https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 25 Jun 2026 00:27:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1889615 Sun, 05 Oct 2014 22:36:15 +0000 immabeetoo 1889615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I can't imagine swaddle weaning at the same time as all that! Egads. Your new plan sounds way more manageable. I will tell you even when my LO was putting himself to sleep easy peasy he still had some nights he needed/wanted extra comfort and rocked. It was much much more rare after 12 months and even more so after 18 months but often it would precede a new skill, a cold, a new tooth. You just never know! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1889548 Sun, 05 Oct 2014 20:52:03 +0000 Jass 1889548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mae thanks for update...i will also give it a try , we have some travel plans comimg up. So what you do for naps and how are the naps? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1889520 Sun, 05 Oct 2014 20:27:02 +0000 Mae 1889520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jass: Update on night 2. Swaddled LO and fed her, read her two books, rocked her for 10 min until she was doing the slow-blinking tired thing (but still awake) and set her down in crib. Setting her down woke her all the way up. I gave her her binky and left. She didn't cry, just spit out the paci and kicked around. Went up twice in the first 10 min to replace the binky but she just spit it out again so we stopped. At 13 min she stopped kicking and stared at the ceiling. At 15 min she fell asleep, but was really restless. At 20 min DH snuck in and slipped her binky back in and she has been OUT since. 0 crying. Fingers crossed this is our new normal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1889260 Sun, 05 Oct 2014 14:12:26 +0000 Mae 1889260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jass: I think it would be different if my LO screamed either way, but MOTN wake ups are very easy for her generally. She never wants to eat really, she either wants her pacifier, or if that doesn't satisfy her she wants me to rock her. Honestly when she only makes me rock her once it isn't even that big of a deal. Sure i would love more uninterrupted sleep but up for 5 min a few times for paci and 30 min for rocking her once isn't a huge thing. It's just that sometimes she wants me to rock her ALL NIGHT LONG and those nights come with no warning or reason... and thats why I really wanted to sleep train for MOTN. But at this point I just feel like we'll focus on bed time to teach her the skill and hopefully the MOTN self-soothing comes naturally once she masters it at bedtime? I don't know. I have no clue what i'm doing here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1889255 Sun, 05 Oct 2014 14:06:15 +0000 Jass 1889255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks so much for an honest reply..my lo also wakes up number of times for pacifier. I cant even handle her screaming in middle of night. So i am not sure whether to sleep train her or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1889226 Sun, 05 Oct 2014 13:00:06 +0000 Mae 1889226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jass: She woke up a few times between 1 and 3 and I just gave her her paci (I don't really mind doing that and I don't see the point in making her cry before giving it to her bc i'm not trying to paci wean) and she went right back to sleep-- but that is her norm. She woke up about 3 an I gave her her paci, she spit it out, fussed a bit then started crying. Waited 5 min, soothed her and gave her her paci, she kicked around for another 10 min then went to sleep. Victory I thought! (this is also a normal wake-up for her, but usually I'd just pick her up and rock her as soon as she started fussing). But then she woke up 10 min later and started crying. Cried through 5, 10, and 15 min checks and I was over it. I just got her and rocked her back to sleep, and then felt horrible about myself :( sigh. </p> <p>So I think at this point we're just totally abandoning our plans to do everything at once (we were going to swaddle wean and sleep train for bedtime, MOTN, and nap all at the same time). We're instead just going to sleep train for bedtime, and keep her swaddled until she can roll (and then.... pray?). And honestly if she doesn't go down in under 20-30 min of crying tonight while swaddled I'm probably just going to give up. I just don't think I'm strong enough to listen to her scream, and while the checks seem to help somewhat (she does calm when I go in), they make me feel even worse bc she is IMMEDIATELY so smiley as soon as she sees me and i'm just like omg, how do you not hate me i'm a horrible mom?! &lt;&lt;mom guilt&gt;&gt;. For MOTN I think I'll just do what I've been doing, give a paci when she wakes up and see what happens. I may let her fuss and maybe cry 5 min to see if she puts herself back to sleep, but no longer than that. I just don't have it in me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1889170 Sun, 05 Oct 2014 10:45:54 +0000 Jass 1889170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So did she wake up again or slept through? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1888919 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 21:28:36 +0000 Mae 1888919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jass: So we started tonight. Semi-fail, semi success. We were doing both swaddle and sleep training at the same time. So we did the whole bedtime routine and she was super confused as to why she was not swaddled. I had her in a (diy) zippadeezip and she just kept rubbing her eyes. Set her down and she wouldn't take her paci-- too amped up. So I left. 30 min of kicking around/talking to herself but no crying. Then she started crying. At 5 min check I smelled poop so I checked her diaper and sure enough-- so I changed her diaper as fast as I could and set her back down. She was screaming before I got downstairs. Set time for 5 min again (i think you start over if you have to pick them up). At 5 min check she was super happy/smiley the second I came into her view, I talked to her and patted her for 1 min then left. Started screaming before I got downstairs. Set timer for 10 min. At 3 min she projectile vomited everywhere. DH and I had to go up and change her, wipe her down, clean up her pack n play... gross. We didn't have another zipadeezip and this was going poorly so we just swaddled her and set her back down. She was asleep in 9 min with no crying. So... I'm glad she's asleep? But the swaddle weaning was a total fail. And I don't know that she'd go down so easily in the swaddle next time either... seemed like she was so exhausted from all the drama and happy for her comfortable swaddle she just passed out (didn't even take her paci). </p> <p>I think for now we're going to continue on with the sleep training but swaddle her bc she just doesn't seem ready to swaddle wean. I guess whenever she rolls we'll have to just deal with it then :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1888571 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 11:14:48 +0000 Jass 1888571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks...i am also scared of swaddle part and my lo wakes number of times for pacifier and cant settle on her own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1888565 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 11:01:06 +0000 Mae 1888565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jass: haven't started yet! I'll update when we do. Although I will say-- lo woke up when I set her down last night and rather than pick her up again like I usually do I just shushed her a min and walked away. She kicked around for about 3 min and then fell back asleep. Gives me some hope this may not be awful.. Although she was swaddled and I think the unswaddled part will be by far the hardest for her. She is 4.5 mo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1888540 Sat, 04 Oct 2014 10:23:47 +0000 Jass 1888540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ mae so how did the first night went? How old is s your LO. Following you on sleep training. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1887091 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 08:00:36 +0000 Mae 1887091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: if this goes poorly stew may get a lot if walks coming up :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1887047 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 07:31:12 +0000 blackbird 1887047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) We had tried checks at 5 and 10 min. All they did was piss E off more. So....when we really decided to sleep train for bedtime, I was going to give her 30 minutes. She passed out at 20 minutes on the nose. She escalated, then cycled through crying and whimpering....then escalated again, and then was out. I vividly remember messaging a friend who had just sleep trained and she said her kid went from 10 to 0 like that, too. I actually took her monitor and sat outside, which helped a lot</p> <p>2) No, i would leave her be if she's not crying and just rolling around. Even to this day, we don't' go in there if she's quiet and just chilling. E does a lot of flopping and grunting and leg kicking....she can do it for an hour. i let her be. If she spits out the paci, let it be. She will either learn to find it or be without it. No need to rescue her when she's not distressed.</p> <p>3)Not sure about this one. By about that age, E was able to find her wubbanub and crudely stick the animal back in her mouth </p> <p>4) i would wait 5 min. if you always jump in to replace the paci immediately, she will always expect it. Do "the pause" for a bit. </p> <p>5) i think my limit is probably 30-45 minutes. I've never had to CIO for longer than 20 minutes. Even now, max, 10 minutes is all it takes. But find your limit but I think having a plan helps. </p> <p>6) We didn't really do checks, but sleep training took about a week total to kick in. During the 7 days, we had two or three days where she regressed, which i heard was common. </p> <p>Sleep training was the best thing we ever did. I wish we had done it sooner. You know this, but E has pretty much STTN since, aside from a one-off night or the 18 month regression. Hang in there. It is hard. If it's easier for you, hand the monitor to your DH and go for a walk, then come back after 20 min. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1887036 Fri, 03 Oct 2014 07:19:11 +0000 Mae 1887036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: definitely the latter. Almost every night she spits her paci out within an hr of falling asleep and sleeps great (including usually opening her eyes then going back to sleep on her own once it twice before I go to bed) until 3 or 4am. Then she wakes up and whines a few times before 5 and usually falls right back to sleep when she gets her paci. So I don't think losing it wakes her. Nor does she want it all night. But early morning she def wants it. </p> <p>@Skadi: we still room share so it's not a going in/out issue but otherwise points taken. Glad it worked so well for you!</p> <p>So glad to hear how quickly this worked for you all. I'm so scared to start but I'm committed to giving it 5 nights to see improvement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1886913 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:45:04 +0000 BabyTsMom 1886913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1. We went at 7, 10, and 12 minutes. Don't know why we chose such random numbers! I went into sleep training fully intending to do extinction CIO, but we decided to try Ferber the first night and see how it went.</p> <p>2. For us, we didn't unless baby is crying, hard. Don't go in if it's just fussing, grunting, etc. </p> <p>3. My guy doesn't use a paci, but I'd think yes, only during checks.</p> <p>4. Yeah I'd wait.</p> <p>5. We didn't have a limit- we thought if we set a limit, then we would've made him cry for no reason. Luckily, the most he cried was 40 minutes, on the first night. I was very surprised, as I thought he would go all night.</p> <p>6. We only had to check the first night. The subsequent nights, he cried a little bit but it was never the angry cry and it never lasted long enough to warrant a check. We recently did a check once, last week, but I had changed his place so I think he felt unfamiliar and therefore cried more than usual that night. </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1886910 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:34:33 +0000 MamaChin 1886910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We Ferbered both our kids and it went differently. </p> <p>LO1<br /> 1. Followed checks but it just made him so angry so moved to extinction on night 3.<br /> 2. If he was crying we didn't go in, didn't want to disrupt his soothing process<br /> 3. Only replaced paci during checks. He didn't have any motn wakings after night 4, and when he did it was at like 4am to eat. He did paci wean and night wean himself at the end of sleep training.<br /> 5. I did not set a limit in my head. My son cried for an hour the first three nights, threw up two of those. It was crazy hard but I didn't want him to have cried for nothing. </p> <p>LO2<br /> 1. Followed checks<br /> 2. Didn't go in if she was quieting down<br /> 3. She doesn't take a paci<br /> 5. No time limit, she only cried half an hour to sleep. But 75 mins in motn the first night.<br /> 6. No checks by night 3, she cried less than 10 mins. </p> <p>Good luck mama!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1886901 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:25:38 +0000 Skadi 1886901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) We tried checks, but they made things worse. I honestly believe that checks are more for the parent's peace of mind than the baby's. Once we stopped checking, things progressed much faster.</p> <p>2)Don't do it! Get a video monitor if you have to, but DO NOT GO IN. Be strong. I say this in large part because your presence can make the baby go from a wakefulness scale of 3 to 8. Think about it in terms of you going to sleep. Imagine you were lying in bed by yourself, trying to get to sleep, and just as you were in the twilight stage between being fully awake and asleep, your DH opened the door and came to stand by your bedside and stare at you. </p> <p>3) Yep, only during checks.</p> <p>4) I'd wait. Honestly, I think by going in to "just" replace her paci might be making her more wakeful because again, you're coming into the room and interacting with her.</p> <p>5) We didn't set a limit. But for what it's worth, the most she cried was about two hours (on the first night). 1.5 hours the next night. 10 minutes the next. Now she usually doesn't cry at all (she's 8 months). Sometimes she'll fuss for a few minutes, kick her legs or play with her toys. But she's usually asleep in under 15 minutes every.single.time. </p> <p>6) N/A since we decided checks weren't for us. I would say that she was completely sleep trained within a week, although we did have some more fussiness around the 4 month regression (which didn't undo our training, just meant a little more fussing than usual with some exceptional nights where she would full-on cry it out). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1886837 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:33:00 +0000 hilsy85 1886837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: yeah i see what you mean...I guess I just wonder if keeping the paci will set you up for more wakings later...is she waking BECAUSE The paci falls out, or the paci falls out and she stays asleep, and then wakes later and realizes she doesn't have the paci? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1886828 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:22:59 +0000 Mae 1886828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@twodoghouse: night before last I got 2 hrs sleep. total. TWO HOURS. This just cannot go on :/ </p> <p>@hilsy85: I see what you're saying about the paci but I just don't know. We're also swaddle weaning at the same time (our ped suggested we do both at the same time). Taking the paci away and the swaddle away and the rocking away all at the same time just sort of breaks my heart to think how hard that would be for her! And really I don't mind the quick replacing a paci. Even when she does it 4 times/night. I just want her to go back to sleep then (which she often does. but not always). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1886823 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:18:02 +0000 twodoghouse 1886823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh I'm curious to hear how this goes. We are getting desperate to figure out some way to encourage self-soothing in A and B. Right now my boobs are the only way they'll settle in the middle of the night and things are sort of insane with them waking up constantly all night long. I don't know if Ferber is for us, but I'm keeping my options open. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1886820 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:16:41 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 1886820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1. We went with the suggested checks, but modified them when we had to retrain. Our typical checks were at 10-12-15 minutes<br /> 2. If she wasn't crying, we left her alone<br /> 3. No advice, because we didn't have a paci.<br /> 5. Though we didn't get there, our limit was 1.5 hours.<br /> 6. It took maybe 4 nights until we were down to 1 check/no checks.</p> <p>Good luck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1886801 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:05:21 +0000 hilsy85 1886801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) Yes, we went by the suggested checks. It was way easier for me to just have a PLAN to follow, one that was clearly laid out. </p> <p>2) If she's not crying, you should definitely not go in there! She may fuss herself to sleep<br /> 3) Honestly, you may want to take the opportunity to paci wean at this point....kind of rip the bandaid off. That's what we did because I was so sick of replacing it. When you think about it, if you're still expecting her to use the paci to help soothe, but she's not able to replace it herself, it's not really fair to expect her to self soothe in the MOTN without the paci, and without you coming in to help her. Just my opinion! We ended up re-introducing it later when he was able to put it back in himself. I Don't really know how I would handle paci reinsertion during sleep training...</p> <p>5) I think I probably had a mental limit of 2 hours--he never even got close to crying for 2 hours straight--and don't forget you restart the time every time they quiet down for a period of time! </p> <p>6) I think by night 4, he was sleeping from like 6:30-3:30, which was all I wanted. I wasn't looking to have him STTN. </p> <p>Good luck!! I found Ferber's book ENORMOUSLY helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ferber-questions#post-1886780 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 20:56:54 +0000 Mae 1886780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did request the book from the library but it hasn't come in yet and I thinks we may try to start sleep training this weekend. I understand the basics, but a few questions: </p> <p>1) Did you go by the suggested check times, or change them?</p> <p>2) Did you do any checks/do anything if LO was not crying but also not sleeping? My LO has not (so far) ever really cried in her crib. Granted Ive never left her for more than 10 minutes so far. But she usually just looks around, grunts, does some leg slams, and maybe whines. If she's doing that... do I just keep letting her go.. forever? What if she spits out her pacifier? </p> <p>3) If she is crying, do we only replace the pacifier during checks? </p> <p>4) If she wakes up in the MOTN and just wants her paci (she usually does this 1-4 times/night) do I replace it, or make her wait the 5 min first? </p> <p>5) Did you have a limit for how long you'd let the crying going on? If so, how long was it? I'm thinking 1.5 or 2 hrs? (I mean hopefully we don't get there, but I think I'll be calmer if I have a breaking point set first) did you ever get to that point?</p> <p>6) How long did sleep training with ferber take for you before you stopped having to do more than 1 check? </p>