https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 20 May 2026 15:05:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247821 Sat, 04 Aug 2012 07:56:15 +0000 looch 247821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I give him a choice sometimes, like do you want to sit in the stroller or walk holding my hand? He gets two tries, I count to three and if he doesn't comply, he doesn't get a choice.</p> <p>With things like teeth brushing, we use two brushes, one for him to hold and brush, and one for us to use. I find if he helps, by holding his clean diaper, toothbrush, whatever, he doesn't protest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247398 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 16:01:09 +0000 kokobee 247398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>it gets harder and harder! LO can't sit still unless i show him some videos on the ipad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247385 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 15:48:13 +0000 Red 247385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: That's a great point re: phrasing as it really does make a difference....and it works! When she asks for something I can do at that moment, I give her two other options to choose from and that seems to placate her. It's not her first choice but it's still her choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247375 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 15:40:57 +0000 Red 247375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, sometimes. I give her plenty of freedom and choices (though limited selection) but there are a few areas where I will force her if need be: diaper changes, brushing her teeth, and sitting in the carseat. </p> <p>I always give her plenty of warning (eg. "5 more minutes and then we're going to brush your teeth") and that sometimes helps. If she still fusses, I try the empathy route, "I know you're mad cause you want to play but we need to brush your teeth first. Then we can play." If she still fusses, then I force her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247374 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 15:37:40 +0000 brownie 247374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sloaneandpuffy: I think everyone has their goat. Sleep is mine I just give in and nurse him cause it's easier.</p> <p>One thing I've noticed especially with my friends is how they ask. They ask a child something like we ask adults "would you like to go to bed?". This gives the child the option of no. As opposed to "it's time for bed do you want to walk or be carried". This gives them two equally appropriate choices but not the option of no. I don't know if that's how it is done at your house it is just something I have seen with my friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247365 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 15:24:51 +0000 mamimami 247365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I think this is very insightful. I do feel stuck between wanting to act like a clown myself to get him to do something, vs. thinking, "NO. He should do this because he should do it and I shouldn't have to jump through hoops to make it happen." </p> <p>My husband's approach is to ask first, then tell him, "You know you have to do this, and in the end you're going to do what I say either way, so it's up to you."</p> <p>I guess it doesn't help when you're tired and just want to get whatever it is over with without explaining, cajoling, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247356 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 15:16:09 +0000 brownie 247356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I force him to do things. He has the opportunity to do it without help but it isn't an option to not do it. He fights it occasionally and usually I let him have his fit and then, I do it again. The philosophy we use is that kids live under authoritative rule from 0-5, then they start working towards having more freedoms. They have to learn to listen to us before they learn to follow directions before they can change them. The idea comes from something I heard on tv at a gymnastics performance. They had a "clown" who would fall and it was said he had to learn to do those thing right before he could do them wrong.</p> <p>There if very little that he fights us about anymore (except sleep and that is the one area I have a hard time implementing this). We also do time out. If he doesn't listen he sits until he is ready to listen. I also use the "yes, mommy" technique. I ask him to say "yes, mommy" to show he heard me. Of course he can't talk much yet but he will keep hearing it.</p> <p>It is just fine to me if they scream because they don't want to do something. It is when they scream from pain, etc I don't like. I am teaching him to swim and he doesn't want to float on his back. I still make him float a few times every time we are in the pool. He no longer screams about it. </p> <p>I don't feel like I am breaking his spirit because there is still so much he can do. We believe also in creating an environment of yes so we say yes as much as possible. He climbs on everything because we let him. So he has a lot of say in a number of areas in his life. </p> <p>I am not sure that makes sense and it is long. But that is only my personal beliefs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247353 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 15:12:05 +0000 mamimami 247353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: When it's necessary, it's necessary I guess!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247352 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 15:11:39 +0000 mamimami 247352@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119: He used to love brushing, now he hates it. Ugh, toddler complexes!!! I have to literally pin him down sometimes. When my husband's there it's easier -- one holds him down and the other brushes. Still I feel like a total jerk!! I guess I'll try letting him play with the phone. Hope he doesn't drool all over it LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247332 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 14:49:01 +0000 chopsuey 247332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO doesn't like brushing her teeth, but I give her my phone and let her watch her favorite cartoon on youtube :P makes it easier for us both. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247308 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 14:36:16 +0000 heffalump 247308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always do feel awful when she's screaming and bawling during a diaper change. But I just tell myself 1) I'm trying my hardest to entertain and distract her and 2) id feel even worse if she had a diaper rash. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/forcing-toddlers-to-do-stuff#post-247298 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 14:25:04 +0000 mamimami 247298@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you ever have to force your toddler to do things? </p> <p>I am talking about necessary things, like brushing teeth, lying down for a clothes or diaper change, getting inside the sleep sack, etc. I feel terrible having to physically hold him down, like I am not respecting him as a person by using my size to impose myself on him.</p> <p>At the same time, these are things that need to happen! </p> <p>Obviously I always start "nice" but it often ends up being the hard way instead of the easy way.</p> <p>Anyone else feel conflicted about this? What to do? </p>