https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 00:22:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274481 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 10:56:39 +0000 Ms. Fairy Wings 274481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Doulas! I too feel the need to entertain with others over, even when they offer to help. Or I don't feel comfortable asking them to do things. So, I hired two doulas and always felt so good just knowing one was scheduled to come for a couple of hours. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274446 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 10:34:28 +0000 birdieputt 274446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shimmer: I am a mom of twins. Although I was overjoyed with the birth of my girls, the first eight weeks were the most toughest days of my life. I was not clinically depressed...my therapist said the disease I had was twins (LOL!) </p> <p>Here are some things I did to keep myself emotionally and mentally healthy:</p> <p>-Ask for help or hire help. I either had a family member or my nanny with me everyday (even if it just for a couple of hours everyday). The one day I was alone with the babies all day, I got physically sick from fatigue and stress.<br /> -When visitors come to your house, you are not to play hostess. Your visitors are there to help you - they should either bring you diapers or a meal, clean up, or help you with the babies, etc. You are not there to entertain guests. You are in crisis mode with two young babies.<br /> -Go out for one hour everyday by yourself. I liked to take walks and listen to music.<br /> -Do little things to make your life easier. For example, use paper plates/bowls so you don't have to do dishes.<br /> -Talk to a lactation consultant and try tandem BF'ing. It will save you time. It wasn't for me, but I hear it does get easier if you keeping trying it. And if tandem feeding doesn't work out, then you can also pump. That way other helpers can bottle-feed your babies and give you a break. You can also supplement with formula so you don't feel so much pressure to produce breastmilk. Or you can just switch to formula altogether. Your babies will do fine either way. It's most important for you to be happy.<br /> -I joined a new moms support group through my hospital. I didn't feel so isolated knowing that there were other moms out there who were going through the same ordeal.<br /> -I also found a mentor through my local Moms of Multiples club who gave me a lot of advice in the beginning.<br /> -Keep telling yourself that "this too shall pass." It DOES get easier. For me, it got easier at eight weeks. Then at 3 months, it got even better once the babies were sleeping through the night! You'll eventually have less and less feedings overnight and you won't feel as sleep-deprived.</p> <p>I know the days feel long and hard right now, but try to enjoy this time with your newborns. It goes by so fast. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274445 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 10:33:44 +0000 Honeybee 274445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just wanted to chime in and add my encouragement to everyone else's. You're doing a great job right now! This is "survival" mode; it's not easy, but it doesn't last very long, and it'll start getting better very soon. :) Keep up the good work. You can do it, momma! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274442 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 10:31:26 +0000 Mrs. Pen 274442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>you have to get over not wanting to ask for help! As much as we hate it, new motherhood is one of the most vulnerable times of our lives. You do need people you trust with your life to be there to support you.</p> <p>One night my mom came over around 9pm, took my baby until 12:30-1am so that DH and I could sleep..together. It was wonderful!! I couldn't have asked for a better gift. </p> <p>People want to help. Everyone LOVED being able to hold my baby, and I LOVED being able to get some sleep! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274398 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 09:50:31 +0000 T.H.O.U. 274398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shimmer: Babies are SUPER needy at this point and as much as you love them they really don't give much back (smiles, etc). </p> <p>Keep it up though! Take some time to take cute pictures, and let others help you. I remember those days and it does get better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274388 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 09:40:40 +0000 Downward Dog 274388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second what everyone else has said. It's so hard to get help when you are just figuring out what you need. At 12 days old, I suggest having someone take your babes for a walk. They will probably fall asleep outside, and you won't have to worry about them fussing. While they are out, you need to take a nap (even if you don't feel like it, even if it's only 30 minutes). It was so tempting for me to try to clean something, or watch TV or do something fun, but it's so important to rest. That will help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274384 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 09:34:31 +0000 Mrs. Stroller 