https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 08:59:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870626 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 09:03:44 +0000 foodiebee 2870626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I loved that episode!! I think it's called White Guilt for anyone wanting to listen. It gets back to the whole "colorblind" way of thinking--"I don't see color!" actually makes talking about race a negative thing, which only makes for a society filled with adults who lack the proper understanding/vocabulary for approaching respectful conversations about race and privilege. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870511 Tue, 05 Feb 2019 12:17:17 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2870511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: I really love this approach to speaking to kids and helping them navigate their world. I feel like I need to do some more research on rearing children. My SIL is a social worker and says LO has high EQ, but I could probably develop it a bit more. We were recently at Starbucks and LO wanted to sit at the handicap- designated table and I explained we may have to get up if someone that was less mobile needed to use it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870476 Tue, 05 Feb 2019 09:57:43 +0000 nana87 2870476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is something I think about a lot and still feel so flummoxed about sometimes! Particularly because I'm an academic whose research deals with inequalities, but in ways that are completely not developmentally appropriate for explaining to my kids at this stage ;)</p> <p>Our daycare is part of a larger education institution which includes a social justice pedagogy, but for kids under 5 the emphasis seems to be on acknowledging differences of all kinds and talking about how wonderful they are because they make us unique and also noticing qualities that we share. And then when we do talk about prejudice and discrimination, emphasizing that stereotypes aren't "friendly" or "kind" and we want to work against them. In terms of talking about abilities (because there are a lot of kids with special needs and also mixed-age classrooms), they use language like "everyone is working on different skills," whether they be physical (ie, monkey-bars), cognitive (recognizing letters) or social-emotional (self-regulation, like my daughter as a 4 year old once told her teacher "I'm working on not yelling at my friends when I'm mad!" lol). They also talk a lot about belonging to multiple, sometimes overlapping different communities, like family/school, neighborhood, city, country, etc, which can later be zoomed out to get kids thinking about community/political activism. </p> <p>But all that said, it's hard in practice when stereotypes come out of lo1's mouth (lo2 is just learning to speak so hasn't asked yet) . She is exposed to a lot of diversity since we're in NYC, and I have tried to keep my explanations grounded in the realities she knows. So like, the one time it really came up was when she was around 3. We were traveling and I had brought 2 mini baby-dolls for her and lo2 to share--one with dark skin, one white. Lo1 out of nowhere started saying she wanted the white one because it was "prettier" and she liked its skin better :shocked: I told her that wasn't kind, and talked about the people she loves and knows who have different skin colors, and she was like, "oh yeah, I forgot!" and then played with both. There's a natural tendency to try to group/categorize people at this age--she's also said similar head-scratching things about what boys vs girls can do when we have always emphasized gender neutrality (like, boys can wear dresses if they want, girls can play with trains, girls can marry girls, etc), so it's just gently redirecting that helps. And books that have messages about diversity and inclusion in developmentally appropriate ways, like she really responded to "Same Same But Different," "Marlon Bundo," "Julian is a Mermaid," etc. We recently got one by Chelsea Clinton "She Persisted" that starts introducing historical barriers, and she liked that one a lot too and it prompted some discussions about how racism and sexism function by limiting opportunities </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870433 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 23:41:01 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2870433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're all some shade of brown, and I've only once tried to explain black and white and it was just confusing to my six year old. She does understand that concept of ethnicity, just not really race. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870393 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 19:23:14 +0000 lamariniere 2870393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think about this often. We live in SE Asia and my Caucasian looking children are a minority (they are 1/4 Chinese, but you can’t tell), so we have white and Asian family on three continents. Their school is probably half white, and the other half is a mix of mixed-race kids and Asian kids. Being mixed race myself, on the rare occasion that I go to school I feel like I fit in, which is the first time I’ve ever had the feeling of “hey, I look like these people”. There a few other races like African or people from the Middle East. I only know my LOs main teachers. So when they talk about the teacher from dance class or a teacher for drawing class, I ask what language the teacher speaks, or I ask if the teacher is French or Thai or something else. I am still not sure what my kids see when talking about different traits, or what they notice when it comes to race. Even with my 8yo, I don’t know if he can describe what typical SE Asian traits are. We live in a condo with at least 30 different nationalities, so my kids do see people from literally all over the world. But I’m concerned about my kids understanding racism and I’m concerned about them understanding white privilege, especially when we leave Asia. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870389 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 18:01:04 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2870389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, I have some work to do. LO told me he and I as well as his Latina teacher and his Asian friends are white. DH and his black friends are brown. I asked where he learned about white and brown and he said “good question.” </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870369 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 16:12:20 +0000 daniellemybelle 2870369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is a great episode of The Longest Shortest Time podcast about this. When we avoid talking about race with kids, they infer that there is something taboo or shameful about it. We are very open and matter of fact with our kids. She's been talking about skin color and racial differences from a young age and at 5 she still does. She knows what "black" and "white" mean in common usage but usually says "brown" "gold" and "peach." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870344 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 13:15:54 +0000 erinbaderin 2870344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say my son was about 3 1/2 when he was trying to describe one of his teachers to me and said "She's light grey..." Me: "Um...she's light grey? Her hair?" B: "No, her skin is light grey, like mine." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870343 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 13:11:13 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2870343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: thanks for that link, I’ve read it a couple times before and I am getting something new out of it reading its again which is great because clearly I need to start the discussion with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870339 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:59:35 +0000 Mrsbells 2870339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: DD used to be the only brown skinned girl in her daycare class and by the time she was 3 she knew she was different and would tell me she was chocolate flavor and her friends were vanilla.<br /> In terms of describing people I have been teaching her to find other ways to describe people if possible so for kids in class she knows usually that even if they have the same first name they usually have a different last initial. In fact my 2 year old son also knows this because a boy in his class has the same first name as him but he knows that they have different letters after that.<br /> Aside from race, I have noticed young children may describe people in less than flattering terms, calling people big/fat/chubby etc. So I just try to reinforce not describing people by how they look and focus on what they do or what they are called. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870333 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:36:56 +0000 krispi 2870333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I totally agree. The relatives I'm referring to are from my childhood and are now long dead and gone. My parents never made those remarks that I heard, but they didn't correct them either. They were a lot more accepting of diversity but didn't ever have frank conversations with us as kids. I guess that's where I'm trying to forge my own way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870332 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:29:52 +0000 ElbieKay 2870332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@krispi: I am not tolerant of older relatives making racist remarks. I do not excuse it, and I will correct them in front of my kids. I think it is important not to excuse that sort of attitude just because someone is an “elder”. That is how racism gets justified from one generation to the next.</p> <p>Same with sexism. I am determined to raise my son so that he does not feel entitled to male privilege. And it is just as imperative to set that example for my daughters 💪🏻 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870330 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:10:28 +0000 Anagram 2870330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: oh man, I heard the NPR segment about that chapter and even so, I've learned that if you leave kids with no information on a subject, they will fill in the blanks themselves.</p> <p>I take the kids shopping more often than my husband (I just mean to the supermarket or Target) and they will always beg for any little trinket or art/craft thing they see, so my standard answer is that I don't have money for that today. I felt like I was doing a good job by teaching them about budgets and not buying fun stuff every time we grocery shop.</p> <p>But....my husband, who takes them far less often, DID happen to buy them a little trinket or new container of playdough or whatever when he took them, twice in a row.</p> <p>So the next time I took them to Target, I prepped them in advance and said, "remember, we are only buying things on the list. We are not buying toys or craft supplies for ourselves". And then DD1 piped up and loudly said, "Yes, because mommies don't have money! Only daddies do!" </p> <p> :shocked: :meh: </p> <p>So then I had to circle back and say......well, I *have* the money, I just don't want to spend it on extras every time we go shopping, because then we aren't on budget. But I'm sure my kids were still wondering why daddy doesn't have to stay on budget and can buy special treats. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870329 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:10:25 +0000 peachykeen 2870329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know whether this is good or bad... </p> <p>My girls go to a fairly diverse preschool. They have white, black, Latina, and Syrian teachers. One of the black teachers in DD1's 2-year-old room referred to herself as chocolate so now DD1 (4.5) calls people chocolate and vanilla (in a very respectful/matter-of-fact way, luckily). She also has questions about the hijabs that her Syrian teachers wear - I give her a very basic answer but encourage her to ask the teachers themselves. So far it seems like she's learning/encountering race &amp; ethnicity in a healthy way, but being white I know that is hard for me to truly judge. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870326 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 11:39:58 +0000 JennyPenny 2870326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I remember reading the chapter in Nurture Shock about actively discussing race and being blown away by it. I haven't talked to my 4 yo about race yet and I'm now realizing I need to do so as the major point of the article is that kids will pick up on differences on their own and if you don't explicitly teach the ideals you want them to have then they may be more prone to a natural in-group bias. This appears to be an excerpt if anyone is interested in reading. <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/even-babies-discriminate-nurtureshock-excerpt-79233" rel="nofollow">https://www.newsweek.com/even-babies-discriminate-nurtureshock-excerpt-79233</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870325 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 11:36:17 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2870325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I’ve never heard lo describe people by skin tone (he’s had diverse classes and especially diverse teachers since preschool and is now in K). But I just say his scholastic packet for MLK Day and he drew a picture with a yellow kid and brown kid and wrote something like Before - we couldn’t play together, After - we can play together. I was a little taken aback when I saw it but I guess it does explain segregation?? I worry about applying too simplistic of definitions to really complicated factors in our world. But I do think him having a diverse class is the most important thing... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870324 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 11:34:49 +0000 krispi 2870324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Yeah, I know the religious explanation won't work for everyone. But we do have religious beliefs, and she's already learned that God made her just the way she is, so it seemed to fit.</p> <p>I also think I'm a bit unsure what the best thing to say at this age is. Especially growing up in the south and having older relatives who say inappropriate things, a lot of times without them even realizing that it's inappropriate, I haven't had a great role model to follow but am trying to figure out the best way to teach her going forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870323 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 11:19:13 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2870323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@krispi: I feel like I need more than just using God as a default reason. Like last night during bath time when LO was game for taking a bath and then he wasn’t I talked to him about micro organisms on his skin and showed him pics to get him to cooperate. Unless he shows a bias is it even appropriate for me to introduce the idea that races could be perceived as better than the other if he doesn’t? </p> <p>That’s what is making this hard especially since he’s part of the race that has been on the receiving end of hate and prejudice. Bingo @ElbieKay: race matters and explains a lot about why things are the way they are and people behave the way the way do. Yet how relevant is it in the world an almost 3 year old?</p> <p>The fact he referred to white Ava as white means he heard this from someone and connected the dots. Brown Ava may actually be brown as most black people are not legitimately black in color. White Ava is not actually the color white. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870321 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 11:12:25 +0000 Corduroy 2870321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD is in Kindergarten and she just started commenting on race/ethnicity the language she uses is all about hair color. Her teacher taught MLK through hair color. I think that was a good starting point to show how arbitrary judging based on skin color is. We talked skin color at home but she continues to talk in terms of hair color. </p> <p>She asked a friend if she was Chinese. And she asked why her friend's hair color is different than her mom's. I pointed out that DD's hair color is different than mine (we're white) but DD just glared at me like that was not what she was talking about. </p> <p>I also mentioned in another thread recently that my daughter wouldn't hold hands with a black girl. I am relieved to say that this week she held hands with a different black girl in her Girl Scout troop and accepted the invitation to her birthday party (after refusing the other girl's invite). When DD described the girl she said "the girl with the brown hair." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870316 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 10:44:17 +0000 ElbieKay 2870316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for bringing this up. My kids are white and half Jewish. The only time my son has come close to saying something weird about race is when he told our very tall, broadly built black babysitter that she looks like Chewbacca. Thank G-D she has a sense of humor and also knew he was going through a Star Wars phase. And in his defense he was assigning Star Wars characters to everyone including me and his siblings. I corrected him but did not make a big deal about it because I did not want it to become A Thing.</p> <p>Awhile ago, I bought him a children's book about Harriet Tubman, and we read it every once in awhile. (We also have one about Susan B. Anthony!) He hasn't really made any connections between that and race though. Maybe now that he is almost five I should expand our library.