https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 03:43:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2830396 Sun, 24 Jun 2018 11:55:35 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2830396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hitchhiker: I love that idea! We never found a real longterm babysitter and something I'd really like to do. Our condo building is mostly SAHM's with limited English and a very closeknit ethnic community, so it's been hard to break in, but I'm hoping maybe with kindergarten, we'll get some more exposure to more families. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2830395 Sun, 24 Jun 2018 11:54:23 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2830395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: I totally understand that perspective. I'm an introvert, and that initial small talk interaction is so hard for me, so sometimes it's nice not to have the socialization pressure, but then it's also that much harder to form relationships. I was watching parents at our pre-K on Friday, when we were all there for pre-K graduation, and it felt like we were the only ones who didn't really form any real bonds in our time there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2830394 Sun, 24 Jun 2018 11:52:14 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2830394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: Sorry for the late response, HB stopped sending me notifications!</p> <p>DD is 5, and we're in Falls Church. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2830293 Sat, 23 Jun 2018 02:52:43 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2830293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: My kid is 3.5, baby 2 will be here in October, and we've actually settled in Baltimore, which has a slightly less transient population and much lower cost of living. I'm from Bethesda originally and still head back down there at least every other weekend to see my Mom, who has early onset dementia (hence, no village) and my sister, who is in Kensington. I worked in New Carrolton for 3 years before coming back to work in Baltimore last summer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2830154 Fri, 22 Jun 2018 01:00:49 +0000 Littlebit7 2830154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep I agree that the ages of kids or number of kids really affects the ability to make a long term connection with someone. If their baby is older or younger than mine, it’s hard to have a play date if one kid needs a lot more managing. Also distance..in my community if someone lives a 15-20 min walk away it makes it hard to get together often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2830148 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 22:41:56 +0000 maddyz 2830148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have found it hard to build deeper connections codependent relationships with other families. We live in a neighborhood in NYC filled with young families. It's hard to make friends when everyone moves one the kids get to school or number two comes along. I am grateful for two friends in the area from pre kids who's children are around the same age. But they both have family near by and don't need the same kind of help I need. I am shy and really pushing myself to reach out and invite people over, help when I can, be there for others and it's really helping. The tightness of the neighborhood really helps. We see the same kids at the park everyday for a few years now. I also find it hard as a working mom. I think I would have more connections if I was home full time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829907 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 09:52:19 +0000 Ajsmommy 2829907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in the (way out) burbs of DC and I too feel like we have no village. I honestly feel torn about it bc on one had I like to do what we want when we want and with us both WOH our home time is limited and we usually have things to do or if not we want to just relax so I don't relaly want people just dropping in or stopping by or hanging out. However, as DD gets older, she's 4.5 I can really tell that it would be great for her to have some friends to play with.... unfortunately in our current home there are no kids around. We do plan to move within the next year so I am kind of hopeful there'll be some families moving in too and maybe we can make some friends. But then I feel like I am going to have to worry about setting up boundaries etc. </p> <p>I feel like having a village is a double edged sword for me... LOL.. like I want to have one when I want one and when I need one.. but all other times, I'm good :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829884 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 08:02:46 +0000 Mrs. Toad 2829884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm also in DC and have no village. I have extended family, but it's more of a holiday meeting. I don't even really have friends at all. It's also hard for me to get out and meet people as I would rather just stay at home. DS and DD are in daycare, but I still haven't met many friends. </p> <p>@MaryM: DS is 3.5, DD is 17 months. We live in Silver Spring, MD and work in the city. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829880 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 07:46:43 +0000 hitchhiker 2829880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was us when we lived in DC and the DC suburbs. We have since moved to Baltimore and made a conscious effort to grow a village. We had to be open vulnerability - it almost feels like dating - but have found it to be well worth it. When we meet families that we think we might like through activities or school, we invite them over for a meal or a play date. Sometimes it doesn't work out, but often it does! It helps that it turns out my husband is a social butterfly - something I didn't know until we moved here. We joke that I make the friends and he keeps them. He's good about making sure we have at least one social plan each weekend. </p> <p>But by far the biggest contributor to our feeling of community has been forming a babysitting co-op in our neighborhood. I had been wanting to for a while, but didn't really know enough people to pull it off. I mentioned it to a burgeoning neighborhood friend (I really didn't know her that well at the time), who was really interested. She invited a few of her other friends, and it has grown from there. We do group social events about once a month and some of the dads have started a monthly poker game. Highly, highly recommend considering starting a co-op. It has the double benefit of free babysitting plus community! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829871 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 07:23:07 +0000 MaryM 2829871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: @FelicityMerriman: @Ms.Mermaid: Since we're all in the DC area...</p> <p>What are your kids ages? Do you live in the city, MD, or VA?</p> <p>DS is four months and I'm in VA but work in DC. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829870 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 07:14:59 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2829870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I'm actually from a DC suburb and while my parents had their parents/family close by to serve as their village, truthfully, my mom suffers from pretty clear social anxiety disorder and my Dad is just a total snob who won't be friends with people who don't have doctorate degrees, so my parents just....don't really have friends. Once I got to Kindergarten I started creating my own little village, which was always hard because my friends would constantly move away on me - but I made friends and then their parents became the people my parents could ask for favors of, and they would do them because I was a polite kid and tried to be helpful when I was at their house, etc. So, don't feel like you have to build a village for your kid, they will do some of that on their own and then you can work on being friends with their parents. My Dad's best friend is the father of a kid my sister and I met at daycare that had pretty significant special needs and we were the only ones willing to play with him. So, raise good children, and a village will follow. And as for the emergency contact form, just ask your single friends without kids and hope it never is actually a problem - that is what we did when we started daycare, and eventually we found our fellow village-less daycare friends and all put each other down as emergency contacts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829865 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 06:22:40 +0000 ElbieKay 2829865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Littlebit7: I will wall you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829863 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 05:42:28 +0000 Littlebit7 2829863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: wow congrats! Yeah we are stuffed to the brim at our place; we are hoping to move next year but stay in town. I can’t recall where you are but maybe it’s the nyc area also? Aka space at a premium and then some. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829862 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 05:37:13 +0000 ElbieKay 2829862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Littlebit7: Today is our son's last day of PK3! We have a had a great year. We are expecting twins in a month, and the thought of paying for preschool for two at the same time makes me want to cry. Our oldest will be in 3rd grade when they are in PK4, so we are hoping to make this situation work until then. We just converted our L-shaped living room to be a third bedroom. I think it will feel tight with five people living here (plus two cats!) but hopefully we can make it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829861 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 05:31:49 +0000 Littlebit7 2829861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: we are just starting pk3 in September. We will see how it goes through K hopefully!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829859 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 04:10:10 +0000 ElbieKay 2829859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Littlebit7: I just lost two families to the 'burbs in the past month!</p> <p>We are on a five year plan. We will re-assess in five years (once these babies are done with PK4) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829853 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 01:14:33 +0000 Littlebit7 2829853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: yep, we pay for our village too. And what village we do have keeps moving to the burbs!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829840 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 22:37:43 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2829840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've typically been in a similar situation- we know people, but I wouldn't call them our "village" necessarily. We moved to a very family centered neighborhood and have a lot more opportunities to meet other families here, so it's getting better bit by bit. It's really hard to make good friends when you have multiple kids and the kind of work schedule that we are living with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829798 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 19:10:42 +0000 lamariniere 2829798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also village-less here. As a couple, we’ve lived in 4 different countries so just when we start to make close relationships, we check out (or friends leave). We were in our last place nearly 5 years and I did make some very close friendships in the second half of that stay. We’ve been in our new location 9 months and there’s one couple we could definitely rely on in an emergency, but it’s not the same as having a wider net. I do have family here, but we aren’t close and there’s a language barrier. I would call them up in an absolute dire emergency, but we don’t really see them often. I’ve joined mommy groups and expat groups and those have been the best for finding social circles. Although, I met one of my closest friends at the local playground, and another was actually introduced to me via a fellow hellobee-er! Getting involved in school is a bit complicated here since school is way far out and I never go except for parent teacher meetings or the rare party (my kids take a bus). It’s hard, but I think you also have to put yourself out there a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829754 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 15:26:09 +0000 FelicityMerriman 2829754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally relate. We’re in the DC area too, and even though LO is still in the baby phase, I worry about him having friends and me making mom friends. None of our family members are anywhere close and our friends here are either childless or have kids in elementary school - so not exactly playmates for a three month old. I had a good experience with a PACE moms group here, and I’m really hoping the moms I met through PACE stay in touch so I can build a small village through them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829718 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:49:25 +0000 Iced Tea 2829718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I suffer from social anxiety disorder and have made a major move 7 times in my adult life, so I have been village-less more often than not. Most of the time I made friends via church or my husband (he's so much better at meeting people than I am). But with our most recent move, I successfully made my own friends through a New to Our City Moms Facebook group, LO's preschool, and a semi-random introduction. If you can find other people who are likely to be trying to expand their circle (like new to the city, or new to a school) it feels a lot easier to put yourself out there and suggest meet ups and message each other questions and commiseration to build your connection between meetings. Sometimes I wondered if it was too soon to text a new friend stuff like that, but it's all gone over well so far! You don't know how glad I was to finally have names for the emergency contact section! </p> <p>I should add that our family has a special trait that has been a bonding point with other families like ours--we have an intercultural/interracial relationship. So when we run into similar families, it feels like we are starting that friendship bond two steps ahead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829714 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:44:15 +0000 catlady 2829714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sort of feel this way, despite having family nearby (for various reason, they are not super "helpful", although we do use them for our emergency contacts). Even though we are in our late 30s, my own friends only recently started having babies (my kids are 1.5 and 4.5 but the oldest baby in my friend group is 7 months old). We had previously made some friends through daycare but everyone has now moved out to the suburbs. My oldest is starting K in the fall and I am super hopeful to meet more families through her class, since I hope those families will be less likely to move away. We specifically chose to enroll her in a small immersion program that is known for having tight-knit parent groups, so I hope that will help.</p> <p>One thing I have noticed is that after 6 years in our neighborhood, I feel like I do see people I recognize on the streets often (neighbors or families that we've seen at the playground or whatever). We are introverts and it took us a long time to warm up to our neighbors but now I really love them. Ironically, we are moving to a new neighborhood soon but I am promising myself to make a better effort with our new neighbors so I can get to know them sooner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829706 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:30:47 +0000 Mrsbells 2829706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live far from family too. Its hard because we were used top having them close by. Our kiddos get lots of social interaction from church, daycare buddies and neighbors. The issue is we don't have a good enough connection to leave our kids with any of these people. Throughout their lives they have always been with family or school. I am just not comfortable leaving my kids with friends or even paid babysitters. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829696 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:39:32 +0000 looch 2829696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Another idea is to volunteer to be the class room parent. It's usually not a lot of work, but it gives you the ability to do things like schedule a get to know you play date at a park when the school year begins. I've made some great friends this way. Most parents (at least in my experience) are open to having their villages expanded when one of their children is in a new school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829684 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:16:20 +0000 periwinklebee 2829684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our situation is similar - we live in a city with tons of universities and medical centers, so there was a period of time when a ton of our friends were in school, doing residency, etc and we had so many friends. But eventually most people left. Around that time I also started traveling a lot for work, which made it even harder to build new friendships. Family is multiple flights away. And now with LO, I'm lucky if I have 5 minutes for myself in the evening. Some of the few friends we have are considering moving (and we are as well). I think it's one of those season things, and I'm just not sure I'll be able to have many local friends until LO is older and time is more abundant... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829669 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 11:39:15 +0000 MaryM 2829669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm on the other side of this in that most of our kids have older kids. </p> <p>But I still felt "village-less" when I was on maternity leave. It was pretty much impossible to coordinate nap times so we could get together during the week when I needed it most (DH works 12-14 hour days). I tried a few times, and it just didn't happen. And I didn't feel right insisting that the moms with 2 or three kids drag their whole family to our house because I couldn't predict when my kid would be awake or asleep. </p> <p>My family is 2 hours away. My mom came a few times, but ended up having to leave once because she got sick, and a few other times because of other commitments. My son is her 15th grandchild so the novelty of grandkids isn't there and she's not about to drop everything for him. </p> <p>My sister (who's youngest is 10) and unmarried cousin ended up being the most able to help/visit/spend time with us. </p> <p>I'm hoping as our kids get older and are less tied to naps it might be easier to coordinate with our friends. We finally made it to a couple friends' houses a couple weeks ago and our son promptly needed a nap as soon as we arrived. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829667 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 11:37:57 +0000 autumnleaves 2829667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No village here - I always struggle with the emergency contacts too - I have coworkers and a couple friends I could call but they do not really know my kids that well and then the carseat issue in an emergency complicates things.<br /> We think of moving to neighborhoods with more kids but I know moving to one is not a guarantee for friends - you never know what kinds of neighbors you will end up with. I think your plan to be involved at school and being open to meeting future friends through various activities that you are interested and your daughter is interested is good - that is our plan too - hoping for the best :goodluck: . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829664 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 11:33:07 +0000 bhbee 2829664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m with you, it’s super hard. We live far from family but I am lucky to have a brother who now happens to live 45m away, although we may move again at some point. We also fly my mom in a lot. </p> <p>We moved when my oldest was 2.5 and I found it so hard to lose my newborn friends I had been close to. It’s hard to make new friends once they’re not babies, everyone is so busy all the time and chasing kids instead of talking. And I’m not great at making friends. Then we ended up in a preschool that doesn’t feed much into our elementary so basically lost those friends (except for very occasional meet ups that will only dwindle) when we got to kinder. And our kinder had 7 classes so it’s not a tight knit group and feels like it may be starting over every year as classes change. I’m lucky to be able to meet moms on the playground there since I SAH but it takes a long time for me to make good friends that way. I also tried volunteering and that helps but again ... it takes time and I’ve had to accept that. The best luck I’ve had is a couple other moms I met through dance and bonded with over a year or so. Since we’re now friends without our kids, we make an effort to get together, keep them in the same activity, send them to camp together, etc. Still though I wonder how long it can last as the kids all go to different schools at this point. </p> <p>So basically ... I’m with you! No great tips, Im always jealous of the people who have friends since growing up or college or when their first was born. And I dread if we ever move far and I have to truly start over again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829644 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 11:04:05 +0000 Anagram 2829644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're kind of in a similar situation. We live in the NYC area. My husband's family is in Toronto (8 hours drive), my mother lives in Georgia. I have siblings in Virginia, Georgia, Texas, and California. So no family that's close.</p> <p>I wouldn't say we "have it together", but things are okayish. I do have a group of mom friends. Thing is, we're all busy so we only get together once a month or so, but I have them. Even though our parents aren't geographically close, they are all extremely supportive. They are retired, so as long as they don't have a planned trip, they will come to us if we have a real need, as long as we pay. I know some people think it's odd for kids to pay for parents to visit, but our parents are all on (relatively healthy but still) fixed incomes, and if they are doing us a favor, we don't want them to used their fixed income on flights or whatever. We're all good with that situation.</p> <p>We have a part time babysitter, and we lucked into a good situation where our sitter has created a whole group of other nannies/kids in our building or nearby, so our kids have a lot of built-in friends from this, PLUS, I have additional sitters I can call who already know my kids when I need to. Like a few times, my sitter has been sick, so one of the other nannies picked up my oldest from school and kept her until I got off work.</p> <p>So basically, our village requires money. We use the money to fly our parents in or to pay our sitter. It is what it is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-those-without-a-village#post-2829634 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 10:56:44 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2829634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This topic is on my mind a lot in general, and especially so recently. I have a 5 year old headed to K in August. Hubby and I have lived in our area (DC) for 15 years, and for a number of reasons, we are completely village-less here. Our families are a few hours drive away. We both have younger brothers, one who's a few hours away and lives a bartender/club guy live, and the other who lives about 45 minutes away and lives a working 20-something professional life (aka, not terribly engaged with kids/family stuff). All of our friends in the area are singe adults, which is typical for DC. We made a number of good friends through kiddo's daycare and here and there, but most have either moved away (also typical for DC - lots of foreign service folks, military, and people moving out for cost of living reasons), or likely won't retain much of a relationship after our kids go to different schools. Our daughter is super social, and we do our best to keep her out and engaged and connected with other kids, but those opportunities are dwindling. We have no backups - I couldn't think of a single person to put on the emergency contact forms for kindergarten. </p> <p>In February we listed our condo for sale and were hoping to buy a house in a more family oriented neighborhood but our condo isn't selling and we didn't want to deal with a move during a kindergarten transition so we pulled it off the market and will try again maybe next year. I'm still holding out hope for making some connections when she gets to K, and I am planning to get involved in the PTA, but the whole thing makes me kind of sad, tbh, especially for feeling like our daughter doesn't really have a lot of go-to friends beyond school because of our own inability to make friends. </p> <p>Anyone in the same situation? Commiseration, tips for doing this better? </p>