https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 12 May 2026 06:59:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-741583 Thu, 25 Apr 2013 10:15:14 +0000 lomom 741583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bunnylove08: agreed. I felt like I got a great crash course of baby care 101 and we had very caring nurses but I am glad to be home :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-741493 Thu, 25 Apr 2013 09:57:37 +0000 bunnylove08 741493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>our NICU nurses were wonderful. They taught us how to bathe and take her temp when she was there. They also showed us a way to feed dd so she wouldnt fall asleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-741050 Thu, 25 Apr 2013 07:17:31 +0000 petunia354 741050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: umm yikes. I bet they don't evaluate parents who have normal healthy babies/deliveries like they do in the NICU. That would have made me very uncomfortable had I known that!!<br /> My feeling is that your LO is going to feel most comfortable in his parents arms and it's so important to build that bond so I would agree with your DH on how nice it is to be able to hold your son whenever he wants! I bet your LO loves it equally as much :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-740995 Thu, 25 Apr 2013 05:52:34 +0000 Dandelion 740995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: I didn't know that, either! It sure would have stressed me out! I would've put way more pressure on myself to look like a super mom, lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-740991 Thu, 25 Apr 2013 05:42:15 +0000 lomom 740991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@petunia354: DH has commented several times since we've been home that he's so glad he can hold our son whenever he wants. It was hard to not be able to pick him up when we wanted to and stuff. I know they wanted him to maintain a schedule and get as much rest as possible, but he sleeps like a rock in DH's arms, so I don't think that's interfering with his rest. </p> <p>I found out on our second to last day there that the nurses are supposed to document when you're there, how long, what tasks you do (disper changes, temp check, bath, etc. and it's evaluated as part of the discharge decision. So glad I didn't know that from the beginning! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732688 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 11:54:25 +0000 MarieJ 732688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our nurses were amazing. We were also the parents that were always there and very hands-on and they just let us do out thing. They would pop in occasionally to do what they needed to do and see if we needed anything, but for the most part they left us alone. Dd was also never in an isolette, just an open crib. I'm sorry you're feeling judged. I'm sure they are not trying to make you feel that way, but maybe they should back off and give you some alone time with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732648 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:58:13 +0000 petunia354 732648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: Yes! We felt the same way when we brought him home, like we can hold you, carry you, bathe you how WE want, not how the NICU wants us to.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732644 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:53:40 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 732644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: I promise that it's just because it's their job :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732642 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:53:28 +0000 petunia354 732642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I completely understand! I know personally that my hormones were SO out of whack the first couple weeks we were there that if anyone even looked at me the wrong way I'd feel judged and want to burst into tears. The nurses are really great though and I'm sure they are just thrilled with any amount of time you spend with your LO since it is so important for bonding. Just keep reminding yorurself that this is what they do every day so if they correct you, it's not because they are judging, it's just because it's their job and they do it all the time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732613 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:27:14 +0000 lomom 732613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I am amazed at how compassionate and wonderful they've all been. I feel okay leaving at night because I know they'll make sure LO is well taken care of. But when he fusses an they come running over, it makes me feel a little like they don't think I can handle it. It's probably an irrational fear but it still feels like I have to prove myself. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732612 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:27:12 +0000 Grace 732612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'd feel judged too! It must be hard to always be under supervision. But remember, it's their job to watch your LO - you wouldn't want an underattentive NICU nurse. Also, I think it's good you are there all the time. I volunteered at a children's hospital when I was a teen and one of our jobs was to snuggle the babies whose parents were never there (that was so sad). You are doing a good job!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732606 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:19:01 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 732606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know it is so hard to feel under the microscope, but NICU nurses are really amazing and I promise they are not judging. They appreciate that you are there, I'm sure. They are professional and compassionate and among the best nurses I've ever worked with. You won't be there long enough to get to know them really well, but for the 24-30 weekers, nurses and families tend to end up really close.</p> <p>Hopefully, Ms. Mini will weigh in with the NICU nurse (and parent) perspective! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732600 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:10:11 +0000 charlotte 732600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: yeah I know. In a way aren't we all judging and being judged all the time, even if not out loud? It's impossible to not have "how could they!?" cross your mind. But in your case, I see only a great mom and im sure the nurses do too. LO is lucky to have you by his side. :)</p> <p>Hugs, hope you'll be home soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732599 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:10:10 +0000 Mrs. Twine 732599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I completely understand. But just remember that it is your baby, you are the parents, and there are things you can do for your baby even in the NICU that no one else can! Yours are the voices baby is used to hearing, your smells are the most familiar. Your son is so lucky to have you taking an active role. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732588 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 09:57:15 +0000 AprilK 732588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally felt this way too. They were saying that they needed to make sure we could do basic parenting tasks and I was like seriously?? Do you test every idiot that has a baby in this hospital? Where do you get off? I had been there all day every day, doing his feeds and his cares and I definitely felt judged! I remember thinking it was soooooo not fair!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732461 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 07:32:46 +0000 lomom 732461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@charlotte: I have a hard time not judging the other parents. I try do hard not to because I wouldn't want them to judge me but there are three drug-addicted babies in there. So I'm judging pretty hardcore. It's so sad to hear stuff like that. </p> <p>I'm glad I'm not crazy for feeling this way. I'm so hopeful he's coming home tomorrow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732453 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 07:13:33 +0000 charlotte 732453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you're doing a great job and if it was my LO I'd want to be right there too. I have a friend who works in the NICU and she said its heartbreaking when some parents DON'T want to ever come (though I'm not judging them either, I'm sure they have their reasons). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732447 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 07:07:22 +0000 littlek 732447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yea, having all the eyes on you as you feed, change, etc your baby is so nerve wracking. It is SOOO hard changing and swaddling a baby with a million wires attached to it while they are also in an isolette. I was so happy when my LO moved from the isolette to an open crib. I know the nurses are there to help but I did feel judged. I also worried about not being there enough. I spent a lot of time like you guys are doing, but it just never feels like enough. I'm so sorry sweetie.. hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732437 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 06:54:06 +0000 Dandelion 732437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I remember that. I hated it, too. I remember bringing DS home and feeling like, "he's finally all mine!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732420 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 06:22:52 +0000 sotofamilia 732420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is only my second post on HelloBee, but i wanted to offer you some support. My LO spent several days in the NICU because of a lung issue. That experience was almost more stressful than the birth!</p> <p>Like you, I was there all the time and worried that I was in the nurse's way, but they were all great about letting me take his temp and change his diaper before nursing, and looking back now (my LO is now 9 weeks), I actually appreciate the time we spent with our NICU nurses. I knew almost nothing about babies before he was born, and our nurse taught me SO much. Plus, the NICU had an amazing lactation consultant that really helped learn how to breastfeed.</p> <p>But it is so SO stressful seeing your baby with wires and tubes, when all you want to do is kiss and hug them and bring them home. Hang in there - you are doing an awesome job!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732406 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 05:10:01 +0000 blackbird 732406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are doing a great job! The whole situation is awkward, I'm sure.</p> <p>DH and I were asked to leave E alone in Special Care one day by a certain nurse-she said E wasn't resting well because we were holding her too much (we were the only parents there all day, every day). It was heartbreaking. Funny thing-the dr told us that morning she could go home, after the nurse had "the talk" with us. But yes, I felt judged Bu that nurse for over stimulating her and not letting her rest-like I had inhibited her from healing quicker.</p> <p>Keep doing what you're doing, your baby knows you're there and can smell you. You are comforting to him. I hope he comes home soon!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732401 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 04:57:01 +0000 sea_bass 732401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: I am in no position to offer advice. I am pregnant with my first. I just wanted to offer you support. </p> <p>I can't imagine how hard what you are going through is. I would find it very difficult to navigate the first days with your baby under observation, rather than tucked up in the privacy of your own home. </p> <p>You sound like you are doing a phenomenal job. Phenomenal. Pumping and spending the max time with your baby... I am sure the nurses and anyone who is watching is doing nothing but watching in awe. </p> <p>I hope your sweet baby is home with you soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-like-youre-being-judged#post-732392 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 04:18:20 +0000 lomom 732392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't get me wrong, our NICU nurses have been wonderful, but did any of you ever feel like your parenting skills were on display and being judged? We've never ever gotten any negative feedback from the nurses but it's been a little nerve-wracking to constantly have someone watching every interaction you have with your baby. </p> <p>I also worry about if I'm there enough, too much, if I'm in their way, etc. Did you ever worry about those sorts of things when you were in the NICU?</p> <p>DH and I are by far the parents there the most often and the most interactive, always jumping in to change diapers, soothe him, ask questions of the doctors and nurses, etc. but I feel so on display and self-conscious. </p> <p>I can't wait to be home with my baby. </p>