https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 12:13:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-28493 Tue, 06 Dec 2011 10:32:01 +0000 MrsLMA 28493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Green Grass- I think this is exactly what I was doing... just trying to get my negative feelings out online where they won't touch my sister. It's been helpful to work through different perspectives as well.</p> <p>I know that I will be thrilled for my sister and I wouldn't DREAM of verbalizing my feeling (like the post title says, I'm ashamed of feeling this way). I'm hoping that she would feel the same way too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-28311 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 21:52:45 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 28311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in your sister's position too and I totally understand everyone's feelings no matter how selfish or whatever. You are who you are. How you act on it is the key. I honestly think after awhile you will totally get over it. It took me about 8 months. While we were both trying (me way longer than her) I was totally against her getting pg first. Then she had a miscarriage which made me feel like a biyatch. The second time she got pg (she's 11 weeks now) after I was at 16 months, I'm totally happy for her. Still sad for me, but happy for her.</p> <p>I think the best philosophy is to get all of your less nice feelings out on the internet and deal with them so eventually you can get past them.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-28306 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 21:41:06 +0000 Nskillet 28306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally understand what it feels like to feel jealous of a sibling and deal with what feels like a constant competition. To sum it up it really really sucks. DH and I were engaged on Christmas Day 2009. During that time my middle sister showed no enthusiasm and then got pregnant by a guy she was dating less than 6 months a few monthd after. She spent the rest of the my engagement telling me how important babies are and how frivolous weddings are. I was heartbroken being the oldest not to give my parents their first grandchild and to have a nephew concieved and raised in really tough circumstances for what I felt was spotlight stealing. </p> <p>Im now pregnant with my first child and 4 weeks after I discovered I was pregnant my sister is yet again pregnant with her second. Each phone call is filled with the fact that shes sicker, feeling movement first, and obsessed over having a girl before me because my parents only have grandsons. Our relationship is painful and difficult at times for my husband and I because it just feels like she is constantly trying to one up us.</p> <p>Moral of the story, please be kind to one another. Nothing hurts worse than knowing or thinking a sibling is trying to take something precious from you or make theirs more important. All babies are special gifts, and should be celebrated that way regardless of who is "first" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-28189 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 17:28:35 +0000 anewme 28189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really agree with what Merryc said. We were trying for a lot longer that we let people onto believing. Partly because it was so hard to accept that it Was so difficult for us. </p> <p>When we started telling people about us trying, my own sister and sister in law said some really dumb and hurtful though Im sure weren't intentional, just Uninformed things to me. Some of which are still hard to swallow now when I thunk about it even though DD is already here and one of them is still not pregnant and one of them had their own hurdles conceiving , then plagued by pregnancy problems and thn had a very colicky baby. </p> <p>Sometimes I sort of think it's payback for the way they made me feel at my time of hurt. But when all that is said and done, I still want nothing more than for Them to have a happy healthy child and experience the beauty of motherhood.</p> <p>TTC, pregnancy sometimes bring out a lot of emotions and uglies to the surface especially between women, even the closest women. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-28127 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 16:01:57 +0000 heffalump 28127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with some of the PP's in saying that you really don't know what's going on with your sister and how badly she wants a child unless you go and have that discussion with her. For a long time I assumed my brother and SIL were just waiting for a good time for kids, but finally asked and learned that they've been TTC for 2 years and are having some pretty major issues. Meanwhile, throughout this time I got pregnant and had a baby. She didn't let on once that she was upset or jealous, which I'm sure she was, as any normal person in that situation would be.</p> <p>Also, I'm the youngest and I'm the first to have a baby. I actually wish I weren't. I always liked having my older siblings to look up to and get advice from, and it was very weird for me not to have them to turn to during my pregnancy, childbirth, and now with the baby. Plus, it's weird for me that my baby will be the oldest grandchild, since I only know what it's like to be the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-28063 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 14:22:53 +0000 mediagirl 28063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally get your feelings. I've always felt like I have never been as good as my brother. Then, this happened: I got engaged to my boyfriend of 7 years. When I told my brother, he said congratulations and then told me he was thinking of proposing to his girlfriend of 7 months. After I set my date, he got engaged and set his wedding date to 3 months before our date. He said it was because, "they want to have a Spring baby." Like that happens. Anyways, they did end up getting pregnant (which bugged me even though we weren't trying yet) and they had their late October (not spring) baby. Now that I'm pregnant, the only thing I can think is please let me have a girl so at least, at LEAST I will for once have done something before my brother (have a girl instead of a boy - which they had). </p> <p>It's natural to have those feelings and it's impossible to just stop feeling that way. My Dad has told me not to feel competitive towards my brother but you just can't help it. I would say, try your best to be supportive if they do get pregnant first. If you get pregnant first, do not allow any comments that your sister makes to you hurt you. Sounds like she has the competitiveness in her, as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-28057 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 14:08:13 +0000 mrstilly 28057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The feelings are totally normal, especially between close friends and siblings. It's got to be hard for your sister to struggle to get pregnant, so I can understand her comment. She probably didn't intend it to be mean. But it's also okay for you to want the spotlight for a minute or to have a 'first' of your own. Maybe you'll get pregnant at the same time and can celebrate/commiserate on the ups and downs of pregnancy together. </p> <p>In high school I was always the one flying under the radar to my over achieving sister and trouble-making athletic brother. So when I was starting grad school and my siblings were having their own issues, I was kind of happy to be the stable one with her act together for a while. I obviously want what's best for both of them and for them to be stable, happy, etc... but it was nice to have the recognition from my parents for once. </p> <p>Now there is some competitiveness from my sister toward me (I'm pretty sure anyway, she's subtle) because of my pregnancy/baby. She has a 5 yr old, but wasn't speaking to us for the first 2+years of my niece's life, and lived out of state. Since I'm local and close to my family, I think there is some jealousy about the attention on me and DS. Although we all love and adore my niece and spoil her and my sister both when they are in town. