https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 01 Jun 2026 01:55:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-1781485 Fri, 25 Jul 2014 11:39:41 +0000 hellocupcake 1781485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: the social worker actually placed him while our application was pending (I was so annoyed!). Last I heard, he's most likely going to be adopted by the foster family that has him unless SIL can get everything she needs together before he's 18 months (September 2014). With recent family drama on DH's side, I think it was best for a neutral party to get him. We tried helping recently with another situation regarding SIL and it turned out to be a disaster. I still feel a little sad whenever MIL updates us or shows us pictures of him but at this point he only really knows his foster mom and she seems to be taking really good care of him. I think it was an ultimate win for our nephew, at least I hope so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-1780251 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 20:57:23 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1780251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellocupcake: any update on this? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663865 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 13:44:07 +0000 T.H.O.U. 663865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellocupcake: it sounds like you have come to a good conclusion. I would love to follow along with your story and ear how its goes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663864 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 13:43:42 +0000 photojane 663864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For family, anything. My grandparents foster-adopted my aunt from my grandmother's cousin. She's always just been my mom's sister, not her cousin. It definitely can work... I've seen the benefits! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663856 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 13:39:17 +0000 T.H.O.U. 663856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: I agree. </p> <p>We are currently in the position with my ILs as guardians for 2 immediate family members (children). Because they weren't removed by the court they are not in foster so we were not willing to deal with the mom back and forth drama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663733 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 12:00:20 +0000 rrachael 663733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellocupcake: I think you got some really good advice already, so I just wanted to say that you're awesome for thinking about it! Kudos :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663719 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 11:43:26 +0000 hellocupcake 663719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookworm: She used to do that with her oldest; just drop her off with the in-laws for a few days every week. I really hope we get him, I feel reassured by the bees that it really is in the LO's best interest. Thank you (: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663718 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 11:43:24 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 663718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: yep!</p> <p>I would! But I would treat it like *any other* fostering situation. There must be legal boundaries as if this was a stranger's child. The birth mother an other family members can not get involved just because they are family.<br /> If basically treat him like my own and make my own parenting decisions while abiding by any/all legal requirements. </p> <p>Can I say how awesome &amp; spectacular you are you considering this? More people like you in the world please! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663694 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 11:22:39 +0000 Bookish 663694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellocupcake: First, I'm sorry your family is going through this! My SIL had a lot of problems with her first 3 kids, and DH and his brother wanted to adopt them. Unfortunately, SIL changed her mind, went on to have a 4th kid, and shuttles all of them over to her parents (my IL's) pretty frequently; they lived there full-time for a few years. It has been really hard for us to watch, because if she had just agreed to let DH and his brother take the kids, I know they could have provided a better/happier life. It has gotten better for them, and she seems to be trying, but it sucks that she couldn't do what was best for her kids.</p> <p>I think it's admirable that you are willing to do this for your SIL's kids, and I definitely agree with the other posters that you should ensure all legalities are in order, because from experience, verbal agreements mean jack. HUGS and good luck to you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663687 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 11:10:27 +0000 hellocupcake 663687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LemonLong: thank you for saying that. That was one of my main concerns; if my LO would say how awesome my mom did that or if she would be resentful that she had to share us from the very start.</p> <p> @Mrs. Polish: @rahlyrah: It helps knowing that people have been in the situation and can offer perspective from the other side. Thank you (: we are really nervous about it but I don't think I could live with myself if I found out later in life that the little boy was in a bad place and we could have helped.</p> <p>Thank you to everyone who responded. It has literally been all we can talk about for the past three days. My SIL had both kids taken away by CPS. The oldest went with the dad but the newborn's father is out of the picture. She is a drug user and although she's not my BFF I like her as a person and I really hope she eventually gets it together. We have started the process to be considered for placement. Thank you all again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663641 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 10:23:50 +0000 lemondrop 663641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely, but only with a good lawyer and all paperwork handled properly. You can get/give a wealth of love from giving this baby a good start, but also remember the stressors that will no doubt be involved and that you may have to eventually give the baby back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663631 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 10:18:04 +0000 Grace 663631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In a minute. I'd do anything to give that kid a stable life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663629 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 10:16:11 +0000 Mrs. Polish 663629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brothers are foster to adoption siblings. Their birth mom is my cousin. When my mom decided to do it I told her she was crazy for getting mixed up in that part of our family's drama. Now that I'm a little older and wiser I realize I would do the same thing. The children didn't ask for their situation and they're innocent victims in the situation. </p> <p>It did cause strain on some family relationships but when I think of what my brothers lives would have been like I know that it's all worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663609 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 10:06:34 +0000 Ra 663609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do it if we were in a bigger house that had the room to accommodate one more (we couldn't logistically do it now).