https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 23:12:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2115321 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 21:49:26 +0000 yoursilverlining 2115321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had an issue where LO was being (in a friendly way) harassed by a little boy in her class and instead of saying just "no", we/they encouraged her to tell him why she didn't like his behavior, or to say "give me space please" when he got too close. They are big on saying "make another choice" at school, so she was encouraged to tell him that he "needed to make another choice" when he was up in her face bothering her.<br /> ETA: LO was also encouraged to go get a teacher or helper when she needed. Maybe that would help diffuse the situation? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2115297 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 21:29:15 +0000 jedeve 2115297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@prettylizy: and fwiw, we tell (okay more so DH, I've modtly given up the battle) that he can't say no to us. So I don't think that directly correlates to not being able to stand up to friends or anything.</p> <p>I think there was a daniel tiger recently about when your friends don't want to play with you. She might find it helpful? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2115216 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 20:32:12 +0000 catomd00 2115216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@prettylizy: I don't think a 3 yo will understand those nuances. I also don't think the message needs to be you don't say no to mommy. I think it might be easier for her to understand and more effective to encourage her expressing her feelings to anyone including you.you can then empathize with her that you understand she doesn't want to but the rule is we must clean up our toys, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2115207 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 20:28:25 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2115207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Instead of having her say "no" at school, can you have her say different phrases like, "I don't like that!" or "Leave me alone", or what @jedeve: suggested!</p> <p>At home, do options/choices work? Maybe something like: either clean up your toys or no books before bed.</p> <p>I haven't tried this myself, but I've also read that some will take away all toys that are left out, and put them on a top shelf so they can't play with them for a day or whatever length of time, and the next time around, their kids are a lot quicker about cleaning up. </p> <p>The timer method might work too? "You have 5 minutes to do XYZ" and then set a timer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2115205 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 20:27:43 +0000 sarac 2115205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@prettylizy: I think you're wise to do so. I don't like teaching a child that they're not allowed to say no to an authority figure - what if they encounter one who wants to abuse that power? I prefer to say something like 'I hear that you don't want to do X, but you have to do it. I'm sorry that you're disappointed". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2115204 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 20:27:29 +0000 lady grey 2115204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like @jedeve's suggestion. You could also teach her to say "stop" or "stop, I don't like that" instead of just "no". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2115146 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 20:01:43 +0000 jedeve 2115146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you give her something affirmative to say? Like, "I want to play by myself!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2115134 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 19:57:22 +0000 mrbee 2115134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@prettylizy: when the kids don't want to clean up or do a chore, I've started saying, "Do you want to do it together?" I've been surprised at how often it works! And once they've started cleaning, then I can usually stop helping and they finish it on their own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2115078 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 19:31:41 +0000 prettylizy 2115078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: i think you're right, we need to reframe things at home </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2114975 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 18:22:29 +0000 sarac 2114975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, you might pull back on how you respond to no, for starters. I'm all for respect, but it sounds as though she feels like she can't say it to anyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/finding-balance-with-teaching-no#post-2112630 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 18:00:00 +0000 prettylizy 2112630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bear with me, this is going to be long!!!</p> <p>So E had an incident at school the other day where she was pushed over by a little guy in her class and hit the ground. She is fine (physically), he was corrected and they consolled her . I'm not at all upset by the incident, kids will be kids and crap happens. She was pretty emotional about it all ("Mommy, hurts my back on the floor!"). Her teachers tried to help her understand that she can and should advocate for herself and tell her friends 'no' if they are bothering her.<br /> She hasn't been herself since. She didn't nap that day at school, had a terrible nights sleep that night (lots of crying and wakeups, none of which usually happen) and hasn't wanted to go back to school since. We're going to give her a couple more days to get back on track before we chat with her teachers about a strategy to address her ongoing issues.<br /> On our end, we're trying to find a way we can help give her confidence that saying No to friends means you will be left alone and you can feel safe.... but when she says no to us we correct her pretty sternly. Think "Time to clean up your toys." answered by "No." brings on a "You don't say no to mommy and daddy. You listen to us and do as we say." type conversation.<br /> So, with all that in mind, how do I make a 3yo understand that sometimes she can say no and it matters, but other times saying no is not acceptable? Any insight!? </p>