https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 18:46:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-182700 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 21:37:53 +0000 Grace 182700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just had our first anniversary two weeks ago, and it's been a very easy first year. We hadn't lived together beforehand and based on all my friends experiences, I expected to have a rough first year. But it never happened. The only thing that I can think of is that we're older (met at 29 and married at 31). I think we're both much more mature than we were in our early to mid 20s, so maybe if we had met earlier, we would have had the typical hard first year? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-182237 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 18:05:11 +0000 Andrea 182237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we worked out all the kinks since we had been dating for 8 years before getting married! We went through an international move together during that time. That was really stressful, though!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-182229 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 18:01:23 +0000 SleepyMonkey 182229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yes. i think we really had to learn how to communicate in our first year, and we didn't get a hang of it until maybe a year ago. so it was 2 tough years! both my husband and i default to quiet states when we are relaxing, so we ended up not talking a lot. but then we started instituting date night and that helped us open up more with each other. sounds scary because we probably should have been at that point BEFORE we got married. but now we're a-ok! i love him more today than i did when we got married, which i naively thought was not possible at the time.</p> <p>i also think it is important to learn how to fight efficiently. instead of staying mad at each other for a few days, try to resolve things asap. for us, this entailed me understanding that its better to be married than to be right, and there are certain things that i just need to let go of. i still struggle with it, but i'm working on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-182156 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 16:42:40 +0000 Charcole2011 182156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PastaAndPotato: @pregnantbee: I totally agree with both of you! We lived together for about 2 years before getting married, and I definitely thought the first 6 months of living together was REALLY HARD. The time since our wedding has been easier, but I can only imagine that getting married AND moving in for the first time is even more stressful because it's sort of twice as much life change at one time!</p> <p>@MrsBrewer: Hang in there! I've only been married since October also but I can vouch that the living together part will definitely get easier =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-182104 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 15:47:22 +0000 pregnantbee 182104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us, we lived together for a couple years before getting married. I'd say that the first year of living together was MUCH more difficult than our first married year. We almost broke up! We didn't, and now we're so happy with a baby on the way any day now. Hang in there and keep talking to each other. The fact that you've both acknowledged how you're worried about your relationship is a good sign because you have motivation to get through it. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-182102 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 15:44:19 +0000 Crisark 182102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are 7 months in as of this past Tuesday and it's been great. Nothing any different than before we got married. We'd lived together for like 6 months before we got married so it wasn't a shock or anything.<br /> Here's to hoping the last 5 months of our first year is as smooth! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-182097 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 15:39:08 +0000 BSB 182097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The first year was hard for us because of a number of reasons. We only lived together for about a year before we got married. We had a big move that took us away from our comfort zone of close family and friends. There were some medical issues which created a strain on our new jobs and finances. We had some drama from the wedding that spilled over into our first year married. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-182094 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 15:33:05 +0000 chibee 182094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've only been married for 2 years this past April but I can already tell you, 2nd year has been SO much better than the first. it was extremely hard - we never lived together before either, and what an adjustment. we were at each other's throats starting from month 1 - like you, I was extremely happy to be married but omg sometimes I really wanted to strangle him. And moving is one of the most stressful things you go through - i think it's completely normal that you're lashing out at each other haha believe me i know how you feel, we're closing on a house tomorrow and getting ready to move and I just want to crawl up into a hole and not deal with anything. don't worry - it gets SO much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-182035 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 14:25:16 +0000 daniellemybelle 182035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't live together before marriage either, and there were definitely some very rough moments. I have to say though, that it wasn't nearly as hard as people had made it out to be! We had only been together about 2 years before we got married, and were pretty young, so I think we were still in the "honeymoon phase" for the first year. It felt like a big adventure and was very romantic.