https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 13:31:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316896 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 12:53:29 +0000 blackbird 316896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's not shallow at all, to want enough money to be able to enrich your family's lives in ways that are only possible with financial backing. One of the perks to working is having extra cash around...not having enough money is incredibly stressful for anyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316860 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 12:18:41 +0000 Boogs 316860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think either of you is in the wrong. She probably has a hard time understanding from your perspective because you are getting to do what she would like to do. If going back to work would bring you more happiness, that's what your son needs more than a SAHM. We are doing our kids any favors of we aren't happy and satisfied. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316793 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 11:25:28 +0000 Mrs. Pen 316793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: well I don't have the option - I have to go to school first. I only have a two-year degree and can't do much with that.</p> <p>@blackbird: It's a little of both honestly... I mean on one side I'm not happy being a SAHM but on the flipside - part of it is because technically we don't make enough for me to be a SAHM because we have nothing left over for fun or even savings so it's really stressful. And it may sound shallow - but I would love to make enough $$ to take family vacations, buy each other nice gifts, get a new car - stuff like that. It's important to me.</p> <p>Awww that is so sad about your coworker- but amazing that she can admit it!! I guess I would hate to look back on my life and regret not doing anything about it... or even worse, my kid(s) growing up and then saying their mom hated being at home with them. That would make me sick. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316776 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 11:12:42 +0000 googly-eyes 316776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if working makes you happy you should do it. It's the norm these days anyway, so LO won't be the only one with a working mom. Sometimes it's hard for people to see outside of their own perspective/situation. Hopefully she will come around. In the meantime is just focus on the financial aspect of it when talking to her. I know she says you had enough but maybe say its to save for your and LO's college, etc. also I'm in school and my vote is work is easier, just because school comes home with you all the time, whereas work can be scheduled and completed elsewhere...just my opinion, everyone is different though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316709 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 09:49:24 +0000 chrispygal 316709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a close friends who was a SAHM to two small girls and she used to lock herself into the bathroom and cry to get away from them. She loves her kids, but she was very unhappy and depressed being at home with them every day. She finally decided to go back to work. Today, she is infinitely happier and feels like she has "life" outside being a mom now. </p> <p>I have many friends who are working moms and most of them tell me that they feel they are better moms because they work. Sure, it can be more stressful and hectic at times, and it's hard at times to be away from your baby, but they feel fulfilled by working and this makes them a better person. I think it is absolutely 100% ok to want to work. Follow your heart and go for it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316690 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 09:16:39 +0000 Rubies 316690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am a working mom and when I was 3 months PP, I was diagnosed with PPD. And by the time LO was 7 months, I was itching to go back to work (not because I wanted to get away from LO but because it's exhausting! I missed my friends! I missed my job!). I feel fulfilled being a mom to my daughter but I also feel a different sense of fulfillment when I do other tasks at work.</p> <p>In the end you and your hubs knows what works in your family and what other people say or think about it is their thing, not yours. Everyone here supports you!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316639 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 07:23:14 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 316639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: Just wanted to send you a virtual hug. I also want to be a working mom. I've been a SAHM since we moved but I know it's not for me long term. I have OK days and I have really bad days. I'm looking but jobs are so few and far between, and I really hate feeling that I'm not in control of my own destiny or contributing financially. And it sounds bad, but I feel like my brain is getting rustier by the day!</p> <p>Thankfully I have a SIL who works and totally gets it. A couple other family members totally don't, and I keep hesitating to join mom groups for fear that they will be full of SAHMs who chose to be SAHMs who don't get it. Also, I'm tired of feeling like I have no identity outside of motherhood anymore, so I'm not super eager to base all my social life on the fact that I have a kid.