https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 19:34:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-808204 Fri, 24 May 2013 19:58:34 +0000 Katrocap 808204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Congratulations! I'm glad your hard work is paying off. I'm probably going to have to do the same with my LO soon. Not looking forward to it ... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-807161 Fri, 24 May 2013 10:51:45 +0000 NovBaby1112 807161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SLR: I am sure it will only get better for you guys! we are aiming for just 1 night feeding as well. the early morning hours are the worst for us as far as waking goes, I am hoping in a week it will be much much better</p> <p>@hellobeeboston: i think it went pretty good! she woke around 10:50pm, but just kind of played in the crib for 20 mins and fell back asleep on her own (i think i put her to bed too close to her last nap). she then woke around 2:45am and I fed her and she went right back to sleep. then she woke at 4am SCREAMING, so that wake up was hard, but i stayed in the room with her and she eventually went back to sleep in 10 mins and then slept until almost 7 am! which is the latest she has slept in in awhile. hoping tonight we have less wake-ups!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-806694 Fri, 24 May 2013 08:48:49 +0000 hellobeeboston 806694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: how was your night last night?? how's it going? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-805552 Thu, 23 May 2013 19:33:29 +0000 SLR 805552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: We started almost a week ago. I think it's going well so far. I'm feeding her once per night and she's usually waking up once or twice besides that. Those are the wakeups we are working on. I don't think we've gotten past a five hour stretch yet, but well get there. Glad to hear tonight was better for you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-805359 Thu, 23 May 2013 18:50:40 +0000 NovBaby1112 805359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She went down pretty easy tonight! No crying, just fussed/whined and rolled around until she got comfy for about 20 mins. I stayed in the room til she fell asleep. Much better than last night!!! We'll see how the rest of tonight goes.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-803645 Thu, 23 May 2013 13:11:27 +0000 2PeasinaPod 803645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: It gets better each day too...soon she'll only cry for a half hour. Then 20 minutes, then 10 then not at all. The key is to stick with it for at least 2 weeks. Every morning, when you go to get her, she'll give you that huge "OMG!! It's MOMMY!!!" smile that you love. </p> <p>There will also be some days of regression too...things like sickness and fever bring back some neediness (I rocked LO for over an hour Monday night as he woke up at midnight screaming), but as long as you go right back to your normal routine, it will help! You'll start to be able to tell her cries on if she's just whining b/c she wants you or crying b/c she's in pain from something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-803604 Thu, 23 May 2013 13:00:59 +0000 hellobeeboston 803604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: i'm OK with his sneakiness if he does it again (and again, and again!) :) we started giving him a lot more food during the day, starting yesterday per the doc, so hopefully that will make him sleep better!</p> <p>@NovBaby1112: we'll see! things ALWAYS change, so I won't hold my breath... good luck tonight! hopefully she'll cry less for you ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-803569 Thu, 23 May 2013 12:51:35 +0000 NovBaby1112 803569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: hahah, plotting against you....sneaky lil fella!! It really is do hard to listen to them cry, like it goes against every mommy bone in our bodies. Hoping tonight goes better, thanks mama :) I hope J keeps up that awesome stretch for you!! </p> <p>@mrs. wagon: I'll have to remember that- stay flexible...it's not now or never</p> <p>@2PeasinaPod: thank you for the reassurance!!! I keep reminding myself it will be worth it in the end, and hearing everyone's success stories really helps! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-803492 Thu, 23 May 2013 12:35:23 +0000 hilsy85 803492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: ha l did the same thing...the night before we sleep trained, he slept 7 to 530! Sneaky babies :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-803463 Thu, 23 May 2013 12:27:39 +0000 2PeasinaPod 803463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: You're not a bad mama and you're doing the right thing! We started sleep training DS around 4.5 months, and it was the best thing we ever did. He will normally now go to sleep after about 5 minutes of rolling around in his crib for the most part at night. Lately, he's been crying as he goes down, but we're attributing it to teeth (he doesn't have any yet and I can feel one under his gums! He's 8 months) But you are definitely doing the right thing for you and your baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-803429 Thu, 23 May 2013 12:17:00 +0000 mrs. wagon 803429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: I'm glad it made you feel better :) the key to your (and your DH's!) sanity is to stay flexible! I was so unbending in the beginning and it drove me crazy. Now with my second, I'm so much more flexible and it's so much better. Like with starting table foods, LMW would gag with every bite at 9 months so I was like, ok, I'll just stop and try again in a month. Then the other day she was shrieking while I was eating a bagel so I gave her a tiny piece and she loved it! </p> <p>Fingers crossed by night 5 (or night 2...!!!) your LO will be doing great!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-803419 Thu, 23 May 2013 12:14:28 +0000 hellobeeboston 803419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: oh you poor thing! you should NOT feel like a terrible mom!!! it's SO hard to hear them cry. I can't deal. DH is stronger than me... if J is ever crying when I put him down to sleep I sit downstairs and stare at the monitor at him, and DH will take it away from me &amp; turn the sound off, and he always stops! like others said, you'll know what's right! your night doesn't sound too bad, i would also give it a few more nights and see how it goes, hopefully she'll start sleeping!