https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 13:49:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1703182 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 14:03:29 +0000 Raindrop 1703182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted to chime in and say that I'm an Asian American girl. For a long time I thought I was going to end up with a non-Asian guy because Asian guys just didn't like me. I was probably too white wash and didn't fit into that thin Asian submissive girl stereotype. No Asian guys at my high school would date me. No Asian guy at my college would date me. I even asked them out and got rejected!</p> <p>It was really annoying to hear a lot of Asian guys say "oh no one wants to date me b/c I'm Asian"... no ... the people that YOU want to date (maybe out of your ledge) don't want to date you, try people standing right next to you. </p> <p>So I kind of think it's really Asian guys that have the problem. Along with how they are raised.. maybe. You can always rise above what you are given in the world and not care what other people think of you and treat others well too while turning the other cheek to negative comments.</p> <p>I was lucky to have found my Asian husband who is way different than the stereo types as am I and our Asian son will always rise above those stereo types because we will try to instill confidence in him early on but the doc said he will be about 6 feet tall so maybe this won't affect him anyways. :D</p> <p>ETA: Sorry for ranting :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1703026 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 13:13:44 +0000 googly-eyes 1703026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to chime in since Im married to an Asian man and though we have a girl, if we have a boy next he'll be Asian too. Well, half. </p> <p>I completely agree that Asians are often left out as needing support as well. </p> <p>My dh isn't actually a small guy but people have often assumed he must have something else mixed in even if just a little. He's not huge either. Pretty average and our dd is big for her age. But even if they were tiny I can think of a lot worse things to be than good at math, small, whatever. For example, some of the racist a**holes my dh has dealt with. I'll be happy if we have a son and he's like his dad. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702866 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 12:22:56 +0000 lisa1783 1702866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I think every race has its own stereotypes that they have to deal with - I just think AA boys sometimes get left out as needing extra support also. I agree AA guys are cool - I just want everyone else to think that also! </p> <p>@MamaChin: Haha, Tiger Mom. It's true - my parents are totally Tiger parents and expected us to always succeed. I remember multiple conversations my dad had with me and my siblings we could only be first and not last. Obviously I want my LO to do well but I don't want him to have the same pressures I did. I try to praise his effort into doing something rather than the outcome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702770 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 11:56:44 +0000 autumnlove 1702770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lisa1783: Yeah, coworkers &amp; patients! :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702758 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 11:52:11 +0000 mrsjyw 1702758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't worry too much. While DS is half, he def looks 100% Korean. I think he physically will have the "advantage" of not having stereotypical Asian traits as my family is on the taller side compared to others, however in general, we will raise him as best we can to be confident in himself regardless of the outside world. My brother grew up and dealt with teasing but nothing out of the ordinary for any kid growing up. He's one of the most confident, yet humble, all around well-adjusted men I know and I'm glad that DS has so many exemplary male role models in his life that will help him to steer clear of a lot of the obstacles that may come his way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702673 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 11:14:04 +0000 MamaChin 1702673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think my LO will be short since neither me, DH or any of the men in our immediate family are short but I do worry about racism and stereotypes since we live in a predominately white neighborhood. DH and I agree that our boy and girl will play sports because it promotes so many good things on top of physical benefits - team work, learning how to win and lose with grace, etc. I think a reason we didn't voice, even to eachother, was so that his peers wouldn't see him as an outsider. </p> <p>How much of the stereotyping will be done by us though? My DH sometimes has to remind me to not be a tiger mom. My kids are super young (19 months &amp; 3 months) so it's not like I'm making them play the violins or anything but I'll catch myself saying why can't he shape sort?? Or she's not reaching for this toy! When my son was born and I asked for his apgar score I had to bite my tongue lest I ask why it was 9/9. Ridiculous, I know. Anyhoo, interesting topic! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702576 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:40:27 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1702576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: That's my line of thinking too. I guess with Asian guys, if they're short, at least they're expected to be short and it's considered normal/common. There are short Asian men everywhere, so you don't stick out like a sore thumb. A man of another race, however.