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-27993 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:44:26 +0000 MrsLMA 27993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really appreciate all the feedback- this is exactly what I was looking for (unbiased opinions). </p> <p>ChopSuey119- LOL- only a youngest sibling can understand:)</p> <p>MerryC- your post opens my eyes to the possibility that she has wanted children for longer than she has been letting on- I appreciate you words because I'd never even considered that. I in NO way meant that she wasn't deserving of a child and hope that my pist didn't come off that way. Re-reading it though, I can see how it might so I apologize.</p> <p>I know that we will both be happy for each other, but, like CyndieStar3 said, we both might have a twinge of jealousy.</p> <p>Thanks all!:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-27983 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:37:00 +0000 twinmama 27983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not going to lie. I've kind of been in your sister's position, and it sucks. My husband and I were the first to be married in his family, and his sister conceived and delivered during the time we were trying. As happy as I was for them, it was really hard on me for most of her pregnancy. So I will say if you get pg very quickly, please try to be sensitive to your sister's emotions.</p> <p>And I don't want to be rude, but I'd be hesitant to judge your sisters yearnings for a child (or lack thereof), because you honestly don't know. I put on a 'no worries' type face for a lot of friends and family while ttc, just because I didn't want to unload of everyone all the time about how much it hurt. I was someone who always assumed there'd be a family, and even wanted to be a SAHM, but it wasn't until after a I realized how difficult it would be to have children, that the serious longing for a child kicked in. That doesn't make me any less deserving of a child than my SIL who wanted to ttc as soon as she was married.</p> <p>All that said, your feelings are your feelings, and you both have you live your life. You can't wait to ttc until she gets pg, and she can't expect you to. And neither of you know how long it will take. Sending good vibes that you both get pregnant soon, and maybe if you're pg together the hurt feelings will be minimized. Because the bottom line is that you're sisters, and as long as you are both respectful of each other during a potentially difficult time for both of you, you'll be okay :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-27960 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:08:30 +0000 cyndistar3 27960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have never been a competitive person. I see where you are coming from but I would sure hope you could be happy for eachother no matter who gets pregnant first. I cannot even imagine trying to have a baby for almost a year, finally succeeding and then having my sister be sore about it because she didn't get it first. Or on the other side trying for almost a year, and then my sister succeeding after a short time of trying... While I myself would attempt to be happy for you, I would be really hurt. Either way one of you will be a bit hurt but hopefully you both can find it in you to he happy for eachother. I hope you both get pregnant soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-27940 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 11:52:26 +0000 chopsuey 27940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope you get pregnant before your sister!!<br /> I've never been a super competitive person (aside from academics), but I get where you're coming from!<br /> I'm the youngest of 3 and the only married one. (sisters are 34 and 37). I also gave my parents their first grandchild.<br /> I think it wasn't easy for my sisters, and it took some time, but they got over it and LOVE my daughter.</p> <p>Have I mentioned that I hope you get pregnant first? hehe. Either way, I hope your sis can be happy for you when you do get preggers, and vice versa. </p> <p>Happy baby making! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-27937 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 11:51:32 +0000 Mrsbells 27937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since she has been trying longer than you have, it sounds fair and logical if she was able to conceive first. I dont think it should be a race or competition especially since you are sisters. Just wish her the best and pray that you both are able to conceive soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-27936 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 11:51:31 +0000 Rosie Girl 27936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have, but not with family. DH and I started trying (and kept it a secret because of our infertility issues), and my friend and her husband decided to have another one. Well, first month they were pregnant, and with twins. Not proud of this at all, but I hardly talked to her. I was so upset and hurt. Especially since her DH had made a comment about not wanting kids, and yet DH and I wanted one together so bad, and couldn't! </p> <p>It would be really hard for your sister to see you get pregnant after she has been trying for so long, but at the same time, it would be hard for you to see your sister get pregnant when you feel like you actually want it more. I hope that you both can find happiness in what comes. </p> <p>And good luck! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ashamed-of-my-competitiveness#post-27930 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 11:45:43 +0000 MrsLMA 27930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm struggling with feelings of competitiveness and selfishness surrounding my sister and me both trying to get pregnant simultaneously. The background:</p> <p>My sister has been married for 6 years and has been trying to conceive for the last 11 months. Her husband and her are both wanting a child now but up until lately it has seems like an after thought more than a true yearning.</p> <p>My husband and I married very recently and have ALWAYS talked about TTC right away and have both indicatd that starting a family is our first priority.</p> <p>My sister has made reference to "dying" if we get pregnant first. While I understand that it would be frustrating to want something for a year and not be able to have it, I'm feeling like it's not fair that she would feel this way.</p> <p>Lately, I've been ashamed to be thinking that I hope she DOESN"T get pregnant until after we do. I am the younger sibling and have always experienced everything second. While she's wanted a baby for a year, I've wanted to be a month for as long as I can remember.</p> <p>I'm hoping that these feelings just subside and that no matter who gets pregnant first that we can be happy for each other- but I'm not sure that I will:( Has anyone else struggled with feelings of comptitiveness? </p>