https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 10:23:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461779 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 09:50:17 +0000 kiddosc 2461779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>E will be 4 in May and baby sister is due any day now. I originally wanted about a 2.5 year gap, but we were waiting for a cross-country move and then DH had some strong doubts about having another that took time to work through. I worry about the relationship that they will have, but I have a brother two years older and another 10 years younger and I'm probably closer to the younger. There are a lot of positives that I'm looking forward to though. E is able to understand more of what is going on, he's able to play independently, or watch a whole movie if I need him to. He's potty trained and starts 4k in the fall, so daycare will be less expensive overall. I know he'll be a great helper, and it's actually really fun to see how excited he gets about some of this process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461708 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 08:27:08 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2461708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the other financial advantage is spacing out the big stuff later on. Sports payments, car/insurance in high school, prom, college, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461641 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 04:23:00 +0000 AggieDaze 2461641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My best friend has a 5 year age gap after a miscarriage (which, if it had not occurred, would have led to a 2.5 year age gap). It wasn't what they planned but I think in retrospect has worked really well for their family. At first, the 5 year old was more concerned about everyone loving the baby more than her (something a 2-3 year old can't vocalize) but she was also old enough to understand their responses to that. Now, she is 9 and the youngest is 4. She is so so helpful with her sister and for a long time, the parents have had more freedom and alone time (letting the kids play together independently) than they may have if they were closer together. The girls still seem really close too! </p> <p>From another perspective, my two boys are 2.5 years apart. I obviously love our little family but do wonder sometimes now if things like the adjustment might be a tad easier if my eldest wasn't in the midst of potty training, terrible two/threenager tantrums, giving up his nap, etc. I guess all that to say - there are pros and cons no matter the split! And, so much is determined by the kiddos personality. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461623 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 01:14:52 +0000 Raindrop 2461623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really wanted a 2 year gap and a certain Asian zodiac sign (weird I know). When the 2.5 year came and went I got a bit stressed out and sad. I ended up with a 2 year 11 month gap and just made it in the zodiac sign I wanted. I felt like I just made it under the wire.</p> <p>To be honest I think it worked out great for us. I sometimes think maybe a bigger gap might have been better. </p> <p>All my coworkers actually all have a 6+ year gaps like 6 of them and all tell me how much they love it especially from a managing the children and cost of daycare point of view (aka only paying for one at a time ... Double daycare costs sucks!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461546 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 21:18:25 +0000 travellingbee 2461546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted them 2 years apart as my brother and I were two grades apart and that was nice. But I had trouble TTC and then had 2 miscarriages. Our LOs ended up just about 3 years apart. While I am sad to have lost those pregnancies, I do not regret the age difference at all. I think back the last 9 months and think it would have been so much harder then than now. And he is so happy and sweet with baby. I'm very happy with how things turned out. Lots of luck to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461521 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 20:36:44 +0000 deerylou 2461521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Smurfette: I have taken the financial benefit into consideration, for sure. While I currently stay home, I'd like to return to my career soon, and the smaller chunk of time I've got to pay for two in care, the absolute better! Thank you for the reminder.</p> <p>@Modern Daisy: I definitely think it's more up to personality than age, as you just explained. My husband's eldest brother is ten years his senior, and he is closest with him. You just never know with siblings!</p> <p>@sandy: I so appreciated reading your thoughts. I know your circumstances must lend to bittersweet feelings, so I find your sense hope to be really inspiring. I think you make some very valid and lovely points about the benefits of a larger age gap. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461393 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 16:12:21 +0000 sandy 2461393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD1 is currently 4 years 3 months. Her baby sister died shortly after she was born - they would have been 3 years 2 days apart which I thought would have been perfect. We just started trying to add to our family again and it's not easy. So we are looking at a 5+ age gap. It's hard thinking of that big of a difference - will they be playmates, will they have anything in common, will they be close, will they even be able to relate to each other in any meaningful way before they are both 30...so many thoughts about how it is just not an ideal age difference. But I think about all the pros too - DD1 is so much more prepared for a sibling and understands so much and has so much more patience, etc - right now she is very excited at the thought of us having a baby and has the ability to understand how much time and work it takes to care for a new baby. And I just keep thinking that I will continue parenting her to be a kind and caring person...and hopefully that will just carry through to her younger sibling and hopefully foster a loving relationship between the two of them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461313 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 13:05:23 +0000 Modern Daisy 2461313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a sister who is 2 years older than me and we hated each other growing up and actually haven't spoken in 5 years. The rivalry was always too much for her, we were so close in age that everything was always a "competition" to her and unfortunately I always won because I was younger. I also have 2 siblings 9 and 10 years older and we have always gotten along great. I'm pretty close to them now. Nothing is guaranteed by having kids close in age, it's really just what you make of the cards you're dealt.