</p> <p>We still have one night feed and we're going to try to drop it so some CIO is going to be involved and I'm scared! Last night though, J slept from 8-5:40, so maybe he knew we were plotting against him! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-803393 Thu, 23 May 2013 12:08:40 +0000 NovBaby1112 803393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Katrocap: she's almost 6.5 months...ahh yea, 4.5 months was a rough time in the sleep dept in our house too. i suffered through it for awhile *hoping* it would just get better on its own, as i wasn't ready to sleep train yet, but now we feel she is ready. i hope things get better for you!</p> <p>@mrs. wagon: thank you!! that made me feel much better :) that is a good way of looking at it, I will prob give it 5 days and if we see no progress of falling asleep at night we will re-assess. I HOPE you are right and she learns quickly!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-803293 Thu, 23 May 2013 11:35:44 +0000 mrs. wagon 803293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: only you know if you are doing the right thing for your baby, and the problem with sleep training is that you will only know after you go through it!!! This helped me: the first time I tried I was so gung ho about it and thought we had to sleep train him or bust. After the first night and I was crying and so upset, Wagon Sr. simply said "hey, if we do this for X number of nights and it doesn't get better, we can just stop, go back to what we were doing, and try again later." At the time I thought he was crazy, but I didn't have to worry about it because just the very next night it did get better, and within a week he was sleep trained. I have night criers, both of them, even after sleep training, and it never gets easier to hear your baby cry. But after sleep training I know when it's right and wrong to let them cry. </p> <p>You're doing a fantastic job... helping her learn this skill is being a GREAT mommy!!! And her first night went GREAT... I bet you she learns super quick and all of this will be a distant memory soon!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-803279 Thu, 23 May 2013 11:29:45 +0000 Katrocap 803279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@novbaby1112: I'm glad she was her smiley self again for you this morning. My LO is 4.5 months. Like you said, I wouldn't mind nursing him to sleep initially if he slept (mostly) through the night, but last night he was down at 9pm, up at 1am, 3am, 5am and 7am. Ugh! Sorry if I missed it, how old is your darling? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802719 Thu, 23 May 2013 08:29:25 +0000 NovBaby1112 802719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: yea, i was a little confused at that last wake-up....her normal wake-up time is between 6 and 6:30, so it wasn't TOO far off, but I don't want her to get in the habit of waking up for the day anytime before 6! thank you :) I hope it only gets better going forward, I am totally fine with the 1 wake up! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802559 Thu, 23 May 2013 07:21:51 +0000 hilsy85 802559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: sounds like you did the right thing--I think it's ok to leave her in her crib for a bit if she wakes up early to see if she goes back to sleep, especially if she wakes up earlier than usual. And sounds like she did pretty awesome--only one wakeup! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802550 Thu, 23 May 2013 07:18:17 +0000 NovBaby1112 802550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: thank you! that actually makes me feel a lot better...the crying was pretty bad, but I kept reminding myself I am doing this for both of us and I was with her the whole time so it's not like she was crying because she felt abandoned or scared or what not, she was crying because she didn't know how to sleep on her own</p> <p>@jmarionsmith: yes! I was so convinced she would absolutely hate me come morning time, but when I turned on her light and said good morning! she was her smiley self, thank goodness!</p> <p>@mrsmate: thank you! that also makes me feel better :) :)</p> <p>@Katrocap: awww thank you! don't get down on yourself mama, how old is your LO?</p> <p>@knittingmama: i wouldn't mind nursing to sleep if her sleep wasn't suffering from it or she was sleeping long stretches, but she is in the habit of waking every 2ish hours at night and needing to nurse in order to fall back asleep, and I know it is affecting not only me, but her as well, by all the fragmented sleep. I know she is able to go to sleep on her own, because from 4 to 6 months we have been able to put her down awake and she would go to sleep, but for some reason when she turned 6 months, she would scream anytime she went into the crib awake and it was exhausting. </p> <p>@plantains: she did have a huge smile when i turned her light on to say good morning, and all the guilt went away, at least for now! haha</p> <p>@hilsy85: thank you!! I needed to hear that- I am bracing myself for tonight, but hoping it will get better quickly like yours did. </p> <p>@SLR: that's so true- we are just trying to teach them to fall asleep on their own. when did you start Ferber? How is it going for you guys? </p> <p>@BeachMama: oh man lol, that's rough! thanks mama :)</p> <p>So here is an overview of our first night sleep training:</p> <p>6:45pm: Cried 45 minutes- Stayed in room by crib the whole time until she fell asleep, patted/shushed, picked up 3 times when hysterical but put back down when calm<br /> 7:30pm: Asleep<br /> 1:40am: Woke Up- Fed, Changed Diaper, Put back in crib awake, no crying, fell asleep right away<br /> 1:55am: Asleep<br /> (here is where I am not sure if I did the right thing or messed up)<br /> 5:40am: Woke Up- Cried 3 minutes, fell back asleep.