274384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt the same way. Just ask for help from anyone and everyone. People love to help a new mom. Be specific in what you need. Do not think you should do it all alone - it takes a village! </p> <p>Let everything except feeding yourself and bfing your babies fall by the wayside. In a couple months you'll be able to do whatever you're putting off now. Ask for someone to clean your bathrooms and vacuum (can you hire a cleaner?) Ask for you MIL to cook dinner for you and DH. Order take-out/delivery. </p> <p>Just keep reminding yourself that this period of ultra-neediness lasts a very short amount of time. It is not going to be your new normal for long. They babies will get more efficient with their nursing and you will get into a groove. At 6 weeks you'll probably see a difference in their schedule, how they're nursing and sleeping, etc.</p> <p>I've heard from friends with twins that getting on a schedule is helpful (even when you bf on demand). Moms on Call was an amazing resource for me, and I know they are fantastic with twins because they all have twins!</p> <p>Good luck. ASK FOR HELP!! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274345 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 09:08:58 +0000 Lozza 274345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Those first couple weeks are rough no matter what, and I think that's especially true if you're breastfeeding and can't get help with feedings (not sure if this is an option for you, but - per the recommendation of our lactation consultant- I started pumping right away and LO got one bottle per day from someone else of pumped milk, which let me have a little extra sleep time or "me" time).<br /> I only had one, but I had SO much help. I wasn't alone with LO for more than one work day till he was like 6.5 weeks old. For the first week and a half I had my mom and DH, then just DH for another week and a half, and then when DH went back to work I had my mom come back and then DH's godmother.<br /> Both of them just LOVED the opportunity to hang out with the baby, and I think they appreciated it when they got him to themselves without a stressed out new mom hanging over them. They changed diapers, they burped LO, they rocked him, they played with him- there were a lot of days when pretty much any time I wasn't feeding LO, I passed him off to someone else. Plus they were great about bringing me food and drinks while I was stuck nursing on the couch for 45 minutes, they did laundry, they cooked, they ran errands... what really saved my sanity was the fact that the only thing I ever had to focus on was feeding the baby (which I literally did for like 10 full hours every day).<br /> I think if you can get over the aversion to asking for help, it will make your life a lot easier, plus I'm sure your family is dying to have some quality baby time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274239 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 06:58:37 +0000 meredithNYC 274239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am already in awe of you for being able to handle twins! And there is no doubt in my mind that you're doing great.</p> <p>I understand your aversion to asking for help. You feel like you should be able to handle it all, but please, please, give yourself a break for having gone through a major, major life change. Having a new baby in your life is no walk in the park, and that's even more the case with two.</p> <p>I did have postpartum and I eventually quit breastfeeding (not that I'm pushing you to do so) because of my low supply but also because the pressure was really getting in the way of me enjoying my new LO. Here are some things that helped me:</p> <p>Accepting help. I remember leaving the house on my own to go to the store for a few hours while my MIL watched LO. I got in the car, turned the music up and just felt FREE for a little while. It felt sooo good.</p> <p>Getting out of the house (when you are more mobile, of course). Just putting LO in the stroller and passing people in the street and taking in new sights helped tremendously. Your world gets very small when you have a new baby and it's good to get out and about to remind yourself of what's out there.</p> <p>Showering every day. I know this sometimes seems like a huge ordeal, but I now make myself do this every single day just so that I feel somewhat like my old self. I don't even care if I'm not going anywhere for the day, I will shower. </p> <p>Now, LO is a little over 3 months and things are way, way easier (they started getting easier about 6 months initially). She smiles, we play, we have more of a routine and I have acclimated. You WILL get there, too! But in the meantime, do whatever you can to save your sanity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274224 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 06:44:20 +0000 heffalump 274224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shimmer: It might be worth calling the doctor and asking about the reflux thing. There is a such thing as silent reflux where there is no spit up involved. Is he on his back a lot other than diaper changes? That could be why he doesn't like the diaper changes..... being on their back hurts their belly. For a long long time people kept telling me that it was normal for my LO to be fussy like that, it was just fussy baby, it was gas, and she was constipated a lot so we thought it