https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 14:16:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-995202 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 07:35:35 +0000 tadamsmar 995202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You might want to learn from the 50 years or so of existing experiments with response tactics:</p> <p><a href="http://ocw.usu.edu/family__consumer____human_development/oer-power-of-positive-parenting/power-of-positive-parenting/Course_Material.html" rel="nofollow">http://ocw.usu.edu/family__consumer____human_development/oer-power-of-positive-parenting/power-of-positive-parenting/Course_Material.html</a></p> <p><a href="http://childconductclinic.yale.edu/" rel="nofollow">http://childconductclinic.yale.edu/</a></p> <p><a href="http://incredibleyears.com/for-researchers/" rel="nofollow">http://incredibleyears.com/for-researchers/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-990728 Mon, 05 Aug 2013 14:34:29 +0000 Mrs. Train 990728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just wanted to say you shouldn't feel guilty about the way you feel. It is so hard when the tantrums get bad. We had a rough go with my oldest when he was about 18 months. His twin brothers were 9 months and I just sat In The middle of our playroom sobbing and guarding my twins while he threw a giant tantrum. It can be so difficult. I also found that my boys tantrums are WAY more physical than my daughters. </p> <p>Just take deep breaths momma and know that you will get through this. A few times when I thought I was going to loose my mind I put them in their cribs so they were safe and played a song on m iPad to calm me down. </p> <p>If you feel like your other child is getting the short end of the stick because of the tantrums make some special time for just her. I know it's not easy to schedule but may e it would help. Or if your parents are up for it have her get and day with them. It could help her feel special too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-990656 Mon, 05 Aug 2013 14:15:26 +0000 edelweiss 990656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>just wanted to send lots of hugs. that's great that you made an appointment and i hope the new things you are going to try in the meantime bring back a little calm. but mostly i want to say please don't feel ashamed--it is an overwhelming situation and anyone in your shoes would feel the same way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-990618 Mon, 05 Aug 2013 14:05:54 +0000 tadamsmar 990618@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You have probably tried this, but: Sometimes having some small novel toys can help. I kid of grab bag of cheap new toys. Or, you give him a novel toy for the diaper change or ride in the car and then distract him and take it away so it does not lose it's appeal. These are not used as rewards for tantrums or lack of cooperation, but as distractions during transitions to prevent tantrums. Of course, you still have the "transition" of taking the toy away (assuming you do that) but it might be easier to make that transition.</p> <p>3 to 5 day trials might work, but 3 might be too short. If you try something like ignoring, then you sometimes get an "extinction burst" where things get worse for a few days before they get better. Things might get worse for only 1-2 days, but it could take longer than 3 to see an improvement if the behavior has been reinforced only part of the time in the past. Partial reinforcement tends to make it harder to extinguish a behavior, so partial reinforcement is good for locking in a behavior you want after a period of continuous reinforcement, but it can lead to a situation where a bad behavior can be hard to extinguish. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-985502 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 15:29:43 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 985502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SadMama: We started this around age 2. I feel like it started working better at 2 years 3 months... but age 2 was a super tough transition for her because baby sister came home at 21 months. I agree that receptive language could be a factor.</p> <p>BUT... we were glad that we had started doing it at age 2 because I felt like it started giving her a basis for better understanding transitions and gave her a sense for the type of language we used around transitions and what it meant for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-985466 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 15:15:49 +0000 SadMama 985466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I am having a hard time figuring out at what age they will start to understand things like time to transition. What age did you start doing that with Lala? My son speaks pretty well but his receptive language doesn't seem to quite match to me and it is just so hard to tell what is "normal"for the age and what isn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-985453 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 15:11:37 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 985453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SadMama: I figured you had probably tried! Great idea on trying with fun things first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-985445 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 15:09:32 +0000 SadMama 985445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I have but probably not in the last month? I found that it was causing the meltdown early or doing nothing and they were still taking place. </p> <p>The only thing that seems to help is excitedly talking to him about how we're going to go buckle up super fast so we can see lots of trucks type of thing and that is still more miss than hit. </p> <p>I will try the timers again to see if it works better now, I week give it a shot the first few times with a transition to a fun thing like bath and see if it helps, thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-985422 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 15:02:04 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 985422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SadMama: I'm sure you are giving him a lot of preparation for each transition time, right? We used timers set on our phones to let Lala know that there were 5 minutes until we left and then 2 minutes and then we spent the rest of that time saying bye bye to whatever it was she was working with and putting it away... which really helped us smooth those transitions...</p> <p>But I'm guessing you've probably done all that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-985417 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 14:59:06 +0000 SadMama 985417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are all amazing, thank you so much for all the hugs, support and advice. I decided to make an appointment with a great specialist about an hour away who comes highly recommended- I spoke with her office yesterday and they said it sounds like something they might be able to help with and we are going to meet in September.