https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 21:55:38 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2679148 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 19:07:03 +0000 arosebyany 2679148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: I just wanted to share my option from the other side lol. I am the last of my group to have kids, and before when a good friend had her baby, I purposely hid. I know that sounds terrible, but I had no experience with kids, they were like little aliens to me. Lol. It took my friend setting me down and discussing how she felt, for me to understand she was still the same person. Now that I have DS we're closer than ever, but that talk we had put things into perspective for me. So my vote goes for the 1x1 talk! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2679142 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 18:57:47 +0000 SweetiePie 2679142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in no way excusing them for excluding you from their plans - i 100% see how that is hurtful, mostly because it sounds like you've been the 3 musketeers.<br /> But I wonder if you've also made an effort to make plans with them? Maybe they do just assume you won't be interested and if you don't initiate then that just cements it for them. If you do try to initiate and they just say no, then I do think they are just completely in a different place than you and maybe you'll reconnect if/when they are moms.<br /> I have single childless friends and a couple of things to say about them:<br /> 1) they def don't always include me in all of their plans. I do think they assume it will be hard for me to make it sometimes. But that's ok, I get it. Maybe they also just want to hang out with other girls who they can fully relate to sometimes.<br /> 2) if I ask to get together (a night out or a weekend away) they always say yes! I think they are waiting for me to initiate since then they know that I'll have childcare figured out and since I made the plans I want to go and won't bail, etc.<br /> 3) one childless friend of mine (my very best friend) had her first baby 5 months ago. And after she had her she said to me "oh. My. God. I am so sorry for not being there more for you since you had your son. I just didn't know how lonely and scary it can be. I just assumed you were busy and doing your own thing". I think so many women just don't know until they know and it's hard to figure out what the balance should be with that friend that is now a mom. But, would be nice of them to just ask!</p> <p>Bottom line, I've just found that if I want to have an active social life, I have to be the one to initiate. </p> <p>Or I'm thinking more - are either of them married? Is it possible one of them is having a hard time getting pregnant or miscarrying? Only wonder because that was hard for me when I was having repeated miscarriages and eventually going through IVF. Being with mom friends was hard so I avoided a bit. </p> <p>#rambling </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2679045 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 15:58:44 +0000 Boogs 2679045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Meowkers: Ouch, so sorry! My very best friends are also childless, so I get where you're coming from. I'm more of an introvert so it doesn't bug me so much, but if it did I would talk to them. I would also probably try to make more of an effort to plan fun events with them, so they can see that you still value time with them. Maybe that might help turn some things around? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2679036 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 15:42:32 +0000 Nutella 2679036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sucks and I can totally empathise. I had friends who just dropped off the face of the earth &amp; others who just organise big group getaways without even looping us in on the planning (i.e. Just assuming we can't go). I understand that being on the periphery of such a group it's almost to be expected, but it still hurts a bit. I would not hold it against them forever, but if they drift back into my life when they become mothers I would def welcome them. Just coming to terms with the fact we are in different seasons of life, as corny as that sounds. Plus I'm too busy valuing sleep these days so I shouldn't really complain about the quiet social calendar! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678931 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 13:36:33 +0000 snowjewelz 2678931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs :heart: I'm sorry, this sucks! If one is your best friend and the other your very good long time friend, I'd try to talk to them and I would try to see if friendship is mendable before calling it quits. My best friend is single and childless too... But I think she understands better b/c her sister has 3 kids. We rarely see each other but rely on texting to stay close. </p> <p>I def do not get invited to do anything with anyone ever b/c it is true that I will probably say no haha. Sometimes it sting a little depending on who it is and what the event is... But I also know that I probably have to reach out more when I do have time to hang out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678896 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 13:08:42 +0000 youboots 2678896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had kind of the opposite problem I was the last of my core group of friends from HS to start a family but the first to get married. So I finally feel like I'm in sync. I was not invited to kid stuff like birthday parties and felt left out. </p> <p>It's kind of a catch 22, you would not have gone on the trip so their assumption was correct. But it's nice to be asked. I'd just talk to them 1x1 casually and be the one to make plans and initiate </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678882 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 12:58:52 +0000 Mama Bird 2678882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry... I've lost literally every one of my friends since I had kids. Like, I look at the list of people we invited to our wedding, and not one of them is in my life any more. DH did a little better, his friends still care about him though he doesn't get to see them nearly as often. Maybe it's because his buddies mostly do have kids so it doesn't freak them out that if they invite him somewhere he might come with little ones in tow...</p> <p>So, yeah, a big price to pay for having a family. Too late for me now, but I'm hoping that somehow the kids will be spared that fate and I'll be able to drill into them that they should hold on to their friends for life (and not abandon them if those friends have kids). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678867 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 12:37:55 +0000 mediagirl 2678867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's sooo tough. Have you told them outright that even though you have kids now, you still know how to have a good time? And that you can still go out and do things? I would tell them that you are hurt and you feel left out.