https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 20:53:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2266524 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 21:24:10 +0000 agold 2266524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: Yep, that's a nice way of thinking for your mom and especially if it helps her support you and what you want to do. Just to clarify, I think a bit differently about frozen embryos specifically but that's a different conversation for another day. And really, it's just no ones business what you do with your embryos except you your husband and your god if you believe in one. So it's too bad your inlaws are butting in so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2266506 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 20:58:13 +0000 Amorini 2266506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: My very religious mom has a similar viewpoint and even one that addresses the unused embryos. I think she read it somewhere and it made sense to her. Something like embryos being like seeds that won't grow until they are (im)planted and, only in utero, they grow from a seed to a sentient being (my paraphrase), which it can't do of it's own accord in the petri dish. Also she said, again like seeds, sometimes not all of them are used and are discarded or given away. It's like, we don't need to hang on in anguish over unused seeds.</p> <p>(Someone might have a huge theological problem with that, but it's just an analogy, folks. :heart: )</p> <p>I thought that was pretty progressive thinking on her part and more biologically accurate than worrying about the destiny of every single embryo for all eternity. In nature, there are naturally conceived embryos that never implant, we just don't know of them and no one is judging each other about them.</p> <p>Speaking of the ILs, I think they would probably be accepting of their future, hoped-for grandchild(ren), but at the moment I personally can't imagine openly welcoming them into our home anymore. Of course, it's not up to only me, as others noted. DH has to get some things straight in his head and, after that, see what kind of harmonious relationship we can have with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2266396 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 18:28:32 +0000 agold 2266396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if this viewpoint has been expressed already, but it's how I have justified being an egg donor for my sister and now going through IVF myself, all while being a pretty serious religious person. And I've prayed about this a lot. So while I'm doing all I can to get myself pregnant, and previously to help my sister get pregnant, there is still the aspect of the embryo attaching and continuing to grow. That is something that science has never been able to force. Either a baby continues to grow or it doesn't. So while we are doing things that some may consider unnatural with IVF, it's still all up to God whether the baby comes to be or not. (I'm not intending to offend any non religious people at all with this.) If you continue to want to talk to inlaws about it, maybe express it to them that way. And also maybe just don't tell them about the existence of any unused leftover embryos. Personally, IVF is such a private matter. We wouldn't talk to our inlaws about the sex we have with their sons while trying to get pregnant so there's really no need to talk about the other things we do to get pregnant, especially when they aren't supportive. I'm so sorry you are dealing with unsupportive inlaws. I'm just flying home from visiting my religious inlaws and I didn't bring up our IVF. But they were pretty savvy enough not to ask up about kids, thank god. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2266098 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 12:35:00 +0000 BSB 2266098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: No problem. I think there are other religions that follow 'god's plan' but I can't comment on that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2266049 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 12:07:35 +0000 erinbaderin 2266049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: Interesting! Thank you for that - for some reason I had it in my head that it was a problem with going against "God's plan". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2266036 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 11:59:28 +0000 BSB 2266036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: So I wanted to respond to your question. In terms of the Catholic Church and their 'traditional' teachings (from my pre-martial marriage classes), the Catholic Church is more concerned about taking medications like birth control and fertility meds that interfere with being 'one' with your husband when conceiving a child. Pretty much they don't want you to be under the influence. They want you to conceive 'naturally' I guess. I've taken some form of birth control since I was 17 so I'm not a devout catholic and follow everything Catholics are supposed to do. So when it comes to your question about cancer and chemotherapy drugs, that's not an issue. At least, from what I am aware of. Catholics aren't anti medication. There could be personal reasons on why someone might be but its not because our religion tells us to. I hope that explains things.</p> <p>ETA- You didn't mention this specifically but then there is the Catholic Church stance on abortion... Which is why the question of what to do with unused embryos after IVF can be difficult for some Catholics. I'm catholic and still consider myself a catholic but I bend the rules on what I follow and believe. (I for one am for gay marriage and I'm pro-choice.)<br /> ETA part 2- There's also other aspects of IVF that Catholic teachings have issues with. Like Babies being conceived in a Petri dish versus 'natural' ways of having sex with your DH. Then there is the transfer of more than one embryo and if it results in multiple babies and if someone were to decide on a reduction. There are definitely more little details on why Catholics 'should' be against IVF.