https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 21 Aug 2026 12:50:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-213231 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 13:02:58 +0000 LuLu Mom 213231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: No I did not, at the time of the elopement they kept it quiet for some time, so when it came out it was more of a farmily scandal than anything. I probably should have but honestly at the time it did not even cross my mind! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-213183 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 12:04:15 +0000 oliviaoblivia 213183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It does seem really grabby. Did you send a gift when they eloped? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-213126 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 11:28:15 +0000 ninja 213126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have nothing against people eloping and having a reception later..within reason. I think after 1 year, that is too late, unless there are extenuating circumstances, and the reception was actually in the plans at the time of the wedding! I don't think you can just go back and decide you want all this attention a year after the fact. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-213094 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 11:13:12 +0000 LuLu Mom 213094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmenow: 85% of my feelings do stem from they money situation, I feel like with my cousin's wife not working, and now planning this wedding reception when I know my uncle has to pay their bills is ridiculous. They don't hide their financial situation and even brag about the money they get from my uncle, it's disgusting and trashy, I would stay out of it if it wasn't posted on Facebook every day. My uncle works hard and is currently going through a divorce so he's got a lot on his plate, they take advantage of his kindness and it bother's me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-213084 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 11:04:24 +0000 yoursilverlining 213084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that sounds like a "have your cake and eat it too" situation, as others have said. I can understand delayed receptions for military, visa, health, etc. reasons...but decisions have consequences. Not hosting a reception means you probably will get less gifts. Deciding a year later to do so basically just for gifts would totally rub me the wrong way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-213063 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 10:51:11 +0000 HLK208 213063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think just a card would be fine. I've known a few people who have done this so it doesn't seem uncommon to me but they could have made it like a vow renewal or something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-213058 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 10:48:30 +0000 Mrs. Blue 213058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think having a reception later is fine if there's a reason for it. But, saying it's partly for the gifts is certainly not good etiquette! </p> <p>I would however send a gift if you didn't send one when they got married. I always give a gift even if they chose to elope. It's still a marriage, and I try to always celebrate that if it's someone I'm close to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-213051 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 10:42:31 +0000 MamaMoose 213051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that this is a have your cake and eat it too kind of situation. I feel like if people choose to elope (with out serious extenuating circumstances) then they need to stick with that decision. When I get invited to something after the fact I feel like you're saying to me "we wanted to be alone and intimate for our wedding ceremony and you aren't important enough to us to have been invited. But we sure would love for you to come party with us and give us a gift after the fact". Having a wedding is about GETTING MARRIED and it always baffles me when people want their guests to celebrate with them but not actually witness the marriage that they are celebrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-213015 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 10:19:30 +0000 chopsuey 213015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I eloped, but had a wedding ceremony+reception 6 months later. I felt a little odd having the wedding, but it was nice having all of our friends adn family come to celebrate with us. It was also nice having a pastor officiate the wedding since our court wedding was a civil ceremony. </p> <p>I didn't care about the gifts and etc.. so the fact that your cousin in law is doing it for the gifts is kinda shitty, but! I understand where she's coming from..? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212966 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 10:02:34 +0000 mrsmenow 212966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would treat this situation as anyone having an at home reception or reception following a court house wedding. I think their money situation between them and your uncle is just that between them and your uncle (I would be pretty uncomfortable being involved in other peoples' financial business).</p> <p>Do you think you knowlege of the money situation might make it harder for you to have an objective position on what she said? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212954 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:57:28 +0000 LuLu Mom 212954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: I think your situation is completely different, family issues/visa issues are all very valid points as to why to have a delayed reception. This situation just sits very poorly with me. I feel like they shouldn't be spending money on a reception, and instead should be concentrating on paying my uncle back for all the money he has loaned them. (which will never happen.