https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 11:59:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2830586 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 02:54:43 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2830586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt awkward calling my inlaws by their first names at first but then realized I have coworkers their age and I call them by their first names so why wouldn’t I call them that? We are all adults. My grandma told my Dad once to call him Mom and he was like, “I have a mom.” I would also be heartbroken to call someone else Mom being that I’m losing mine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2829301 Tue, 19 Jun 2018 11:14:15 +0000 kayakgirl73 2829301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I call mine by their first names, now my husband grandparents I used the grandparent name but they used a name from their culture of origin and my grandparents used traditional American grandparent names and had all been deceased at least ten years when I got married. My husband calls my parents by their first names. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2829293 Tue, 19 Jun 2018 10:59:47 +0000 Sams Mom 2829293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd call him Mr. Tom's Dad or Tom's Dad, but I'm an ass </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2829292 Tue, 19 Jun 2018 10:57:16 +0000 MsMini 2829292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would seriously consider giving him a nickname that I knew would irk him ... like “Not my daddy” </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2829171 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 18:43:47 +0000 justjules 2829171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just chiming in to say I agree with some previous comments about the cultural differences. It would be VERY VERY disrespectful in my in laws culture to call them by their first name. </p> <p>I think it's a white American thing to be that informal :silly: my parents ask my husband to call them by their first names and he can barely bring himself to do it because it sounds so disrespectful to him. It is literally unheard of in his culture </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2829146 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 17:12:14 +0000 Mrsbells 2829146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I agree with @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: In some cultures it is disrespectful to call in laws or anyone the age of your parents by their first names. I'm surprised so many posters think its ok to call them by their first name but it must be a cultural difference.<br /> I am not comfortable calling my in laws mom and dad so I generally phrase my convos with them to avoid addressing them at all except when my kids are there; then I can call them granpa and grandma on behalf of the kids.</p> <p>I would try to come to some agreement on something else to call him other than his first name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2829016 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 11:58:12 +0000 psw27 2829016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would never call my in laws mom or dad. My MIL is delightful and her husband is great but they are not my parents. My FIL would probably love it if I called him daddy but that's a whole different weirdo tangent that I won't go down. I would continue referring to him as Bob or Jim or whatever and if he brought it up again, I would just say "I don't want to call you dad." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2829011 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 11:47:44 +0000 alphagam84 2829011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't see how calling him by his first name is rude in his eyes. I would never call my in laws mom or dad. I already have parents who get that title. I call my IL's by their first name. If he wants you to call him by Mr.LastName as others have suggested, I would tell him to call me Ms.MyLastName :) This reminds me of an Everybody Loves Raymond episode where the husband's crazy mom wanted the wife to start calling her mom and she finally did it and then the wife told Ray if she had to call his mom "mom", then he had to call her mom "mom" and his crazy mom walked in and heard Ray calling his wife's mom and her face and reaction was priceless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828968 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 09:57:54 +0000 periwinklebee 2828968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is the same way - she keeps complaining to my husband that I don't call her mom. I just can't. So far it has worked to just avoid calling her anything, as I think she also wouldn't like firstname or mrs last name... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828956 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 09:37:14 +0000 SweetiePie 2828956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well first off, he’s being ridiculous. He can’t force an adult who isn’t his child to call him dad. My MIL also told me I could call her mom when we got married (I’m not close with her at all) and I almost laughed. My husband rarely calls them mom and dad! He uses their first names 😂 I’m only calling my own parents mom and dad, period. It might be different if we were close or maybe I viewed her as a mother figure, but...I don’t. </p> <p>I call my ILs by their first names. Sometimes their English first names, sometimes their nicknames in their native language. If my sons are around it’s grandma and grandpa (in their language).<br /> My husband also calls my parents by their first names. Side note that my parents would be pissed if I called them by their first names, becuase they do view that as disrespect, but they don’t bat an eye when my husband does. </p> <p>My mom and Aunt both called my grandma (their MIL) “Mrs T”. It felt less formal than “Mrs FullLastName” but a little more than calling her by her first name. My dad, interestingly, kind of went back and forth on what he called my other grandma (his MIL). He mostly called her by her nickname “Ro”, but sometimes I heard him call her mom. But he was very, very fond of her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828897 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 08:14:34 +0000 looch 2828897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to call my inlaws by their first names, but now, since my son calls them grandma and grandpa (in my husband's native language), I call them that too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828880 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 07:41:22 +0000 Ajsmommy 2828880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would def not feel comfortable calling in laws mom and dad and I have great IL's. I think it's rude of him to expect you to call him dad. Mom and dad are very dear words to me and I will only call my actual mom and dad them, they have deep meaning to me. It's Ludacris that he's saying it's rude to call another adult by their actual name... really??? He needs to get over himself and let it go.. I'd make my DH have a stern convo with him and tell him how it is and to drop it..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828876 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 07:33:48 +0000 Anagram 2828876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I'm so curious---what did your husband say to his dad in the moment? Because everyone has their foibles and crazy quirks. Your FIL has this weird issue. But your husband's job is to insulate you from this. He should have nipped this in the bud many years ago, and every time they bring it up, he should reiterate "calling people Mom and Dad who aren't your mom and dad is weird, Dad. We aren't going to do that. I don't call her parents Mom and Dad, either. She can call you "grandpa" (whatever your kids call him) or "Bob". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828859 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 04:18:31 +0000 ElbieKay 2828859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would feel so uncomfortable calling my in-laws Mom and/or Dad, and I think it is super presumptuous to expect that from a fully grown adult.</p> <p>I would either just call him Mr. Lastname or maybe even Father-in-Law.</p> <p>I would also try to visit him less if he is that much of an unpleasant control freak. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828849 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 22:46:53 +0000 birdofafeather 2828849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: OMG, i'm dead. legit started laughing at my computer. "DADDY!!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828848 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 22:30:43 +0000 sckim 2828848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do not have a good relationship with my ILs. I've been with my husband for over 13 years now but I have literally never addressed them. There is a language barrier so that may be part of it. I will not call them mom/dad and they dont want to be called Mr/Mrs. So... i dont address them.. ever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828846 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 22:19:41 +0000 PinkElephant 2828846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>MIL told me when we were getting married that she wouldn’t be comfortable with me using her first name, but also didn’t want me to call her Mrs. Lastname. She offered up that she understood I might not want to call her mom...but didn’t offer an alternative. Soooo I called her nothing until my kids arrived, and I call her Nana (her chosen name for the kids to use). I call her Auntie Firstname when talking to other family members about her, because that’s what they/their kids would call her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828835 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 20:50:04 +0000 MOMTOLITTLEB 2828835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love my in laws but I would never call them mom and dad! I have a mom and dad already. One of my husband’s cousins has a girlfriend he’s been dating a year and she calls his parents mom and dad. She’s great but that seems bizarre to me! </p> <p>I typically call them what the kids call them. Mr. and Mrs. seems too formal for how close we are but first names doesn’t feel quite right. My husband still calls my mom Mrs and calls my dad by his nickname. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828833 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 20:48:30 +0000 wrkbrk 2828833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: Same as others. I call my FIL Poppy now bc that’s what DS calls him. Otherwise by his first name. Hell no to calling him dad, and he would never ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828832 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 20:41:53 +0000 Hypatia 2828832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For my in laws, wanting me to call them mom and dad was about power. They wanted to reinforce the notion that I was a mere child compared to their age and experience. </p> <p>F that. I call them by their first names, because that's what mutual adults do in social situations that aren't formal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828830 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 20:36:42 +0000 lady baltimore 2828830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it's really going to be a sticking point for him, I agree, you might want to find something else to call him, just to keep the peace. But, do not start calling him dad if you don't want to, and you should absolutely be as passive aggressive about it as possible. What does he call you?</p> <p>I cannot get on board with the idea that it is ever inappropriate for adults to address one another by their first names. I don't even find it necessary for my LO to use honorifics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828828 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 20:07:29 +0000 nana87 2828828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents were high school sweethearts so by the time my grandma passed away in her 80s, my parents had already been together like 40 years, and I remember my mom calling her mil “mom” but only in like, the very last years of her life. So, it took 4 decades to get to that point, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828827 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 20:04:38 +0000 crazydoglady 2828827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I totally get not calling a doctor, pastor, etc by their first name, and I grew up calling my friends' parents by Mr/Mrs. Lastname as well. If I were to call my MIL Mrs. Last name (my name) it would seem far too distant/unfamiliar and I would never call her mom. So first name or Grammy it is. I agree that this is likely a regional/cultural difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828826 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 19:57:01 +0000 crazydoglady 2828826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Yes, please op, call him "daddy." 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828825 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 19:39:35 +0000 gotkimchi 2828825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: this is absolutely what the OP should do! I’m commited to low key trolling morons :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828824 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 19:21:25 +0000 Mrs. Oreo 2828824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Daddy! LOL :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828823 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 19:17:58 +0000 Foodnerd81 2828823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, to keep the peace I probably would just begrudgingly call him dad and avoid saying it as much as humanly possible. Or call him what the grandkids call him (my kids call my FIL grandpa john, so that’s what I do in front of them). </p> <p>Or you could just mess with him and play around with it- Father John, daddy, just see what freaks him out most... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828822 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 19:15:02 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2828822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: @Sams Mom: in my culture you don’t call elders simply by their first name. For cousins my parents age I use Cousin First name. Everyone growing up was at least Ms/ Mr first name or if they were a doctor it was certainly Dr. Last-name. This sense of deference carriers over into adulthood. My FIL’s insistence is a bit unusual. As time wears on and a sense of familiarity and true friendship develops the formality disappears, but in the case of my mom DH still calls her Ms. last name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828821 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 19:13:45 +0000 ShootingStar 2828821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both DH and I call all of our in-laws by their first name. I would feel really weird calling my in-laws Mom and Dad. For one, that’s what I call my parents. And two, that not what DH calls them lol. He calls them Mum and Pop, but their other kids call them mom and dad I think. </p> <p>If your FIL doesn’t like being called by his first name then I guess you shouldn’t call him that. But that doesn’t mean you have to call him something that makes you uncomfortable. Refer to him as grandpa or whatever, or “hey you” lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/father-in-law-has-a-problem-with-what-i-call-him#post-2828818 Sun, 17 Jun 2018 18:24:50 +0000 Synchronicity 2828818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just had this conversation with my husband - I can't see myself ever calling his parents mom and dad. Because... they aren't my mom and dad 🤷‍♀️ I call them by their first names (which they don't seem to mind) or Grandma / Poppa if R is around. </p>