<br /> Sorry, I didn't want to turn this into a thread about religion. I'll also admit that I had to look some of this info up to be verified. I'm not a strong or strict catholic by any means so there might be other ways to explain why Catholics believe what they do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2265931 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 10:49:06 +0000 LovelyPlum 2265931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been thinking about this thread all night. I really hope that you can come to a resolution with your ILs, as it seems like your DH still wants to have a relationship with them, and you for sure don't deserve to be hurt or treated unfairly in any way.</p> <p>I don't know if this helps or not, but I come from a very Catholic family, and I'm pretty sure most of them would be somewhat anti-IVF, if we ever needed to pursue that road. However, I would hope that they, and your in-laws as well, would still love your child no matter what. I think the grieving in my family would come from any unused embryos, not the child in front of them.</p> <p>That doesn't negate them being nasty, but maybe if you can shut down this line of conversation, they can keep their mouth shut and focus on what you both hope for-a child to love.</p> <p>All :goodluck: and :heart: to you on your journey!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2265875 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 09:50:14 +0000 erinbaderin 2265875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, that's sad. Clearly he doesn't realize that the "but" invalidates everything that comes before. The sentence should sound like this: "I support whatever you do." FULL STOP.</p> <p>I feel for you - my husband's family is horrible (in a different way, but horrible) and it's hard for me, because they're not my family, to really understand why he doesn't just cut them off. They add no value to our life, they only take and cause problems, it seems like a no brainer - but they're his family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2265799 Tue, 18 Aug 2015 08:50:47 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2265799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: That word..."but" is so hurtful. He clearly doesn't support whatever he decides to do if the word "but" follows. It's like saying, "No offense, but..." Just because you start with "No offense" doesn't mean that you can say whatever you want to after the "but." </p> <p>I do feel for your DH. It doesn't matter how strained the relationship was/is with his dad, he's still his dad. You spend your whole life trying to gain the approval and support of a parent only for them to continually let you down in that department, and that's something that is really hard to accept. At least it was for me. I had to be at peace with the fact that nothing I ever do in my life will ever be good enough for my mom, and I'll never have her approval or support. It's a terribly sad realization, but a counselor will help him slowly come to terms with that. </p> <p>Sending lots of love :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2265581 Mon, 17 Aug 2015 20:52:34 +0000 Amorini 2265581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: @2PeasinaPod: @wonderstruck: @mrsgreengrass:</p> <p>Thank you so much for these thoughts. I agree with so much of them. And the situation is evolving ... messy, but moving in the right direction. There will be a strong, clear response (probably by DH with me clearly involved) and counseling this week. Nothing like family and marital crisis to make things happen!</p> <p>An interesting (sad) thing DH said this morning was that he had been focusing on the one and only "positive" thing his dad said ("I support whatever you do, but...), without realizing that those words of support are meaningless in context with all of the anti crap that followed it (the worst of the worst). I know it seems so obvious to us, but that's how blinded the human heart can get in unhealthy relationships. You keep hanging onto them, hoping they'll improve.... throwing your wife and hoped-for kids under the bus... Well, some of us need to do a little more work than others in that department.</p> <p>Warm hugs to everyone who mentioned they've had to tear away from unhealthy family. Never easy, no matter how necessary. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf/page/2#post-2265074 Mon, 17 Aug 2015 12:31:28 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2265074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: &amp; @wonderstruck: Totally agree!</p> <p>@Amorini: I think having a united front, but it coming from DH is the best approach. If anything, letting them know that their opinion on the matter isn't welcome and the articles need to stop is key. I think going to counseling will help tremendously. It's not at all the same situation, but I recently cut ties with my mother over her inappropriate opinions on my life and sought out counseling to help with it. Even if your DH doesn't have any plans to cut them out, seeing someone will help both of you deal with the situation and have that united front that you're looking for. Your DH will understand what he needs to do in order to not perpetuate the behavior and you'll feel more supported by him.</p> <p>It's sad to think that there are people out there with views like this. It's such an emotional and difficult situation as it is without unsupportive family offering unsolicited advice. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2265009 Mon, 17 Aug 2015 11:20:04 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2265009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: re: anniversaries, we just had our 5th and it was probably our best year so far (with not a very high bar). The first 2 years were IF, then the next two were a small child (thankfully), I hope next year is better for you too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264980 Mon, 17 Aug 2015 10:46:37 +0000 erinbaderin 2264980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think at the very least, your DH has to stop responding to these articles positively. "Thanks for the information" may feel dismissive to him, but to his family it probably sounds like he appreciates it. If he doesn't feel comfortable responding with "We have made our decision, please stop sending these" then he should at least ignore them and not respond at all.