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212944 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:52:58 +0000 purrpletulips 212944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: I would say your situation falls under the "with reason" category for holding the reception later. Also, I think the big issue is that the woman stated she only wanted a reception for the gifts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212940 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:52:30 +0000 T.H.O.U. 212940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand doing this if you had to elope for a reason (such as a kid, military, etc) and doing a reception later. But I wouldn't expect guests to bring gifts later. </p> <p>I think you have a good excuse not to go, but even if you did go, just bringing something small (bottle of wine, gift card, etc) I think would be appropriate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212928 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:49:02 +0000 sunshineandsushi 212928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It does strike me as a little gift grabby. I would probably just send a card and small gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212920 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:45:29 +0000 LuLu Mom 212920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@purrpletulips: I like the grocery store GC idea, I just refuse to give money when I have see how they will most likely handle it. They are the type of people that won't pay the electric bill but will make a big deal about a weekend at a hotel for a "getaway." </p> <p>I think I also am a little bitter that when we got married last year they didn't even give us a card and they attended. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212908 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:41:23 +0000 oliviaoblivia 212908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We eloped and had a reception 10 months later. We had extenuating circumstances, FIL is elderly and was really sick and we thought he wouldn't make it to the wedding, and we were international and facing visa issues. That said we treated the reception as a wedding and the elopement as paperwork. It was important to me to be able to celebrate with my loved ones. I would have been hurt if people thought we were in it for gifts.<br /> If it were a perfect world we wouldn't have eloped but at the time it was the best thing for our family.<br /> Please give them the benefit of the doubt and be happy for them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212905 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:39:57 +0000 eeh 212905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's not the eloping then having a reception that gets me because I don't mind when that happens...some people want a more intimate ceremony with a big party after. However, I do think there's a time limit on such a thing and a year is definitely past that point. Especially when it's clear that it's just for gifts. </p> <p>I probably wouldn't make it a high priority to attend, if I was free that night I might consider going. I would give a relatively small gift but nothing that can be wasted (money or a gift card). I would get something from their registry or something I felt they needed. If they want to go through the hassle of returning the gift to waste it on something that's fine, they still had to work for the money to waste it then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212894 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:34:45 +0000 autumnlove 212894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be a little put off as well! I agree with PP, I would still send a card and a small gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212872 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:24:17 +0000 purrpletulips 212872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've known people who eloped but still had a reception however none of them waited an entire year without reason (one couple were both in the military, eloped right before he deployed then had a reception when he returned). I agree with others that the greediness in her statement matches your reaction. However for the sake of family I would probably send a card and a small token (perhaps since they have poor money management skills a $25 gift card to a grocery store or something just as practical). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212846 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:11:59 +0000 Foodnerd81 212846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with PPs. It's definitely rude and kind of weird, but since family is more important than being right, I'd send a card and a small gift. If they are registered, I would buy something from that. Nothing extravagant, and I wouldn't attend with a young baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212836 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:08:40 +0000 Rubies 212836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. My initial reaction matches your sentiments. I don't feel it's right to go on an elope and then decide a year later that you want gifts so you're going to have a reception. </p> <p>However, for the sake of family harmony I would do my best to be cordial and maybe send a card with some sort of gift (gift card?)...Nothing too expensive but just something. Also, I probably wouldn't go either because of the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212833 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:08:23 +0000 mrsjyw 212833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's def out of the norm and sort of a "I want my cake and eat it too" type of attitude on her part...</p> <p>I'd probably end up sending a small something, because it wouldn't sit right with me, but I do think it's a bit offputting on her part. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212831 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:07:33 +0000 DillonLion 212831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't have minded it if it was just to get the families together and celebrate. But the gift grabby part of it puts a really bad taste in my mouth. I'd have the same reaction as you at that point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212830 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:06:39 +0000 hilsy85 212830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely think it's a weird thing to do, and especially considering that she basically said she's just doing it for the gifts!! I personally would probably, like you, not go, especially since LO will be here :) I would however probably send a card and a small gift (like a gift card or something)... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feelings-on-this-situation#post-212828 Fri, 06 Jul 2012 09:01:21 +0000 LuLu Mom 212828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a cousin who choose to do a courthouse marriage about a year ago, with only a few people invited. We all respected his decision welcome his new family (wife &amp; her daughter) into our extended family. However, now his wife decided she wants a big reception a year later because "she missed out on having a reception and gifts" (her words.) </p> <p>I feel a little bitter about this, as I feel like in deciding to elope, you can't plan a reception a year later and expect gifts to be brought. There are some other things that have made me bitter in the last year due to their lack of money management and the strain it is causing on my uncle, but I have told my mom I'm not going. I will have a brand new baby so I'm using that as my excuse. </p> <p>Am I overreacting, is having a reception a year later with the intention of receiving gifts normal? Should I just suck it up and send a gift or is a card enough? </p>