https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 10 Apr 2026 12:53:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-sibling-closeness#post-2782422 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 20:45:23 +0000 gingerbebe 2782422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother and I are close and mostly its because we were latch key kids, I was in charge of him, we spent like every second together, and we had a lot of external instability with my parents and their finances that drove us to rely on each other a lot. </p> <p>Obviously, I don't want to foster closeness in my boys that way, but I do encourage them to be around each other as much as possible. They are only 20 months apart, so neither really remembers a time without the other being around. They are expected to share toys nicely, not hit, etc. The usual stuff - you don't want to hang around with a jerk. </p> <p>We also tell them that the other is their best friend. Obviously, I can't control that in the future, but for now, I say that to them to foster a sense of responsibility towards each other. DH is close to his 2 siblings and 3 cousins, but the difference is that in his house, there was no expectation that anyone was RESPONSIBLE for the other child. They all helped each other or whatever, but it was out of kindness, not out of a sense of duty.</p> <p>Call it old fashioned or just my Asian background, but I was RESPONSIBLE for my brother. If he got in trouble, I was also in trouble for not looking out for him. I don't want to go to that extent with my kids, but I do think having a sense of duty towards your siblings is important. Because as adults, DH never says anything to his siblings even if he thinks they are making poor decisions because its not done in his family. Meanwhile, my brother and I are very big on speaking truth in love to one another and we vigorously debate things and what not, and while we can agree to disagree, we feel its our duty to give our input if we think its going to be detrimental for the other.</p> <p>For now, we say things to the 3 year old like "watch the baby, stay with the baby" if we see him toddle off in the yard and DS1 will go after him. If DS1 is not in sight, we'll ask DS2 "where's your brother? Find your brother." And he'll run around looking for him and we'll cheer when he finds him. And DS1 constantly is scanning and looking for his brother anywhere we go. I want that to continue throughout their lives.</p> <p>Meanwhile, we also believe in honoring their individuality. They are both very different and we try to adjust for that accordingly in their toys, presents, activities, etc. Some days we're going to be doing something only one of them is really pumped about. That's life. We also give them their own rooms, their decor is different, and when something is legit one child's possession, we honor it and enforce it. </p> <p>Already, disciplining the 2 boys is different. DS1 is more of a rule follower and DS2 is a honeybadger. We have had to change the styles around and even DS1 is like what the heck man, why does he get a different kind of timeout or whatever, but we just have to explain the expectations are the same, but we can get their differently. "Baby needs Mommy to hold him in timeout. You are a good boy and sit in time out all by yourself, but baby needs help. Its not okay to throw your milk bottle at the wall." (Meanwhile baby is like tearing my clothes and hair screaming.) </p> <p>As they grow older, I can't really do much to make them like each other. They are individuals and they may just not get along personality wise. That's not really in my control. But I can get them to live together harmoniously, teach them shared values and responsibilities, and hopefully give them a loving home where they feel loved individually enough that they are confident and well adjusted adults who can respect their siblings, despite their differences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-sibling-closeness#post-2782417 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 20:27:23 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2782417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Meowkers: I like this fair does not mean equal. I agree with that policy. My husband’s parents are on the fair s equal train and I disagree with it. There are only two siblings though. My family has 6 kids. </p> <p>I think What my parents did right was just make us all spend time together as a family eating meals and going for walks/museum outings/picnics. The rest was up to us. Our relationships have been up and down and rivalry was present with some due to a close age gap (19 months), but that rivalry is gone now and was replaced by a really loving bond and great relationship now. </p> <p>Another thing they did right (although I feel everything they did was a good choice) was getting us to participate in other sibling’s activities, like going to watch them in a parade or perform in a play so we were supporting another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-sibling-closeness#post-2782400 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 19:01:00 +0000 wrkbrk 2782400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Such a good and important question. My mother strongly and openly favored me, and it lead to a childhood of not getting along with either of my siblings. We’re not close still to this day although we are cordial. And none of us are close to our parents. This factored into my decision to only have one child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-sibling-closeness#post-2782392 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 17:59:55 +0000 kitty 2782392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that having a positive family narrative goes a long way towards sibling friendliness. Like, from the birth of a younger child, narrate positive reactions for the older child: "oh wow look how much your little brother loves watching you!" And "you're such a good big sister" etc. Then as they get older, discussions about how close and friendly they are, so that they always believe they have a positive relationship therefore they enact it.</p> <p>Also, having genuine quality time with each child alone, like a mother-child date or something on a regular basis, just swapping off with each parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-sibling-closeness#post-2782388 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 17:09:24 +0000 MsMini 2782388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents reminded us often that one day they round be dead and we would only have each other 😂 not sure of that helped but I am close with my 2 sisters!</p> <p>My Mom was always open that she didn’t love us the exact same, that our differences were just as important to her as our similarities and my parents fostered that a lot.</p> <p>They let us work out a lot of our own issues which I think helped as well. My MIL is often meddling with my DHs sibling issues which is part of why I think they don’t get along. Her attempts to smooth things over just drive my DH away from his siblings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-sibling-closeness#post-2782385 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 16:46:34 +0000 Meowkers 2782385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What do you think parents can do to foster sibling closeness and discourage sibling rivalry and jealousy? What did your parents do right or wrong that you hope to learn from?</p> <p>I'll start. I think avoiding comparisons between siblings is crucial to discouraging rivalry. I also think it's important to teach them that fair doesn't mean equal. So just because child A got a toy worth $25 does not child B will necessarily get a toy of equal value. </p>