</p> <p>It's a little different but, I moved to NC about 11 years ago. At that time, it really felt like my best friend pulled away from me. She was still in the state we lived in together. I let it burn me up for a long, long time until I went to visit her one time and let it all out. There were a lot of tears and a lot of stuff to vent out but we got it out and our relationship only got stronger than it ever had been. </p> <p>Note: my friend is childless by choice. I have a daughter (she is the godmother of).</p> <p>Maybe your friends have decided together that since you're a mom, you don't want to be bothered. I'd sit them down and talk to them and let them know to bother you!+ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678860 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 12:34:19 +0000 Cherrybee 2678860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: 😂 its a testimony to the kind of "friends" I used to keep, I guess. She wanted to meet at 9pm (which is why I thought to warn her I wasn't pulling an all nighter). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678859 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 12:33:50 +0000 Meowkers 2678859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: No that's not the case at all. I almost always go out with these friends when they make plans. I turned down a one week vacation to Mexico last year because I couldn't spare the vacation time. Otherwise I'm almost always up for any plans they make. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678855 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 12:31:06 +0000 wrkbrk 2678855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Because you had to be home by 1:00 am? BAHAHAHA. Laughing out loud in my office here at your friend's ridiculous expectations. When I go out after work, I prefer to be home by 9:00 ;). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678835 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 12:21:09 +0000 Adira 2678835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Did your friends used to continue to invite you right after you had your child and maybe now they've stopped because you turned them down a bunch? If you're interested in making the relationship work, you may have to be the one to initiate some get-togethers for a while, until they are used to the new dynamic. It can be especially hard if the things you used to do as friends aren't really feasible now that you have a child.</p> <p>When my best friend had a child, we definitely had to adjust. Instead of going out, we started having sleep-overs! Since my place was bigger, she used to bring her daughter to my house on Friday nights and after her daughter was in bed for the night, we'd drink wine and watch TV and just talk. It became a ritual for us. And then when I had kids of my own, we had to adjust again. Now we go out to breakfast with our kids since we're all up early anyway!</p> <p>It can sometimes take people a while to adjust to the changes in the friendship. I had a friend who I was really close to, but we definitely drifted once I had my kids. It wasn't until she had a kid of her own that we really started to reconnect again. Now we schedule playdates! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678834 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 12:18:46 +0000 Meowkers 2678834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: ouch that really stings (about your friend canceling on you to go out with someone else). To answer your question, yes I would absolutely be willing to forgive and forget. With most things I'm a very forgiving person and it takes a lot for me to completely write someone off. I hope these women have an eye opening moment when they themselves have children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678809 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 12:01:08 +0000 Cherrybee 2678809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so, so sorry. This really stings when it happens. :heart: I have actually had one (close) friend completely fall out with me - as in, not replying to messages, unfriended on Facebook, the works - since I had children. She told a mutual friend it was because I had stopped prioritising our friendship and was not making time for her. Then I had another friend cancel plans with me last weekend after I told her I wasn't able to stay out really late and get stupid drunk because I had to be up with the kids the next day. I was up for a few drinks but wanted to be home by 1am. She text back a few hrs later and said she suddenly didn't have enough money to go out because something unexpected came up.... then I heard she went out with someone else instead. :bummed: I guess you know who your real friends are. </p> <p>The question is, will you be willing to forgive and forget if and when they enter this season of their lives? I must confess, I wasn't a good friend when the first of my friends had a child. I figured she no longer wanted to do the things we used to do but failed to initiate other activities that included her son because I just didn't know I needed to. We grew apart but she wasn't at all bitter and now I'm a parent we are close again. I'm so glad she never held it against me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678784 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 11:43:03 +0000 FaithFertility 2678784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sorry!<br /> I do not have these exact issue with friends but do with family! It is if they forgot what having kids is like.....</p> <p>I am the type where even if I know the friend is going to say No I still ask, but then again maybe they feel bad asking knowing you might feel bad saying no?! </p> <p>I can see both ways! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-excluded-by-singlechildless-friends#post-2678781 Thu, 12 Jan 2017 11:40:27 +0000 Meowkers 2678781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just need a place to vent a little and hear other people's experience.</p> <p>Since having my DD 2 year ago, my friendship with two particular single, childless girlfriends has really suffered. They don't include me in plans and always use the excuse of "oh we didn't think you would be able to go." One girlfriend (my very best friend) and I had a huge falling out and are now not speaking with each other because she accused me of not being there for her during a difficult time. In reality I dropped everything in my life and was there as much as I could possibly be considering I am a full time working mother of a toddler and have a husband and other family as well. ( I work a minimum of 10 hours a day, 5 days a week)</p> <p>Last night I found out indirectly that these two girlfriends and another friend have planned a vacation together. No one even bothered to ask if I would be interested in going. In reality I wouldn't go (for a number of reasons) but it just hurts to not even be asked. I find myself completely questioning if we're just in such different places in our lives that there is nothing left to salvage of these friendships. The worst part is, these are women who I have been friends with the longest in my life and who live within 5 minutes of me. These should be people who are the most understanding and the easiest but it's definitely the opposite.</p> <p>I guess I'm just sad and hurt and looking for some sympathy and other people's experiences in navigating this weird transitional time in friendship. </p>