</p> <p>I don't want to be one of those white parents that never acknowledges race and then acts like it should not matter. But I don't know how to raise his consciousness in age appropriate ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870304 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 09:41:01 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2870304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: now that you mentioned that, at home we used Teach My Baby and there’s a lesson on parts of the face. LO called the close up shot of the baby with Asian features by his Asian guy-friend’s name. When I asked him who the other kids were he came up with more friends name correctly pairing a real-life friend with the skin color or hair color as the baby model. When it came to the black baby though LO didn’t use his own name likely because that baby was brown and LO is light or maybe because we were naming friends. </p> <p>@gotkimchi: yeah for the convo this morning it seemed more matter of fact. I asked about one Ava, but there’s actually two. Since I didn’t ask followups I don’t know if he associates any other differences between the two. I surely don’t want him to develop a complex that he’s inferior. </p> <p>@Anagram: first, I love all your detailed and thoughtful responses. LO takes after me when it comes to his color and I have purposely shied away from labeling it because colorism is alive and well in the black community. I don’t want LO to develop a complex- light skin privilege. He hears about it from time to time from family including DH and it’s always said in a joke. To me though it’s not really funny. We have not experienced “othering” in person and I can only imagine that would be hurtful and just frustrating as their mom. My FIL posted a pic of LO on FB and one of his friends commented LO looks nothing like him in caps. </p> <p>I’ll write more later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870299 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 09:25:34 +0000 krispi 2870299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Apparently, my daughter started noticing different skin tones after Elmo pointed it out to her. :) She's almost 3.5 and is exposed to a lot more diversity in our neighborhood and at her daycare than I was as a kid. Apparently she was watching a video with Elmo, and he pointed out that families can be made up of people with both light skin and dark skin, so that's how she refers to it now - light skin and dark skin. She knows we have light skin and some of her other friends and teachers have dark skin. </p> <p>When she first brought it up, I did tell her that God makes people in all different colors, and one color isn't better than another color, just different. And inside, we're all people just like each other. I don't know if that went over her head or was overkill, or maybe I'm trying to make up for some deficiencies in what I heard growing up...</p> <p>Anyway, now they're learning about Black History Month at her daycare, so her teachers have been leading some official discussions about what it means to be African American. One of her teachers mentioned that some people in her past didn't like her because of her skin color. We tried talking about that some at home too, but I'm not sure how much sinks in at this age, before she changes the subject and sings a silly song. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870298 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 09:24:50 +0000 ALV91711 2870298@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is almost 6 and has been in a daycare since he was 1 were there are many ethnicities among the teachers &amp; kids. I think there has only ever been one white teacher there and we are also white. Different skin colours and celebrating a variety of holidays has been his normal. </p> <p>I’d say around 4 he started to differentiate skin colours. The first time I remember he was telling me something and said the lady with the brown face. Even now in kindergarten he will describe someone by hair or skin colour. </p> <p>He knows that people come from places all I over the world and they did a project at school about this. We haven’t got into any bigger conversations yet. I’m just not sure when or how. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870296 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 09:15:48 +0000 skinnycow 2870296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're not quite there (my daughter is almost 3) but the other day she pointed at her skin and said "what color am I?" She's obsessed with pointing out different colors so I don't think she meant in terms of race. I just told her she has beige colored skin but there are lots of colors a person's skin can be and all are good and beautiful.</p> <p>My daughter's preschool is really diverse and we have family members of different races so I'm glad she has a lot of exposure to people that don't look just like her. I'm just not sure that I talk about it enough or in the correct way.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870294 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 09:11:55 +0000 DesertDreams88 2870294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son only has about 6 "friends" bc he doesn't go to daycare/preschool. 