</p> <p>While I am waiting I decided to do my own "experiment", I am going to keep a log and try one response tactic for 3-5 days and see how it goes. We are all going to stop and do a therapeutic hold every time and keep a log. </p> <p>We typically let him just have his fit after we move him, we are pet good about not giving lots of attention but I think my parents occasionally try to distract him with appealing things so I have asked then to refrain for now. </p> <p>Transitions are a huge issue, 70% of the melt downs are transitions, I limit them as much as I can but it isn't possible to cut them out, not to mention it is a pretty big life skill.</p> <p>In my calm moments I am hesitant to put him in his crib when he is throwing a fit, I worry about the steps, it isn't always possible since he we might be out or trying to leave to go somewhere, plus it sort of feels like I an letting him skip following my directions- I say diaper change and he gets to put it off as long as he is screaming...</p> <p>The more I think about it the more I realize that what I want (obviously) is for the tantrums to stop because I feel like once he is throwing a fit most of the solutions are either ignore it/time out or giving him something to calm him down (attention, distraction etc.) </p> <p>We spend the first hour of the day together just us, we feed the dog, read and then cook breakfast and wake his sister. Most mornings we either drive her/them to a class/park/library which means a melt down for the car but he loves all of those things and is an angel until it is time to go, cute another melt down, he calms down in the car and then throws a fit getting out of the car. We get inside put shoes away and wash hands to eat, melt down over the water. He eats and then plays followed by a meltdown over a diaper change. Thrown in for good measure are tantrums over dropping his toy, not being able to see the garbage truck anymore and being informed he can't throw eggs... </p> <p>We can spend two hours at the park have an amazing time and I feel like we have a normal life but then we are back to his crazy ways. I fell like he must have been a spoiled king in his past life... Actually a friend suggested I spend a day where he got to run the show and we spent hours at the park but he refused to eat and obviously to go home for a nap so my dh and I just took Turks at the park and after three and a half hours he was so tired and hungry he just melted down anyway... </p> <p>Yuck. I hate feeling this way about my son. I really hope we turn a corner soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-985052 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 12:50:33 +0000 T.H.O.U. 985052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will second some of the recommendations of this book "raising your spirited child"</p> <p>There are some good tips that help with my daughter like letting her do some water play to calm her down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-985043 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 12:45:16 +0000 tadamsmar 985043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How are you responding to the tantrums?</p> <p>Are they so violent that you can't ignore them? Doing a sort of "time-out in place" where you look away and walk away and watch out of the corner of your eye if need be to monitor for safety is a good approach in the home at least. You could give attention to you daughter while ignoring the tantrum in this manner. When the tantrum stops, give him lots of positive attention, touch, face-time, enthusiasm.</p> <p>The book "Kazdin Method" is good. It has more advanced approaches if the tanturm is too violent to ignore.</p> <p>If that does not work, seeing a professional might be good.</p> <p>But also keep in mind that age 2 is about the end of the "frustration tantrum" phase where the kid might have limited capability for self-control, so he may grow out of it soon assuming you are not inadvertently reinforcing the tantrums in some manner.</p> <p>Give him lots of positive attention and praise when he uses his words. Do not say "use your words" when he fails to use his words because this attention and face-time reinforces not using words, just look away and pretend to ignore when he whines or something instead of using his words </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-981362 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 12:51:01 +0000 hilsy85 981362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you notice that certain things set him off? Like transitioning to new activities, having to stop playing with his toys and clean up, etc? Have there been any methods that HAVE been effective, even a tiny bit?</p> <p>Hugs--It sounds like yo'ure in a tough spot and I can't imagine how difficult it must be to deal with that behavior, and have the feelings you're having (understandably so). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-981331 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 12:44:15 +0000 Modern Daisy 981331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Feel free to laugh at me since my LO isn't here yet and I have zero experience, but what about putting him in his room and shutting the door when he has a tantrum? If it happens while yo're out, letting him know he'll have to go to his room when you get home - and the second you walk through the door follow through and put him in there? I'm assuming he just wants your attention and he's clearly getting it by throwing tantrums, so I feel like if you teach him that he actually gets zero attention when he throws one that might help? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-981290 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 12:33:41 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 981290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i have no advice, but i'm sorry you're dealing with this. even the normal tantrums and whining behavior is difficult to deal with, i can't imagine taking that up 10 notches. i agree that some professional and third party evaluation might be useful just to rule out any abnormal behavior, and maybe they have better tools for you to work with in dealing with this kind of stuff. i'm sure they've seen it all. i heard books like "raising your spirited child" are beneficial. maybe @mrs. paintbrush has more to add because i know she deals with quite a bit with her son and i've seen her recommend that book on threads.</p> <p>here's a link that provides descriptions of a spirited child from various professionals (dr. sears and others) - <a href="http://www.nurturingourfamilies.com/spirited/exptdefn.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.nurturingourfamilies.com/spirited/exptdefn.html</a></p> <p>i wish i had more advice. BIG HUGS!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-981256 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 12:26:19 +0000 banana 981256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second the suggestion of seeing a professional. A very close friend of mine was going through something very similar recently. Her daughter was out of control. She would throw the biggest tantrums out of no where and anything would set her off. The usual discipline tricks didn't work (time outs, privilege losses, etc). So she took her daughter to see a child psychologist. I don't know what the final outcome ended being (I didn't ask) but her daughter (and the whole family) is at a much better place. I remember she also mentioned reading a book called "Raising Your Spirited Child", which she said was a huge help. (((HUGS!))) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-981218 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 12:18:10 +0000 looch 981218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another idea could be to enroll him in a class of some sort with kids of his age. You will be surprised how quickly he'll become a rule follower...my son is a perfect example of this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980616 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:59:41 +0000 Mrsbells 980616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SadMama: Sorry about this.. for things like kicking and tantrums I think he needs some sort of immediate response to tell him thats not okay. I dont know if you already tried it but if anytime he starts acting up you immediately put hiim in his crib or his room and leave him by himself he may start to get the message that no one wants to be around him when he behaves that way </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980579 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:54:05 +0000 T.H.O.U. 980579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can totally understand. </p> <p>Have you had him evaluated to make sure there isn't a medical issue?</p> <p>Are you a full time working mom? Maybe finding some time to work one on one with your son would be beneficial. It means your daughter missing out on you more, but for a short period it may be worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980573 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:53:34 +0000 looch 980573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Children often save their worst behavior for thier parents, as does my son. It's taken me some time to come to terms with, but every day, it gets a little bit better.</p> <p>Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980568 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:51:31 +0000 HLK208 980568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs &lt;3</p> <p>How tough. I felt like DD (my second) was ignored while I attended to my son's tantrums. One day in particular was so hard, he kicked, hit, bit, pushed, screamed - I wanted to give up. A lot of times I took it personal but had to remind myself it was part of his development.</p> <p>I do think talking to a children's psychologist would be helpful, I know it would have helped me significantly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980539 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:43:21 +0000 T-Mom 980539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aww!! I also have an older daughter and almost 2 yr old son. I am dealing with tantrums too, but it's flipped in my situation. My DD is having the meltdowns (but she's not physical like your son) on an almost daily basis, even though she is almost 5.</p> <p>Have you perhaps tried some of the techniques like Happiest Toddler on the Block, talking in toddler-ease? Or maybe try asking your pediatrician what she would suggest? I don't have a lot of suggestions but I can relate to being emotionally spent and not knowing where to turn. It is so frustrating walking on pins and needles around the kids when you are afraid that any little thing will set them off.<br /> Also, are you able to find a little bit of time for yourself? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980537 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:43:13 +0000 mjane 980537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds SO hard. Did the behavior emerge gradually, or start suddenly? </p> <p>I second @mrbee's suggestion. There are a number of therapists and social workers who specialize in working with very young children. The trick is to find someone who will take you seriously without pathologizing your son's behavior, so you might have to shrink-shop, but I think it could be really worth it. Even before you guys find ways to make changes, you'll feel infinitely more supported! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980530 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:41:07 +0000 mamimami 980530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was reading a discipline/development book the other day and they talked about a toddler who was really out of control, and the parents had to use something called a therapeutic hold. With your background, I'm sure you know what that is. A psychologist could probably show you how to do it. </p> <p>HUGS </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980529 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:41:04 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 980529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some kids are so challenging! Mr. Bee gives good suggestions above. I might suggest some reading on high needs children too. Sounds like things are a little beyond some of the tantrum blog posts and that you need more support! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980510 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:36:07 +0000 mrbee 980510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SadMama: So sorry to hear about this! :(</p> <p>Have you guys had a chance to talk with a child psychologist? They might be able to steer you in the right direction... or maybe a developmental-pediatric pediatrician might be helpful, if that didn't prove useful?</p> <p>Good luck!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980444 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:21:33 +0000 luckypenny 980444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wish I had some advice for you but I'm sure I'd be feeling exactly how you are in this situation. Just wanted to send hugs :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-beyond-overwhelmed-with-my-toddlers-tantrums#post-980433 Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:18:54 +0000 SadMama 980433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am a relatively frequent poster but I am so ashamed of how I am feeling and struggling. I am hoping someone can help me work through this and give me some ideas on what I can do.</p> <p>I have an almost two year old son and a preschool aged daughter. I am at the point where I really don't like my son that much :sad: . He is extremely difficult and he is not at all pleasant to be around. Any time he wants something he tantrums, I can't open the door fast enough to go out, diaper changes, meals, you name it. We have to leave for everything fifteen minutes early because it takes that long to get him wrestled into the car. I have bruises up and down my legs from his kicking.<br /> My poor daughter constantly gets the short end of the stick, we were basically asked to leave the pool last week, we are constantly working around her brothers melt downs, we left target without her school supplies, he dumped her new paints etc. </p> <p>I work part time and my parents watch the kids. They look just as burnt out as I am and they avoid leaving the house with him at all costs. I just don't know what to do. He talks very well, 3-4 word phrases. His sleep is great 11 hours a night and 3 hour naps. He eats well most of the time, he isn't picky and loves meal times.</p> <p>The terrible part is that I have a masters in early childhood education and have worked with kids my whole adult life. I know how to deal with kids but these tantrums are not like any other I have dealt with. They are violent, huge, and come with crazy frequency. I am spent, I don't know what to do. I have zero compassion for him, he just makes me mad and sad. My pediatrician hadn't been any help aside from telling me he will grow out of it... </p>