<br /> 5:43am: Asleep<br /> 5:48am: Woke Up- Cooing, Playing in crib, rolling ( I left her hoping she would just go back to sleep)<br /> 6:00am: Started crying hard- I went in and stood over her crib and used the same techniques as when she first went down, but she kept grabbing my arms chewing on them, so I nursed her and put her down awake, hoping she would sleep a little bit more (looking back I should have probably just gotten her up for the day)<br /> 6:15am: Went in crib awake, just played and rolled around<br /> 6:30am: I went in and said good morning and brought her out</p> <p>So, overall not too bad, compared to our waking every 2-3 hours in the first part of the night and waking every hour from 3am onwards not being able to put her back down. I had planned to keep 1 night feeding, if she woke after 1:30am (and thank God she did lol) We will see how tonight goes! Thank you everyone for your support on this </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802336 Thu, 23 May 2013 00:29:32 +0000 BeachMama 802336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are not a horrible mother. My sister in law is 31 yrs old and STILL needs someone to rub her back to go to sleep. She even still calls her mom often to sing her to sleep. Personally I think this is ridiculous and I am happy that my LO will not need this from me in 30 years! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802213 Wed, 22 May 2013 21:50:43 +0000 SLR 802213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just started sleep training as well (Ferber) to deal with repeated MOTN wakings and I'm already seeing improvement. I know, it's sooooo hard to hear your baby crying though. The key thing I have gotten out of the Ferber book so far is the reassurance that we are not *making* her cry, rather we are "letting" her cry, and in turn teaching her to settle and self soothe so she can fall asleep on her own. (Or something to that effect, don't quote me!) Good luck!!!</p> <p>ETA...ditto to those who said that she will have a huge smile for you in the am. Mine has been just happy as can be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802168 Wed, 22 May 2013 21:05:59 +0000 hilsy85 802168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are doing the right thing! you know she's not hungry, wet, or hurting--just try to think of it that she's angry because she can't put herself to sleep, and you're helping her do that. The first two nights were the worst for us, but then it got so much better, both for me and LO--you aren't just doing this for you to get more rest, it's also because all those wakings/difficulty falling asleep isn't good for her either! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802137 Wed, 22 May 2013 20:50:54 +0000 plantains 802137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She will have a huge smile for you tomorrow and that will instantly make you feel better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802135 Wed, 22 May 2013 20:50:32 +0000 knittingmama 802135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Of course you're not horrible, you're just trying to do what's best.</p> <p>Just curious...why not nurse her to sleep? I nurse mine to sleep or her dad rocks her—she's almost 10 months and isn't ready to go to sleep by herself yet. I know they say you can sleep train at 6 months, but my own feeling is that not all babies are ready yet at that age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802114 Wed, 22 May 2013 20:40:59 +0000 Katrocap 802114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not a horrible mother. I really admire you for your dedication to your LO's sleep habits. I just spent 30 minutes nursing my DS to sleep myself :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802071 Wed, 22 May 2013 20:20:37 +0000 mrsmate 802071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my good friends is a Harvard neuroscientist. I once asked her if sleep training has harmful long-term effects and she looked at me like I was crazy.</p> <p>Just keep in mind that you are giving your LO the gifts of good sleep habits and the ability to self-soothe. Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802024 Wed, 22 May 2013 19:55:47 +0000 jmarionsmith 802024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>when we sleep trained i was convinced my lo would hate me in the morning because i let him scream the night the before. but he was always so happy to see me! they don't even remember the night before! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-802018 Wed, 22 May 2013 19:53:07 +0000 immabeetoo 802018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not a horrible mom!! I read some story about monkeys and their mamas, and even though they cried the same their physical tests showed they were less stressed when they could see their mamas - so even if she sounded hysterical she was probably comforted? Just remember it's for the benefit of you both! Hang in there mama! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-a-horrible-mom-need-some-reassurance#post-801987 Wed, 22 May 2013 19:34:16 +0000 NovBaby1112 801987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Tonight was night 1 of sleep training DD. I wanted to really commit to sleep training this time, we chose to do the stay in room method in the sleep sense program. I was prepared beforehand and felt confident going into it, but now I am just feeling like a horrible mother and need some reassurance or words of wisdom :( </p> <p>We did our normal bedtime routine around 6:30, I nursed her and then read her a short book and put her in bed awake. She started screaming pretty soon into it and didn't really let up. It was honestly the hardest thing I have ever done, hearing your baby cry because all she wants is to be picked up and nursed to sleep and just letting her cry was so so heartbreaking. I patted/stroked her and reassured her with my voice and presence but her crying didn't let up. I picked her up 3 times to calm her down somewhat, but then put her back down before she fell asleep. Finally, after the longest 45 minutes of my life, she fell asleep and I left the room. But I feel horrible. I am afraid she is going to hate me, but realistically I know 6 month olds cannot have those feelings. I really hope the rest of tonight and tomorrow night goes better, because I can't imagine another 45 mins of her crying like that. The only thing that made me feel somewhat better was that I was with her the whole time and did everything I could to calm her, except nurse her. But I still feel like total crap :/ how do I know if I am doing the right thing???? </p>