</p> <p>I REALLY don't understand people who think that God wants you to be infertile, but not that God wanted scientists to figure out a way to help couples have children. Would your in-laws not get chemotherapy if one of them had cancer because God wanted them to die? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264819 Mon, 17 Aug 2015 07:09:18 +0000 wonderstruck 2264819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: this. All the way.</p> <p>And I do think you need couples counseling. I'm sure the propaganda is really terrible and likely essentially implying that you guys are awful people if you go through with IVF. The fact that your DH is more willing to let his family insult you guys than he is to stick up for you is really troubling to me. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. And I'm afraid of how much your DH will want to bend on parenting issues, or at the least let them get away with insulting that too. And someday it could be your child who they're insulting for not following their views. I'd start counseling now, and when choosing a counselor I'd ask for their opinion on stuff like leave and cleave. Because you and your future children need to be DH's priority, and he needs to be willing to protect you, even if that means causing problems with a bully who happens to be related to him.</p> <p>I may sound harsh, but it's coming from the aspect of someone who watched my dad's mom say awful things about my parents, especially my mom, as I was growing up. My dad didn't cut them off until I was a teen and I finally admitted that actual abuse was happening, and had been since I was a child. Prior to that he handled it much the way your DH did, and it didn't help at all. Counseling helped him so much, especially when he had to cut them off, and I hope it can do the same for your DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264735 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 21:47:05 +0000 jaguar 2264735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: That's right - it's all about YOU guys. For what it's worth, my hubby &amp; his folks are fairly strict Catholics - practising, etc. When we were told our option of IVF for children, I was concerned about their thoughts - but they never questioned us for a moment. In their eyes, family was more important - and how we got to that family, well, that was our own path to decide. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264733 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 21:35:27 +0000 Amorini 2264733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jaguar: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: I guess that was my thinking prior to sharing. No one who says they love us would actually go there, right?! And even if they did once, they would get it and not go there again and again... So naive. </p> <p>@catomd00: Thanks for mentioning this. Yes, messy and difficult, especially because all of this has revealed that DH feels torn about being firm with his dad. (Read: why our anniversary today sucked). Anyway, it's clear that this has just brought out the exact issues we need to address in our marriage, IVF or no. Regardless, we need to survive this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264727 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 21:22:46 +0000 Amorini 2264727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: thanks! :heart: </p> <p>@DesertDreams88: I'm glad things worked out in your situation. Thanks for the well wishes.</p> <p>@Mrs Green Grass: @ShootingStar: @Mrs. Pickle: @YogiRunner: @gingerbebe: @Mrs.Pinecone316: Thanks for these diverse and yet passionately supportive perspectives. I think the challenge and blessing of my DH is that he is old school. He is a counter to my "just f'em" mentality and somewhere in the middle we will find our harmonious IF voice. We will have to! Even though we are already starting IVF, we are recently diagnosed so this is part of the steep and rapid learning curve.</p> <p>@bluestriped bee: I'm so glad to hear that marriages can get stronger despite of or even because of IF. I'm just going to settle on that as the only possible outcome here. :heart: </p> <p>Today was our anniversary and it was pretty much a crappy one. It shouldn't have been because of ILs, but we let it get the best of us. Just being real. We decided that we will take a few days and write an email -- team together. He will probably tone down my fire and I will add some pep to his passivity. Fingers crossed, among all fingers crossed, that this one will be a non-issue soon. Oh and I already contacted a few therapists.... Thanks to all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264726 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 21:22:16 +0000 catomd00 2264726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't dealt with this exact situation but, I have a lot of experience with my mom and DH (and I) not seeing eye to eye on lots of things that ended in a blow up and subsequently we have cut my mother out of our lives as much as we possibly can while still trying to preserve a relationship with other family.<br /> Anyways, I don't think you can be passive here. It will grow to resentment and more anger. You need to set the boundaries now that you will not stand for their behavior. They are entitled to their opinion but they will not voice it to you again not will they attempt to convert you. You need to decide if the relationship is worth it in the first place if this is something that will destroy it. It seems obvious to an outside that it isn't but I know firsthand how much messier and more difficult it is to be amidst it all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264710 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 20:53:12 +0000 jaguar 2264710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Anyone who dared question our use of IVF would have copped a right earful from me. How DARE people judge you/make comments on YOUR choices- particularly when they are choices that you are not making lightly, or because you want to be making it!