</p> <p>My mom grew up in the foster system (was never adopted) and it breaks my heart to hear the stories of how she was treated. She had an unbelievably difficult life filled with sub-par foster parents and abuse. No family member ever took her in.</p> <p>When we were children, my mom fostered my cousin because her sister wasn't a fit parent. It was tough on our family due to financial constraints and baby mama drama but my parents made it work. She said she would never let a family member go through what she went through.</p> <p>My aunt eventually got my cousin back and everything worked out. To this day, my mom and my cousin have an amazing bond. As do my cousin and I. If you ask either of them, it was definitely worth any of the cons and stressors associated with the fostering. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663600 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 10:00:46 +0000 yoursilverlining 663600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would, because family is family and because we and other family members could provide a stable and loving home; but, I would go into it expecting there would be major drama and probably some heartache on your end. Kids are not taken away willy nilly and at the same time most places want to reunite kids with bio parents if possible; so I would always keep in mind that there is a very good chance that you will have to give the baby back after bonding with it; and you might have to give the baby back to a mother whose life choices and situation you might not agree with. </p> <p>So, id do it, but I wouldn't really want to; since I think there is a good chance that you'll end up hurt. Hope this makes sense. Tough call to make. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663560 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 09:21:37 +0000 Sugar.Biscuit 663560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Depends on how close I was to the family member. I have a small family, if it was for my brother absolutely!<br /> Some long lost cousin, heck no. I agree with @futuremama: if you do decide to do it setting stick boundries right away would be good. GOOD LUCK! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663557 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 09:18:27 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 663557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the benefits of a stable family placement far outweigh the draw-backs. I agree though that you shouldn't do an informal placement. You need the full backing of the system. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663552 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 09:15:59 +0000 LittleFox 663552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@futuremama: This, absolutely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663528 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 08:42:07 +0000 illumina 663528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had this recurring dream that for whatever reason DH and I are bringing up SIL's 2 kids. I know in that situation I'd do it in an instant and figure out any issues along the way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663524 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 08:33:15 +0000 bienlivingdesign 663524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely. If the baby has to be placed with someone, it is much better for him/her to be placed with caring family members! It might be messy, but it is worth it. What an amazing thing you may do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663518 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 08:21:08 +0000 anbanan15 663518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would. It's family. I would just want to know our legal rights and make sure the birth family is in an understanding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663517 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 08:19:08 +0000 Mrs. Train 663517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would. Just make sure you do it legally and get foster certified and have proper paperwork filed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663509 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 08:12:40 +0000 LemonLong 663509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would. When I was about 4, my parents took in my two year old cousin, even though we were already struggling financially. That meant they had 4 kids in the house, 3 of us under the age of 4 while both worked full time. I'm sure it was really hard, but I look back and think how awesome it was that they stepped up to do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663483 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 07:10:21 +0000 loveisstrange 663483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: This.</p> <p>I would, but I would take as many legal precautions as possible to ensure baby mama isnt able to cause drama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663482 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 07:10:20 +0000 pui 663482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's family. I would for sure take that child under my wing or anything else necessary to protect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663479 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 07:02:39 +0000 Weagle 663479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would. I would make sure there were legal boundaries and ways to enforce them though. Baby mama drama can make things so tough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663476 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 06:51:22 +0000 futuremama 663476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do everything I could to take care of my family. However, I still would still spend some time with a lawyer to understand what rights, influences, etc belong to all of the different parties. There would also be a long conversation with all family members involved about boundaries. As long as the child is my foster, I am their mother. Not their bio mom, dad, grandma, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663474 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 06:49:35 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 663474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would for the most part. The family member would have to be a person I have a relationship with and not a distant relative. The child would have to be in reasonable health as not to put further strain on my marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663471 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 06:45:25 +0000 Charm54 663471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would - if my family needed me and I felt I was financially/emotionally prepared to give the baby a healthy and happy home I definitley would - but I can see how it would be a tricky decision to make (especially with the level of involvement that others would have in wanting to make decisions etc) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/foster-care-for-a-relative#post-663467 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 06:42:24 +0000 Dandelion 663467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would always take care of family. They come before anyone else. </p>