https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 19:46:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744958 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 19:32:58 +0000 pachamama 2744958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds like she's overcompensating with affection for your daughter because maybe she realizes she didn't do it enough with you :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744829 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 13:01:38 +0000 ElbieKay 2744829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: Your mother is not just "being a grandparent". She is undermining your parenting. If I were you, I would get serious about that topic. If she can't support you as a parent, then she shouldn't have much, if any, access to your children.</p> <p>I just got into a huge argument with my parents because they were ignoring my screen time rules. They seemed shocked when I told them that if it's too much for them to watch my son -- i.e., they need the break that screen time allows -- then I can find someone else to watch him. They had the gall to complain that I should set a better example for my son by speaking more respectfully to them; meanwhile they were teaching him that my rules could be ignored.</p> <p>Now that I have my own nuclear family, I will not hesitate to protect those relationships above any extended family. If they don't like it, well... too bad, so sad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744803 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 12:27:53 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2744803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As for situations like the cosleeping where she's just commenting I would probably say something like "that's what she has grandma sleepovers for!" Or just "nope, not happening. Moving on!.." I don't know if your mom might freak out over being talked to that way. I just refuse to discuss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744799 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 12:25:53 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2744799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: I think the idea is that, in both my mom and MIL's words, "grandparents are supposed to spoil them!" So since they aren't responsible for how they turn out or the consequences they can dote and do what they want and send them home. It can be a little annoying but I remember the relationship I had with my grandma growing up and in my head she could do no wrong. Overall I think that spoiling was what I "needed" from her, not from my mom. So that's what makes being a grandparent fun. </p> <p>On the other hand, I don't let any of the grandparents undermine me, at least not over anything more than whether they can have a scoop of ice cream after dinner. I just don't. I physically remove my los from the situation if it's really something I don't want. I'm pretty lenient though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744794 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 12:19:30 +0000 petitenoisette 2744794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the other posters about her undermining you is not cool and should be dealt with. </p> <p>I feel you on the over-the-top stuff being really annoying. My FIL is like this about our LO, he thinks everything about her is the most amazing thing ever. He doesn't have a lot of other great stuff in his life to concentrate on though so I get it. It does bother me though because I don't think it's good for kids to be overly praised for innate things (looks, intelligence) and so it makes me uncomfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744779 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 11:59:04 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2744779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm pretty easy-going about grandparent behavior generally, but having either of our parents openly criticize us (especially in front of our kids--that would be a heck no!) for appropriately disciplining our kids would completely annoy me and would be something I would respond to. I would probably try to make light of it at first, like, "Ahh, yes, I'm sure never setting limits would make life more fun for today, but we're trying to make sure she turns out to be the kind of person you want to be friends with in 20 years!" But if it kept going, we would have to have a frank talk about the fact that while she's a grandma and doesn't bare the ultimate responsibility of raising this child to be a good, contributing human being, we do, and as part of that, we will discipline appropriately when we are with our child. </p> <p>As far as the over-the-top affection, etc., I think there must just be something magical about grandparenthood. Maybe part of it is you see how quickly your own kids grew up and how they turned out so well (hopefully!), and you see times that you were too hard on them, that you didn't slow down enough, etc. I'm always amazed that my dad gets down on the floor and has tea parties, etc. with my nieces because he definitely didn't do that kind of thing with me, but I wonder if part of that is because he wishes he would have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744775 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 11:55:09 +0000 Grace 2744775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To me, it sounds like the criticism, undermining and interference is the real problem. And that is not supposed to be a perk of being a grandparent. Would you be so angry if it was really just about them loving being grandparents and thinking the grandkids were the best? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744769 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 11:46:22 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2744769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL falls all over herself praising LO. She's only seen him a few times, but my goodness he praise thru FaceTime and via text is a little sickening. Based on DH's stories she was not like this at all. I kind of love it, but again she hasn't had the opportunity to undermine me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744737 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 10:38:24 +0000 yoursilverlining 2744737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Commiseration here. I love my MIL, but the amount of out of control idolization and love for LO is an area of frustration here too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744732 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 10:34:31 +0000 mrskansas 2744732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom and dad are very similar to what you're describing.</p> <p>No advice, just commiseration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744728 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 10:24:39 +0000 looch 2744728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad is similar in that he criticizes me for discipline.</p> <p>I think the reason is that as he's gotten older, he's gotten less strict. He was what I would call "old school" as a parent, but as a grandparent, he's much more liberal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744722 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 10:16:24 +0000 Coral 2744722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People always say that being a grandparent is greater than being a parent because you get to do the fun things as opposed to the difficulty of parenting. In no way does that mean that being a grandparent superceeds the role of the parent. The behavior you described isn't about fulfilling her grandmother role, she's undermining and disrespecting you. Definitely talk to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-ragey-re-my-mother-a-vent-post#post-2744711 Wed, 07 Jun 2017 09:59:20 +0000 Ajsmommy 2744711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just need to vent. I truly do not understand this whole "being a grandparent is sooo much better than being a parent" thing. Is it just me or does it bother anyone else? Don't get me wrong my mom was a great mom and I had a great childhood but it annoys me to no end how she acts and treats DD. I know, I know... how dare I complain about a doting grandparent and how could I say anything bad about it. And in my heart I know it's great, but something's just bug me.</p> <p>A couple of examples:<br /> DD can DO NO WRONG what so ever and if we dare try to discipline her we are completely evil beings. My mom went so far as to call my husband a tyrant this last time she was here!! Made me soo mad. He was simply telling DD that if she didn't listen she'd get time out. He might be a little brash about it BUT he's dd's father and he has every right to discipline her as he sees fit. My mom acts as though we are horrible for it... very annoying.</p> <p>I also feel like she's just soo in love with DD that's it over the top. Again, I know, I know how "terrible" but honestly I just don't get it. She wasn't like that with me or my brother! I don't even remember her ever telling us she loved us (I know she did love us and she was always there for us, but as far as actually saying it and hugging us.. nope). So I find it so odd when she does it with DD. Maybe she's just changed? Or maybe she's realized she should have done that more with us, her own kids? IDK</p> <p>The last thing is the sleeping issue. DD has her own big girl bed and we dont' co sleep unless she's sick or scared or something. My mom acts as though we are mean for that... this is coming from the woman who never let me in bed with her!! Never. If I wanted to get into bed I had to go to my DAD!!! Just wth??</p> <p>And I do get the whole it's more fun to be a grand parent bc they can just send them home. I guess for me it's the feeling that they love the grandkids more, like those meme's you see "nothing is better than being a grandparent"... I guess I just disagree.. I think being a parent is the BEST thing. </p> <p>I honestly don't know why it makes me so ragey.. maybe it's the hypocrisy of it? I'm just not sure.... </p>