was her hurting from that. But eventually it got to the point where I knew it had to be something more and life was sooooooo much better after that because we got her on meds, we stopped putting her on her back and tummy after feedings, and we were able to manage it until she grew out of it. I had my days where I wanted to toss my LO out the window because all she was doing was cry (obviously I would never do that!) and I couldn't imagine how you manage with two! Hopefully you figure out what's wrong soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274195 Wed, 29 Aug 2012 01:27:27 +0000 katieckam 274195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh the insanity of the first 6 weeks as a new mom for me, I can't even imagine how tough it must be with twins!! The ladies have provided lots of good advice, hopefully, you're able to take at least some of them. Especially about getting past the entertaining your relatives and ask for help.</p> <p>I considered myself a pretty tough cookie, but I was definitely a mess post partum. My friend said it best when she said she felt like a cow about breastfeeding the first few weeks, especially with their growth spurts. And the bad latches, the clogged ducts, soreness, incontinence, hormones, sleep deprivation, popped blood vessel, mommy guilt, need to be perfect...ay yay yay!!</p> <p>Talking (crying it out) with hubby definitely helped a lot. I also wanted to watch "My Baby Story" and the likes on TV, I found it comforting to witness what others go through. Can you take a bath yet? A nice warm bath, or some sleep might rejuvenate a little bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274182 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 23:50:02 +0000 twinmama 274182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hang in there sweetie! My first few weeks were crazy overwhelming to me too. For your fussy boy...my son is generally fussier than my daughter, and we realized two things for him. One, he gets crabby when he is hot, and he gets warm easily. He would chill when we'd rock him in front of a fan or the open window in the evening. And he is also a long eater... he likes to eat, burp, eat, diaper, eat, doze, burp, eat and so on. So evwn if he's just eaten, watch for cues that he might still be hungry.</p> <p>And do whatever you can to take care of yourself! Showers are awesome, naps are critical, and maybe try taking morning or evening walks outside since you cant drive yet. We try to get fresh air everydayand its a huge gamechanger.</p> <p>On hubby going back to work.....im still nervous for that part myself. My dh goes back next week. But ive been practicing watching the kids for a few hours at a time myself and its really upped my confidence. Something to consider.</p> <p>It will get easier,but you are doing an amazing job now too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274169 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 23:15:07 +0000 junebuglim 274169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To echo all the others: You can do this! And things will get better! Those first days with the twins were SO hard! What kept me going was recognizing that it's a huge adjustment for all parents and we have two..and just knowing that things would get better as everyone reassured me so. Accept all the help you can get - once I started to really be open to accepting help that others REALLY do want to provide for you -it got easier. I always asked for food! </p> <p>To reiterate what @oceanis723 said about showering - wow made such a difference! And I knew things were getting better when I found that I had the time to shower/brush my teeth every day because that was so challenging at first too!</p> <p>I cried the days and even weeks before hubs returned to work just thinking about him leaving, but we adjusted just fine and so will you! You're doing great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274117 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 21:16:46 +0000 MamaCate 274117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Congrats on doing so wel, thus far! I will echo pps and say that it is normal.to feel overwhelmed and emotional. I wanted to add, though, as soeone who also has trouble asking for help, that it might be nice to set up a time that your relative can come over, like every wednesday afternoon, so that you can both count on it. That way you dont have to debate about if you really really need the help today, and you can look forward to the break. </p> <p>Ir also sounds like you have more than one family member around, so maybe one could watch the boys and the other could drive you to get a smoothie or some kind of treat...just brainstorming to get you out of the house.