</p> <p>@mrbee: I confided to my mom not long ago that I'd been feeling depressed. She told me to "snap out of it." Normally I can go to her with anything, so it was like someone had thrown cold water on me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316620 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 07:04:42 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 316620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: I don't have a LO so maybe I'm totally wrong....I just feel like school might be more fun and less stressful than work at first...like it might make that transition easier? Who knows: I might be a nerdy nerd:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316616 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 07:01:10 +0000 blackbird 316616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She's resentful of your situation because you have what she wants, and is just upset you aren't "grateful" because she would kill to be in your shoes. That said, she was being insensitive. </p> <p>I also think that because a large percentage of women would like to be a SAHM (oh, if DH made more, blah blah blah), they don't understand the reality that sometimes it sucks and just doesn't work for you as an individual. My mother can't fathom why I want to go back to work, for instance. The horror, I'd rather leave my baby with strangers? (massive eye roll). Maybe she just can't relate, and I don't think that's uncommon, unfortunately. I've met quite a few women who are shocked that someone wouldn't want to stay home. The VERY MOST important thing is that you are happy. </p> <p>I was talking to a coworker the other day. She told me she stayed home with her kids. And wished she hadn't. She said she lost so much of herself and who she was, but that everybody shamed her into being a SAHM, that it was "awful" if she wanted to work. Now she's like 50+ and is like, "i hated it. i hated it so much, i hated who i had become, if i could go back in time, I'd be a working mom!". </p> <p>So, long story short, do what will make you happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316484 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 23:26:35 +0000 Mrs. Pen 316484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TurtleDoves: hahaha really?! I'm kinda dreading it because I know how much time/effort I invested into my schooling pre-baby and I cannot imagine having that kind of time/energy to devote now that I have a little one. But I need to get it done and have wanted to - so it will happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316483 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 23:25:31 +0000 Mrs. Pen 316483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: very true... I have a history of depression myself, and it also runs rampant on my mom's side of the family (my mom having severe bouts of depression herself). Crazy thing is that of six kids I was the only one who has dealt with it as well... and I do find that those most supportive or sympathetic to my past/present, are those who truly understand what I've gone through. I have to daily surrender thoughts of hopelessness and futileness just to get through my day and do what I am supposed to, it's not a heart issue - because I actively confront it.</p> <p>@shopaholic: I haven't because I've stayed really quiet about it up until now... I've been pretty open about my depression in the past - but it feels like so much of a bigger deal now that there is a tiny littler person involved. And like you and mrbee said, those who haven't experienced it can't really know what it is like - and I'm just so afraid of others getting the wrong impression about PPD and me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316417 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 22:22:10 +0000 mrbee 316417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@shopaholic: That's a great point! I find that a lot of people have trouble understanding depression... even really normally supportive people just don't get it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316408 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 22:13:35 +0000 shopaholic 316408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awww Cocobee - sorry I can't relate to your situation yet, but I think MrBee is right about the projecting thing. I'm super close with my sister too, but we also have completely different viewpoints on some serious issues, which have led to us just totally not understanding why the other would feel a certain way about some things. Only thing I can think of for the PPD is have you looked into a support group? And I was just reading about how SAHMs actually have more issues and depression than working moms, so I can see your point truly. Maybe join a group (like the ones I've been looking at on meetup.com?) for other SAHMs? {{{HUGS}}} </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316402 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:56:55 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 316402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: I think the fact that you have to go to school is awesome because you get to have your study time (possibly at a nice coffee shop!) and some classes with other adults...and it'll kind of be like a part time job. I think you would get your dose of adult life without being totally away from your son. Then when you do go back to work it won't be any sort of shock. I almost wish I didn't hurry up and finish school before baby because I think it would be awesome to take some online &amp; night classes while being a mommy because it's slower paced than jumping back into work </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316365 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:29:12 +0000 Mrs. Pen 316365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: you said it's a different way of viewing family... in contrast it is for me to imagine your position because my family is very close-knit, the expectations of always being there for each other has always been present. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316358 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:26:02 +0000 mrbee 316358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: Not following? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316356 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:24:45 +0000 Mrs. Pen 316356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I suppose... In contrast I couldn't expect having low expectations of my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316353 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:19:39 +0000 mrbee 316353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: No it's not a bad thing... I just have low expectations so it's a different way of viewing family for me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316350 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:15:49 +0000 Mrs. Pen 316350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: putting myself out there? like admitting my hardships? Hm.. never thought of it like that - in general I am an open book.