https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 26 May 2026 03:43:46 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2270049 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 17:55:59 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2270049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: hey! I don't have any advice but wanted to say I fully support what you're trying to do! I think getting in touch with a social worker and letting them know you're interested was a step in the right direction, because they might find a child or sibling group they feel could work with a younger child in the home and you'd be available. I think it's great what you want to do, as adoption has been on my heart for a long time too. I really hope something works out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2270037 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 17:29:12 +0000 BeachMama 2270037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: thanks. Yeah it's so sad to think what she's been through. She cries almost nightly and doesn't understand why she can't go back to her old family. My friend has been reading to her a night and it's the first time she's been read to. She's a sweet girl - we've had a few play dates and my daughter really enjoys playing w her. I give my friend lots of credit because I can barely handle my 3 year old sometimes and she has no emotional behavioral issues and I have a husband to help out too. She's doing a great job and has lined up several resources to help w the issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2269866 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 13:43:06 +0000 regberadaisy 2269866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BeachMama: that's so sad, horrible and infuriating all at once. I think about my 3.5 year old and all that she comprehends. I can't imagine what the poor girl felt being taken away from all she has known to be her family and life.<br /> Bless your friend and I hope this little girl finds a permanent loving home with her. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2269801 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 13:03:32 +0000 ShootingStar 2269801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rockies11: Very informative, thank you. I work in the tech field, so most things in life I automatically turn to the internet for. Hence the occasionally browsing of the waiting child lists. But I see your point.</p> <p>@ldh112: The social worker said that having a younger child would likely take too much of our attention/take too much attention away from the girls. I *think* we could give the appropriate attention to everyone. But then I'm not exactly an expert. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2269791 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 12:58:40 +0000 ldh112 2269791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A couple years ago I worked as an in-home therapist with foster children right out of grad school. I think it's great you are open to adding to your family in this way, but I do agree with @rockies11 that getting matched through an agency would be the best route. Siblings groups definitely are harder to place, and there are going to be way more dynamics at play based on each child's individual physical/social/emotional/educational needs. That said, I would trust that they have an informed reason for not wanting them placed with younger children. I'd look for therapeutic foster agencies in your area which provide more extensive training before matching families with a placement. A great parenting resource for foster/adopted children is author Karyn Purvis- (she has a big Christian audience but her books/website don't have a religious agenda if that's of any concern.)</p> <p>ETA One family I worked with brought in a sibling group of three. They were the only children in the home and it was a good thing because between both the foster mom and dad they went through all of their FMLA within several months due to lots of medical needs and early intervention therapy that not even our agency had anticipated. You don't always get the most accurate info due to poorly handled paperwork and birth parents sometimes fail to share things that would be helpful in providing adequate care ( and sometimes they aren't even in the picture for this to happen). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2269788 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 12:56:50 +0000 agold 2269788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would love to adopt one day also. Instead of fostering to adopt, have you considering straight adoption through the state? I know a girl who did this. She put in a request to adopt and then the state called her to say a baby was available. The birth mom was from the next county over and already had more children than she could care for. So this baby came to my friend and then a year or so later my friend adopted another baby from the same birth mom! Its been a wonderful experience for my friend, as far as I am aware. And she does get a lot of benefits from the state for the kids. Best of luck to you. This is a wonderful thing you are thinking of doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2269743 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 12:18:59 +0000 Rockies11 2269743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Fostering/adopting out of birth order is correlated with failed placements, for the reasons that pps mentioned - sufficient attention and resources. It is also not preferred because your younger biological kids can be put at risk of physical or sexual abuse from older foster kids. Also correlated with failed placements is selecting kids from photo-listings as opposed to agency matching, since an agency has expertise in assessing your family and matching children with an appropriate level of need. With the photo-listing matching, families are much more likely to take on more than what they can handle based on an emotional pull, which is more likely to result in a failed placement. If you are serious about it, the place to start is taking fostering intro courses through child and family services and going from there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2269617 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 11:02:20 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 2269617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wonderstruck put it wonderfully. I don't have much to add except that I also think it is harder for the foster child to see experiences of a younger child in their foster home that they might not have been able to have. </p> <p>We are planning to foster (maybe foster to adopt) down the road, but I am pregnant now. My ideal situation would be to have two biological kids and when they are school-age, get involved in the foster program. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2269616 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 11:01:28 +0000 BeachMama 2269616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's so great you're looking into fostering! There's such a need for it.</p> <p>What wonderstruck said makes sense. A good friend of mine is in the process of fostering/adopting a 4 year old girl. She's a single mom with no other children. This girl was in another foster home from the time she was 10 months old and they decided they just didn't want to adopt her (likely because they wouldn't get as much money each month if they adopted her). Naturally, this has led to some emotional and behavioral issues for the girl that require a lot of time and attention from my friend. So I can see how it would be hard to really focus on the child if you have a younger one as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2269581 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 10:40:46 +0000 wonderstruck 2269581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For a child to end up in foster care, they've had some really tough times obviously. They're going to push limits and test boundaries in ways you probably haven't experienced with your child, and most of them really really need the highest amount of attention possible. Realistically, that's hard to achieve in a home that already has a young child in it. In addition to that, emotional problems are also super common considering what kind of environment they were taken out of, and that can mean lashing out or inappropriate behavior that wouldn't necessarily be safe for your son. Foster parents are so needed and it's a great thing you're thinking of doing, but it needs to be right for everyone involved. If you call about fostering and explained your situation, they might have a child there they feel would be a good fit. But I can see why they would prefer for the foster child to be the youngest or only. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2269566 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 10:31:44 +0000 avivoca 2269566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do not have personal experience with this, but a close friend of mine is currently in the process for their youngest child. Their other two children were also foster-to-adopt children. It's a wonderful thing and I hope that it works out for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fostering-to-adopt#post-2269560 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 10:28:07 +0000 ShootingStar 2269560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I want to add to our family and we are seriously considering foster to adopt. I sometimes check the waiting kids every once in a few months or so. A couple days ago I found a couple of girls (sibling group) that I can't stop thinking about. </p> <p>I filled out a form for more information, but it sounds like we'd be poor candidates because we have a young child already. I was a little annoyed, because unlike most of the other posts, this one didn't mention that requirement. And the more I think about adding to our family via foster to adopt vs TTC, the more appealing it is. But I'm worried because practically every single listing for kids under 10 is that they must be the youngest or the only kids.</p> <p>Does anyone have any experience with this? DH and I feel we have a ton to offer (lots of love to give, nice house, comfortable lifestyle) and that it could be a benefit for kids to come into a family that's working well and have some normalcy and stability. My son can be a lot of fun and loves playing with his slightly older cousins. But we're not social workers so maybe we just don't really comprehend the situation that well. </p>