</p> <p>Good luck and be gentle with yourself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274109 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 21:03:04 +0000 LouLouBelle 274109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i will second the sleep notion. i had major issues after my LO was born, not quite PPD I don't think (because it got naturally better on its own relatively quickly) but still the single scariest time in my life...I couldn't believe how terrible I felt and how out of control and not like myself. Anxiety, couldn't sleep at ALL even though LO was sleeping 4 hrs at a time, panic issues, couldn't get out of bad, crying all day long, and not feeling attached to the baby. Much of it stemmed from some pretty horrible breast feeding issues (as in, she wouldn't/couldn't do it -- and didn't fully get it until 11 weeks!). Anyway, it was horrible. On day 7, I had an exhaustion breakdown, my whole body started convulsing. Day 7-10 is the worst for the hormones. My doc got on the phone with my husband and basically ordered him to sleep on the couch with the baby in the bassinet next to him and do the night feedings with a bottle so I could sleep. I took some melatonin and slept 7 hours or so...and woke up feeling like a new person and the depression was exponentially better, and got even better every day after that. </p> <p>Not sure if it's an option for you, but it might be worth trying. The engorgement will be killer, and you can't do it more than once or twice especially in the early days before your supply is established, but something to consider...give yourself a break!</p> <p>And like everyone else has said...accept the help. Get outside (fresh air does wonders for newbies). And understand that you WILL feel better. One day, suddenly, you will realize you are functioning again and you will adjust to the sleep deprivation soon. Congrats on having two beautiful boys and I am so amazed that you are able to do it all with two! It will be worth it in two or three more weeks or so when they smile at you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274102 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 20:56:42 +0000 Shimmer 274102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks, everyone. I feel a tiny bit better knowing that I'm almost supposed to feel this way right now.</p> <p>@littlecasita1122: I definitely feel like a milk machine right now, and with the boys being newborns, I'm not really getting any positive feedback about my "performance" as a mom. I hope it'll get better when they can smile and reach out for me.</p> <p>@Oceanis723: I love when I can shower. It's rejuvenating. I'll add that to my to-do list for when people are here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274070 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 20:24:31 +0000 Shimmer 274070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: Thanks!</p> <p>@stargal: I'm definitely going to try to make myself ask for more help. I know my family (and DH's) are more than willing. I don't know what my aversion to it is.</p> <p> @bree72: I definitely feel better when I'm outside, which is why I can't wait for autumn to get here. It's humid and hot here right now and I just can't breathe when it's like this! I'm looking forward to the cooler weather for that reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274050 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 20:12:39 +0000 Mrs. Train 274050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shimmer: Hang in there. Twins is no easy feat. Most moms have the same feelings with only one. All I can say is it does get better. I had a panic attack when I thought about my husband going to work and leaving me with three babies. But you can do it. Take breaks when you need it and ask for help. Everyone has already said it but I am sure the grandparents are dying to get their hands on those babies. And honestly most grandparents don't care if they are fussy. They just want to love on them. I can not stress this enough YOU DO NOT NEED TO ENTERTAIN! as a matter of fact they probably want to help you. Let them worry about meals and entertainment. That's what most people expect when offering to help.</p> <p>My greatest relief was a shower. Whenever anyone offered me time that is what I would do. In the bathroom with the shower on I could not hear the crying or fussing and guests would leave me alone. I would take 20-30 minute showers and then come out refreshed and ready to take on my baby responsibilities. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274048 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 20:10:39 +0000 chrispygal 274048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sleep was the one thing that really helped me feel better. I had a huge meltdown and DH started taking the late feeding so I could go to bed early and get a good 4 hour stretch of sleep. Obviously this would be challenging with EBF and twins, but it was the one thing that helped me the most. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274040 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:59:48 +0000 stiffaknee 274040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>AGH! So I've typed this post TWICE, and it keeps getting deleted. Its my own fault, but its so frustrating.</p> <p>I remember the first month really well-what I found to be a lifesaver was a quick walk around the block. It seemed help LO's mood too! Starting at two weeks PP, I'd load up LO in the bob and take a quick walk around the block. It seemed to energize me and really take the edge off. I also was so fortunate to have my mom come and stay with me-she handled the cooking, the cleaning and the laundry...and that gave me time to spend with caroline! and remember, being a mom is really hard (and a mom to multiples=really hard!) but you're doing a great job! and its ok to ask for help!