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702567 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:38:09 +0000 snowjewelz 1702567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lisa1783: Ugh I know about the mama's boy thing! To Asians, it's absolutely not an indication of who the guy is if he's living w/ his parents well into his twenties, but to the general public they are either seen as mama's boys, or free loaders. To us, it's more or less traditional and normal to live at home till you get married for both guys &amp; girls. </p> <p>@Mrs. High Heels: Totally agree! I feel like maybe a short guy of another race might get even more flack b/c they're expected to be bigger? </p> <p>@mrbee: Haha love your attitude! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702550 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:33:31 +0000 mrbee 1702550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lisa1783: are Asian American guys mocked more than other races? Most Asian guys I know are pretty cool guys! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702542 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:30:32 +0000 mrbee 1702542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a smaller half-Asian kid but ended up hitting the gym when I was in junior high school to get bigger. It made a huge difference. Height may be set by nature, but muscles can be nurtured! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702541 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:30:04 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1702541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lisa1783: @autumnlove: @snowjewelz: I think the height thing is not just an asian man issue though - any man from any race would get comments about height if he were short. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702535 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:28:09 +0000 BSB 1702535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any children yet, but my brother ended up fine. He was definitely smaller when he was young but when he started playing football, he definitely beefed up. He also got in trouble with the law in his high school years, so people certainly didn't think he was weak. I don't think he did those things to prove that he wasn't a weak asian. He did those things because that's what he wanted to do and it was his personality. My brother is married now with kids. </p> <p>I read that Buzzfeed article and laughed through most of it but it turned creepy when I realized I was thinking of my brother while reading it. Ahhh! Because of that reason, I didn't share it on my FB wall. ;)</p> <p> My children will be half and half so it will be different. My nieces and nephews are half and half, too, so I have them to relate to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702534 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:27:53 +0000 lisa1783 1702534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: Asian American girls are though of much differently than Asian American boys. If we're going to be honest, girls are portrayed as "exotic" and guys like them "because they're family oriented and have morals" (guys have actually said this to me multiple times about why they like Asian American girls). Meanwhile Asian American guys are mocked for being mama's boys for displaying these same characteristics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702524 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:26:16 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1702524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T-Mom: Same.</p> <p>I purposely didn't even click into that thread because I knew it was going to be full of typical, stereotypical Asian boy nonsense. DH experienced some racism growing up - he distinctly remembers the shift - he was in 2nd grade when he first started recognizing that he was "different", and he said he went from a social, hammy lil' boy to an introverted, quiet, keep to himself kind of guy. So sad that it starts so young. He is confident and sure of who he is now, but those early experiences had a huge impact on him.</p> <p>I think there is a shift in the media (slowly but surely) about Asian men, and I think they are being portrayed in a more positive light now. But then again, I live in California where it's pretty diverse and there are a lot of Asians, so not sure if this is really true for the rest of the country.</p> <p>I remember that Danny Chen story well... and remember how appalled I was when I read about it. So so sad... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702518 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:24:59 +0000 mrs. wagon 1702518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lisa1783: @autumnlove: absolutely -- that's what freaks me out so badly about the Danny Chen story. These were adult men in the armed services, who defend our country, and the idea that they attacked someone like this just shakes me to my core. My BIL is in the military and while I'm sure he can hold his own, I'm sure there are others who might not be able to and have to deal with this kind of abuse. (race-based or not.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702512 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:22:59 +0000 snowjewelz 1702512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. wagon: Good for him! I think for a lot of Asian guys, they can't get over it themselves and they almost cast as much judgement on themselves as other people might. </p> <p>My boyfriend in college was only like 5'5, but I'm 5' so I always said as long as he's taller than me I'm good! I know it's so hard for them b/c girls (Asian or not) talks about their dream guys and height is always such a huge factor and meanwhile the girls themselves don't even have to be taller to have that standard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702504 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:20:50 +0000 lisa1783 1702504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: It's a good point - it's not something that ends once you grow up. Adults are guilty of being insensitive just as much as kids are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702500 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:19:35 +0000 autumnlove 1702500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really worry about it but my husband tells me that a 5'1" Dr. at his work gets a lot of comments about his height. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702496 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:18:54 +0000 lisa1783 1702496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: I know - you don't have to apologize! </p> <p>My DH is half-Asian and is on the smaller side so I know this is something that resonates with him. I agree with @mrs. wagon that instilling confidence from an early age is important but racism and ignorance is still prevalent and you never want to feel like the odd one out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702494 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:17:45 +0000 mrs. wagon 1702494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: I have a non-stereotypical Asian husband too (Korean)-- he is muscular and brawny, and he is bad at math!! he majored in english with a concentration in creative writing-- poetry, to be exact. He IS stereotypically short-- 5'7" -- but I'm more insecure about it than he is. He got over it in middle school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702476 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:12:04 +0000 T-Mom 1702476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I purposely didn't open the thread the other day about Asian boyfriend and husbands because I hate the stereotypes associated (not that I am blameless). Thanks for sharing those links. My DS definitely isn't going to be a tall one and my family is always saying hopefully he is super smart to "make up" for it. The story of Danny Chen is heartbreaking and I had almost forgotten about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702444 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:05:29 +0000 snowjewelz 1702444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And there are very manly big Asian guys! DH is a pretty big Chinese guy, comparatively. I admit, in my early twenties I thought I'd marry a white guy b/c I was not into scrawny Asians who only talks about finance &amp; cars :meh: DH is literally the most non-stereotypical Chinese guy I had ever known. </p> <p>This breaks my heart b/c I work with middle &amp; high school Asian kids, and I know a lot of guys have low self esteem b/c they're not tall enough (and will never be) :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702392 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 09:50:09 +0000 mrs. wagon 1702392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lisa1783: The Danny Chen story is heartbreaking. I am constantly in denial that racism and harassment is still a huge problem in this day and age, because I just hate that it is. I am absolutely super lucky that my husband is an Asian American and he is a very secure, confident man. One huge priority for him is to raise his son to be confident as well, and to rise over any adversity that his ethnicity may bring him (or size, etc). At age 4 we haven't really come across any racism issues yet with our son, but I know at some point it will come up and I really, really dread it. But I'm a sheltered girl who grew up in the suburbs and never really had problems with racism... my husband grew up in the city so he has a lot more confidence in dealing with these things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702386 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 09:46:58 +0000 regberadaisy 1702386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lisa1783: awwwwww I'm sorry! I made some of those comments in jest. And a lot of it is more directed towards those of a older generation or males in our generation who may still be raised with the mentality of strict gender roles. Which I know won't be the case in your family! </p> <p>I would try not to worry about the physical aspect. There are short petite Caucasian men too! Some prefer that type! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-parents-of-asian-boys#post-1702373 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 09:43:12 +0000 lisa1783 1702373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>*sorry long post ahead*</p> <p>There was a thread the other day about a Buzzfeed list "Why Asian American Guys Make the Best Boyfriends/Husbands" and there were a lot of comments about why they don't - jokingly but it still really resonated with me as a mom of an Asian boy. It pains me to think about how people will make fun of him if he's smaller than other boys and how girls will reject him because he doesn't look like a "man" meaning muscles and brawn. Coinciding with this post was a story about an opera about the life (and death) of Danny Chen (google him if you don't know his story). It made for a very somber night for me mulling over all of this.</p> <p>There's a lot of focus on promoting positive images for girls despite current media portrayals. We encourage them to have healthy body images and how they can be good at math and science. But when the media portrays Asian men as being inferior to other men because they are not as "masculine", this hadn't been something I thought about, or cared about until now. It'll be a lot of discussions with my husband about how we want to tackle this in the upcoming years but here are some articles/blog posts I've found promising (haven't had time to completely read them all)</p> <p>For fellow moms, what are your concerns about raising your children as they get older?</p> <p>Helpful blog posts:<br /> <a href="http://www.bigwowo.com/2011/02/asian-american-masculinity/" rel="nofollow">http://www.bigwowo.com/2011/02/asian-american-masculinity/</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.bigwowo.com/2011/03/asian-american-manliness-and-becoming-men/" rel="nofollow">http://www.bigwowo.com/2011/03/asian-american-manliness-and-becoming-men/</a></p> <p><a href="http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/hesaid-asian-american-men-and-masculinity/" rel="nofollow">http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/hesaid-asian-american-men-and-masculinity/</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/" rel="nofollow">http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/</a> </p>