</p> <p>The SECOND year though was tough! There were a lot of reasons for it, but we struggled and actually went to counseling. It wasn't bad all the time or even most of the time, but it was a harsh reality after the bliss of our first year. We are now coming up on our second anniversary and have definitely found the bliss again. I know it sounds gooey, but there is nothing better than falling in love with your own husband all over again. :)</p> <p>You will have horrible times and wonderful times. Everyone's experience for when those times happen, or how much they happen, is different, but that is an absolute given in every marriage. Try to enjoy the good times. In our rough patches, I found myself intentionally focusing on my grudges and not letting myself be happy with DH. I think women in particular can be self-protective and afraid to trust, but like others have said, you married him for a reason. Don't lose sight of that! It will be okay. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-181890 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 12:06:20 +0000 MrsBrewer 181890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is soooo extremely encouraging to hear that what I am going through seems to be pretty common/normal. DH and I had a very frank discussion that we were both concerned about the status of our marriage and we were both scared. But I have to say, that now we are putting us first and are trying to concentrate on us.</p> <p>Thank you for all of your kind words :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-181887 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 12:00:36 +0000 googly-eyes 181887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our first year we went through quite a few transitions, moving a long distance included (although we already lived together.) it was definitely rough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-181857 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 11:34:34 +0000 Mrs. Superhero 181857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>our first year was rainbows and kittens compared to our 5th year. All is well now though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-181856 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 11:33:18 +0000 cyndistar3 181856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have been married for 9 months so far and it has actually been a lot better than when we were just dating/ engaged because we already had a child together, I lived with my parents and he lived with his. We were always fighting because his parents wouldn't let him take her and we were never together. Now that we are actualky together we still jave our moments but is sooooo much better now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-181823 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 11:12:33 +0000 Trailmix 181823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, FOR. SURE! I'd been with DH for 5.5 years when we got married, lived together for 3 of those years and our first 6 months of marriage were still awfully hard! It gets better, I promise, just hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-181779 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 10:54:19 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 181779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us, the first year was great, but it was our 3rd year living together and boy did we have some fights before then. It takes quite a while to compromise about living styles. Hopefully after the move, things with smooth over! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest/page/2#post-181773 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 10:52:07 +0000 mrsdoily 181773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have only been married for about two and a half months, but I would say that it's been very smooth so far. Then again, we have been together for almost eight years and have lived together almost 5 years out of it, so that could be why!! We definitely have our moments and fights, but we are a lot better at communicating than we were when we were still in college! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181726 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 10:27:00 +0000 DillonLion 181726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our first year of marriage hasn't been hard for us, but we lived together beforehand. The first year we lived together was definitely hard. I'd blame it more on that than "marriage" specifically. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181721 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 10:24:17 +0000 Honeybee 181721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Living together for the first time was the hardest year for us. It is a big adjustment to go from dating and having your own personal space to living together and being jointly responsible for a house/apartment, budget, etc... It's tough! Give it a little time; it does get easier with more practice. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181717 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 10:18:40 +0000 Mrs. Pen 181717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It was getting to know each other on a deeper level. For us I did things or said things that hurt him without even realizing it because I didn't know enough of what mattered to him or how guys think. It took that year to really know how to communicate and treat each other with love and kindness.</p> <p>We didn't live together before we were married either, and we dated a year before getting married. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181715 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 10:13:28 +0000 MrsBrewer 181715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: That is so wonderful :-) I'm sure one day we will be all lovey dovey again too! :-) Don't get me wrong, we still have those moments, just not as often anymore. I also think that moving is part of our struggles. Next week we will be a whole new start! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181713 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 10:10:55 +0000 MrsBrewer 181713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jessiejo17: Yea I would be a little ticked off if my husband didn't come home after I made dinner! But yea, I'm totally a planner too, if I have a girls night I have everything scheduled, and normally have a meal planned for hubby when I'm gone :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181702 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 10:03:30 +0000 mediagirl 181702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes! I think moving is one of the most stressful moments in a couple's lives. No wonder you're stressed out! Hopefully you can work together to find a happy medium. My suggestion is to listen to your partner and try to figure out where the stress is coming from. Then try to talk through things or let him vent, if needed. Try not to create an argument if there really isn't one there (that is something I am still and always will work on..)</p> <p>We were living together for some time before we got married. We also dated for 7 years before, as well. I think this helped put us in a place where our first year of marriage was seriously amazing. We were absolutely smitten with one another after we both had rings on our fingers and went on a long, relaxing vacation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181700 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 10:03:10 +0000 LuLu Mom 181700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBrewer: You are preaching to the choir, except DH was the last one to get married so he was always okay with last minute plans before me. I am a planner and like to have things set in advance. We both had to learn to give a little, still a struggle at time (happened last night that he met his old coworkers for a drink without telling me so I had dinner was ready.) The difference is last night he was able to undersatnd why I was upset, so I think we are making progress, however slow! </p> <p> I get jealous too, I have my girl time but it is always planned well in advanced so he has notice, I just wish he did the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181690 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 09:54:12 +0000 looch 181690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our first year was a breeze, considering we had a transatlantic move, new job for me and we never lived together in the same time zone before. We travelled, furnished our place, basically nested.</p> <p>It has become significantly more challenging now that we are parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181688 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 09:51:50 +0000 MrsBrewer 181688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Minnie_Girl: "Your spouse is your partner, not the enemy." </p> <p>LOVE THIS! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181686 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 09:48:30 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 181686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our first year of marriage wasn't hard. But, we lived together for two years proir to our wedding. After a year of dating we moved across the country together. It was the first time I had been away from my family. The first year after the move was the hardest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181679 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 09:42:13 +0000 ktgee04 181679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBrewer: I lived in MKE for 7 years and just moved to GB last year! Aww I miss Mil-town :-) That is crazy we both got married in Oct! It's a great time of year in WI - not too hot, not too cold. </p> <p>Don't worry - it'll get better. I still have issues with the hubs about him not always taking my feelings into consideration when he goes out with his friends and I'm SUPER stubborn so I can lay a pretty hefty silent treatment down. But I'm learning that talking about it rationally has helped a lot. I just have to get over my own pride enough to tell him that he's hurting my feelings. A big step for me! lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181677 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 09:41:00 +0000 Minnie_Girl 181677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I didn't live together before marriage, and honestly? Our first year of marriage was pretty breezy! While there have been more arguments and adjustments than in the past, I think our personalities tend toward calm and order more than squabbling. </p> <p>Then again, we've also had to deal with plenty of bigger stuff that maybe directs any bad energy. Job changes, car failures, family issues, a surprise pregnancy, trying to buy a house...all kinds of fun stuff. And I've made a point of cultivating argument amnesia, so maybe I'm just not remembering all of the rough spots. ;) </p> <p>It's important to remember that your spouse is your partner, not the enemy, and they should always be treated with love and respect. Big or little, you'll learn to work the rough spots out and fit each other like gloves. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181675 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 09:38:59 +0000 matador84 181675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsbrewer our first year was horrible! we had been together for 7 years before we got married...and i swear our first year of marriage was destined to end in divorce. somehow...things just got better. i know that sounds crazy, i don't even know how it happened, but they did. we are coming up on our 3 year marriage anni and 10 years of dating, plus expecting our first and i am faithful we can get through anything now after how bad that first year was! don't give up. :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-year-of-marriage-the-hardest#post-181671 Thu, 07 Jun 2012 09:35:47 +0000 yoursilverlining 181671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our first year was smooth and really no different from non-marriage - but we lived together prior to marriage (and had each lived with previous partners, so it wasn't a first experience to live with others for us, which I think helps a ton), and we already owned our home. A lot of couples enter into really stressful situations within the first year (finishing college, job search, baby, buying a home, etc.) which I think is why so many people have stressful first years. Being "older", we bypassed a lot of that stress (luckily). </p> <p>As long as you guys are communicating your concerns/fears/issues/etc. I'm sure things will get better. If you are feeling especially stressed out, can you guys maybe do a quick weekend getaway somewhere? (Even somewhere close to home, but not home). </p>