</p> <p>It might be possible! But I think I have to go thru more schooling first so it would be awhile. But that's actually not a bad idea! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316346 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:13:21 +0000 Mrs. Pen 316346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: do I? Is that a bad thing?<br /> I do have a really amazing family - of course like any family we have our differences but we are REALLY close-knit. We are all really open and share everything, we see each other a lot and have even talked about the idea of all living together. </p> <p>@MungBean: Yeah, she likes it. I think that she just would rather like to be at home all the time. But she is really grateful for the opportunity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316340 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:10:44 +0000 brownie 316340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: if your were to go back to work, would it be possible for her to watch your LO? Then maybe she could be a sahm full time and still make some income. And she may be more receptive to your needs when hers have been met.</p> <p>You are very strong for putting yourself out there like you have. Sometimes, the hardest part is admitting those things. Especially when your surroundings tell you something different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316336 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:07:49 +0000 pinkcupcake 316336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: That actually sounds pretty ideal! She gets to be with her son and make some $$... sounds pretty good to me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316335 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:07:38 +0000 mrbee 316335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: I totally support you and think your family should too!</p> <p>You have really high expectations of family though... you must have a really great family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316333 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:05:30 +0000 Mrs. Pen 316333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MungBean: I really don't think she's unhappy at all. Her work situation is one she loves - she can bring her son with her and only works a couple days a week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316331 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:04:27 +0000 pinkcupcake 316331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awh, sorry to hear :( She's probably too caught up in her own unhappiness with her situation to be understanding. </p> <p>A happy mom is the best mom, whether she's home, working, etc :) I hope you get to do what makes you happy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316324 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:00:38 +0000 Mrs. Pen 316324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TurtleDoves: I don't know that she is resentful that she works, but just wishes she could always be home. I brought it up because I haven't told anyone other than my best friend and needed her love and support. She has ALWAYS given it to me before. I had no idea she wouldn't have any empathy for me and that's what hurt; although I do think you are right that she didn't even realize that she hurt me. I really didn't know her opinions were so strong about staying home. But like I said above, she just kept saying it was my "heart issue" not that she doesn't think every mom should be a SAHM. </p> <p>As for your DH - it was the same with mine!! He thought that I should totally be thrilled that I can stay home with DS even though $$ is REALLY tight. He didn't understand it and was upset with me about it until one night he came home and I just started bawling about how unhappy I was as a mom and he finally got it and said that it's most important that I'm happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316223 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 19:45:56 +0000 mrsjyw 316223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think either of you are right or wrong; she just has her opinion and doesn't understand your perspective!</p> <p>I think you should do what makes you happy and that if by working you'll be happy; it will make you even greater mom! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316219 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 19:43:50 +0000 mrbee 316219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TurtleDoves: couldn't agree more! Sometimes you have to agree to disagree with family. Or not bring up a subject at all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316213 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 19:41:29 +0000 heffalump 316213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes mama's are supposed to be with their babies. And if you work you still will be..... just not 24/7! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-letdown-by-my-sister#post-316212 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 19:41:07 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 316212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You said it yourself: she is resentful for having to work PT...and loves being a sahm. So, she does not at all have it in her heart or mind to comprehend why you would feel anything different. In her world: you should be glad to have the "lucky" opportunity you have (that she doesn't). I don't think she knows how she hurt you.<br /> I totally understand wanting to tell a sister everything (I do mine) but I think we as sisters need to realize that we shouldn't bring up the things we know we will never agree on. Or bring them up...just don't expect empathy or sympathy from someone who feels the exact opposite.<br /> If it makes you feel better: I feel the same way! LO isn't here yet but I already want to go back to work at least PT. my husband says my to work until LO is in school so I know he doesn't get it. He will not be the person I go to to get sympathy when I do need someone to talk to. We just have to pick our audience sometimes:/ </p>