</p> <p>I actually wanted a 4 year age gap ideally but I was too afraid to wait to start trying because I'm approaching 35. It's looking like our gap will be 3 years but trust me I didn't want it any smaller! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461203 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 09:05:50 +0000 Smurfette 2461203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: I always imagined we would have a 2.5-3 yr age gap. But then we had a baby and we just weren't ready. Mentally and definitely financially(gotta love day care payments). We finally settled on a 4 yr difference. But then moved up the timeline, 6 months, but then DH got cold feet. Now we are starting TTC the end of March, so minimum she will be 3.75. But I really think this age gap will be a lot better for us. She already isn't jealous whenever she sees me hold a baby and wants to help. I think her age and independence will be great when trying to deal with a preschooler and a newborn. Looking back at 2.5 I don't think either one of us would have handled an addition well at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461133 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 00:19:23 +0000 deerylou 2461133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: What a lovely story! I can just imagine your daughter's excitement, especially considering her ability to be more involved and aware of what's to come. Thank you for chiming in and sharing. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461103 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 22:45:16 +0000 Autumnmama79 2461103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: closing in on a 7 year age gap and I couldn't be happier. To have had all these years with just DD has been amazing. Our bond is rock solid and we have reaped the benefits of so much quality time together. For that I am forever grateful. Now, with #2 on the way she's fully aware and over the moon excited about her soon to be arriving brand new brother or sister. </p> <p>I think she enjoys feeling like an active participant in this family and this experience (mommy pregnant, all the plans and preparations for baby, all the ultrasounds and dr appts) has only furthered that. </p> <p>Added bonus is she's in grade one so I'll have full days at home with baby as we work at establishing our bond and soaking in all that newborn loveliness :heart:</p> <p>Things don't always go as planned, but sometimes they end up being even better than we could've imagined. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461096 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 22:22:43 +0000 deerylou 2461096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KrzyRiver: Thank you for that perspective! I definitely agree that the closeness of siblings depends on so many different factors, and definitely not just on age, alone. I'm sure your son is so looking forward to his little sibling!</p> <p>@MamaCate: I can totally see how having an older LO will lend itself to an easier adjustment period, when a newborn arrives on the scene. I'm really relieved to hear how pleased you are with your age gap, and especially that you never lament that your first was younger. Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461089 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 22:04:05 +0000 MamaCate 2461089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: I originally thought a gap of 2.5-3 years would work well for our family. I got pregnant with a baby that would be exactly 2.5 years younger than LO1 but lost that baby to a missed m/c at 12 weeks. It then took a year to successfully conceive LO2. I had a lot of the same concerns about my "preferred" age gap and family dynamicsand had to process the loss of my expectations. They are just over 3.5 years apart.</p> <p>But lo2 is 7 months old now and I am happy with where we are. LO1 is old enough to do so many things for herself and can understand the idea of needing to wait for mama to do x y z. We also use screen time fairly regularly since I solo parent a lot and I feel more comfortable with that since she is older. I also feel like she had a good long run as the baby and I don't feel like she had to grow up fast or anything. Plus she loves the baby and he is obsessed with her, so seeing their little burgeoning sibling relationship just melts my heart!</p> <p>There have been a number of times in the last 7 months where I have thought how glad I am that she is as old as she is, and never a time when I wished she was younger. When you have the next baby, that age gap will be your reality and you will make the most of it. </p> <p>I am so sorry for your struggles! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2461080 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 21:55:40 +0000 KrzyRiver 2461080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My stepson has wanted a little sibling forever and I've always been concerned he'll be disappointed. My EDD is October 11. My son will be 16 by then. I worry, cause my brother and I were 2 years part and that always seemed ideal to me. But my husband and his twin were 10 years younger than their sister and they're all extremely close... much closer than me and my brother since they didn't go through their teens years together. </p> <p>These situations are nothing like yours, but I guess my point is that there is no magic number or ideal age gap. Kids being close in age will have its ups and downs, being 4-5 years apart will have its ups and downs, and my son being 16 years older will have its ups and downs.</p> <p>Don't stress about the gap. No need to add any extra pressure or anxiety to the process of TTC. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460937 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 17:24:57 +0000 deerylou 2460937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamabolt: You know, that's a hilarious but true plus. We've entered the threenager stage a bit early, and it's rough. I imagine it's quite the battle with a newborn, in tow. </p> <p>@catlady: Thank you for weighing in. While my age isn't a primary concern (30), I do have some personal goals that would benefit from having this baby parade over sooner, rather than later. And of course there's the whole vision I (perhaps naively) had about what our family would look like. But yes, I'm also trying to be optimistic about what will naturally transpire. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you lots of luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460910 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 16:53:54 +0000 catlady 2460910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another commiseration reply here. We wanted a 2.5-3 year gap but after a miscarriage and a chemical, we will have a minimum of 3+ years. Plus we originally wanted to avoid a cold months birth, so if we aim for warm weather, we're looking at 3.5-4 years now.</p> <p>That said, the main reason that I wanted the smaller gap was so that I could finish the pregnancy and baby years sooner. I am already 35 so the clock is ticking. Having grown up with a brother who is 4.5 years younger, I actually see the benefits of a larger age gap. I was totally independent when baby bro came along, I remember helping my mom a lot when he was a baby and toddler, and when I was older, I babysat for him. Despite the big gap, we played together pretty often. We aren't amazingly close now, but our relationship is good (I don't think the age gap has anything to do with our relationship, it's more a personality thing).</p> <p>So even though I'm bummed about my losses, I'm still optimistic about the age gap. I just don't want to be too old while dealing with newborn stuff. Hehe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460902 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 16:38:24 +0000 mamabolt 2460902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We wanted a 2.5ish year gap and it will be almost 4 instead. Although LO2 isn't here for a few more months, I'm happy to not have a newborn while LO1 has been going through the worst of her threenagerness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460893 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 16:21:22 +0000 deerylou 2460893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@petunia354: I hear you on the positive...trying to get there and stay there, but it can be quite frustrating. I am truly very sorry for your two losses, and wish you loads of luck and happiness, moving forward.</p> <p>Also, I appreciate hearing that you enjoyed having much older siblings. My father was an enormous surprise baby, and nearly 16 years younger than his sister (!!!) He was an uncle well before he even started kindergarten. While it wasn't your typical family scenario, his sister was always a maternal figure for him, and his nephews were more like little brothers to run around with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460888 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 16:10:35 +0000 petunia354 2460888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted a 3 year gap but now that I have a 3 year old and have had 2 losses, yeah, I don't know at this point if we'll even have another let alone what gap there might be. It bums me out to think about a 5 year gap but there isn't much we can do about it and need to just think about the positives. I refuse to live in the past or in the "what ifs" so it's all about a positive attitude at this point.</p> <p>ETA: my sister and I are 10 years apart and my brother and I are 6 years apart and we are all super close so I'm not too worried about that. Although we may not have been super play buddies as kids there were other perks. They would take me to do such fun stuff as a kids, stuff my other friends didn't get to do so that was always a positive for me when I was feeling lonely or left behind! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460878 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 15:41:17 +0000 deerylou 2460878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: thanks for the love, lady! :heart: </p> <p>@pinkcupcake: I appreciate the commiseration. My sister and I are nearly 4 years apart, and while we're very tight now as adults, I think we missed the mark sometimes, in our childhood. I know it's totally relative; there are twins who are distant from one another and those born when their sibling was a teen that are still close. Just trying to wrap my head around a new picture, so to speak. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460876 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 15:34:58 +0000 pinkcupcake 2460876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice, but wanted to let you know you're not alone... We were hoping for a 2-3 year age gap but ended up with 4 years, 4 months. It took 2 years of trying to conceive our second. I know how frustrating it is to see the age gap growing bigger and bigger. In a weird way, I'm "mourning" the loss of the ideal family image I had in mind - 2 children, 2 years apart. I guess it was harder for me because my brothers and I are 4 and 8 years apart, and I always wished we were closer in age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460873 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 15:31:44 +0000 Greentea 2460873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460872 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 15:31:23 +0000 deerylou 2460872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: Luck &amp; Hugs, right on back! I'm also curious about others who found themselves in this position and discovered a slew of positives! :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460871 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 15:27:38 +0000 LovelyPlum 2460871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following...we'll likely be here, too. Maybe not quite 4 years, but I'll be interested to see what people will say!</p> <p>@Deerylou: :heart: and :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-got-a-larger-age-gap-than-desired#post-2460867 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 15:22:53 +0000 deerylou 2460867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, it is taking longer than anticipated to successfully conceive our second child. I'm trying to keep positive about the likelihood of having two children with an age gap larger than 2-3 years, which was the original plan. DD is 2.5 and we're opting to take a little time to get back in the saddle after a recent disappointment. Suffice to say, I foresee nearly or at least a 4 year gap, should we become lucky in the near...ish future. </p> <p>Several of my friends are currently pregnant with their second, with first children just about the same age as my own. There's lots of warranted, happy talk about the ways in which their 3 year age gap will be lovely. While I can't help but wish I was in their position, I'm trying to remain optimistic about our path.</p> <p>I know lots of people happily plan for 4+ year gaps, and are perfectly content. However, I'm curious to hear from those who would have initially preferred a subsequent child to arrive sooner. Are there ways you've been pleasantly surprised with a larger age gap? Were your original hesitations to space your children more significantly, unfounded? I'd love to hear about your experience. </p> <p>Thanks! :happy: </p>