</p> <p>Personally? I would just stop. Stop all communication, do what you &amp; your partner want to do, and they can do what they like. If it comes down to them not having anything to do with your family, good luck to them. It's their loss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264693 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 20:04:12 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2264693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh I am angry for you just reading this! I could see my MIL reacting this same way when we needed to do IVF so we just chose not to tell her that we were doing it. My family knew. </p> <p>I would just not keep her in the loop about anything and hopefully your husband will put an end to these emails. That is just ridiculous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264678 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 19:25:21 +0000 gingerbebe 2264678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Background: DH and I TTCed for 3 years, during which we had 2 losses and I had a surgery for a brain tumor which was affecting my hormones and ability to stay pregnant. Once we sought out the REs after my brain surgery, it turned out we had huge MF issues that would essentially require IVF with ICSI too. We were waiting on my period to get an HSG when I miraculously got pregnant and now have an almost 1 year old son. </p> <p>Whats a little different about us is that DH and I are devout Christians and so are both of our families, with mine being a lot more strict than his. While we don't have official Catholic church theology/doctrines to worry about, our families were quite resistant to the idea of IVF when we brought our issues to their attention. </p> <p>I can't really answer all of your questions since ultimately we didn't go through IVF, but here's what we did. We talked to them in person. We just told them that we had, as a family, made a decision to get diagnostic testing with the fertility specialists and this is what we found. So we are looking into proceeding with IVF if necessary, although we have not ruled out adoption either. We are praying about both. When my parents gave us pushback (on both adoption AND IVF), I did get heated with them. I told them I wasn't really asking their opinion and that this conversation was over. And then my husband and I left to cool off.</p> <p>When we told his folks, it wasn't quite as heated (they are much more polite/passive aggressive people), but we got roundabout comments about how difficult adopted children can be and how IVF kids have all sorts of defects and problems. DH basically said the same thing I said to my folks, but said "thank you for sharing your thoughts on the matter." </p> <p>DH and I usually speak to our respective parents when it comes to serious stuff like this, but we try to always both be in the room when we're talking. If its on the phone, the other person usually just sits nearby for moral support. This gives us the confidence to speak our minds and gives the opposite party the physical reminder that we are a united front. We also always speak in terms of "we" or "our family." </p> <p>Because we come from a Christian background, we do understand the discomfort people have about IVF on certain issues. So we were prepared to engage them in civil discussions about specific issues related to IF treatments. For instance, there is a common argument that you are "playing God." Our response is that God is ultimately sovereign, so if we feel peace about pursuing IVF and we become pregnant, then God is allowing us to conceive in that context. If we go through IVF and it doesn't work, then that is God's answer. In short, God is still God. With regards to leftover embryos or blastocysts, we personally would never have those destroyed because we believe those are lives too. So we would either try to have them implanted in the future or allow them to be adopted. We would not terminate or reduce any children based on the same idea. </p> <p>We were in agreement on those issues and were ready to share our position, but it never came up. Our parents were just opposed. Period. No specific reason given, they were just not about it. It wasn't natural, etc. </p> <p>I think if we had pursued IVF we would have just told them "we're doing IVF" and then let them deal with it however they were going to deal with. Its not really my job to control how they feel or convince them that they're wrong. Its just my job to be informed and make the right decision for my family and be ready to explain my position if it comes up. And to choose the path that gave MY household peace and calm. I don't want to deal with anger and hostility. </p> <p>So I think it makes sense you guys chose to share your decision to do IVF with his parents, but I don't think you have an obligation to listen to their position if it makes you upset. And if I were in your shoes, I would probably say just that to your in-laws. "Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns. However, this is the decision we've decided is right for our family. You're allowed to have your opinion, but we don't have to listen to it and let ourselves get hurt over it. So understand that this is happening and if you have a problem with it, keep it to yourself and don't you DARE say anything to my future children about it. Otherwise, you will not have a relationship with us because I will not allow my family to have disharmony and hurt come to it." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264661 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 18:27:39 +0000 YogiRunner 2264661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>F 'em. You are grown adults with your own beliefs and values, you don't need propaganda and tsk-tsk-ing making you feel badly for the brave decisions you've made. Does your clinic have in person support groups so you have compassionate, non judgmental people to lean on? (Besides us, of course)</p> <p>And of course they're entitled to their beliefs, but they're not entitled to disrespect you or love you with conditions. Be strong gal, this journey is hard enough as it is! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264617 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 16:45:52 +0000 BSB 2264617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: oh, rant away! You definitely have a reason to. I do also have to say that I'm very vocal on social media about my IUIs and IVF so my friends and family do know about our IF journey. Luckily, some of my catholic friends haven't said anything discouraging. It's mainly mom and my aunt that would not approve if they found out what IVF was and what it entails. So I'm all for IF awareness but I do keep some people in the dark. I wouldn't say that my relationship with my parents as normal. My parents had an intervention type discussion when my sister got married in a non catholic setting. They pretty much demanded that she get married again in the Catholic Church at a later date. She agreed just to get them off her back. My sister is now married for 7 years now and I don't think my mom or aunt mentioned the catholic wedding part again. So my sister's advice to me was to keep them in the dark until it happened and they'll eventually get over it. That's how my dysfunctional family works. ;)</p> <p>As for marriage counseling, I think it might help. DH and I went to marriage counseling about a year into our IF struggle. A lot of it was unresolved issues with his mom and our wedding. Sadly, the drama I had with my MIL with my wedding was way worse than the issues I had with my family. (Maybe that's why I didn't want conflict with my family because I was already struggling with the MIL.) So we saw a marriage counselor. It was a lot of him supporting his wife (me) over his mom (attachment issues). There were also communication issues that we had to resolve as well. So I think it's a good idea to get on the same page now. My marriage is so much stronger than it was before. It really made the rest of our IF journey much more bearable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264615 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 16:41:10 +0000 ShootingStar 2264615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So honestly I'd tell them their opinions aren't welcome and if they send one more message trying to sway you that they'll be cut off completely. If they don't agree then block their number and filter their emails automatically to the trash. </p> <p>If it was me I'd be do overwhelmingly angry I wouldn't even give them another chance. I'd be afraid they won't accept their grand child fully. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264609 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 16:22:27 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2264609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: we didn't even tell my dad about IVF, I just never felt like he needed to know and it wasn't a religious issue. DH is not close to his family (step dad and wife) but he will not just write them off. I think it's just too big and permanent. So my best advice would be to keep them out of it and play nice. As long as they are thousands of miles away, they can't have too much impact...u less it's really bothering your DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264581 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 14:56:11 +0000 DesertDreams88 2264581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no advice for this other than to not intiate conversations about it, and try to gracefully bow out when it comes up. I wouldn't sacrifice the relationship, though, if it is enjoyable otherwise. My DH and I were willing to go as far as IUI with donor sperm, which we knew his parents would never approve of, so we just weren't going to tell them.</p> <p>However, I will say I'm surprised about the extreme views some people are taking about the parents. They are entitied to their beliefs, and entitled to sharing them, especially since honestly, you opened that door and haven't shut it. It's not that crazy to be uncomfortable with the idea of multiple frozen embryos. I know I'm very uncomfortable with it, even despite PCOS and MFI.</p> <p>But regardless of my personal discomfort with IVF, I 100% wish you all of the luck in getting pregnant! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264578 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 14:49:31 +0000 ms.line 2264578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: Ditto @crystal! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264576 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 14:44:32 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2264576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you're dealing with this! Your DH and I might have the same dad and stepmom. My stepmom is also the dominant one.... </p> <p>I was open with everyone that we were doing IVF except my dad. I just told him we were doing "treatments" because I knew they wouldn't approve and I didn't want to hear it. I also knew my stepmom would talk about it to my siblings behind my back and annoy them. I have to agree with you that I wouldn't include them in any other baby stuff until you're pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264573 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 14:41:01 +0000 Crystal 2264573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: you are most certainly not alone. We are here for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-who-have-dealt-with-close-family-against-ivf#post-2264570 Sun, 16 Aug 2015 14:36:46 +0000 Amorini 2264570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crystal: thanks and I agree. It definitely could go either way. I'll let you all know what happens... About keeping them in the dark, I have also been thinking of this for the reasons @ms.line raises. If we are successful with IVF, but need to reduce or terminate, it's better to not have them so close to the situation. They would definitely not hold back their judgement.</p> <p>DH has some pretty basic notions about pregnancy and miscarriages and fetal health and risks all that. He's probably not that different than most guys, except most guys don't have increased risks with IF. I spelled it out to him because I wanted to make sure he knew my age might effect our miscarriage risk as well as IVF/ICSI has its own risks. Mostly, though, I wanted to make sure we agreed to not announce things too soon....if we are ever so lucky.</p> <p>Thanks again to all for helping me not feel so alone. :heart: :heart: :heart: </p>