entire family and its cancelled. I love having this time with my family, and specifically for my kids to play with their cousins. We had still considered going with my sister’s family, but they aren’t being careful at all. I just saw a picture of them with a bunch of their friends. 30+ people all scrunched together, no masks. So, that’s out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917536 Wed, 22 Jul 2020 04:56:28 +0000 pachamama 2917536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: Could you have them get tested before they come? That would put your mind at ease. I heard actually your governor saying rates are so low in VT, they were considering pool testing (google it, very interesting). We do play dates with the neighbors and my son even does soccer. He is good about wearing his mask. Am I always nervous? Yes. but it's a risk benefit thing and a year + of social isolation for my mental health is not good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917535 Wed, 22 Jul 2020 04:01:28 +0000 caitcat 2917535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've been struggling with this so much as well. Lately, we've said a lot of difficult "no's" to family...and it really stinks, all around. </p> <p>We recently settled on setting up some visits later in the summer/fall that we can each block off on our calendars ahead of time to visit as "safely" as possible and plan for. One of my major sources of stress was that my mom kept trying to plan get-togethers on the fly, like calling me on a Thursday to see if I could bring the girls to visit that weekend. I felt terrible as I kept saying no, or trying to analyze what they'd been up to in the time leading up to the weekend as I weighed whether we should visit - and she felt like I was overreacting...it was a mess. I eventually brought it up more head-on about what it would take for us to visit "safely" and how we could plan ahead to make that happen. We settled on a couple of times to block off on the calendar for visits and are on the same page about what we'll do around then. It felt a little ridiculous to spell out what we were comfortable with and what we weren't for the two weeks leading up the visit. But it feels much better (for both of us) to know that we have a plan to get together and can look forward to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917532 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 21:20:09 +0000 Chuckles 2917532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pachamama: that's a very good point about rates in your specific area. The fact that our rates got fairly low, though not as much as yours - 60 active cases in a population of 140K - is part of why we felt better seeing my parents and also not social distancing with a couple of neighborhood kids so that DS could get some much needed social interaction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917529 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 19:40:31 +0000 pachamama 2917529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@karenbme: I base our decisions on interactions on our area's infection rate. What's happening in LA county is literally another world than upstate NY where I live (maybe not far from you??). I actually heard the VT governor reporting today on how super low your rates are so that's a good thing! When infection rate dropped we started seeing our parents. Now we do very often- they are in our "bubble". My mom watches my boys and we swim 4 days a week in her pool. My 4yo has done sleepovers with the inlaws. All fine.<br /> Covid will be here at least another year or more. I can't not see family for that long, where there are literally 14 cases in my county of 230k people. I feel pretty safe and don't do any risky ventures. I've weighed the risks and to be it feels ok. I have friends who are way more cautious and I absolutely understand that. I am scared this winter if things get worse we won't see family again, so in some way I am taking advantage of the low infection and outdoor interactions now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917524 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 15:32:03 +0000 Chuckles 2917524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Echoing other posters that it's ok to say no. My parents offered to continue to babysit even when DS and I are back at school, and we said no. My mom is being very emotional about it and what will happen when the weather is bad and we can't all sit outside together. But it's definitely not safe for them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917521 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 13:01:30 +0000 periwinklebee 2917521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>MIL wants to come visit, but it would involve a flight. My husband just flat out said no, under no circumstances - that given that she's in her 70s it is not safe for her to fly at this time, and not safe for our infant and toddler who has asthma, etc to see her after she'd been exposed on a plane/in an airport. She wasn't happy... but we weren't comfortable with the risk for us or for her just for the sake of a short visit, and she's formed a very sweet relationship with our son over daily facetime talks (I know that isn't so feasible with an infant, of course...) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917519 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 12:27:17 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2917519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't mean for this to sound harsh and maybe unrealistic, but my immediate response on reading your post was "well, it's not up to your dad whether the answer is no." If you don't feel comfortable, you have every right to hold that line. My daughter is 7 and an only grandchild, and her grandparents miss her terribly but I've been very explicit with everyone that we are not seeing anyone until I feel it's safe and that probably won't be for a long time. My parents both work, as does my brother (in a bar, no less), and they all hang out together and not particularly careful. My mom goes out to do nails and hair and is living life as usual. She's masked when she's out but it's still a high risk in my opinion. I've actually considered maybe doing a visit because my parents have both had Covid, and they're probably not at risk of giving it to us, but who knows and I'm not really willing to risk it. So it really sucks but we probably won't see them for quite a while as a result. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917509 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 09:19:17 +0000 Chuckles 2917509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is so tricky. We've had some family drama around here because of people disagreeing on how careful is safe enough (i.e., my brother is being extremely cautious and was even upset at my parents for walking into a store briefly with everyone wearing masks to pick something up) and having to push back with my parents because we couldn't quarantine enough (due to work) and didn't feel safe with them holding the kids. Long story short, our ability to stay safe will change once school starts because I will go back to teaching in a relatively high-risk environment, DS may go back to school, and we will start a nanny share for DD. So we compromised and stopped social distancing with my parents so that they could snuggle the kids for a few weeks before everything changes. But we are staying outside and DH and I are not having direct physical contact with them. The only issue is that my 8 month old wants nothing to do with them holding her right now, which makes sense given that the only people who have been holding her for the last however many months have just been me and DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917503 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 08:53:48 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2917503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is tough. My in laws are only an hour away but were taking things VERY seriously at the start and came by for a visit but stayed in their car (since we knew the kids wouldn't be able to keep their distance otherwise). My 5 year old was really bothered that he couldn't touch his grandparents. We have all become a little more comfortable since then and moved to outdoor visits and more recently indoors but we are all limiting exposure and feel comfortable with the precautions taken.</p> <p>My Dad drove 11 hours to visit after quarantining for 2 weeks (we did the same). But my Mom has been working in an office full time and is traveling next month to visit a large group of family. She has mentioned wanting to come down this fall but I am hesitant. Thanksgiving and Christmas will be tough but I'm hoping we can at least see my in laws. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917498 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 06:41:03 +0000 SweetCaroline 2917498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@karenbme: We have an 8 week old and a 5 year old. The baby has only ever been held by DH and I and my mom. The other grandparents have too much exposure. They all know that if they quarantine themselves as my mom has, they, too may hold the baby. In my dad's case, he is not retired so that's not an option. We visit with him outside. DH's parents are retired, but have choosen to continue to visit with and care for their other grandchildren (over meals, inside, etc.) and those grandchildren have MULTIPLE points of contact (parents that do patient care, joint custody with step sibs that also have joint custody, etc.). So...we only visit outside with them as well.</p> <p>I honestly feel more comfortable with my dad than DHs parents. My dad does not interact with anyone unmasked and he is able to maintain social distancing at work also.</p> <p>We also live in an area where Oct-Apr/May does not lend itself to outdoor visiting. I mentioned Christmas with DHs family to him briefly and he basically said if there are case counts at that time, we will not be doing Christmas with them.</p> <p>I anticipate serious pushback on Christmas if we were to do that, since DD will be in school and DS will be in daycare. BUT they are both in pods and just because we choose to enroll them in that care does not mean we have to open the floodgates. I also think that if we skipped Christmas, we'd invite just DH's parents over for a masked celebration/gift exchange.</p> <p>It's all so weird and I feel like we're making up all these fake rules. On one hand, I feel horrible about all these restrictions we impose. On the other hand, our #1 job is to make the right decision for our kids well-being. 🤷‍♀️</p> <p>Everyone says they understand our decisions. We skipped a sibs birthday party even though it was outside because the guest list was bigger than we were comfortable with, we didn't know how big the backyard was and a meal was served.</p> <p>Can you tell this consumes me? :silly:</p> <p>ETA: To be clear, DH and I respect our family's decisions in regards to quarantine and social distancing, none of them are especially frivolous. We certainly don't expect that the grandparents isolate from the other grandkids in order to hold our baby. But, we have established those boundaries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917497 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 06:05:41 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2917497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are also 3 hours away and we had them stay over one night this past weekend for the first time. We saw them outdoors one other time where we drove down for the day and stayed outside. We are in Ontario Canada and we are allowed to ‘bubble’ with 10 people who we don’t have to social distance from. My parents and in laws are in our bubble. BUT we have been talking all this time about precautions we all are taking and my parents and in laws are taking it seriously. I’m more worried about us as risk to them as my younger son is in daycare and I work outside of the home. We are taking as many precautions as we can. Our boys go to my in laws once a week for a one night sleepover as childcare too. I was stewing about it beforehand for sure but I can have an open conversation with them and we are open about comfort levels. My friends dad said he if he can’t see his grandkids for 2 years, he might as well be dead anyway! For those that can, it’s such a vital connection (we are lucky we have good relationships, I know many people don’t)</p> <p>In your case, I would not be comfortable with an overnight visit if they aren’t taking precautions. I don’t like that he basically just told you he’s coming during the vacation. I would say, we will need to meet outside again or you’ll need to isolate for 2 weeks before a visit. I get that it’s weird and can create drama, but like other posts, you have to get comfortable making these choices for your safety. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917494 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 00:07:40 +0000 karenbme 2917494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I’ve seen this piecemeal on a couple other posts, but what are people doing about family visits right now? My 9 month old is the first baby on my side and I got a call from my dad today telling me that he was going to be seeing DD at some point during the two weeks he’s off work (next week and the week after). They live 3 hours away and we’ve done a couple of mainly outdoor visits with them at a family cabin, but definitely aren’t comfortable with them coming to stay overnight at the house. They’ve been much more lax on quarantine than us. For example they are dining out at restaurants and see friends and my little sister, who has fully reopened including going to bars, a few times a week mask free. Meanwhile we limit trips to the store to one per week and change plans if there are too many cars in the lot for a hiking trail. The easy answer is to meet up outdoors again, potentially at the cabin, but driving 3 hours with an infant is a pain and we need to board the dog on short notice and we kind of don’t want to. But my dad won’t take FaceTime for an answer. It’s also made me worry about what will happen around DD’s first birthday, which is in October, and then the holidays when the weather will likely make outdoor compromise visits impossible (we’re in VT). </p> <p>I’m wondering how others are handling these situations or how you plan to as this drags out. None of us are in hotspots, but just because thousands of people aren’t getting sick every day around us doesn’t mean it’s not present. For now I told him DH and I would talk about it and see what we’re comfortable with, but we don’t need to talk, we want to say no, and that’s going to be a problem. </p>