1 is black and 1 is multiracial with a darker skin tone; both adopted by a white family, and there's no black adults in his life (yet.) The girl is named Mya and boy is named Jay; and whenever DS sees a dark-skinned character in a book he calls them Mya or Jay. Other than that, I haven't heard him say anything race-related yet, age 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870291 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 09:02:48 +0000 gotkimchi 2870291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always just try to make things like this normal/good. Like I’d say that’s cool! Two Ava’s with different skin. There’s a lot of different skins colors like mommy and daddy and you! (We’re different races) so at that age and at my kids age (2and5) I just try to acknowledge and normalize that so they don’t think there is anything wrong or bad. We’re all just made differently and that’s great. I do think at some point it needs to shift to a different discussion but I think it’s a few years off </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870290 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 09:02:24 +0000 Anagram 2870290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One other thing--we have taught both DDs early and often about their own skin and ethnic background because from a very young age, they have been exposed to those "curious, well meaning questions" that none of us would have if my kids were just white. This is because I spend a lot of time with just me and them (think school registration, doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, playground time) and people will ask ME "where are they from", or are they mine, or even our dentist asked "what nationality is she"....."nationality"--what a weird question. I said, well, she's american obviously. I knew she was asking about ethnicity but I wanted to make a subtle point that nationality was not the right word.</p> <p>Anyway, because of this subtle "othering", I wanted them to have an answer early. They know they were born here, but Dad was born somewhere else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870289 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 08:58:02 +0000 Anagram 2870289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, our approach has been different. We've been teaching my kids since they were young that they have brown skin. as my oldest got older, she changed it herself to "light brown" and says daddy has "dark brown" skin. But she doesn't know the american concepts of "white" or "black" yet. She says I have peach skin so she'll identify white looking people at school as also having peach skin, but now she also says tan for some kids, or brown, or dark brown. </p> <p>The thing is, she does know she's brown and she now knows why (dad is from sri lanka where everyone is brown; mom is peach and so those two skin tones mixes together made her, who has lighter brown skin), but she still doesn't understand the concept of "race" and she's 5.</p> <p>I, like you, hesitate to point it out at this age, although at some point I want to and talk about the history of the US and how skin tone and race and identity has always played a large part. But I don't know when the right age for that is.</p> <p>Like, she can and does classify kids in her class by skin tone--but she has mentioned to me before that a boy in her class is dark brown like daddy (her words). And that boy is african american. She also doesn't seem to be able to identify other races like Asian yet---her class is really diverse and at this point, she will only say someone has black hair, brown hair, light brown hair, or blonde hair; or someone has dark brown skin, brown skin, tan skin, or peach skin. She's never noticed any other features yet. In fact, she once told me D_____ a boy in her class, has curly hair "like her". My oldest DDs hair is wavy. D has the cutest, biggest, most adorable afro.</p> <p>SO like, I don't want to be raining on her parade and giving her a lecture on hair types when she thinks they are the same, but at some point I need to transition our conversation to yes, there are different races and ethnicities.</p> <p>I have the same funny issues with DD2--her very best friend in class is half AA/half white and she always has these super cute updos, and DDS is always asking me to make her hair like that, and I have to explain her hair isn't similar and can't make those same styles (like the puff balls) and she totally doesn't understand why. And btw, her friend is "lighter" than DD2 is, so it's hard to explain to a 3 year old about race and ethnicity when obviously people are not clearly defined in little boxes. Like i feel like at this age, it would be more confusing than helpful.</p> <p>What do you think? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870286 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 08:44:54 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2870286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This morning on the way to school LO asked what I thought his friends were doing.</p> <p>Me: probably waiting for you to arrive, so they can say “hi LO!” I know A wants to say hi.<br /> LO: I don’t want to say hi to A<br /> Me: what about to N?<br /> LO: no<br /> Me: what about to T?<br /> LO: no... and it becomes a game as I list another 3-4 names<br /> Me: what about Ava?<br /> LO: no<br /> Me: who else?<br /> LO: there’s two Avas<br /> Me: two Avas!?<br /> LO: a white Ava and a brown Ava...</p> <p>As much as we talk on HB about kids and race I was a bit tongue tied. I repeated back what he told me acknowledging the way he distinguished the two Avas. Then, I said he will probably meet a lot of other Avas since it’s a popular name. I used Chloe as an example of that too because he knows two Chloes. Even at one point there was another little boy in his class with his name. He wasn’t there long so I don’t think that example of a popular name resonated. </p> <p>Once we got to school I looked for the Avas’ cubbies. I knew about the white Ava, but brown Ava is actually Ava Brown. I confirmed with his teacher she is brown skin. If it wasn’t for LO identifying white Ava as white I’d chalk it up to maybe his teachers calling brown Ava by her full name since she’s the newest Ava to the class.</p> <p>IDK I feel like I could have done more than just pivot to teach him a new word/concept “popular.” Then, again if I asked any follow up questions would I have inadvertently pushed my own adult crap about race and differences on him. LO is 2 yrs, 9 mos. He’s exposed to people and characters of different backgrounds, but he hasn’t been taught per se about his own. I didn’t ask him how he identified himself. </p> <p>How old was your LO when they identified someone by race? What did you say or do immediately after? </p>