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274036 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:55:58 +0000 pastemoo 274036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Breathe. </p> <p>1. It's too early for PPD, but LOTS Of women have the baby blues and they usually hit around 7-10 days... so you're right in the window for the maximum feeling of being overwhelmed. It gets better!</p> <p>2. Adrenaline gets you through.... you will get there! Also, especially with twins, do not be afraid to ask for help. America is unfortunately anti-community. Community requires people to want to be a part of it--asking for help builds community. :) Asking for help is actually a really good thing for you AND the people who are helping. People love helping when it involves holding a baby--even if the baby is crying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274035 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:55:10 +0000 littlecasita1122 274035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really disliked breastfeeding in the beginning because I felt like a milk machine and not a mommy or even a human. I definitely had my share of crying more than a few days because I was overwhelmed. I think the only thing that got me through it was that my mom and one of our friends kept telling me it would get better...for us, the first 6 weeks were rough but after that point it got SO much better! </p> <p>And I know you said you can't drive, but as soon as you can, go out grocery shopping for an hour by yourself. It's like a mini vacation and will refresh you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274034 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:54:29 +0000 MsLipGloss 274034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will third or fourth what @ArtBee said. I bet your relatives will be so enthralled with your beautiful boys that they won't even notice whether you're in the room or not - lol! </p> <p>I would also like to echo everyone else in saying there is no way you are giving yourself enough credit for the amazing job you are doing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274028 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:49:34 +0000 MamaBehr 274028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First off, you are doing a better job than you even know. So, keep up the great work! It gets easier and better (and fun-er). I agree with everyone, ask for help. And just know, everything is just a phase (the good and the bad) so just be present in the moment. And lastly, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB! I'm sure of it :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274025 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:48:50 +0000 Mrsbells 274025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hang in there, it does get better, within a few weeks your babies will be much more independent and you will be able to slow down a bit </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274018 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:44:59 +0000 Shimmer 274018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bpcmarj: Thank you. I'm still cooped up because I'm not allowed to drive yet. Hopefully that feeling will get better when I can go to Walmart for half an hour to save my sanity!</p> <p>@Mrs. Blue: Thanks! I know that the grandparents are chomping at the bit to help out... It's tough to get past that obligation to entertain when they're here. I'm going to try Artbee's suggestion of just leaving the room when they're here so I don't have the chance to entertain. I guess I'll get used to it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274017 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:44:04 +0000 BananaPancakes 274017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Fully agree with Artbee. You have twins. That is a whole 'nother ball game. Take all the help you can get. It is so overwhelming at the beginning and I only had one. Get yourself outside as often as you can. Being indoors made me feel worse, but I wouldn't realize it until I went for a stroll in the sun. Make a pedicure or massage appointment and do something for yourself. Just do it. I was pretty crazy for a good 6 weeks and it helped to remember that I just had to make it through each day and that it would all eventually get better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274016 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:43:19 +0000 stargal 274016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>def ask people for help, they will gladly want to. my dad loves when my lo is there with him, he gives him his bottle, and holds him the whiole time. i cant pry that baby off him. also another thing noticed that helped is if someone just took over for an hour taking care of P while i got a break to relax. i felt very refreshed afterwards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274015 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:43:03 +0000 Penny Lane 274015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shimmer: :) :)</p> <p>I also second what @artbee said, don't feel bad about asking for help!</p> <p>My Mum has been staying with us and she's been an absolute life saver! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-overwhelmed-in-the-early-days-how-did-you-deal#post-274014 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:42:44 +0000 autumnlove 274014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It got better for me after the first month. I just wasn't so nervous about everything!</p> <p>Hang in there! </p>